I was talking to clients about what happens when they don’t take care of their sexual health. Yes we know we have to eat better yes we know we have to eat her veggies and not drink as much according to the new Canadian rules about alcohol.

But one of the things we don’t do is pay attention to you know quirky things that happened to us between our knees and our waists.


I will say that sex is your early warning system it tells you when somethings wrong.

I’ve had young guys come in who have erectile disfunction in are telling me about their how their father died early of a heart attack and that they hadn’t been to a doctor in five years. When you do their blood pressure is through the roof. You immediately get them into a referral for a triple bypass because if the small blood vessels are clogged the big ones can be too.

I’m a sex therapist I’m not a doctor but boy do I see some stuff that raises some eyebrows and has me running for the phone to give clients a physician referral.

ED can be a sign of heart problems.


There’s a lot of women with pelvic floor challenges painful intercourse issues around lubrication.

Vaginal atrophy lesions that can be easily fixed by visit to urologist for a long time urologist were surgeons all they wanted to do is cut but a lot of them do you quality of life issues and are trying to make things better.


I certainly where we are it takes a while to get into one but if you’ve got a problem sexually you may think that they’d be the better choice
Asking for a specialist there is no shame in your doctor referral
If you have scrotal concerns do you have a lump. Or your penis is bending to one side when it’s a wrecked a little bit of Petronie’s then seeing a urologist is a great thing.

It’s a couple of urologist where I live that do both sound and laser techniques to increase erectile disfunction by 60% Its considered cosmetics and although it’s not free and sure as hell isn’t cheap improves erectile disfunction by a significant amount in 8 visits.

Sex is part of the human condition the world is better when we have se.

If you’re struggling with your desire and your equipment it’s time to go to your doctor and ask for a referral to a urologist

Circumcision can be a hotly debated topic among parents and healthcare professionals alike. As a sex therapist, I have seen firsthand how a lack of proper circumcised care can cause issues such as difficulty retracting a foreskin, infection, or even tightness that requires a more serious surgery post-puberty, when a person had to opt for an adult circumcision rather than an infant one.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to circumcision. Although the current research may lean in favor of circumcision one year, it’s a personal preference that’s best left up to the individual and their parent or guardian. It’s important to consider both the pros and cons of either decision before arriving at a final choice.

When it comes to sexual health, it’s essential for individuals of every gender and sexual orientation to understand and appreciate the diversity of body types. Due to the visual appearance, some uncircumcised individuals may struggle with self-confidence but it’s important to note that making changes to the body is a personal decision, and one shouldn’t feel the need to conform to what others might suggest or believe.

Ultimately, each individual is unique and should determine their own circumcision path depending on their own convictions and health needs. If you are still unsure regarding your decision, consider consulting a healthcare professional or sex therapist who can provide reliable information and supportive advice.


Pros:

  • Reduced risk of urinary tract infections.
  • Reduced risk of baby boys getting a fistula.
  • Decrease in the risk of contracting certain sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and penile cancer.
  • Easier genital hygiene.

Cons:

  • Risk of infection and bleeding.
  • Risk of accidental damage to the penis.
  • Risk of pain, both during and after the procedure.
  • Possibility of impacts on sexual pleasure or different types of body image anxiety.
  • Potential for conflicting religious/cultural beliefs and possible discrimination as a result.

At my heaviest I was almost 400 pounds.

Much of my body changes happened because of an understanding of hormones and how they interact with the body. Hormones that also impact things like energy & sexual desire. Having “walked the walk” I have a great deal of empathy for people struggling to feel sexy. There is nothing worse than getting diet advice & suggestions for improving your sex life from Super models. If you are struggling with desire, or can’t be seen naked by your partner then maybe it’s time to talk to someone who has been there. Zoom links will be sent out. It’s affordable & I won’t give you pat diet suggestion. Let’s talk about how much brain space you are spending worrying about your body, sex, weight & desire.

Let’s get you back into your sexy self. There is a boudoir shoot to help get you comfortable in your skin. I’ve been there. Let me and the rest of the group help.

It starts Wednesday, Oct 28th at 7 pm. Cost is $175 for three sessions. It’s affordable versus individual counseling, and the group discussion can develop community, connection and friendship.  Receipts provided. Etransfer suem@rogers.comfar to join in.

We know this pesky pandemic has caused challenges to many people’s sex life. Random hookups, sex clubs, and one night stands are completely on hold. Sex with someone new can be life threatening. But many of us are missing a sexy life.
But as new information about the pandemic comes to light we can start making better choices when it comes to our sexual encounters.
The only thing that has kept me sane through the last few months when we can only gather in small groups is our germ circle. That’s a cohesive “family” group that has isolated and agrees to keep each other safe. We’ve helped each other out, shared grocery shopping, had a few recent socially distant backyard BBQ’s and got masked hugs when we needed it. As a mental health professional I am seeing that without human contact the cure for Covid may be worse than what ails you for some people.
Now that the Province and other parts of the world are cautiously opening up (Yay!!!!!!!) the idea that we might be open to cautious sexual encounters. You are horny but scared. The good news is that while Covid 19 is very contagious it isn’t transmitted sexually. Wear your mask, wash your hands and calm your anxieties. Sex is good for you.
Here is a list of what sex does for the body if you do want to step out. And if you are looking for a partner consider trying the new Duckling Dating site. I manage it and it’s friendly, authentic, verified, fun, open and super-sexy.
in the meantime, having sex improves your urinary incontinence, fights middle age, improves relationships, and gives you a total body workout. Here are some of the other things it does in a quote from the well mind people/

Physical Benefits of Increased Sex

It’s fairly intuitive to understand how sex improves emotional health, but there are a number of physical benefits from sex as well. Some of these include:

    • Better physical fitness: Sex is a form of exercise. According to the American Heart Association, sexual activity is equivalent to moderate physical activities, like brisk walking or climbing two flights of stairs.7 The motion of sex can tighten and tone abdominal and pelvic muscles. For women, improved muscle tone improves bladder control.
    • Enhanced brain function: Preliminary studies on rats found that more frequent intercourse was correlated with better cognitive function and the growth of new brain cells. Similar benefits have since been observed in human studies. A 2018 study of over 6,000 adults linked frequent sex with better memory performance in adults ages 50 and older.8
    • Improved immune function: Being more sexually active has positive effects on immune function.9 Regular sex may even lower your likelihood of getting a cold or the flu.
    • Lower pain levels: The endorphins from sex promote more than just a sense of well-being and calm. Sex endorphins also appear to reduce migraine and back pain.
  • May Promote Weight Loss: Having sex for 30 minutes burns an average of 200 calories.10

    The rewarding brain chemicals released during sex can subdue food cravings and support weight loss.

  • Positive cardiac effects: Sexual activity (but not masturbation) has been linked with lower systolic blood pressure.11 Elevated blood pressure increases the risk of heart disease and stroke. Sexual activity helps dilate blood vessels, increasing the delivery of oxygen and nutrients throughout the body while reducing blood pressure.
  • Additional physical benefits: Being more sexually active boosts libido and increases vaginal lubrication. Frequent intercourse is associated with lighter menstrual periods and less painful period cramps. In addition, an improved sense of smell, healthier teeth, better digestion, and glowing skin may be related to the release of DHEA by the body after sex.

I feel like a caged cat. For six weeks I was pacing the house and stress baking. Now that I can get outside we are walking together (slapping mosquitoes but hey, that’s spring in Eastern Ontario) and the lockdown feels slightly less intrusive. With more time together during a pandemic it certainly doesn’t feel like a holiday. The stress of the unknown, lack of connection with friends and extended family and sameness is getting to everyone.
“Stress is at an all-time high for many couples. According to Dr. Gabor Maté, “three factors that universally lead to stress are uncertainty, lack of information, and the loss of control.” Prolonged exposure to these stressors, generated from COVID-19 and other circumstances, can result in allostatic load.
Allostatic load refers to the wear and tear on the body that accumulates when we are exposed to repeated or chronic stressors. These stressors can be internal, external, or both. While allostasis has been traditionally examined in individuals, it undoubtedly impacts couples.
On an interpersonal level, increased allostatic load may result in individuals experiencing difficulty in starting or maintaining relationships. When an individual is depressed, certain neurotransmitters aren’t functioning at an optimal level. Even the most doting and loving partner might not be able to conjure the experience of love or limerence, which is the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings.”
Finding ways to be with each other in a positive way when you are fighting chronic stress is challenging. And men and women have different responses. For many sex is a stress reliever. For other’s it’s a definite mood killer. I am spending the pandemic talking to people in their cars who need to vent about their partner’s over exuberant interest or lack of interest.
I have been following a number of blogs that talk about using the uniqueness of the current situation to give your sex and love life a boost.
I wanted to summarize some of the suggestions for ways to up the connection while we wait for life to get back to normal. Here are some ways to keep things intimate during the isolation.
Be creative!
Order some discount costumes, download some free audio porn from Pornhub or film yourselves having sex.
Newness!
Human beings are inherently turned on by novelty and newness when it comes to sex. I have a list of 60 new things to try that you might not be doing sexually on my site. Or a list of 75 different things to do in the bedroom in a different blog. I’m happy to email them to you if you want to reach out. Things like taking the Mojoupgrade quiz and finding out if there is something your partner might be curious about that you didn’t know are also good suggestions for spicing things up.
The people who tried new things were three times more likely to report improvements in the bedroom than those who didn’t make any new additions.
Manage stress!
Bathe together, take a break from social media, massages, THC oil (it simply makes your genitals – not you stoned), meditate, naked exercise (or gardening!) or other gentle things that lower your stress load
Do some grooming together!
Treat your partner with the same care you would going out on any date. Even with hair and nail salons closed there are things you can do. One of the sexiest things that happened to me this month is my meticulous partner painting my nails and toes. And I cut his hair which is a truly intimate act. Wash each other’s back, do an oil rubdown, suntan together, or try one of those facemasks together. Grooming is an age old thing that brings you closer to each other.

Romantic Date Night at Home or picnic together!

I love picnics! We’ve been doing them in the backyard or on drives together. As Justin says, “plan a fun evening. For some, this might involve cooking your favorite meal together, ordering takeout or delivery from a special restaurant, having wine or cocktails while you watch the sunset or listen to music, watching a movie you’ve both been meaning to see, or trying an erotic game or role-play.The options are endless, and with a little creative thinking, you can craft a relaxing—or exciting—evening (depending on what you’re looking for) to fit any budget.”
This is time we will never have again. The more we can manage the stress and be together the greater the long-term impacts on you relationship will be. Reach out if you need some help. Otherwise be safe everyone.

Where I come from there has been sex education taught in the schools for over 40 years. Often taught by gym teachers who would rather be doing anything else then discussing Fallopian tubes and dealing with “the smell of puberty in the morning” but accurate details about STI’s have long been in the public domain. And yet many adults have no idea that the four non-curable sex infections, and that you can get things like penile cancer from a STI or that gonnorhea can live in your throat. STI’s for many people remain a mystery they simply pray to avoid.
Given the global reach of the Covid-19 pandemic we are all far more sensitive to the impact of invisible viruses and bacteria on our health. And the worry that connecting with someone might kill us. It can be especially scary if you want to play or swing outside of your relationship. Swingers or other non-monogamous people have a vested interest in being safe and sexy. Anyone dating – especially if you are a bit of a germaphobe- may stop you from venturing out to get your sexual needs met. But there is still a huge about of mis-information about swinging and sti’s. In a time of great uncertainty and anxiety about the global pandemic there is also a need for prudent, balanced facts about our communal health. That includes Sexually transmitted infections. The early (and albeit not 100% proven) news about Covid-19 is that if there is no kissing or exchange of breath and mouth droplets the pandemic virus isn’t transmitted sexually. But as well trained as I am about in the area of sexual health I wouldn’t chance it right now with a stranger casually.
So what about the STI’s that have been in our bodies for decades now? It may be time to re-visit how to best prevent getting those infections. I was too young to date during the beginning of the AIDS outbreak in the early 80’s when they didn’t know exactly how you could contract it but it did have the swinging 70’s move to “leave it to Beaver” in a few short years. HIV and Aids had us all scared for awhile.
A few months ago my husband and I did a talk at the largest swinger/lifestyle convention in Canada (VIN). While there were condoms everywhere there was certainly indiscriminate play in the hot tubs and playrooms around the convention hall. We fielded more than a few questions about sexual infections. Few of the people we spoke to had their garnacil (for the HPV and genital warts virus) or twinrix (for Hepatitis) vaccines. And most of the couples we spoke to didn’t use condoms for oral play. Even when STI’s like Chlamydia and Gonnorhea can live in your mouth. Few of the people we had spoken to seemed to be concerned.
As the Popular Science article summed up beautifully.
“Why is this important? Well, a lot of people assume STIs are gross—thanks, society—and part of that stigma is a misconception that all STIs produce gnarly and horrific symptoms. In reality, this is pretty rare! Herpes, for instance, is asymptomatic in almost everyone who has it, and gonorrhea and chlamydia can also infiltrate your body’s defenses without making much fuss. They can even go away on their own, but the problem is that they don’t always do so.
That means that you should not wait for an outbreak of oozing sores before getting tested for STIs. If you’re sexually active—and we’re talking about any kind of sex—you need to get tested two to three times a year.
A mucus membrane is a mucus membrane. STIs, like all infections, are caused by viral, bacterial, or fungal microbes. While many of these infections have particular parts of the body they’ve evolved to thrive in, most of them aren’t too picky. The risks vary between diseases—a 2016 article from the San Francisco AIDS Foundation really hammers home the message that the bacteria Neisseria gonorrhoeae will take any opportunity to hop off your skin and onto someone else’s, but not all STIs are this industrious.
This doesn’t mean you should spend your next date in a hazmat suit. The solution is actually really simple.
Get tested.”
The challenge of this time is to walk the line between prudent and paranoid. And while I am locked away in quarantine doing my part to stop the global pandemic I will admit having a few eye rolling moments. Some intakes of breath when the American President dismissed the risk of Covid-19 and some exasperation of the exaggerated numbers and banning of even the solo sitting on a park bench. And at a time when we need connection more than ever it’s important to get the facts and get tested. My $500 four week program to help you find a partner (or partners) includes a discussion on the latest facts about sti’s. And during this time of
health uncertainly facts and clear science are what we need most of all.

There is this great article in Men’s Health magazine that essentially says the safest sex at this crazy time is to masturbate your way through the next weeks of quarantine. Porn Hub gets it. The big porn platform is giving everyone free access to their premium porn. It was so heavily used and re-branded themselves “Stay at home Hub” that so many people using it that it crashed the server. Way to help out the world PornHub.
Government officials are also stepping up and telling you to self-pleasure during this time of uncertainty.
A health official in New York State had this to say about sex while quarantined.
“You are your safest sex partner,” reads the official document. “Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex.”
So in the interest of keeping everyone healthy it’s time to up your self love and reduce your physical stress. The first thing I suggest is to check out the toys on pinkcherry.com and use up those loyalty points buying new sex technology. There are sex sleeves for men for under $20 (and every guy I’ve ever spoken to loves sex sleeves especially if you run it under warm water), and for women, you can get a vibrating bullet for under $15. Masturbation is a good thing to do when there is nothing else going on. And you are climbing the walls with pent up sexual tension.
If you are lucky enough to be living with your sex partner you are still able to have as much sex as you want. Yay you! If you usually have more sex on holidays when you have the time, reduced stress then this should give you the time to frequently get naked safely. Covid-19 also won’t effect your ovulation, sperm production or fertility if you are trying to get pregnant. I got knocked up during the lock down following the ice storm in Eastern Ontario in 1998 when all you could do was spend time on your back. What better thing to do than shag if you happen to be stuck inside with your life partner? We may not have this kind of pause on the world again in our lifetime. Take advantage of it and increase your frequency.
If you don’t have a partner right now then you might want to try out my $500 four session “let’s find you a great love” therapy program. Read about it here and let’s put the time to good use establishing a relationship. Because of social distancing or state-mandated shelter-in-place guidelines, it’s not okay to go out on dates right now—unless those dates are over FaceTime or some other video chat app. But getting started may be daunting. Let me help.
“The New York City Health Department recently issued guidelines on COVID-19 safe sex practices, recommending against having sex with anyone outside of your household. (In other words, someone you already live with.) The idea of having a “sex buddy”, where you and they only have sex with each other during the pandemic, is not recommended, wrote ob-gyn Jen Gunter in The New York Times. First of all, the idea goes against social distancing, and you don’t actually know how closely (if at all) they’re staying away from other people, she warned.”
I have a list of crazy sex suggestions that might be fun to at this time. There was an article in the British tabloids about using home kitchen and garage items to spice up your sex life. Spatula anyone?
“A duster was next on the list, with 81 per cent giving the feathery object a new lease of life in between the sheets.
And making up the top five is a mirror, with 72 per cent saying they use the everyday item for some fresh perspective with their partner.
Next on the list is a broomstick, with 55 per cent – who possibly have a witch or Halloween fetish – confessing to using it to spice up their sex lives.
Sponges were also used in some sexual adventures, with 47 per cent giving the washing up aid a wild ride.”
Finally this is the time to get better with audio and video sex, sex messenger, and upping the skanky pictures you can send to a partner. No dick pics please and unless it’s the most amazing porn clip ever I’m not going to thank you for unsolicited porn links. But it’s a fun time to try getting out of your comfort zone with existing partners. Be safe everyone and think of how good the sex will be when we get through this time.

Use it or lose is more than a phrase. It’s a call to action about your sex life. And the truth is that every study done for the last 30 years shows that sex is good for you.
It turns out that if you stop having sex or engaging in regular masturbation for long periods of time (usually past age 40) you can really struggle to kick start it again. I often see clients in my office for whom sex was a distant memory. When they finally do meet a new partner and want to get their groove on between the sheets there are real issues. For women you can go from being nicely tight to having a thinning of the tissue and an inability to be penetrated. Vaginal atrophy includes prolapse, pain and bleeding from thinning tissues. Especially after menopause. The incredible shrinking vagina was the topic of a New York Times article that had a HUGE response. For men a lack of sex means that erections can be hit and miss or non-existent.
Here are some of the things that happen if you stop having sex:
Problems with bladder control. Yup without sex working on the pelvic floor you start peeing when you sneeze.
Sex lowers your blood pressure

You can have issues with vaginal lubrication without regular sex.
After a long dry spell, the anxiety can cause your body to have issues with producing natural lube.
Sex lowers the risk for heart attack. Sex can have up to a 50% improvement in recovery and prevention of heart attacks.
Memory problems. Sex helps your brain produce new brain cells in the its memory center. If you’re feeling forgetful, just go have some sex!
There was an interesting article from the Boston medical group about the disuse of your genitals and erectile dysfunction.
“There are also indications that the ‘memory’ portions of the brain need at least occasional stimulus to act at optimum levels. The hypothalamus is thought to be the area of the brain that regulates thirst, hunger, sex and other functions. As we age the neuroplasticity (or malleability) of the brain, that helps us compensate for certain disorders in the body, begins to decrease. The central nervous system and peripheral nervous system control the functions of the body and like a car or even computer require some degree of maintenance.
Aging can also cause men to experience a loss of sexual function. 50% of men begin to experience ED by the age of 40 and this can increase by up to 10% each decade. Research studies (and just plain common sense) dictates that the more your utilize a function the longer you can maintain and regulate its performance. Frequent and vigorous sexual activity is the best cure for disuse atrophy; to perform, some men need a ‘kick-start’ and there are a variety of effective treatments available to prevent this progressing condition. To get the best response from treatment, and avoid degradation or disuse atrophy, it’s best to stop the procrastination and act soon.”
Masturbation, toys and moderately using erotica and porn (unless you have a history of sex addiction) are considered healthy activities for your body and sex life. If you think you might be ready to find a partner or engage sexually with someone new I can help. I’ve got a great program for finding a partner in four skype sessions (a total investment of $500). Let me help get your genitals back in use.

It turns out that having more fun improves your relationships, both in and out of the bedroom.
Research shows that when we have fun with others, these experiences have a positive effect on building trust and developing communication. Having fun gives us an opportunity to connect and be creative. When we laugh together, this sends an external non-verbal message that says: “We are alike, we share values” (Everett, 2011). It can also make us look more vulnerable, but at the same time approachable and friendly, which can help build connections and bonds. That in turns makes us feel more aroused and are more attractive to other partners.
Here is what else it does:
Fun makes us smarter
Fun reduces stress
Finding more fun in physical activity balances your hormone levels
Fun can make you more energetic and youthful
Fun gets you laid.
Join a social group (like the Ducklings) and see the difference it will make in your life.

I follow the writings of a guy named Dan Buettner who first wrote about the Blue Zones. The Blue Zones are a study funded by National Geographic to explore the commonalities about places in the world where people lived the longest with great quality of life. And what they had in common to ensure a great life.
He came up with 10 criteria for living long and prosper.
1. Move Naturally. Moving naturally throughout the day — walking, gardening, doing housework — is a core part of the Blue Zones lifestyle.
2. Purpose. The Okinawans call it ikigai and the Nicoyans call it plan de vida. Knowing why you wake up in the morning makes you healthier, happier, and adds up to seven years of extra life expectancy.
3. Down Shift. Stress is part of life, but Blue Zones centenarians have stress-relieving rituals built into their daily routines. Adventists pray, Ikarians nap, and Sardinians do happy hour.
4. 80% Rule. People in Blue Zones areas stop eating when their stomachs are 80% full and eat their smallest meal in the early evening.
5. Plant Slant. Beans are the cornerstone of most centenarian diets. Vegetables, fruit, and whole grains round out the rest of the diet and meat is eaten in small amounts.
6. Wine @ 5. Moderate but regular consumption of wine (with friends and/or food) is part of the Blue Zones lifestyle.
7. Belong. Being part of a faith-based community adds four to 14 years to life expectancy.
8. Loved Ones First. Having close and strong family connections (with spouses, parents, grandparents, and grandchildren) is common with Blue Zones centenarians.
9. Right Tribe. The world’s longest lived people have close friends and strong social networks.
10. Increase the intimacy in your life. Touch, sex, and connections are critical.

2nd annual Orgasm Night in O Town! A fundraiser for breast cancer.
More details to come but save the date!
Hosted by Sue McGarvie, Clinical Sex Therapist. Let’s talk about sexy things. And have the latest information on all your squishy girl bits. Fun, funny, informative, chocolate for a great cause! Sue will have the latest tips, techniques and suggestions. We have a few Duckling women going through and recovering from breast cancer treatments. It’s a cause near to our hearts. In fact, right over our hearts and in push up bra’s.
If you were at last yea’s “Orgasms in O town” event you know how fun it was. It’s going to be super sexy! Men are welcome to attend if they want to hear the latest information on the female orgasms, girl bits and how to talk sex. Or be in a room of sexy women.
It includes the latest news on “what’s new with your Lady bits” , an update from Dr. Belanger on the Oshot and enhancing sensitivity, straight razor demo (for sensitive skin -smile) from the knife guild, the latest on vaginal laser, loot bags, Mineral makeup samples, chocolate, strawberries and a few experts on everything you need to know about your squishy parts!
It’s going to be a very fun few hours.
Proceeds to Ottawa Integrative Cancer Centre
Thursday, Sept 5 from 6:30 to 8:30
Inovo Medical
1328 Labrie Ave (Off Cyrville Road) Ottawa

The science is compelling. And there is a reason that products derived from the cannabis plant are becoming legal all over North America. Not only are the studies coming back with great results.
The new THC massage oil is magic for women experiencing pain, tightness, discomfort around sex.
CBD the anti-inflammatory oil (which gives you NO high just pain relief) has been shown to reduce pain and is a great tool for dealing with pelvic pain. But the THC massage oil is a localized “happy oil” for your genitals. I’ve tried quite a few both personally and with clients. It’s especially effective for women who describe their vagina as “tight”.  There is an online recipe (for the try-this-at-home) folks.
We can’t keep it in stock. Go see your doctor and get a prescription.
If you are dealing with painful sex and want to talk about oils,  and all the latest suggestions on dealing with vaginal pain then i encourage you to set up an appointment. We can often deal with it in one visit.