How would you feel if the ex wife of one of your lovers sell your lingerie in a public auction? Now imagine that ex-lover (who happened to be an old High School teacher who you had an affair with while you were his student) sells off the lingerie from your affair with then President Bill Clinton?
It turns out that personal items, including a negligee, once owned by White House intern Monica Lewinsky and obtained during a federal investigation into her affair with President Bill Clinton are going on sale.
Among the letters and clothing items are an extra large black negligee and a large blue velour hoodie, but not the infamous blue dress, which played a role in proving the president and the intern had an inapropriate relationship in the 1990s.
Monica isn’t making any money on this auction. The items, which are expected to raise in excess of $50,000 for the ex-wife of Monica’s ex-lover is just another example of why discretion with former partners may be the better art of valor.
The 32 items at one point belonged to Andy Bleiler, another married man with whom Lewinsky allegedly conducted an affair while she interned at the White House. In conducting his investigation into the president, special prosecutor learned of Lewinsky’s affair with Bleiler and took the items “to examine as potential evidence,” according to auction house Nate D. Sanders. The ex-wife gets them back and cashes in.
Monica who at 38 and living in New York is for the most part flying under the radar. She has her masters in Social Psychology, and according to the blogs, is still single. I guess Bill is a hard act to follow. I hope she doesn’t sell her blue GAP dress.
Dr. Brothers sat behind a large table in her demur sweater set and smiled that Mona Lisa smile of hers. At least I thought it looked like a Mona Lisa smile. She was laughing at something her aid said when I approached her to look the books she had in front of her. I was a young, newly minted therapist at a Psychology of Media convention in California, and she was the great guru of radio therapy. In those days I hosted a “Sex with Sue’ call-in show on an Ottawa am station called 54 Rock. I could answer the listeners questions, but had absolutely no radio skills.
Her advice was “to offer up the facts, and deal with the person, not the issue” when I asked her why she thought she had been so successful.
Her advice resonated. At least what she did for women in media- especially women Psychologists in Media, was to show that you could be authentically yourself and still be heard.
She was a great broadcaster, an ever better Psychologist and she helped so many people. She died yesterday at the age of 85. She was a great lady and she died as she lived. With class and grace.
My friend Lynda has a Bastille Day Golf Tournament every July. She isn’t French, she just likes to celebrate holidays from other cultures with great food (she is quite a gourmand) and Bastille Day fell on the right day in July. The winner of our golf tournaments had to show the best demonstration of fashion using the colors of the French Flag. Oh, and the person who collected the most golf balls on the course also got a prize.
I have stolen Lynda’s idea for many a dinner party and regularly choose random cultural events as an excuse for a party. I’ve had an event to celebrate South African Freedom Day (April 21st), The Kiwi Waitangi Day (Feb 6th in New Zealand) which is a good alternative to friends who have a “hurry up Spring Groundhog Day party”.
For the uninformed, today is Cinco de Mayo (the 5th of May) and is the day 155 years ago when a small group of ragtag Mexicans kicked the ass of the French military in The Battle of Puebla. Having been to Mexico many times, I know my Mexican friends share in my philosophy of “any excuse for a good party”. Spif my sweetie was once in Mexicali during the World Cup when the Mexican soccer team soundly defeated the French team (sound familiar?). He said the food gave him Montezuma’s revenge for a week, but it was an unforgettable party with televisions broadcasting the game in the city’s square. He said he had his bottom pinched by Mexican grandmothers, and felt a kinship for all his Mexican amigos.
There is something about the Latin “joie de vivre” (love of life) that you feel irregardless of how much tequila you’ve consumed. Think about charming Mexican waiters who are politely appreciative without seeming creepy, and beautiful girls in peasant blouses. And a not-so-subtle hint that when the sun goes down over the Gulf the amantes (lovers) unabashedly come out to show that Latino’s are deserving of the world’s greatest lovers handle.
So in celebration of our Mexican cousins I encourage you to make some blender drinks, find some latin music on Songza and grab your amante for a little loving. As your neighborhood sex therapist its more than just a good idea. It’s almost patriotic.
I’ll admit to having a more European point of view when it comes to sexual content. I’m far more concerned about my kids seeing too much violence ( so no way to Halo 4 despite the pleading) than I am about seeing real people make love. That doesn’t mean I think watching porn is okay (in fact I think it gives young men the wrong view about typical bodies and what sex is like), but it means I don’t get my panties in a knot about nudity of sexual innuendos in front of my tweens.
Well there is a new study out there that suggests I may need to tighten up and pay more attention to what my kids are seeing. That sports means movies like Goon or Bad Teacher is off the table.
It turns out that children who watch films with a high sexual content tend to lose their virginity earlier and have more partners, recent research has indicated.
Not only are they more promiscuous, they are also more likely to engage in risky sex by not using condoms(Agh!)
“The six-year study of more than 1,200 teens refers to sexual content in films but campaigners against online porn say it could equally apply to videos on the internet.
They point out that children can now see a lot more sexual imagery online than they ever did at the cinema – meaning that the effect will be magnified. Researchers from Dartmouth College, an Ivy League university in the US, surveyed 684 top-grossing movies from 1998 to 2004, and then coded them for sexual content.Between the ages of ten and 15, the tendency to seek more novel and intense stimulation of all kinds peaks. The wild hormonal surges of adolescence makes judicious thinking a bit more difficult.
Dr O’Hara said that greater exposure to sexual content in movies at a young age actually led to a higher peak in ‘sensation-seeking’ during adolescence.”
So what does that mean for your kids? It means normalizing sexual behaviour early can lead to more promiscuous kids. Sigh. Another parenting thing to be worried about. All of this at a time when I’m just reading the new Psychology Today article that says “don’t hover over your kids, they do better with something called benign neglect”. If you can figure out how to better walk that line then definitely add your two cents below. Maybe we’ll figure it out together.
It’s another case of parents needing to know what their kids are watching on television. A new study shows that kids who watch movies with more sex scenes tend to lose their virginity at a younger age, have more sexual partners and report less condom use, according to a new study from Dartmouth’s Geisel School of Medicine.
The article, “Greater Exposure to Sexual Content in Popular Movies Predicts Earlier Sexual Debut and Increased Risk Taking,” was published in the journal Psychological Science. It’s not rocket science but it does have some telling features for parents. Namely that young women especially think that sex is amazing right from the start, causes incredible orgasms and doesn’t require protection. Of all the women I polled about their teenage sex years, most had either mediocre or negative sexual experiences during adolescence.
Given that sexual images make most people more interested in sex, and teenagers have many of the same sexual feelings as adults the results seem consistent. Just because your child is 16, doesn’t mean they can’t be feeling the same sexual desires that adults can. You can hope they are late bloomers, but you need to plan for the contingency that they may blossom early.
Talk to your kids about healthy sexuality. Leave instructional books and videos around the house. Put an open box of condoms in the bathroom. Encourage your kids to get involved with sports. The UCLA study in 2009 suggests that teens who are active in sports are more likely to delay sexual activity. Be open with your kids about your sexual values, and make sure they have a doctor they can trust. And it seems, delay moving them off the Disney movies for as long as possible.
I was sorry to hear that Sally Ride dies this week from pancreatic cancer at the age of 61. The first American woman in space, she was an understated and brilliant astronaut who became an outspoken advocate about girls science and math education. I remembered seeing the pictures of her (with her wild curls) in 1983 when I was in High School. I still couldn’t have done math then but it was big of her to promote it at the time. She was cool.
What was interesting to me is in her obituary, she lists her partner of 27 years, Dr. Tam O’Shaughnessy – a woman. So in a move that was unusual and classy her sexual orientation didn’t make it into any of the media. Her orientation had no bearing on who she was, but name another political figure in the US where that fact wouldn’t be the first thing mentioned? Having been to NASA recently, you can’t help but think that the US space program was the ultimate bastion of male testosterone. There is nothing more phallic than one of those rockets. And not only did Dr. Sally handle herself through that with grace and elegance, but she did it as a lesbian. I can’t imagine the strength of character that would have taken in the early 80’s.
I’ve been reading this week about the craziness of American society. With theater massacres, and stories of rampant drug use you can’t help but wonder if it is a culture that has lost its way. And then I read about the women like Sally Ride who are quietly making a difference. More like her please and the world is lessened because she’s not around.
I was reading today about the black comedienne Yvette Wilson who died yesterday at 48 of cervical cancer. I have to tell you hearing about deaths like that really upset me. Completely preventable, and an absolute tragedy to dies at age 48. The thing is HPV is now something you can be immunized for like polio and yet most women don’t get inoculated. Everyone in my family (including my husband and son) have had our Gardasil injection that prevents HPV.
This year, thousands of young women will die from cervical cancer (the cancer that HPV triggers). The thing is that HPV can be transmitted by touch- places that the condom doesn’t cover. HPV can also trigger vaginal, vulva and maybe, just maybe breast cancer. At least that is what one oncology gynecologist said at a recent lecture. You can imagine the line ups to get stabbed if that’s true. Either way, YOU CAN PREVENT CANCER WITH A VACCINE! It would have saved Yvette Wilson’s life. Do me a favour, call your doctor and get more information. I’ve posted some stuff for Canadian women below. End rant.
HPV, also called “The Silent Infection”
HPV can be transferred on parts of the body that are not protected by a condom, and its symptoms are often hidden until they are detected by an HPV test or an abnormal Pap smear. In some cases, the development of genital warts (or “papillomas”) will be an indication that HPV is present and requiring treatment.
Health Canada is conducting research into the long-term effectiveness of the vaccine and its success in guarding against the types of HPV that lead to cervical cancer. Women have been well-informed on the importance of receiving regular Pap tests every year once they become sexually active, but up until recently, we have been unable to control the virus that leads to abnormal cells on a Pap smear.
How many shots do you get? How much does the HPV vaccine cost in Canada?
The HPV vaccination is to be administered in three doses over six months. It can be a costly ounce of prevention, at a total price of about $475 for the entire series. The shots are available through a visit to your family doctor. Most health insurance providers do not cover this prescription, but new federal budget allowances for immunizations have some provinces looking to the federal government to foot the bill.
I can’t remember the last time I actually watched a beauty pageant. But I admit to a certain girly fascination with the cinderella type experiences. Like the Amy Farrah Fowler character on The Big Bang Theory, the bridesmaid in me loves the pink dresses and hoopla associated with pageants. It’s soooo politically incorrect and yes it objectifies women. It also makes one feel completely inadequate about your body. So why does it have a “train wreck” kind of fascination to me and other women my age? Reading about beauty queens is kind of a guilty pleasure like eating truffles alone or diving into a Harlequin Romance novel.
So over the weekend Olivia Culpo was crowned Miss USA. Culpo, a Boston University sophomore, will take a year off from her studies to tackle her duties as Miss USA and represent the nation in the 61st Miss Universe contest in December. The 20-year-old Culpo voiced her support for transgender beauty queens during the make-or-break interview round.
Read more: http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/news/2012/06/04/olivia-culpo-crowned-miss-usa-2012-beats-latina-beauties/#ixzz1wq3tosla
Read more: http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/news/2012/06/04/olivia-culpo-crowned-miss-usa-2012-beats-latina-beauties/#ixzz1wq3oWdqw
She claimed she wants to see transexuals in the mix. So do I. Not only do I think it is a human rights issue (like allowing women to be members of Augusta golf courses), but it will encourage one of my favourite games. Blaik and I play it in the hot tub and around the pool during holidays when trying to determine if someone’s breasts have been augmented. Are they real or not? In this case, it will be “real girl, or great plastic surgeon?” I’ll look forward to next year’s pageant winner. Maybe I’ll even watch.
I get google updates about what’s new in sex. It helps me trend about sexuality in mainstream media and keeps me current. The challenge is that without new body parts, there is little that’s “new in sex”. In fact the same things have been coming up since I started reading sex information over 25 years ago. Politicians getting caught with their pants down, celebrity sex tapes and Demi Moore’s bush pictures.
What is it about our obsession with sex scandals either for getting your hand caught in the cookie jar or for wading in where you don’t belong?
I went to the Museum of Science and Technology on Friday to view their “racy” sex Ed display for teenagers. The Heritage Minister James Moore said it was inappropriate. I knew it fell short of the Ontario sex ed curriculum. It was wonderful, and hardly racy at all. His comments turned the display in a media circus. My European friends after reading the flurry of media reports said “that all of Europe was laughing at us over a much ado about nothing”.
I don’t get that why we should keep people ignorant about their own bodies. I also don’t get why we are so concerned about who are elected officials are rubbing genitals with. Provided it’s safe and consensual, why is it our business.
In the US, John Edwards was indited.
In his case well in excess of the Election Act’s limit, to conceal Edwards’ extramarital affair with [Hunter] and [Hunter’s] pregnancy with his child. Edwards knew that public revelation of the affair and pregnancy would destroy his candidacy by, among other things, undermining Edwards’ presentation of himself as a family man and by forcing his campaign to divert personnel and resources away from other campaign activities to response to criticism and media scrutiny regarding the affair and pregnancy.”
Under the microscope. Or blaring trumpets if it doesn’t agree with our morality. I listen to my Mom, the United church Minister preach “live and let live”. Follow my live chat on Friday about the museum furor and make your own opinion.
Canada’s Schizophrenic Prostitution Laws
Sue McGarvie, Clinical Sex Therapist
Canadians pride ourselves on being socially liberal and tolerant of a variety of lifestyles. We’ve been through gay marriage, marijuana challenges, bigamy, and the repeal of the abortion laws in the last few decades. Although we struggle to find that middle group of social mores we have arguably been schizophrenic on controversial subjects. We have wishy washy laws that don’t appear to be enforced. Marijuana isn’t decriminalized, but walk through any city park in the evening and note the patches of fragrant smoke. The bigamy laws have been recently upheld as long as you are not officially claiming to be married to more than one person. Having ten ‘girlfriends’ all living with you in openly sexual relationships and parenting all of your children is completely legal. But nothing illustrated this convoluted middle ground better than our prostitution laws. Sex for money is not in the Criminal Code of Canada. Talking about sex for money, or open solicitation is. We understand it’s the oldest profession, and we understand that it’s completely accessible, but we don’t believe in talking clearly about the transaction.
The Canadian prostitution laws have been openly ridiculous for a long time. Read the back pages of any tabloid or the yellow pages and you’ll find extensive listings of escorts along with detailed catch phrases outlining their sexual specialties. I’ve seen sandwich boards outside massage parlors offering up a price list and menu of sexual services in downtown Toronto. If we really had an appetite to enforce the laws against the open sex trade in Canada this would have been an obvious starting point.
And up until recently we haven’t had a revamp of Canada’s prostitution laws despite it being long overdue. A year ago that changed when the current prostitution laws were deemed unconstitutional after being tested by three Toronto area sex workers. The Government of Canada appealed, and today the Ontario Court of Appeal offered up a typically Canadian mixed ruling on Canadian prostitution laws. It is still considered completely legal to take money for sex, but activities such as negotiating value, open solicitation and living off the avails (pimping) are still illegal and in the Canadian Criminal Code. Interestingly, the bawdy house or brothel law was struck down by the Court of Appeals. The right to safely work inside was deemed more pressing than our distaste for having houses of ill repute popping up. But don’t look for a Nevada Chick Ranch coming soon to a neighbourhood near you. The court gave the Government a year before the ban on brothels comes into play.
I’m confident that well within that year the Conservative Government will appeal again, this time to the Supreme Court of Canada. It buys politicians another year at least. And with no appetite to let judges determine social policy in Canada, and a political base with entrenched traditional values, the Conservatives will have a hard time living with the new Ontario rules. As with many Canadian rulings, neither side feels like they can claim victory. But in this case it may actual solve the legal problem that was originally presented. It’s been our collective shame that by not looking at these laws we have made it easy for predators such as BC’s William Picton to prey on a vulnerable group of women. Statistically there are not many serial killers around but of those there are half of them kill prostitutes. By not addressing this problem we were guaranteeing more women (like those missing in Alberta or on northern BC’s Highway of Tears) will be without any options. By keeping pimping and exploitation illegal, it keeps the laws enforceable for any underage or international sex trade, while allowing women who decide for whatever reason to do this for a job, an opportunity to do it safely.
Someone asked me this week about the most common sexual problems that I see in my office. Certainly low libido tops the list. 1 in 3, and 10% of men struggle with a decreased appetite for sex. Beyond sex drive challenges, issues around painful intercourse (dyspareunia, vaginismus and vulvadynia), the next common issue is challenges around reaching orgasm.
I offered up this list to three patients this week who have had trouble climaxing. Beyond a good vibrator (and I like the 110 volt massagers like the Hitachi Magic Wand, or the Wahl massagers), privacy, clearing your mind and a partner who knows how to use their tongue (along with fingers) what’s a woman to try in order to get there?
Here is my list:
1. Make sure it isn’t medication interfering. Birth Control pills, anti-depressants etc. interfere. Try the Elixir or Wellbutrin brands if you need your mood medication not to interfere with your sex drive.
2. Orgasm cream- I like the Pink, Kama Sutra, or Oh My brands of menthol and L’Arginine to open up blood vessels and help you climax.
3. Consider a clitoral hood piercing. I know it seems scary (and let me tell you it did hurt- but all is well). And yes I really do have one. If I can do it, you can too. They really increase the sensitivity.I don’t quite reach orgasm climbing stairs, but it helps get you there more quickly and easily. Write me at sue@sexwithsue.com of you want any more specifics as it’s not something I’m ready to blog about. But I’ll give you the skinny.
4. A new shower head. Most women can climax in the hot tub if they have the time and privacy. The shower head let’s you get there quickly. If you haven’t tried it $20 at Home Depot and you’re spending far, far more time in the bathtub.
5. The new Intensity vibrators. I love them. They have an electrical current that runs through them as you are being stimulated clitorally. It helps increase blood flow and tighten up the PC muscles. The effect is almost too intense, but the orgasms are powerful.
For men, the creams help, cooling the bedroom temperature helps, and adding a small amount of vibration behind your testicles (on against your prostate either outside or inside) helps as well. Let me know if you have any questions as most orgasm problems can be solved quickly, by phone, for less than the cost of getting your car repaired.
We have a house in Florida so anytime the television was on this week it was showing the recent Florida Republican Primaries. I stopped frolicking in the sunshine long enough to watch an interview with Newt Gingrich (and the new Mrs. Newt) talking about their marriage. They are denying the allegations of Newt’s second wife Marianne that claimed he asked for an open marriage, despite acknowledging an affair with his current wife while still married to the Mrs. Gingrich the 2nd. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not in the judging business and I think most people would engage in infidelity if they could get away with it. And given that I can’t vote in the US, what I think about Newt’s politics (ick!) has no relevance. What I am fascinated by is men’s seemingly endless need for newness. Especially men in positions of power.
John Kennedy, Bill Clinton, Pierre Trudeau, and now old Newt would like to live like King Kamaya Maya and have multiple partners while they conquer the world. And I don’t think its only high end politicians who have this urge. I have men all day saying that they really, honestly try not to succumb to the next swaying hips that walk on by. They really love their wives and don’t want to chase hot waitresses. I’ve had men ask me for a pill to turn down their sex drive as it’s getting in the way of work, kids and life in general. The truth is that there is no such pill. I also believe that men are tempted easily. Maybe its a million years of evolution, or maybe all guys are just dogs, but heads will turn. And sometimes hands will wander.
So what do you do? A willing partner at home helps. But for loads of men (especially successful men), its not enough. The European men I know don’t understand what all the fuss is about. They simply have mistresses, and culturally everyone seems to get that. So what about an open marriage?
The Walrus book about snagging a Type A man, suggests that smoking cigars, being mysterious and turning a blind eye occasionally is the answer. I’m not sure. I think there is an inherent risk when your partner is having romantic interludes it can be threatening. Everything from lunches, seductions or just an occasional body fluid exchange at the pay-by-the-hour motels, puts the intimacy of your relationship at risk. Your partner is giving attention to someone else, and the possibility of emotional attachment is high. I think a better solution may be to play together. Set out the rules, keep everything in the open and be sexy together. This may mean simply having an affair with your partner. It may mean accompanying him to the local rub and tug and watching. It may be dancing with other couples at a sexy night club. Or even visiting the local swing club in your neighborhood. Although that’s probably not an option for the Gingrich’s. Couples who play in a sexy way (everything from visiting the local nude beach to full on swing parties) tend to have a much, much, much lower divorce rate (see The Lifestyle book by Terry Gould for the stats).
So should women married to powerful men (or any other wandering guy) turn a blind eye? Or should they they have the attitude that “if you can’t beat them, you should join them?” Or that it isn’t fair that the men have all the fun? What I do know is that marriages need passion to thrive. And men need newness in some form or another. You draw your own conclusions. And despite Mrs. Newt’s blank barbie-like stare in the above photo she’s thought to be a nice person by the pundits on Capital Hill. I hope she finds happiness in her marriage for the Presidential candidate. Psychological theory about people not changing suggests that unless there is something to keep him sexually focused Newt will be on him looking for the next shiny thing once the bloom is off the rose.