Jul 15, 2021 | The Rant of a Sex Therapist, Workshops
SOLD OUT!!
I’ve long wanted to do a women’s class on sexuality, orgasms, self awareness, education & speculums. Yes this means going back to the 70’s circle where we all get a mirror and check out our cervixes. Most adult women don’t know how their own genitals look like, let alone other women’s. Or how they can work to give you optimum pleasure. This is a kind, authentic, safe, intimate, female group to gently explore ways to enhance your own sexuality. Let’s get past some barriers.
This group will be fun, funny, supremely educational, at times lightly out of your comfort zone but caring and real. Read about the kind of class that Betty Dodson started in the 70′s<Mama Gena does in her School of Womanly Arts</a>. But all done with a local, Sex with Sue style.
Cost includes snacks, a $225 high end toy, written material and a small group of women you can connect with. Space is very limited. It’s being marketed to the Ducks first and is only a fraction of what normal therapy would cost. Send your $100 payment to suem@rogers.com.
You won’t regret it.
Jun 17, 2021 | sex and your body, The Rant of a Sex Therapist
The pandemic has amplified so many things in the area of mental health. Like most of my colleagues, I have never seen the kind of challenges individuals and couples have faced over the past 16 months.
More and more in my office I’m seeing women (and some men) who have past sexual trauma – abuse, assault, harassment etc. being triggered in ways they haven’t been previously. I take a “as needed” approach when it comes to dealing with past issues. Less about uncovering every memory and more about “what do you want your life to look like” school of thought. I also really like groups when it comes to dealing with trauma. There is a great new book out called Group- How a therapist and a group of strangers saved my life. It talks clearly over a 5 year process about how being held accountable and being heard offers massive shifts in healing. I also see big shifts in EFT & hypnosis (with a kick-ass hypnotherapist – choose wisely) in trauma.
I’ve been looking at new ways to help my clients stuck in a feedback loop of sexual avoidance as a result of past trauma. Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Taylor offers a few suggestions in her recent book where she looked at triggers to help her deal with flashbacks to her own stroke. Here are her suggestions to helping navigate triggers:
- The 90 Second Rule – When someone has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens; any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop. We have the power to control our emotions and how long we feel them for before reacting to any given situation.
- Become Acquainted With The Four Characters Of Our Brains – These provide a conceptual platform that we can use during our times of need. Although we may not be able to completely sidestep our flashbacks entirely, we certainly have the ability to recognize the emotions, thoughts and experiential triggers that lead up to the PTSD events.
- Adjusting To Post-Pandemic Life – How to re-engage socially while focusing on elements that trigger your emotions.
- De-Escalating Hostile Situations – Addressing both your fear and the emotions of those acting out.
I find treating couples and coming up with new ways to approach sex help. Men can be very linear when it comes to sex. And sometimes a bit clueless and defensive as we all want to be wanted. Re-framing sexual situations really do help bring couples closer in the bedroom. I do 30 minute virtual sessions all over the planet with lots of homework that uses some of these new tools and resources. Consider booking a $70 session and moving the chains in your own life.
Apr 17, 2021 | Dating, Men and sex, Erections, penis size etc., The Rant of a Sex Therapist
I’ve been doing a series on Tiktok on “How to get laid”. This is less about dating and more about finding an abundance of sexual partners. I have over 15,000 followers (nobody was more surprised than I was) so follow me at wearetheducklings (the cool name of my social group @ wearetheducklings.com).
What I have been talking about is ways to not scare off potential sexual rendezvous. What many men don’t seem to realize is that women want, need & like sex. We just need to feel valued, safe, not judged, and secure in order to let loose. Give us a safe way to let loose and we are putty in your hands.
Here is how men screw things up. I’ve been helping a close friend of mine find potential partners. She is looking both for men to have casual sex with and men to date. She’s beautiful, smart, kind, single and you would think it would be easy. I know how many potential partners there are out there for her. She came to the cottage this past weekend and I set her up on Bumbl. I picked her pictures, wrote her ads (I can do it for you too if you want to book a session) and started 23 conversation with men she matched with over the weekend. I couldn’t believe how man of them blew it.
If you bare a guy who has more dates than they know what to do with then this advice may not be for you. But she’s attracted to nerdy guys who like tech, gaming, scifi, & who can also carry on a conversation. She’s kind and is less concerned about looks. A great all round person who loves sex. Those guys aren’t getting thousands of matches. After going through pages of guys on the aps ( and writing over 40 men) this is what I found were the issues with the guys that couldn’t score with a kind, friendly, willing girl who wants to get touched.
- Terrible pictures! No bathroom selfies, get a friend to take an outside, SMILING picture of yourself. Humans smile at each other to show we are safe. No arms crossed I look cool pics.
- When you compliment a woman you don’t know (even if she wants sex) stick to compliments above her neck or below her knees. Or mention her dog, guitar, location but do not comment on her body parts!!!!
- Don’t criticize her profile or pictures. You don’t know her and it will kill it right there. I had 3 guys immediately ask for body shots. Are you Fuck’n kidding me? How to shut down things immediately.
- Be interesting. She had a few that were polite but had nothing to talk about on the first call. Read a paper and have something to say about three topics of interest.
- Be engaged. The first guy she had a video call with was watching TV while he was talking to her. Sigh. Rude and clueless.
- Talk about things that make you seem safe. Playing with your kids, dog, nephew, talking your Mom shopping, volunteering for the food bank etc.
- Let her bring up sex first. Don’t even imply it. No words like play, sensuous, kink etc until she opens the door. And then you are in.
- CHILL OUT. Quality women are busy and may take a day or two to get back to you. Don’t bombard with messages and come across as needy. And expect it to take 3 relaxed meetings MINIMUM before she gets naked.
- NO DICK PIC’s. Unless she begs you.
I have a bunch more. And I coach both men and women on how to connect and get laid. Follow my tiktok videos and know that for a $140 I can set you up and coach you on how to get laid. Guaranteed.
Apr 29, 2020 | Body Image, Erectile Dysfunction, Love and Intimacy, Self-improvement, Small Penis, The Rant of a Sex Therapist
Despite the belief that most people are even having sex or want to be truth be told that lack of partners and inhibitions about sex often impact sexual behaviour. In the 50’s Alfred Kinsey found that up to 19 percent of adults do not engage in sex. This varies by gender and marriage status, and the upside of marriage and cohabitation is that you get laid more often than the single folks.
But for the people who do not seek out sex what’s going on? If sex is the second most powerful drive why aren’t people trying to hook up?
It’s not that there are so many people who are asexual. Yes, there are some asexual adults out there but in 25 years I’ve not met many. And yes finding partners to get naked with can sometimes be problematic. If you are in a remote location, you missed that class in High School when they explained how to pick up potential partners, you are stuck at home with aging parents and small kids or other logistics can keep you from getting laid.
But for many people sexual, medical issues or anxiety about sex holds us back from having sex. I know clients who are so worried about premature ejaculation that they will not date. Being a “one-minute guy” is so embarrassing that they will not follow up with a sexual invitation because in their minds the interlude will end in disaster. Or the idea that being seen naked in bright light for many women is so terrifying that they slam the door on their own pleasure.
Are you one of the 19% not having sex? Is it because you are held back for some reason?
Is it that you can’t find a partner? Some of the common reasons people are avoidant about searching sex out include:
-Erectile dysfunction
-Chronic medical conditions
-past abuse
-Fear of pregnancy
-fear of sti’s, heart attack, or just germy people
-Chronic pain
-diabetes, obesity
-Personality disorders
-Addiction
-Poor sleep quality
-medications (anti-depressants)
-Shame, guilt
-penis size
-Hormonal issues
-Worry about being too old for sex
-Sexual anorexia – (too much pornography abuse)
It may be time to get some help. I have a $500 plan to guarantee you dates. I can treat body image challenges, sexual anxiety, things like premature ejaculation that leaves you fearful. Let’s talk about how to move you past this place.
Mar 31, 2020 | The Rant of a Sex Therapist, Therapy
I’ve been using secure video, skype, messenger for years to conduct sessions all over the world. It’s certainly changed my practice and allows me to help clients in places where there aren’t therapists nearby. As I specialize only in sex it also allows for discretion.
And now during the pandemic and complete global lock down it is the only way to see your therapist.
There was a great article this week in the Washington Post about virtual therapy. The psychiatrist author said his clients were doing sessions from their cars or in their bathrooms for privacy.
“Coronavirus is a serious public health problem, and we all need to do our part to curb its spread. Luckily, for an individual, the risk of death from physical symptoms is low. The mental health risks, however, seem to be high. Things are going to be tough, and the same mental health services won’t be available. However, as psychiatrists, we are still here for you. We will find creative solutions, even if it means therapy in your bathtub.”
If you are stuck at home now is the time to clear up the in box you have been too busy to do. One of those things includes dealing with any sexual problem. I’m working with men with premature ejaculation, small penis syndrome, and erectile dysfunction. And couples with non-monogamy and low libido syndrome. And lots of women with orgasm disorders. If you need therapy reach out. You can book now on my online calendar for $125 and I can get you in within the week. Let’s solve the problem right now.
Jun 7, 2018 | The Rant of a Sex Therapist, Therapy
I had been asked recently to help find a sex therapist for a couple in another city. It was surprisingly difficult. I’m a sex therapist with lots of colleagues I’ve met over the 25 tears I’ve been in practice and I had trouble finding a counselor who “got it” and was currently taking on new clients. I do Skype and phone therapy all over the world but often clients prefer to see someone face to face. It prompted me to post some suggestions on how you might find a great sex therapist near you.
Positive sex therapy is at the very least effective, warm and offers clear goals on what successful treatment might look like.
Great sex therapy (in my opinion), is less than 10 visits, goal and solution oriented, connected, safe, and encourages you to look at new answers to long-standing problems. Good sex therapy is not lying on a couch talking about your Mother (unless it’s really relevant). It’s having a therapist help you understand the physical, emotional, psychological, relationship, or habit forming challenges that has led to a disconnect between the sheets.
It’s about talking with grace, kindness, warmth and a sense of humour.
The most common reasons people see me for sex therapy:
Dissatisfaction with level of sexual desire. Low libido is the #1 issue.
No longer attracted to partner
Desire to explore the lifestyle, poly, or non-monogamy
Sexual dysfunction including erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and difficulty reaching orgasm
Mismatch in sexual desire between partners
Questioning sexuality and/or gender identity
Processing sexual assault, trauma, or unwanted sexual touch
Chronic pain that inhibits sex or when sex is painful
Getting back into the groove sexually, or spicing up your intimate life.
The research about success for any kind of therapy breaks down like this.
30% of the success in therapy is simply making the decision to do something about it.
20% is the therapeutic fit. Do you like the therapist’s style and do they hear you?
40% is the therapist’s skill, insight, tools, techniques, and theory that they use to treat you.
10% is a combination of shifts, number of sessions and other nebulous reasons that people want to change.
If you are looking for a therapist there may be some questions that can help.
What is your approach to solving my problem? Can you give me some examples of how you have treated it in the past?
What do you think is a good therapeutic goal?
How many sessions (approx) will it take to treat my issue?
Would you be able to suggest any resources that would give me more info on [my concern]? A therapist who has experience and knowledge in a certain topic should be familiar with and able to provide homework quickly. If they don’t, they aren’t knowledgeable about your area of challenges.
If you are not in the Nation’s Capital and are open to a skype or phone session I would be delighted to take you on as a client. Book an appointment here.
