Jan 22, 2015 | Hormones and Health, stcky, squooshy parts
It’s one of those questions I get asked about in whispers and on behalf of a friend. Vaginal health is a topic that many women often are too embarrassed to ask about. Keeping your vagina healthy, fresh smelling and delightfully tasty is vital if you want to be comfortable getting horizontal and sweaty.
We all want to feel clean. Perceived vaginal pleasantness has us open to receiving oral sex (which in my opinion should be a mandatory public service provided by your partner). If the opportunity to frolic naked presents itself, we want to be ready. Given the cold of Canadian winters, most of us spend the darkest months bundled up against the elements. Houses are dry and very little fresh air is getting to our squishy parts. But what can you do if your girl bits are out of sorts this winter?
Prevention is best. You don’t want to be at a point where a doctor’s appointment is critical. So here is my list of the essential things a vagina shouldn’t be without in order to stay at its peak health, and be able to perform on demand.
1. Probiotics for feminine health. These are different than the probiotics you take for tummies. Healthy bacteria are essential for keeping yeast at bay. These are similar to the probiotics in yogurt but specifically help target yeast. If you are prone to yeast infections, then feminine probiotics need to be part of your a daily ritual. Probiotics also help keep away any of the “fishiness” of too much bad bacteria. My favourite is the rePHresh brand Pro-B iotics.
2. Cleaning out the corners with a minimum weekly bath. Showers are great, but they don’t get into the crevices the way that a good soak does. Epsom salts are great for leaving you feeling fresher longer. Most gynecologists suggest bathing a few times a week.
3. Masturbation. Most of my clients laugh when I start writing prescriptions for more masturbation. But I’m not kidding. Self-pleasure is like a genital sneeze. Healthy vaginas are self-cleaning, and discharge is your body’s way of getting rid of the gunk (bacteria, menstrual remnants etc.). But discharge can be slow. An orgasm will flush all the bad things away and leave you with a smile on your face.
4. Lubrication. The vagina is designed to be moist. If it is on the dry side you feel uncomfortable and itchy. I think all women need lube at different times of the month, or at different times during their lives. Nursing mothers need lube, menstruating women need lube, and peri-menopausal and menopausal women definitely need lube. If you are a little dry then a few drops of a great silicone lubricant (I like the Swiss Navy brand) in the morning works well. Replens is an internal lubricant that lasts up to three days by adhering to the walls of the vagina if you are feeling a little like the Sahara.
5. Douching/Bidet. The French women have it right by having bidets in most of their bathrooms. It’s a small genital bathtub with a fountain that gets into the corners. Douching with water (and possibly a tiny bit of apple cider vinegar) can achieve the same results. Do not buy the pre-packaged douches that upset your natural pH levels and make your odour problem worse. I have a couple of reusable vaginal syringes that are inexpensive and effective. I bought mine for $6 online at medicalsuppliesofcanada.ca
Jun 26, 2013 | stcky, squooshy parts, The Rant of a Sex Therapist
How would you feel if the ex wife of one of your lovers sell your lingerie in a public auction? Now imagine that ex-lover (who happened to be an old High School teacher who you had an affair with while you were his student) sells off the lingerie from your affair with then President Bill Clinton?
It turns out that personal items, including a negligee, once owned by White House intern Monica Lewinsky and obtained during a federal investigation into her affair with President Bill Clinton are going on sale.
Among the letters and clothing items are an extra large black negligee and a large blue velour hoodie, but not the infamous blue dress, which played a role in proving the president and the intern had an inapropriate relationship in the 1990s.
Monica isn’t making any money on this auction. The items, which are expected to raise in excess of $50,000 for the ex-wife of Monica’s ex-lover is just another example of why discretion with former partners may be the better art of valor.
The 32 items at one point belonged to Andy Bleiler, another married man with whom Lewinsky allegedly conducted an affair while she interned at the White House. In conducting his investigation into the president, special prosecutor learned of Lewinsky’s affair with Bleiler and took the items “to examine as potential evidence,” according to auction house Nate D. Sanders. The ex-wife gets them back and cashes in.
Monica who at 38 and living in New York is for the most part flying under the radar. She has her masters in Social Psychology, and according to the blogs, is still single. I guess Bill is a hard act to follow. I hope she doesn’t sell her blue GAP dress.
Jan 7, 2013 | being hot, and other sexy things, sex and your body, stcky, squooshy parts
Why do you have sex? 
When I ask the High School students I speak to, they tell me “because it feels good”. But maybe that’s not the only reason couples get sweaty?
A study from The University of Texas found 237 reasons (they feel an exhaustive list) why people have sex.
Expressing love and showing affection were in the top 10 for both men and women, but they did take a back seat to the clear No. 1: “I was attracted to the person.” There were reasons that ranged from “I wanted to feel closer to God” to “I was drunk.” They even found a few people who claimed to have been motivated by the desire to have a child.
Who knew, for instance, that a headache had any erotic significance except as an excuse for saying no? But some respondents of both sexes explained that they’d had sex “to get rid of a headache.” It’s No. 173 on the list.
Others said they did it to “help me fall asleep,” “make my partner feel powerful,” “burn calories,” “return a favor,” “keep warm,” “hurt an enemy” or “change the topic of conversation.” The lamest may have been, “It seemed like good exercise,” although there is also this: “Someone dared me.”
People’s motivations ranged from the mundane (“I was bored”) to the spiritual (“I wanted to feel closer to God”) and from the altruistic (“I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself”) to the manipulative (“I wanted to get a promotion”).
Some said they had sex to feel powerful, others to debase themselves. Some wanted to impress their friends, others to harm their enemies (“I wanted to break up a rival’s relationship”).
Goal-based reasons, including utilitarian or practical considerations (“I wanted to have a baby”), social status (“I wanted to be popular”) and revenge (“I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease”).
Emotional reasons such as love and commitment (“I wanted to feel connected”) and expression (“I wanted to say ‘thank you'”).
Insecurity-based reasons, including self-esteem (“I wanted the attention”), a feeling of duty or pressure (“My partner kept insisting”) and to guard a mate (“I wanted to keep my partner from straying”).
I don’t know if you’re aware of why you have sex? I am personally motivated by orgasms an.d that #1 reason “to be closer to my sweetie”. Take a poll around your office or on facebook today and find out what motivates the people around you. Maybe you can scratch someone’s itch.
Aug 22, 2012 | Sexual Fantasies, stcky, squooshy parts
Having been a sex therapist for over 20 years there are few sexual problems that I haven’t seen in clinical practice. I’ve seen diaper fetishes, skipping rope obsessions, polygamy in all forms as well as what I thought was every kind of sexual dysfuntion. However recently, I had a patient who was having “sleep sex”. Meaning he was masturbating, and jumping on his partner to orgasm without any remembrance of doing the deed. A trip to the sleep lab confirmed that he was in deep REM sleep during the sexual activity. It was the first time I’ve encountered it. It turns out it is one of eleven types of sex disorders.
Carlos Schenck of the Minnesota Regional Sleep Disorders Center said that basic instincts of the human psyche can reveal themselves during the course of sleep. This includes the animal instinct of sexual interaction embedded deep in the human mind.
What Schenck found was that people, a significant majority of whom are men, occasionally masturbate during sleep. Even more astounding, is that in the course of masturbation, they can sometimes initiate sex with a partner and reach orgasm during sleep. With no remembrance of the night’s events, people with the disorders usually find out about this disorder through their partner or roommate.
If you have a regular partner and simply push them away or wake them up would work. Generally, I love being woken up for sex (if you can rouse me out of a dead sleep). But if your partner isn’t present, even I can see how daunting that would be.
Sufferers of sex-related sleep disorders might feel ashamed at having this ailment, but people should know that it is not an indicator of their daytime behavior. They are all perfectly normal people with psychologically stable minds. In no way does their unorthodox behavior during sleep reflect their overall personality.
People with sexsomnia are encouraged to note that the disorder is relatively easy to treat with medication. But if they don’t treat the problem once it becomes an issue, the sufferer runs the risk of developing a secondary psychological problem such as depression. Of course, as a sex therapist one of the most common issues I address is loss of libido relating to the use of anti-depressants. Sometimes the cure can be worse. Either way, it’s a good week when you run into something new.
Come and let’s talk about it.
Mar 30, 2011 | sex and your body, stcky, squooshy parts, Women are sexy
G-Spot orgasm
The G-spot is defined as a cluster of nerve endings deep in the vaginal wall, the G-spot when stimulated, can produce an incredibly intense type of orgasm.
The world of sex research has been a buzz about this new discovery, since the G-spot was first described by Beverley Whipple at the annual convention of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality in 1980. Many women claim that reaching a G-spot orgasm has been the high point of their sexual lives.
Women who have not experienced the type of vaginal orgasmic response a G-spot orgasm produces often feel frustrated and left out, that they are somehow missing out on a secret so special that they must be doing something wrong. I have had many women speak to me of the intense Richter scale orgasms associated with G-spot stimulation. Other women who have never heard of the G-spot and the intense orgasms it produces feel ashamed or scared when they start “gushing” and get really aroused from vaginal stimulation.
I first became interested in discussing the G-spot and disseminating information about it when I spoke to a woman who had experienced these intense orgasms and who thought something was seriously wrong with her. She had been to her doctor discussing the volumes of fluid gushing out of her, living in fear of a life threatening illness or physical deformity associated with these sensations and fluid expulsion. The later part of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe Curling Orgams has stories from real-life people who have had these kinds of orgasms and suggestions for how you can reach one too.
Unfortunately, many physicians are unaware of the recent developments in G-spot research and are unable to alleviate the fears and concerns of their patients who experience this kind of sexual stimulation. In fact, some well-intentioned but seriously uninformed doctors have even encouraged women to have surgery to correct this “problem”. Producing fluid and having a mind-blowing orgasm from your vagina is not weird, or abnormal. It’s healthy, sexy and something every woman should have the right to experience without shame.
These women thought that they were urinating, that they were incontinent. Other women have been told by their doctors to just stop having orgasms and that would stop the fluid from coming out! Obviously, these doctors weren’t doing their own hands on sexual research to find out how amazing a G-Spot orgasm can be.
As a sex therapist, and (for more than ten years) the host of a call-in radio talk show about sexuality, I hear all kinds of questions and problems from women and their partners about how to reach the elusive G Spot orgasm. The material collected for this book has been the result of conversations with thousands of people as a therapist and a radio host, who tried new and unique things in the bedroom. There is a collection of letters further on in this book that offer real-life suggestions and strategies couples have tried in enhancing their lovemaking.
Have you signed up for the FREE full coaching at www.sexwithsue.com yet?
This nerve center deep in the front wall of the vagina is about an inch and a half in, underneath the bladder. Don’t despair initially if you poke around and do not feel anything. One listener described the amount of pressure needed, as having to press hard enough to “pick his wife up with his fingers.” Very long fingers would then be needed to determine the position of the G-spot when lying on the back.
Many women I’ve spoken to find it easier to reach the G-spot if they “bare down” or push out with their genital muscles. Initially, the G-spot feels like a tender spot, and when the g-spot is continually stimulated then it feels like “you need to pee badly” (Carrie 27, listener) The G-spot is located just underneath the bladder, and this is a normal feeling that goes away in a moment if stimulation continues.
The key is that if you can push through this part, and keep on continuing after short pauses, the waves of orgasm start building in intensity.
Some, but not all women if the stimulation builds (especially if there has been a recent clitoral orgasm), or if the re is clitoral stimulation at the same time. My client Jennifer says it feels best if her partner makes a motion with her finger like a “come here” signal, that with enough pressure can bring her to a G-spot orgasm.
The Exact Spot
Let’s be really clear exactly where the G-spot is. It’s located roughly in the middle of the front wall of the vagina. One way to find the location of the spot is to pretend there is a clock in the vagina. If twelve o’clock is pointing to the navel, it is also indicating the position of the G-spot. The sensitive part of the spot is not exactly easy to find, being embedded deep in the vagina wall. So unlike the clitoris, this deep-seated cluster of nerve endings is not as obvious and as easy to find.
One listener suggested that if you could reach underneath the clitoris, from the inside that is where her G-spot would likely be situated.
If the G-spot is stimulated sufficiently, and the intensity is there, many women can have multiple orgasms one after the other. I had one women listener who wrote me saying she could see “colors exploding behind her closed eyes”, when she was having this kind of stimulation.
It was great to see you at Sexapalooza, and I look forward to sending you more free stuff!
Ten Tips
G-Spot orgasm
If the whole vulva was a clock, then the clitoris would be at 12:00. The G-spot would then between 11:00 and 1:00. Realize that this is deep stimulation near the back of the vagina, and on the actual spot – say half-way up the front wall.
Go into the vagina, feel under the curve of the pubic bone, then right after the bulge of the bone, directly under the “clock” or straight under the clitoris, along the ridge of the bone should be where the G-spot nerve endings start.
While offering clitoral stimulation (a mouth works best) use a hard “come here movement” at the spot. Stop if it gets too intense or if your hand gets tired but resume the stimulation. You can cheat by using a G-Spot vibrator that looks like a “J” to do some of the work inside. Don’t be afraid to use fairly firm pressure.
Try having your partner (if she’s not in a daze of Quivering Jello by now), press down on her lower abdomen. You are trying to get to deep seated nerve endings and pressing down helps.
Some women claim crunching their abdominal muscles – almost like doing a sit-up helps. Others find it easier, on their stomache with genitals in the air and having their partner going in from behind- pressing down works well.
Tickle gently the opening of the urethra. This is the tiny hole she “pees” out of just above her vagina. If she’s going to ejaculate – this is where it comes from.
If you can get a couple of fingers inside her vagina, try that –especially as your knuckles massage back and forth almost like the Queen “waving”.
A fuller bladder helps increase the sensation – so make sure you have lots of towels if she has one of those orgasms where she sees stars and releases lots of vaginal fluid. Intense stimulation on her clitoris (try a small clit vibrator) while working the G-spot spot seems to work well.
If it gets too intense, stop and start the stimulation. Most women need a number 30 second breaks or so on their way to orgasm. If it gets too crazy, stop for a moment before resuming the stimulation. You can handle more and more intensity as it builds towards a crushing orgasm.
Finally, it may take you a few weeks of trying this to finally get it. Stay with it, the work is fun and the payoff enormous. The female body can do amazing things- experiment with different kinds of stimulation, and soon G will be your favorite letter in the alphabet!!
Feb 21, 2011 | Kinky and Fetishes, stcky, squooshy parts
It’s interesting how fast sex changes. When I started as a sex therapist on the radio 15 years ago, I had to edit every second word.Now there are show’s on major networks showing G spot orgasms and squirting in almost prime time. Now with rub and tugs (or jack shacks as they call them in the southern US) everywhere and the Canadian prostitution law having been thrown out, sex for money seems to be everywhere. I was reading about offers on Craig’s List, on Kijiji in carefully couched language, Ashley Madison, and now on facebook. So now not only can you re-connect with an old flame from High School you can see if the woman voted “most likely to do the football team” actually turned it into a profession.
A recent sting in the US snagged a number of women on solicitation charges. Says the New York Times:
“Craigslist has become the high-tech 42nd Street, where much of the solicitation takes place now,” said Richard McGuire, Nassau’s assistant chief of detectives. “Technology has worked its way into every profession, including the oldest.”
Now as sex is always interesting and knowing that if you needed it- an emergency blow job is only as far as the back pages of the sun or one of the hundred million facebook pages out there. As one of my patients so eloquently put it “when the need strikes you have three choices. Porn, partner or the lure of of someone new for the low price of $60 for a hand job.”
And with men completely attracted to “newness”, the simplicity, ease and safety of getting sex for money with a parade of new women has never been more accessible.
I’m watching the trend with interest because I think sex has a real pulse on cultures. It’s such a need and is changing so quickly. Subscribe as I do some interviews with some of the most articulate madams around.
