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Important safety tip. No expanding foam in your penis.

No one should ever consider using expanding foam or any other foreign object in his or her urethra. We recently heard of a woman in the UK who found out the hard way that this isn’t something you mess around with. She was trying to keep it hard and ultimately ended up having to give up on her penis. Ouch.

But it’s not just about being careful about what you put in your body. It’s also important to get health advice and safety tips from professionals. Whether it’s from Catherine the Great or from someone who’s tried something new, it is important to remember that we all have the same body parts and trying out new things can be great until it isn’t.

To that point, forget about the expanding foam, something that should definitely not be tried for sexual play because the damage it can cause. Though the Ghost Busters theme song urges us to “not cross the streams”, we can take a leaf from their book and definitely not use expanding foam in urethra either.

Though some sex practices can get pretty crazy and weird, we heard of one nurse’s convention in Thunder Bay where people were pretty wild – apparently, pulled a whole bag of carrots out of someone’s rectum.

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How to deal with sexual trauma & PTSD. And why you are triggered more than ever.

 

The pandemic has amplified so many things in the area of mental health. Like most of my colleagues, I have never seen the kind of challenges individuals and couples have faced over the past 16 months.

More and more in my office I’m seeing women (and some men) who have past sexual trauma – abuse, assault, harassment etc. being triggered in ways they haven’t been previously. I take a “as needed” approach when it comes to dealing with past issues. Less about uncovering every memory and more about “what do you want your life to look like” school of thought. I also really like groups when it comes to dealing with trauma. There is a great new book out called Group- How a therapist and a group of strangers saved my life. It talks clearly over a 5 year process about how being held accountable and being heard offers massive shifts in healing. I also see big shifts in EFT & hypnosis (with a kick-ass hypnotherapist – choose wisely) in trauma.

I’ve been looking at new ways to help my clients stuck in a feedback loop of sexual avoidance as a result of past trauma. Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Taylor offers a few suggestions in her recent book where she looked at triggers to help her deal with flashbacks to her own stroke. Here are her suggestions to helping navigate triggers:

  • The 90 Second Rule – When someone has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens; any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.  We have the power to control our emotions and how long we feel them for before reacting to any given situation.
  • Become Acquainted With The Four Characters Of Our Brains – These provide a conceptual platform that we can use during our times of need.  Although we may not be able to completely sidestep our flashbacks entirely, we certainly have the ability to recognize the emotions, thoughts and experiential triggers that lead up to the PTSD events.
  • Adjusting To Post-Pandemic Life – How to re-engage socially while focusing on elements that trigger your emotions.
  • De-Escalating Hostile Situations – Addressing both your fear and the emotions of those acting out.

I find treating couples and coming up with new ways to approach sex help. Men can be very linear when it comes to sex. And sometimes a bit clueless and defensive as we all want to be wanted. Re-framing sexual situations really do help bring couples closer in the bedroom. I do 30 minute virtual sessions all over the planet with lots of homework that uses some of these new tools and resources. Consider booking a $70 session and moving the chains in your own life.

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You have a 50% chance of getting dumped if you don't give oral sex

There is a great new survey about the state of oral sex in America. Apparently more than 50% (51.39% to be exact) of those surveyed will end the relationship if you don’t munch or blow.
There was some interesting findings
“Do you think oral sex or intercourse is more intimate? The respondents were split down the middle, with oral sex winning by a razor’s edge. 50.4% think that oral sex is more intimate than intercourse. Interestingly, the majority of men think that intercourse is more intimate, whereas the majority of women think that oral sex is more intimate.
Another question the respondents were very split on was: is refusing to engage in oral sex a relationship deal-breaker? 51.39% said yes. Other interesting statistics: 33% have felt at least some societal pressure to engage in oral sex, and 12.1% of people strongly dislike kissing their partner after oral sex.
If oral sex is part of 72% of North American sex diet what happens if it’s not your thing?
There are a number of things you can ask of your partner- shaving, eating fruit and sweet things before sex, drizzling genitals in something yummy like maple syrup or chocolate sauce, douching with apple cider vinegar, stay off the garlic and dairy, and make sure you are scrupulously clean. And try. If you have had a bad experience better liaisons it’s time to try again with some grace, communication and gentleness.
If it’s something you really want to get past then I can help. One or two sessions with lots of encouragement and concrete tips can really help. My skypeffacetime/what’s ap sessions are private, affordable and easy. Book now and let’s get this resolved.

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How to safely have sex during a pandemic. It involves being creative.

There is this great article in Men’s Health magazine that essentially says the safest sex at this crazy time is to masturbate your way through the next weeks of quarantine. Porn Hub gets it. The big porn platform is giving everyone free access to their premium porn. It was so heavily used and re-branded themselves “Stay at home Hub” that so many people using it that it crashed the server. Way to help out the world PornHub.
Government officials are also stepping up and telling you to self-pleasure during this time of uncertainty.
A health official in New York State had this to say about sex while quarantined.
“You are your safest sex partner,” reads the official document. “Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex.”
So in the interest of keeping everyone healthy it’s time to up your self love and reduce your physical stress. The first thing I suggest is to check out the toys on pinkcherry.com and use up those loyalty points buying new sex technology. There are sex sleeves for men for under $20 (and every guy I’ve ever spoken to loves sex sleeves especially if you run it under warm water), and for women, you can get a vibrating bullet for under $15. Masturbation is a good thing to do when there is nothing else going on. And you are climbing the walls with pent up sexual tension.
If you are lucky enough to be living with your sex partner you are still able to have as much sex as you want. Yay you! If you usually have more sex on holidays when you have the time, reduced stress then this should give you the time to frequently get naked safely. Covid-19 also won’t effect your ovulation, sperm production or fertility if you are trying to get pregnant. I got knocked up during the lock down following the ice storm in Eastern Ontario in 1998 when all you could do was spend time on your back. What better thing to do than shag if you happen to be stuck inside with your life partner? We may not have this kind of pause on the world again in our lifetime. Take advantage of it and increase your frequency.
If you don’t have a partner right now then you might want to try out my $500 four session “let’s find you a great love” therapy program. Read about it here and let’s put the time to good use establishing a relationship. Because of social distancing or state-mandated shelter-in-place guidelines, it’s not okay to go out on dates right now—unless those dates are over FaceTime or some other video chat app. But getting started may be daunting. Let me help.
“The New York City Health Department recently issued guidelines on COVID-19 safe sex practices, recommending against having sex with anyone outside of your household. (In other words, someone you already live with.) The idea of having a “sex buddy”, where you and they only have sex with each other during the pandemic, is not recommended, wrote ob-gyn Jen Gunter in The New York Times. First of all, the idea goes against social distancing, and you don’t actually know how closely (if at all) they’re staying away from other people, she warned.”
I have a list of crazy sex suggestions that might be fun to at this time. There was an article in the British tabloids about using home kitchen and garage items to spice up your sex life. Spatula anyone?
“A duster was next on the list, with 81 per cent giving the feathery object a new lease of life in between the sheets.
And making up the top five is a mirror, with 72 per cent saying they use the everyday item for some fresh perspective with their partner.
Next on the list is a broomstick, with 55 per cent – who possibly have a witch or Halloween fetish – confessing to using it to spice up their sex lives.
Sponges were also used in some sexual adventures, with 47 per cent giving the washing up aid a wild ride.”
Finally this is the time to get better with audio and video sex, sex messenger, and upping the skanky pictures you can send to a partner. No dick pics please and unless it’s the most amazing porn clip ever I’m not going to thank you for unsolicited porn links. But it’s a fun time to try getting out of your comfort zone with existing partners. Be safe everyone and think of how good the sex will be when we get through this time.

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Genital atrophy is real. Here are some ways to keep your sex organs from drying up.

Use it or lose is more than a phrase. It’s a call to action about your sex life. And the truth is that every study done for the last 30 years shows that sex is good for you.
It turns out that if you stop having sex or engaging in regular masturbation for long periods of time (usually past age 40) you can really struggle to kick start it again. I often see clients in my office for whom sex was a distant memory. When they finally do meet a new partner and want to get their groove on between the sheets there are real issues. For women you can go from being nicely tight to having a thinning of the tissue and an inability to be penetrated. Vaginal atrophy includes prolapse, pain and bleeding from thinning tissues. Especially after menopause. The incredible shrinking vagina was the topic of a New York Times article that had a HUGE response. For men a lack of sex means that erections can be hit and miss or non-existent.
Here are some of the things that happen if you stop having sex:
Problems with bladder control. Yup without sex working on the pelvic floor you start peeing when you sneeze.
Sex lowers your blood pressure

You can have issues with vaginal lubrication without regular sex. After a long dry spell, the anxiety can cause your body to have issues with producing natural lube.
Sex lowers the risk for heart attack. Sex can have up to a 50% improvement in recovery and prevention of heart attacks.
Memory problems. Sex helps your brain produce new brain cells in the its memory center. If you’re feeling forgetful, just go have some sex!
There was an interesting article from the Boston medical group about the disuse of your genitals and erectile dysfunction.
“There are also indications that the ‘memory’ portions of the brain need at least occasional stimulus to act at optimum levels. The hypothalamus is thought to be the area of the brain that regulates thirst, hunger, sex and other functions. As we age the neuroplasticity (or malleability) of the brain, that helps us compensate for certain disorders in the body, begins to decrease. The central nervous system and peripheral nervous system control the functions of the body and like a car or even computer require some degree of maintenance.
Aging can also cause men to experience a loss of sexual function. 50% of men begin to experience ED by the age of 40 and this can increase by up to 10% each decade. Research studies (and just plain common sense) dictates that the more your utilize a function the longer you can maintain and regulate its performance. Frequent and vigorous sexual activity is the best cure for disuse atrophy; to perform, some men need a ‘kick-start’ and there are a variety of effective treatments available to prevent this progressing condition. To get the best response from treatment, and avoid degradation or disuse atrophy, it’s best to stop the procrastination and act soon.”
Masturbation, toys and moderately using erotica and porn (unless you have a history of sex addiction) are considered healthy activities for your body and sex life. If you think you might be ready to find a partner or engage sexually with someone new I can help. I’ve got a great program for finding a partner in four skype sessions (a total investment of $500). Let me help get your genitals back in use.

What can you do if you have painful intercourse? Here are 5 suggestions to use tonight

I’ve written about this before but despite talking about dyspareunia (painful sex) and vulvodynia (generalized vulva pain) to countless of women the numbers in my office complaining about painful girl bits seems to be higher than ever.
I like pelvic physiotherapists if you’ve got pain. Often even better than doctors. They specialize in those few inches and are absolute experts. If you’ve seen a doctor and have ruled out infections, inverted or protruding uteruses and other medical conditions then pelvic physio is your next step. They will suggest dilators (often not fn and motivating to try) but they can give you some more information about your own body.
I think before sex women need to do a few things. Get wet. Meaning crack open the oil and use it generously. I like anything you can eat such as coconut oil or almond oil. I then suggest bringing out the toys. You need to increase blood flow. That happens with vibration. Products like the Zumio or the magic wand are my favourite toys to help get you going ahead of time. But any vibrator that you like will work.
I also like the orgasm creams. You can buy them at any sex store (or online at toy sale companies). I describe it as a Halls for your genitals. It increases blood flow and let’s your clit “breathe”. If you need really intensive and the over the counter stuff doesn’t work please read the recipe for prescription based Scream Cream on my site. It’s the bomb.
Then I suggest start working with your body to get past the anxiety. After awhile with pain you may have an aversion and involuntarily contracting muscles. Try a couple of things
1. Muscle relaxants ground up in lube and inserted.
2. Valium of other kind of prescription relaxants in lube
3. CBD and THC oil (at a higher level) inserted in your vagina. It can make your genitals stoned but you shouldn’t feel it all over the way you would if you ingested it another way.
Following that you need to come up with a mantra to open up. There were these great cards that the midwives use during labour that have pictures of relaxing and opening things to help focus your mind on opening up your cervix. Mindfulness, self hypnosis, meditation and NLP anchoring can work. There are lots of quick articles about it and can help. So can tapping pressure points. I know it seems a little out there and I’m happy to help (I can do a session in person or by phone/skype) if you need specifics.
There are things you can try. What doesn’t work is sucking it up and hoping it will magically get better. Call me. I’m quick and affordable. And be gentle with yourself.

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Postmenopause: regaining your sexual response

Menopause. It’s a time of massive change that can have a huge impact on your sexual health and wellbeing. We don’t all experience the same changes but one of the issues that is very common is a loss of sexual response. This can mean different things to different women but three common symptoms are a loss of sexual desire, problems becoming aroused, and difficulty achieving orgasm. But not everyone will experience all of these symptoms. Some women may find that their sex drive actually increases but being able to reach orgasm, or have sex without vaginal pain becomes more difficult. Sound familiar?
Trust me… you are not alone.
If any of these issues are affecting you, it’s important to know that you are not alone. In fact, far from it! Elisabeth Lloyd PhD, states in her book “The Case of the Female Orgasm”, that women of all ages commonly experience sexual dysfunction with only one in three reaching orgasm from intercourse alone. However, for menopausal women, this number increases significantly. A study of 13,882 women aged between 40 and 80, conducted by The Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors (GSSAB), found that the prevalence of sexual function in postmenopausal women is between 68% and 86%. If this sounds like an extremely high number to you, that’s because it is!
While the symptoms of menopause are distressing enough on their own, they also tend to have some far-reaching impacts. It’s been demonstrated that sexual dysfunction can cause low self-esteem, low quality of life, and emotional distress. Things which can also lead to relationship problems in the long run.
What causes these problems?
Once we reach 50, women have about half of the testosterone they had in their 20s. And, following menopause, much lower levels of estrogen too. These hormonal changes can cause vaginal dryness, thinning of the vaginal tissues, and reduced blood flow to the genital region. Unfortunately, these all work to reduce sensitivity in the vagina and vulva. This makes our arousal levels feel less intense or a lot harder to come by at all. Without arousal, we also struggle to become sufficiently lubricated naturally which can result in painful sex.
The breakthrough is understanding your stimulation-arousal-desire-pleasure cycle.
For a long time, our understanding of female sexual response has been based upon the 1960s research of Masters and Johnson. They established what is known as the linear sexual-response cycle of excitement/ desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. However, contemporary research suggests that a woman’s sexual response is more complex, varied and non-linear. Linda Rogers, a Nurse Practitioner of Obstetrics/Gynecology at John Hopkins Bayview Medical Center, explains that our sexual response does not always follow the order of desire followed by arousal. In fact, many women can become aroused without desire as a result of engaging in sexual stimulation. Our arousal then triggers desire and our bodies become more sexually responsive. Effective stimulation of the clitoris also improves blood flow to the whole genital area. This works to further heighten arousal and improve vaginal lubrication. This leads to greater desire, less vaginal pain, and a better ability to achieve orgasm.
In her book “Radiant Again and Forever”, Dr Prudence Hall states that 10 minutes or more of nipple stimulation produces enough oxytocin for most women to become aroused and ready for sex. For some, it is also enough to prepare their body for orgasm during intercourse or through clitoral stimulation.
Clearly, effective stimulation is the key to regaining your sexual wellbeing. But following menopause, your body will likely respond very differently than it did in your 20s or 30s. Stimulation may need to be more intensive than before, and you may discover that very specific zones around your vagina, and elsewhere on your body, respond in different ways with varying levels of sensitivity.
Clinical sex therapists recommend Zumio for effective stimulation.
Zumio is highly recommended for postmenopausal stimulation by sex therapists and sex toy experts because of its pinpoint accuracy and versatility, enabling you to explore your body and discover anew how you can enjoy new levels of desire, arousal, and sexual pleasure.
“The Zumio has a SpiroTIP that whirls around in tiny circles allowing the user to find the most stimulating spots for them,” states Clinical Sex Therapist Sue McGarvie. “It can be used on the nipples, clitoris, and all around the vulva. It is that amazing circling motion combined with pinpoint concentration that enhances blood flow to the areas that ignite arousal. Zumio could be considered a Clinical Sex Therapy treatment for anorgasmia and other types of sexual dysfunction, not simply another sex toy.”
References:
“Sexual Function in Elderly Women: A Review of Current Literature” published in Reviews in Obstetrics and Gynecology, Dana R Ambler, DO, Eric J Bieber, MD, Chief Medical Officer, and Michael P Diamond, MD.
“The Most Important Sexual Statistic”, Psychology Today.
– References the book “The Case of the Female Orgasm”, Elisabeth Lloyd, Ph.D.
“Sexual Dysfunction”, Healthy Woman, Linda Rogers, CRNP, Nurse Practitioner, Obstetrics/Gynecology at Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center
“Radiant Again”, Prudence Hall, MD.

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Your sperm needs some TLC! How to get your boys in the best shape for the swim of their lives!

It’s amazing how many of my clients are struggling with fertility. Yes the recipe requires fresh eggs, and yes it’s important to spend some time naked and horizontal to conceive.  But male fertility after years of microwaving yogurt containers (full of bad estrogens that diminish sperm), and too many soccer balls to the gonads male infertility is on the rise. 
Thanks to the brilliant Orlando urologist for suggestions on keeping your sperm in tip top shape.  
1. The Magic Number – The magic number is 15 million – sperm per milliliter, that is. Infertility could be the result if the count is much lower than this benchmark.
2. Take a Lap – While a high sperm count is good, a high ‘swimming’ sperm count is also important. In general, about a quarter of the sperm will swim and drive your chances of achieving a pregnancy. For patients that have extremely low sperm count, doctors can often do surgical procedures to obtain sperm that can be used for in vitro fertilization (IVF).
3. Watch the Sauna – Causes of sperm production issues include higher temperatures such as when a man is frequently exposed to hot tubs or saunas, dilated blood vessels around the testicle (called varicocele), abnormal testosterone levels such as when a man takes testosterone injections, environmental factors and certain medications like hair loss medication.
4. New International Study – Sperm counts are dropping. Data presented at ASRM last month by IVI-Reproductive Medicine Associates Global (IVI-RMA Global) found that the proportion of men with normal total motile sperm counts is declining over time.
5. Boxers or Briefs? – Men should feel free to choose whatever underwear fits best without fertility concerns. While it was thought that perhaps briefs increased temperatures of the testicles and might affect sperm production, this is truly an old wives’ tale.
Oh note on boxers. Briefs hold your boys close to your body and keep the skin of your scrotum from stretching. You don’t want to have to throw your testicles over your shoulder as you age.

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Boudoir shoot! Couples, Men (dude-oir) & women. With makeup, wine, and food.

Sunday, Nov 4th from 11 am to 6 pm. Choose a time that works! Food, wine, professional makeup (for those without testicles) , amazing photographs, lingerie, party atmosphere (but private photo time) and a chance to find your sexy selves! It’s part of the body image series.
Boudoir Photography and party with champagne, great food, friends, chocolate and sexy pictures!
We love doing boudoir. It’s becomes magical. Women feeling beautiful, empowered and the guys are happy to have something erotic and personal. Anyone who has done them raves about them. We get top, professional makeup application and the amazing Duckling photographer Brian Kiloran and (and his lovely wife G). By turning it into a party (with economies of scale) we can do the event for $150 per person or couple. So you can have together and alone for the same price. What a deal! We’ve had a number of photographers over the years but Brian’s pictures really stand out.Read the testimonials
Look back on yourself when you are 80 and see how hot you really were! Do it for yourself, to torment the guys who might possibly see them with your beauty or give it as a for-his-eyes-only gift. Sexy couple photos are also welcome if you would prefer to do them together.
Mimosa’s, (champagne and orange juice) chocolate, and the sexiest photos you can imagine! It’s safe, discreet, private, and super fun! Women or couples, it’s sensuous (but safe), erotic and fun. Participants can wear whatever they would like (bring it with you) and you have time for one change of outfits. You have a private area for photo’s and it’s all relaxed and discreet. Professional makeup artist will be there to transform you. You need to have your own hair done when you arrive. It all happens on Sunday, Nov 4th (and everyone is in town for the Halloween party) at 81 Pooler Ave.
So pictures, food, and community!
Bring something yummy to share and I’ll make up pitchers of our trademarked sangria and mimosa’s. We have limited room for photos so it is a first come first serve. Cost is $150 (either alone or together) which includes makeup, photo shoot, and two photographs. You may purchase the library of other shots (the ones where you aren’t blinking) directly from the photographer. They have different packages or just stick with the few amazing ones you are guaranteed. Given that there are upfront expenses, you need to pay in advance here, or commit to paying in cash and NOT BAILING! Given that we have to pay to the photographer and makeup, we need 10 days notice to cancel once you commit or you will be billed for missing the event.
Buy now!





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It's another reason to eat oysters…. Seafood-rich diet may help couples get pregnant faster

The sex mineral for men that helps improve erection and sexual functioning is zinc. Zinc for your dink. Oysters and other seafoods are loaded with it. Magnesium is the sex mineral for women. Seafood is a great source of that as well. Now a new study out of Washington says that “seafood consumption improved sexual activity frequency, reduced time to conception”.
So if you are trying to get knocked up the fishmonger may help.
“Couples who eat more seafood tend to have sexual intercourse more often and get pregnant faster than other couples trying to conceive, according to a new study published in the Endocrine Society’s Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism.
Seafood is an important source of protein and other nutrients for women who are or may become pregnant, but concerns about mercury have led some women to avoid fish when trying to conceive. According to the Food and Drug Administration and the Environmental Protection Agency, 90 percent of the fish eaten in the United States is low in mercury and safe to eat. Although the agencies recommend two to three servings of lower-mercury fish per week, 50 percent of pregnant women still eat far less than the recommended amount.
“Our study suggests seafood can have many reproductive benefits, including shorter time to pregnancy and more frequent sexual activity,” said one of the study’s authors, Audrey Gaskins, Sc.D., of Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health in Boston, Mass. “Our study found that couples who consume more than two servings of seafood per week while trying to get pregnant, had a significantly higher frequency of sexual intercourse and shorter time to pregnancy.”
In the prospective cohort study, researchers from Harvard followed 500 Michigan and Texas couples from the Longitudinal Investigation of Fertility and the Environment (LIFE) Study for one year to determine the relationship between seafood intake and time to pregnancy. Participants recorded their seafood intake and sexual activity in daily journals.
The researchers found that 92 percent of couples who ate seafood more than twice a week were pregnant at the end of one year, compared to 79 percent among couples consuming less seafood. The association between seafood and faster time to pregnancy was not completely explained by more frequent sexual activity, suggesting other biological factors were at play. These could include effects on semen quality, ovulation or embryo quality, Gaskins said.
“Our results stress the importance of not only female, but also male diet on time to pregnancy and suggests that both partners should be incorporating more seafood into their diets for the maximum fertility benefit,” she said.”

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School of Sex events! It's not your parents Sex Ed class. It's All about the vagina Jan. 29, 2017

School of Sex. Gooey Girl Bits!! The Vagina, vulva, clitoris all explained.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
2:00 PM to 5:00 PM
The Rosemount Orange Hall
41 Rosemount Ave, Hintonburg, Ottawa, ON

Everything you wanted to know about the Vajayjay but didn’t know who to talk ask. The next in the series of School of Sex is the female genitalia. Or how to stimulate, tease, understand and amplify the pleasure of the female genitalia. Get information about the erotic, the medical, and the sex therapist point of views. Great instructors to find out what’s current in the part of women’s bodies that everyone wants to know more about. Really understand your anatomy or the anatomy of any women in your life. Discover new ways women can reach orgasm. Especially if orgasms are difficult. G spots, u spots, X spots and the like. Get the inside track of new organic products that lube you up, make you taste wonderful and keep your girl bits all dry and smelling nice.
Yoni massage (the tantra word for vulva) will be covered and you can learn how to stimulate all of the nerve endings both inside and out with one of the city’s best erotic masseuses. Learn about the different clit pumps, the scream cream, and acupressure points that can trigger female orgasm.
Finally test out the brand new $1000 infrared internal wand that tightens and helps diminish vaginal pain.
If you are a friend to the vagina, vulva or clit this is going to be an interesting workshop. We will have some vendors at this event (there are so many new, cool things to showcase), the usual snacks and a chance to really understand how amazing female genitalia really is. And like all Duckling events it is fun, social, warm, and inclusive.
Educational, fun and with the essential life experience that everyone who has a vagina, wishes they did, or regularly wants to play with one needs to know about.
$30 including refreshments. This is an open event so everyone is welcome. Bring a friend and find out all about the Ducklings and our School of Sex series. Discounts for the next six School of Sexes and therapy receipts are also available. Click here to find out more and sign up!
You can pay at the door but there are maximums that the room holds so purchasing in advance is strongly encouraged.

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Low sex drive, the birth control pill, and why the diaphragm may make a revival.

I spend my days talking to women about low libido. Low sex drive is the number one women’s sex issue for therapists and doctors. Without exception all of the women have been on the birth control pill for a number of years and find their sexual desire disappearing. It isn’t a coincidence. Just like on the front of the cigarette packages that warn about lung cancer, I believe that a big red sign should be across the oral contraceptive pill that says LOWERS YOUR SEX DRIVE. The pill causes many women to lose their interest in sex.
The pill should be contraindicated for women who struggle with sexual desire issues. Couple the birth control pill with anti-depressants (and especially SSRI’s), a low BMI (think of those petite yoga/spinning girls, size 8 or smaller), and low iron/B complex and you get a perfect storm of missing sex drive. But there are some things you can do to get it back. I have a whole kit that I call “the start me up kit” to bring back that loving feeling. But it begins with getting off the birth control pill.
According to Ms. Magazine “last year’s combined sales of Yaz and Yasmin, the most popular oral contraceptives in the U.S., totaled $1.64 billion. Did you know the drugs are also the target of 1,100 lawsuits for potentially fatal blood clots? Did you know that an estimated 50 women have died from taking those contraceptives?
Despite such health risks, however, oral contraceptives remain an extremely popular method of birth control in the U.S., second only to sterilization. The Guttmacher Institute reports that whether a woman prefers the Pill or sterilization is largely a function of age, with women under 30 choosing the Pill and women over 30 choosing permanent methods. These trends have been fairly stable since 1982.”
So what’s a girl to do if she gets off the pill to keep from getting pregnant? The IUDs are a better choice than the pill for impact but most still have the hormones estrogen and progesterone in them. The hormones tend to be localized (beside the ovaries) and are less likely to kill your libido. But IUDs aren’t perfect. You have to get them inserted for up to five years, they can lead to a perforated uterus and can often increase bleeding. And they still have hormones that can impact libido.
Condoms are possible as a method for birth control. But condoms are greatly disliked by both partners as a long term play for preventing pregnancy. And then there is the high failure rate. 11 out of 100 women using condoms alone for a year will get pregnant.
diaphragmI am talking about the diaphragm to my patients as a viable solution to the pill or IUD. If the patient is a woman under 30, she generally has no idea what I am talking about. I think diaphragms are great. My diaphragm got me through high school, the university years and all through my 20’s without a mishap. Now that I have a tubal, I use my 25 year old diaphragm as a way to block my menstrual flow when I want to have sex during my period. The nice thing internal barrier methods offer (the sponge and cervical cap along with the diaphragm are all internal barriers) is that women control it. And the type of barrier can change depending on the kind of sex (one off, or weekend marathon) that you have.
It turns out my old tried and true Ortho diaphragm from the 1980’s has been discontinued. I feel old. However there is a new diaphragm called the Caya diaphragm out of Europe that you can now get without a prescription in Canada. The sizing is general for everyone and fairly forgiving if you change sizes (based on weight) unlike the previous diaphragms. It’s great that the new Caya diaphragms are kind of a one-size-fits-all. I don’t know if there are any doctors out there who would know how to size them if they weren’t. Head and Hands in Montreal’s west end (where I got my cervical cap in 1986!) are carrying the Caya diaphragms at cost! $60 Yay! I’ve seen them for $80 online otherwise.
http://headandhands.ca/2014/08/diaphragms-are-back-and-better-than-ever/
The also sell the FemCap which is a modern, better fitting cervical cap (then the old rubber tire ones) and they have a 98% efficacy rate. Meaning if you use it correctly you won’t get pregnant on it, and those rates rival the pill. Here are the details:
“The FemCap is a reusable anatomically designed silicone cap you place over your cervix before you have sex.
The FemCap is *Non Hormonal *Latex free *Completely Natural *Reusable
The FemCap’s design simply prevents sperm from entering the cervix and womb. The FemCap was designed to conform to the anatomy of the cervix and the vagina to ensure maximum fit and comfort. The underside of the dome forms a bowl which covers the cervix completely.
The brim serves to form a seal against the vaginal wall and acts as a funnel to direct the ejaculate fluid into the groove. The FemCap is designed with a unique groove facing the vaginal opening. This groove stores the spermicide and traps the sperm.”
So don’t feel like you are out of options and only have to go on some kind of hormonal birth control method or condoms that are a real killer to sensuality to keep from getting pregnant. The only downside for some women was that they feared that the diaphragm and cap would be messy. Messy? Great sex is messy. In fact all sex is messy. With or without any kind of diaphragm or Femcap. That’s why I recommend disposable puppy pads for having sex. The mess gets on the pad and you throw them out. Given that both of these methods also let you have blood-free sex during your periods I think they should be in every modern women’s medicine cabinet.
Finally, I should give a shout out for the Cyclotest electronic fertility tester. The caution zone for getting pregnant is about 6 days a month. Those six days are roughly the day you ovulate and the five or so days before that. Sperm have been proven to live up to 5 days in the fallopian tubes. The challenge has been to figure out exactly when you ovulate. Over the last decade the ovulation predictors you can buy it the drug store (pee on a stick) have gotten better. But now we have an electronic predictor that keeps data month after month so you are far more likely to understand EXACTLY when that egg pops out. The Cyclotest tells you when you ovulate, you can plan your sex life around your fertile periods. Use a backup those days or skip the intercourse.
diaphragm1 You can always do things with other parts of your body besides your vagina. There is no reason for taking the pill if you are experiencing any side effects. Especially a decreased libido. It doesn’t magically get better. So take some steps to reclaim your lost sexual desire. You can find that bounce in your step again.