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10 things that men might not know about their penises. Despite owning one.

It’s amazing to women how obsessed men can be about their genitals. Women have our share of body image issues but rarely is the obsession focused on our girl bits. As a Sex Therapist I have men in my office every day worried about being hard enough, big enough, lasting long enough, and being skilled enough. The worry about genital normalcy can be all consuming for some guys despite all the things they have going for them. For most men there is lots of pressure to perform. You must get hard, stay hard, initiate, have some game, understand a partner’s needs, don’t come too quickly and understand sexual etiquette. And despite playing with their penis for decades most men aren’t aware of things their penis can do.
I wanted to share some things that you may not know that your penis is capable of in a series of “genitally focused blogs”. I love my job.
1. You can “break your penis”. While the penis has no bone, it does have tissues that can be damaged by rigorous sex. Be carefully about “slamming it home” when it isn’t fully hard. Peyronies is a medical condition where the penis has been injured and scar tissue on one side or another pulls the erection in such a way that you get a bend to one side or another can also happen with a penile injury. Wear your jock strap playing sports.
2. You can change the taste of your sperm. Partners who give oral sex on men are aware of this but fruit an hour before sexual activity can help make a partner much more orally inclined. Dig up the strawberries.
3. Everyone worries about being inadequate. Sexual anxiety is the most common thing I see with men. It can manifest as trouble with erections, but the most common issue is ejaculation challenges. Either too fast or premature or difficulty or delayed ejaculation. Ejaculation is something you can do mindfully (like breathing), but when you are anxious ejaculation can be triggered by the automatic reflex system and be over before it’s started. Breathing, keegals, and gelking can all help last longer. Gelking is the technique where you masturbate and don’t let yourself climax. By staying on the edge you can learn where the point of no return actually is. Read more about it here.

4. Viagra and Cialis are not just for old men. If I was a guy over 30….and if the stress level is through the roof I would be taking boner pills. 1/10th of a pill is often enough to prevent the loss of an erection so cut them in quarters and diminish any possible headaches or other side effects. A new partner, new situation, overall stress or lack of privacy all influences erectile abilities. And it’s normal.
5. Masturbation is like food and water. Everyone needs both. I firmly believe this and have long espoused that “if you can’t play with your own equipment, you shouldn’t play with someone else’s.” Get better at playing with your penis by masturbating in a variety of ways and by learning to delay ejaculation.
6. Your penis has no brain. It is a creature of habit. Interrupting the process of automatic responses by using warm oils, cooling gels, different textures and experiences cause a delay or increased intensity in ejaculation.
7. It’s okay to say no to sex if you are tired, or it’s moving too fast. Talk to your doctor about adding testosterone if you have lost the loving feeling. 20% of men over 35 have lost (or are rapidly losing) their sexual desire. Low libido is the most common thing I treat in my practice. And 20% of the clients I see are men. I see men every week struggling to find the interest to engage with their partners sexually.
8. Smoking shrinks your penis by 1cm, and chronic weed smoking can impact your erections. Everything in moderation. Especially things under grow lamps.
9. Your penis also is made up of muscle. I have seen many clients who have gone on extreme diets and have had penile muscle atrophy. Losing weight is great for your sex life. Crazy diets cause ED and should be one of the disclaimers they make you sign when you start living on 500 calories a day.
10. 94% of men have measured their dicks. They typically range from 4-6 inches erect and only under 2 inches can you call yours a micro penis. Or as one of my clients calls his genital “a bee with testicles”. There are things I can help with for penis size. Have a look at my download here.

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The realization that you need to be desired in order to be turned on.


Everyone wants to feel wanted. In fact I would even say it’s a basic need of sex to be desired by your partner. For women it’s especially important. Many women who can feel arousal (but not desire) meaning their bodies can be turned on but they aren’t emotional feeling into sex is common phenomenon. They need to be convinced or get their sexual energy from someone else. As Psychology Today reports recently.
“Most women, for instance, have a strong wish to feel sexually desired. Men also like to be desired, of course. But among the women I see in my office, it’s often much more of a “thing.”
Many women say they don’t feel any spontaneous desire for sex unless it’s stimulated by someone desiring them. As sex therapists, we would say their desire is purely “responsive.” Many women report that feeling desired is what turns them on the most.
Heterosexual human mating tends to be like traditional couples’ dancing. She needs him to ask her to dance. The dancing itself might be nice, but even more important is that he showed initiative and wanted to dance with her. 70% of men are different. They may enjoy it if their partner passionately wants to have sex with them, but they don’t particularly need to feel desired in order to get turned on. Their desire is more “spontaneous.”
But what about the 30% of men that do need their partners to express great desire in order to be turned on? I see men in my office every week who need explicit desire by their partners to get aroused.
A man like this is almost always brought to my office by his unhappy wife, who complains that he rarely, if ever, initiates sex—thus depriving her of the chance to feel turned on by his passion for her. And she’s bonetired of initiating.
He will tell me privately, that he wants her to start sex or he can’t get his mojo going.
“A heterosexual guy whose principal turn-on is to be desired finds himself in more difficult territory. Very few women are interested in consistently being the initiator.
A man like this usually learns to keep his responsive desire a secret. If he tries to explain it to a female partner, often the concept will be so foreign to her that she’ll have no idea what he’s talking about.”
It’s a challenge. 50 Shades of Gray sold millions of copies because it appealed to the very common female fantasy of being “taken”. The desire to be dominated safely is by far the most popular sexual model with women. And men who are responsive (are often the more thinking guys) feel frustrated and voiceless.
So what do you do to solve this? It starts with communication, acceptance and negotiation. And an understanding that sex isn’t “supposed to be a certain way”. Women have been chased around the school yard by boys wanting to pull their pigtails and we expect “handsy” men. It’s certainly not what we always want (nor is it appropriate outside of consenting adults), but it’s what we expect form men. Understanding that sex is play – adult play- and not always about pounding intercourse helps get this message through. As do signals (pull an earlobe or drop a secret word) to indicate interest so that neither one is being pushed away helps with the shut down of rejection of a partner who can’t figure out what you need to be turned on. And learning that your expectations of sex might be getting in the way.
I teach a monthly “School of Sex” series done with humour, inclusion and fantastic speakers. It allows people to sit in the back row and listen to how other people in their community think about sex – without social conventions and limiting beliefs. Really hear what turns on the men and women that live in your neighbourhood can be powerfully healing to someone who feels sexually inhibited. It’s liberating for many people not to feel alone in how they feel sexually.
And as the author of the study succinctly summarizes;
If you’re a woman in a relationship with a man who doesn’t initiate sex as much as you’d like, you may want to keep in mind the possibility that he might need the same thing you do.

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School of Sex! The Penis. How to pleasure it, make it bigger, last longer, pleasure it, and keep it healthy!

Sunday, February 19, 2017
2:00 PM to 4:30 PM
The Rosemount Orange Hall
41 Rosemount Ave, Hintonburg, Ottawa, ON

Although she comes first (we did the girl bits School of Sex last month in January 2017), he gets to come next. It’s time for the penis presentation. The next in the School of Sex series is all about the most protruding of male parts.
For men, find out what’s new for your junk. If you are a guy feel free to sit anonymously at the back of the room and stay current about your equipment. This is your chance to find out about how to last longer, stay harder, what actually increases it’s size (and what doesn’t), what toys, tips, and tools help and which ones just take your money. We will have educated male speakers talking about getting the most from your dick. And for those of us who want to touch (play, enjoy, caress etc) penises, learn the skills that will have his eyes roll back in his head. There will be frenulum and testicle touching suggestions, external tricks like “the double-handed backhand”, and the escalator among others that will seriously up your game.
Like all School of Sex events, this is an open event so everyone is welcome. Bring a friend and find out all about the Ducklings and our School of Sex series. We want to up the skill set in the Nation’s Capital so we become the sexiest capital – not the stuffiest. This is not your parents (or your kids) sex ed class. Discounts for the next six School of Sexes and therapy receipts are also available. Find out more and sign up!
You can pay at the door but there are maximums that the room holds so purchasing in advance is strongly encouraged.

$30 per person. Pay in advance to hold your spot.

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The Hugo and why the prostate needs some stimulation


After the Father’s Day weekend I was reading about the money raised for prostate cancer research and was taken aback by the current Canadian statistics about men and their troubled prostates. It turns out that prostate cancer is the most common cancer among Canadian men (excluding non-melanoma skin cancers). It is the 3rd leading cause of death from cancer in men in Canada.
It is estimated that in 2016:
• 25,000 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer. And close to 5,000 Canadian men will die of prostate cancer this year.
We have a family friend of twenty years who is six weeks post-surgery to remove a particularly aggressive form of prostate cancer. As he said in his usual off the cuff way, “the prostate is a small organ that most men don’t pay nearly enough attention to until it bites them in the ass”.
The truth is that if men live long enough they will all have problems with their prostate. Most men have an enlargement of their prostate as they age (no one is really sure why) and pound for pound the prostate can hold the most toxins in the body. A number of years ago I was at a urology convention and went to a lecture on prostate cancer prevention. I’m usually frustrated at urology conventions because urologists are so focused on the penis and surrounding tissues they often forget to look at the actual person. But this particular lecture was memorable. For preventing prostate cancer most of the advice was what you would expect. Eat well, exercise regularly, get both blood (PSA) and digital (the rubber glove check) tests. The lecture also emphasized the importance of weekly ejaculations. There is a very strong correlation between an increase in prostate cancer and men who don’t ejaculate. It goes back to “keeping those pipes clean” and getting rid of the toxins. I often write prescriptions that say “must masturbate more”. During the urology lecture there was a much older East Indian urologist who commented that he was taught to offer prostate massage (as part of his residency in India) for men with an enlarged prostate. He said he had rarely heard of prostate stimulation mentioned as a possible tool to help with prostate troubles in North America.
I know how much men hate the dreaded “ bend-over-and-cough” prostate exam by their doctors. I can’t imagine my partner willingly letting an elderly urologist massage his prostate.
Fortunately, there is an easier way.
Lelo the Swedish toy company has come up with an outstanding prostate stimulator. It’s called The Hugo, and it’s this slick, black toy that is easily inserted and vibrates directly on the prostate. I’m sure they did lots of design research, as it is the perfect size, shape and intensity to give the prostate an immediate “wow”. Lelo is known for their research. Getting feedback from actual users is what differentiates a great toy company. It is a wonderful toy to help with anal sex (for both men and women). I spoke with a woman who borrowed her husband’s Hugo to help relax herself before anal sex. It is an ass toy and it is easy to insert.
My favourite feature is the separate remote control that comes with the Hugo. That way you can change the settings and speed of the vibrations in your partner’s rectum while having your feet up. The range in surprisingly far. That means you can control the type of stimulation from the other side of the room if necessary. That certainly appeals to any partner’s dominant nature.
There are many men that are curious about prostate stimulation but hesitate. They worry about being clean enough (something women understand) but also stress about it being “unmanly”. There is certainly lots of baggage in the North American culture about ass play and male-receptive penetration. As Charlie Glickman says in his book “ The Ultimate Guide to prostate Pleasure”, “If finding the prostate didn’t involve going up his ass, it probably would not be so much of an issue- it would be viewed as no different from playing with any other part of the male equipment. Especially as prostate massage can be viewed as both stimulating and healthful.”
So if you are concerned about your prostate, want to play with it (or your partner’s prostate) then I encourage you to go for it. The research is fairly conclusive that massaging that walnut shaped gland between your testicles and your anus will help prevent prostatitis (inflammation of the prostate) or even prostate cancer. It also might feel particularly good. No matter what knowing about those squishy boy parts is a public service. So next time you are online or at your local sex shop have a look at the Hugo and add it to your wish list. Remember it’s good for you.

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Low Libido Syndrome. Why men experience a decrease in desire for sex

The desire to get naked, horizontal and sweaty with our partners (potential partner or just a hand and some time alone) should be something that happens at regular intervals for everyone. Sex is the third most common physical need behind the need to eat and survive, and the need to connect and have a clan. You may not have the desire just after you have run a marathon or have the flu, but for most couples sexual desire and activity bubbles up in our bodies at least once a week.
If you are not feeling the urge to jump your sweetie, and are failing to feel the urge to be physically close it might be time to have a look at what’s going on. If you have a low desire for sex, especially if your relationship is strong and loving you might be suffering from low libido syndrome. I see lots of people who remember the sexy person they used to be. And their partners certainly remember that they used to be interested.
Low sex drive is a common problem and by far the most frequent issue I see as a sex therapist. It can get worse as we age. For women, there is an expression “that libido is never improved with menopause”. Oprah speaks often about low libido on her channel and mentions that “diminished libido impacts close to 30% of the North American population”. We understand that with female cycles, low libido is a significant female problem. The truth is that low libido impacts both genders. Many people have this belief that men want sex all the time. Although I speak to many men who could happily have sex every day, I also see guys who have lost that loving feeling.
Low sex drive or low Libido is present in a lot of men, but very few admit it. In my practice, I see 80% women and 20% men. But I do see a lot of men. This is because they have the opinion that it is not a male issue and that they should be all over the partners daily. Their sexual prowess and virility is directly linked to their confidence as a man. Low Libido in men takes place due to a number of reasons and causes. Some of them are listed below.
male libido
• Depression
Depression is a major psychological issue that can reduce your sex drive, especially if you are on the SSRI anti-depressants. Doctors may not tell you that there are often huge side effects with anxiety and depression medications. Anti-depressants also affect your ability to reach orgasm. The other issue is that depression leads to not feeling great about yourself and the biochemistry of serotonin and dopamine imbalances can leave you in a serious funk. You don’t feel like doing much, including having sex. There also might be something that has happened that is taking up tons of brain space. Work stress is a common cause. I see men with big jobs who find their interest in sex goes down when their work stress goes up. It’s why holiday sex happens more easily and is generally more erotic.
The truth is that you cannot attain the needed level of sexual attraction when your mind is stuck up with other issues.
• Alcohol and Drug Usage
All kinds of addictive substances increase the chances of low libido. Men who have been regular drinkers or drug users are rarely able to provide the needed level of satisfaction to their female partners. Smoking (especially the ones grown under grow lamps and rolled) has a serious negative impact on libido and erections. The warning on the cigarette package that smoking makes you limp is not a myth. If you are smoking dope stopping is a great first step. Get some milk thistle at the health food store and detoxify your liver. Have no more than 7 drinks a week and start thinking about abundant health.
• The low testosterone factor
Low Libido has been linked to the deficiency of testosterone. A number of diseases cause the deficiency of testosterone in the human body, including high blood pressure, cholesterol, obesity and excess of weight, diabetes and a lot of other health problems as well. According to medical research, there is a direct proportionality relationship between diabetes and low testosterone. People who have diabetes are more likely to develop the low testosterone issue. Similarly, people who have low testosterone are more likely to have diabetes in the future stages of their life. Sometimes low testosterone is caused by injury. I’ve seen a number of men who have had a hockey puck to their groin or a soccer ball in the testicles and who have then experienced diminished sex drive and low testosterone. Sometimes when you do blood work there are some men who have low testosterone and have no known reason. But they get what I call “the grumpy old man syndrome”. These guys are quickly turning into their fathers and grandfathers and lose their interest in sex, sports and become couch potatoes. If men are putting on belly fat, fall asleep after dinner and aren’t having the ambition they used to it’s time for a blood test to check the levels of testosterone and free testosterone. Adding testosterone (the best kind looks like hand sanitizer you simply apply to your forearms) can turn these problems around within a month.
• Low Libido can be a relationship issue
When I see men in my office who aren’t interested in sex with their partners I offer up a checklist to determine what might be the reason. Besides the physical issues such as low testosterone, men might be getting their sexual needs met elsewhere (too much porn or visiting the massage parlors etc.) or they might simply not be into their partners. Men think they should be interested in sex no matter what. I believe that men are as emotionally sensitive if not more so than women. If your partner has disappointed you, or you are fighting, then you simply might not be interested in being intimate. And although it might be hard to admit, there might be an attraction issue. As the sex therapist Esther Perel says, “fire needs air”. If you are busy raising kids together and feel like “friends that co-parent” you might need a little mystery put back into the relationship. Read my blog on date nights and spend some time doing the things you did when you first fell in love. The flames of intimacy needs fanning and attention sometimes. Spend some fun, sexy, and intimate alone time with your partner and see what comes up.
• Low Libido has physical as well as psychological reasons
Low libido can be due to physical reasons, psychological reasons or a combination of both as well. As an individual, you need to discover the reasons why you are experiencing a low sex drive. For instance, if you are facing this problem due to psychological reasons like depression, you need to consult a psychologist or a psychiatrist. However, if you do not have any psychological issues and you are suffering from a decreased desire have a look at some other factors including relationship problems, pornography usage, and food choices. If you are facing low sex drive, burying your head in the sand doesn’t help. What I do know about low libido is that it doesn’t magically get better. You may need help to drill down to the actual causes of the problem. By getting proper treatment, you can get that strong love back again. Consider an initial appointment either in person or by skype or phone. Usually I can diagnose the issue quickly and it often can be treated in one or two quick sessions. Send me an email at sue@sexwithsue.com and we can tackle this issue in the next 48 hours. I care, and low libido is my specialty.

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Delayed or non-existent ejaculation. What should you do if you simply can't come?

Orgasms are great. You know it, and I know it. Often called the peak human physiological sensation, the urge to “have a genital sneeze” or “rub one out” is one of life’s great pleasures.
Unlike with women where orgasm is separate from the physical response of ejaculation, (and we can engage in orgasms over and over again) male ejaculation can often mean the end of sexual activity for the moment. Then your partner rolls over contentedly and falls asleep. Or gets up looking for pizza. Ejaculation, no matter how pleasant it may feel, is simply an unconscious reflex that is generated by the prolonged stimulation of blood flowing against nerves in and around the pelvis. I know it is a very clinical explanation for something that can feel so amazing. I spend a lot of my time talking to men about their orgasms. Some men have sorted out the sensation of orgasm as different from ejaculation. Meaning they can stay at the sensation of peak pleasure without the fluid, and continue prolonging the pleasure until they finally decide to “shoot some seed”. Ejaculation and orgasm happen almost instantaneously together but they are separate responses that make up what we call sexual climax. Doug Arama in his book The Multiply Orgasmic Man has a great understanding on how men can learn to separate out the difference of orgasm and ejaculation. I consider it a must-read for anyone wanting to improve their game sexually.
Given that premature ejaculation is so common, I’ve focused disproportionately on ways to solve those the too quick phenomenon over the years in my blog. With PE, there seems to be some solutions in sight given the success of some of the anti-depressants like Wellbutrin or other medications such as Percocet or Tramadol. I also like the new PE cream Promescent as a possible solution for quick ejaculation. But what do you do when the opposite is true? What happens when you just can’t seem to come? Or when you can only come through masturbation? It turns out that there more men are finding almost impossible in reaching orgasm.
Clinically the research suggests that 10% of men have difficulty ejaculating when they want to. I think it may be even higher than that given the increased number of men on anti-depressants and other medication that prevents ejaculation. It can mean anything from not being able to ejaculate during intercourse, to taking forever to come from any and all sexual pleasure. Or for some men, they even having trouble climaxing through masturbation. So if you are on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, high blood pressure pills, or even Propecia for hair loss you might be experiencing a big problem filling the condom. These medications can lead to a delay in ejaculation in men who previously didn’t have any difficulty ejaculating. Traditionally sex therapists have had little training in the area of slow ejaculation. It was considered a good thing if you had a guy who could last all night without coming. Tell that to men who can’t come no matter how hard they try, or take an act of God with all the planets in alignment to get them to erupt. I see retarded ejaculation in men who are often what I call late bloomers who spent their adolescence and often their twenties with only their right hand as a partner. They have trained themselves to only come with their own hand.
So how do you treat delayed, or retarded ejaculation?
The longest established treatment for DE assumes that a man can work on his existing level of arousal, building on it by using techniques to increase his sexual arousal and desire. In essence,therapy can find ways to stimulate the man – with sexual fantasies and in the physical world – that work for him. DE can be a result of stress, fear of impregnating a partner (even with contraception), or a psychological desire for control. Counseling can help with the psychological challenges if there are any.
Pragmatically, other options include orgasm cream (sometimes called clitoral gel- I like the Pink brand) which opens up the blood vessels. You can turn down the heat in the bedroom (cooler temperatures make it easier to ejaculate), move the testicles up towards the body, or try some gentle vibration on the head of the penis or behind the scrotum on the perineum. Practicing with an artificial vagina, using cooling gels and hand stimulation until almost at the point of no return and positioning the penis close to the vaginal opening while there is direct stimulation on the glands may also help.
Increased arousal techniques might also work. These are exercises designed to sexually arouse him by touching his partner, both sexually as well as non-sexually; exercises to help him relinquish his need for control and techniques to desensitize him from whatever has become his accustomed method of gaining arousal.
Finally, if none of these things work there is a electrical current that can be gently applied near the prostate that helps men reach completion. It’s the technique used to get men with spinal cord injuries to produce semen samples.
I have a number of clients who are trying to get their wives pregnant and can’t. If you can ejaculate by hand, use a syringe (or the infamous turkey baster) to move the fluid up the vagina closer to the cervix. Nature should be able to do the rest.
So if you are struggling to feel sexually satisfied by having a full orgasm and ejaculation don’t give up. These are the tip of the iceberg of suggestions to help men more easily ejaculation. Book an appointment with me and let’s talk about your satisfaction.

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How being masculine and watching sports increases your testosterone levels. Hockey and sex hmmmm.

andersonIt’s hockey playoff time. I have for many years wrote about the sexiness of playoff beards. Everyone has something that makes then catch their breath and bite their tongue. For me it’s burly, sweaty men and facial hair. I like men that look like men. It turns out that there is some physiological reasons for this.
Being hyper masculine, square jawed, broad shouldered, with a 5 O’clock shadow makes men look more virile. Meaning their boys can swim and they make good genetic choices for our ovaries. Those qualities have women thinking about baby-making (or at least practicing) in our primitive or limbic “we want to have monkey sex” brains. The opposite is also true. Feminized women who smell nice, are pink, cute, and sway their hips are also trigger heat from their partners. There is something about playing those exaggerated roles of masculine and feminine that has our primitive brains hard wired for sex.
These behaviours bump up our sex hormones, testosterone and progesterone. This in turn makes us friskier.
It also turns out that watching sports also increases our testosterone. But only if our team wins. This was the abstract of a great study that tested the hormones in saliva during basketball and soccer games. And those guys don’t have playoff beards. Smile. So test my hormones on Friday night when the Ottawa Senators win game 2 of the second round. Maybe that’s why I’m inclined to have halftime or intermission sex.
Basking in reflected glory, in which individuals increase their self-esteem by identifying with successful others, is usually regarded as a cognitive process that can affect behavior. It may also involve physiological processes, including changes in the production of endocrine hormones. The present research involved two studies of changes in testosterone levels among fans watching their favorite sports teams win or lose. In the first study, participants were eight male fans attending a basketball game between traditional college rivals. In the second study, participants were 21 male fans watching a televised World Cup soccer match between traditional international rivals. Participants provided saliva samples for testosterone assay before and after the contest. In both studies, mean testosterone level increased in the fans of winning teams and decreased in the fans of losing teams. These findings suggest that watching one’s heroes win or lose has physiological consequences that extend beyond changes in mood and self-esteem.
I’ve just finished a book called Men Chase, Women choose. If you want to read more about this I highly recommend the book.

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Would you rather be balding or have a large penis?

I know it’s crazy to keep reading these surveys, but this one jumped out at me. Apparently, for men, if they had to choose:
• 60% of men would rather have a large penis and be balding
• 40% of men opted for a lush, full head of hair and an average to small penis
• 70% of men say they are satisfied with their hairline and penis size (perhaps the most surprising stat)…
• 44% of men believe their significant others care more about their hair/overall appearance, than their penis size
• 29% of men agree with the statement, “Regardless of my penis size, I would get hair restoration if I needed it, because no one wants to be bald.”
It turns out that both are true. Balding men have higher levels of DHT and DHT which is supposed to increase penis size. There is some truth to the fact that bald men have bigger weenies. Hair loss is caused by testosterone. And higher testosterone in utero can cause an increase in the size of your schlong. It also positively affects the length of your ring finger.
Yep. That manly hormone that makes men who they are, that makes you tough, burly, and, well, manly is ultimately responsible for male pattern baldness. I have a download about increasing your penis size which has all of the options listed at https://www.sexwithsue.com/how-to-increase-your-penis-size/.
From an evolutionary point of view, baldness may actually have evolved as a status symbol, indicating an older, successful, and virile male who is more desirable as a mate than a younger, less mature individual.
And the modern-day translation seems in keeping with this evolution. These days, having no hair on the crown of your head is regarded as sexy by many women.
But for men who have a small penis it can be all consuming. I see a ton on men struggling with small penis syndrome. It can be pervasive in all aspects of their life. One of my clients tried out Dinky the new dating site for guys with a small penis. It was interesting reading the profiles. Many on them went on and on about their oral skills and seemed to have a number of responses by women.
If you are someone struggling with your body image around penis size then let’s talk about it. I am considered a North American expert in this area and speak to more than three men a week for therapy on the issue of small penis size. We can start with a 30 minute session for $75 that may change your life.

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Premature Ejaculation- 5 NEW things that you may not know that will help you last longer

Premature Ejaculation (PE or those blasted one minute guys) is a very real phenomenon. It is only second to women with low libido as the most common problem I see as a sex therapist. I have written a number of articles over the years about how to last longer (a quick search on this site or a click to order the download will get you up to date) but there seems to be some new information about how to deal with you quick trigger.
1. The Stud 100 spray continues to be popular. Many men paid the $15 and found it doesn’t work. “The trick”, my friend George the sex toy seller says, “is to not use too much. Forget putting any on the head too. Spray a little on the top of the shaft, and a little on the bottom of the shaft, wait 10 minutes and then you’re in business.”
2. Levitra or Cialis may prevent you from ejaculating at all. So does a little codeine (say one Tylenol 1 before sex). Anti-depressants also can stop ejaculation but it can also negatively affect libido and erections.
3. Pressure from a vibrating cock ring. I keep hearing that the We-Vibe is so stimulating when used during intercourse that it speeds up ejaculation. So don’t use that. But a vibrating cock ring against the pressure point at the base of the penis will help prevent ejaculation. Give it a shot and see if it works for you.
4. Ejaculoid – The new semen enhance that can actually increase volume and length of ejaculation. The increased volume actually helps your partner feel the the semen as it travels and squeeze off the tube and encourage the semen to back up. I can explain it if you are looking for more information. send me an email at suem@rogers.com
5. Jelking or the process of using both hands in opposite directions along the shaft of the penis can help if you have a willing partner and clear instruction. I have a BOB in my office that I used as a demo. It still amazes me how little most people understand about their genitals. You can be trained to last longer. It’s especially easier if you have a regular partner that will participate in a few therapy session where i explain it all. And then the fun begins at home. 🙂 And your insurance company covers such instructions. Give me a call and I’ll make sure that you can walk tall the next time you want to go for a marathon love making session.

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Another reason to lose weight and stay in shape. You'll get way more sex.

There is another study that suggests if you take care of yourself you’ll get laid more.
Duh you say?
Well the new Danish research (home of oodles of hunky blonde guys) say that if we don’t make losing weight and eating right a priority, we’ll miss out on 91%(or 78% s you’re a guy) of the sex we could have had.
It ties in with our discussion on weight loss and being healthy.
The challenge for women is that if you aren’t taking care of yourself you don’t feel like having sex.
Here’s the data:
Danish researchers surveyed more than 5,500 adult men and women, and found that unhealthy habits increase the chance of not having sex by up to 78 percent in men and 91 percent in women.
Among the men in the survey who had sexual partners, those with a large waistline had a 71 percent increase in the risk of sexual dysfunction. Hard drug users had an 800 percent increase in risk. For women, those who smoked hashish had three times the risk of losing the ability to climax during sex.

“Knowing about possible negative consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle to one”s sexual health may help people quit smoking, consume less alcohol, exercise more and lose weight,” added Frisch.

And boy I understand how hard it is to lose weight. I topped out once in my life at 380 pounds. I lost over half my body weight but watch it every day. Consider coming to one of my body image workshops. I also do skype and phone therapy and I use sex as a big motivating factor to help people reach their personal goals for sex and relationships. There is nothing I hate more than diet advice by Supermodels. If you love sex, but need to lose some weight to be a rock star in bed then consider reaching out.

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Jumping your guy for no reason tops the list of men's daily sexual desires.


Men like spontaneous sex.

Maybe you knew that. Maybe you simply just suspected it.  But in a discussion this week with a number of smart men I asked them what they would really, really like sexually. They all ranked sexual surprises and spontaneous sex first on a list of possible choices. I’m going to transcribe my survey and post it here and you can take the quiz about what you like sexually.
Spring sex out of the blue. Plan a hot night, or just reach over and stimulate him under the table. Initiation, slight sexual aggression, and spontaneous sex blow guys away. It’s a huge ego boost for them and they feel like you can’t keep your hands off them. They feel hot and rank that kind of sex as the most memorable when I ask them “to tell me about the best sex they have ever had.”  For men, touch reinforces your relationship.  Cosmo gives this advice:
“For a spontaneous seduction, ask him to pull over to a deserted spot for a roadside romp when you’re driving home one night. Or at a party, take him into a back bedroom or closet.”
More with the quiz, but in the meantime “what are you waiting for?”  Spontaneous sex brings you closer, helps kick start some hormones and simply blows his little mind.

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Why we love bad boys. Why are they so alluring?


I have counseling a few patient lately who seem to be picking the same guy over and over again – with disastrous results. They want a relationship but find themselves weak in the knees around the leather-jacket wearing bad boy. They date the tough guy but want a husband and father. Can you see the disconnect?
These are smart, pretty women with good jobs but are always surprised when the Harley-driving mechanics don’t want to settle down. It goes back to that adage that women marry men hoping to change them, and men marry women hoping they will never change.
So what’s with those bad guys anyway?
What will attract a woman to a bad boy is excitement, daringness, and the promise of adventure.
There is something about brooding, moody guys that women find alluring. Now a new study this spring out of UBC in Vancouver supports the assumption with research.
Women find happy guys significantly less sexually attractive than swaggering or brooding men, according to a new University of British Columbia study that helps to explain the enduring allure of “bad boys” and other iconic gender types. Guys who can display that mischeivious shame (at least knows right from wrong even if they don’t act on it), and smiling comes across as a very “gay or feminine trait”.
Confidence, boldness and masculine is universally what women find attractive.
Bad boys also have the packaging. They emphasize the more testosterone rich parts of themselves and promise great sex, danger and adventure.
So if you keep falling for these guys, and want a more permanent life than pay attention to some of the reasons you keep picking the sweet-but-toxic men.
1.The impulse to perpetuate what’s familiar.
Many women attracted to rogues had a father who was a little wild and rebellious. Because many girls idealize their father, they may seek a partner with similar traits. This usually isn’t a conscious decision; much of the allure happens below the level of awareness. Girls may also choose these boys on the assumption that Dad will be impressed.
2. Can’t “own” your sexuality. Many sensuous women feel that they can “only get swept away in the moment” in order to be the openly sexual. Otherwise to say “I want hot, raunchy sex” means you are a slut.  Having a bad boy lead you down the garden path lets them excuse their own sexual behavior.
3. The drive to rehabilitate or “save” a wayward man.
Simply put, many women are rescuers. It’s a challenge for them to reform an incorrigible man. These women think, Sure, he gets into trouble, but I can change him! Ego is involved as well. It’s inflating when a woman feels like she is the only one who can transform a man.
4. The appetite for adventure.
Other women like the excitement, thrills, and sense of danger bad boys bring. This is especially true for those who have been “good girls” all their lives. Perhaps they grew up in a family that demanded conformity and compliance with rules. So they’re intrigued with men who scoff at rules and shrug off responsibility.