It’s one of those questions I get asked about in whispers and on behalf of a friend. Vaginal health is a topic that many women often are too embarrassed to ask about. Keeping your vagina healthy, fresh smelling and delightfully tasty is vital if you want to be comfortable getting horizontal and sweaty.
We all want to feel clean. Perceived vaginal pleasantness has us open to receiving oral sex (which in my opinion should be a mandatory public service provided by your partner). If the opportunity to frolic naked presents itself, we want to be ready. Given the cold of Canadian winters, most of us spend the darkest months bundled up against the elements. Houses are dry and very little fresh air is getting to our squishy parts. But what can you do if your girl bits are out of sorts this winter?
Prevention is best. You don’t want to be at a point where a doctor’s appointment is critical. So here is my list of the essential things a vagina shouldn’t be without in order to stay at its peak health, and be able to perform on demand.
1. Probiotics for feminine health. These are different than the probiotics you take for tummies. Healthy bacteria are essential for keeping yeast at bay. These are similar to the probiotics in yogurt but specifically help target yeast. If you are prone to yeast infections, then feminine probiotics need to be part of your a daily ritual. Probiotics also help keep away any of the “fishiness” of too much bad bacteria. My favourite is the rePHresh brand Pro-B iotics.
2. Cleaning out the corners with a minimum weekly bath. Showers are great, but they don’t get into the crevices the way that a good soak does. Epsom salts are great for leaving you feeling fresher longer. Most gynecologists suggest bathing a few times a week.
3. Masturbation. Most of my clients laugh when I start writing prescriptions for more masturbation. But I’m not kidding. Self-pleasure is like a genital sneeze. Healthy vaginas are self-cleaning, and discharge is your body’s way of getting rid of the gunk (bacteria, menstrual remnants etc.). But discharge can be slow. An orgasm will flush all the bad things away and leave you with a smile on your face.
4. Lubrication. The vagina is designed to be moist. If it is on the dry side you feel uncomfortable and itchy. I think all women need lube at different times of the month, or at different times during their lives. Nursing mothers need lube, menstruating women need lube, and peri-menopausal and menopausal women definitely need lube. If you are a little dry then a few drops of a great silicone lubricant (I like the Swiss Navy brand) in the morning works well. Replens is an internal lubricant that lasts up to three days by adhering to the walls of the vagina if you are feeling a little like the Sahara.
5. Douching/Bidet. The French women have it right by having bidets in most of their bathrooms. It’s a small genital bathtub with a fountain that gets into the corners. Douching with water (and possibly a tiny bit of apple cider vinegar) can achieve the same results. Do not buy the pre-packaged douches that upset your natural pH levels and make your odour problem worse. I have a couple of reusable vaginal syringes that are inexpensive and effective. I bought mine for $6 online at medicalsuppliesofcanada.ca
How would you feel if the ex wife of one of your lovers sell your lingerie in a public auction? Now imagine that ex-lover (who happened to be an old High School teacher who you had an affair with while you were his student) sells off the lingerie from your affair with then President Bill Clinton?
It turns out that personal items, including a negligee, once owned by White House intern Monica Lewinsky and obtained during a federal investigation into her affair with President Bill Clinton are going on sale.
Among the letters and clothing items are an extra large black negligee and a large blue velour hoodie, but not the infamous blue dress, which played a role in proving the president and the intern had an inapropriate relationship in the 1990s.
Monica isn’t making any money on this auction. The items, which are expected to raise in excess of $50,000 for the ex-wife of Monica’s ex-lover is just another example of why discretion with former partners may be the better art of valor.
The 32 items at one point belonged to Andy Bleiler, another married man with whom Lewinsky allegedly conducted an affair while she interned at the White House. In conducting his investigation into the president, special prosecutor learned of Lewinsky’s affair with Bleiler and took the items “to examine as potential evidence,” according to auction house Nate D. Sanders. The ex-wife gets them back and cashes in.
Monica who at 38 and living in New York is for the most part flying under the radar. She has her masters in Social Psychology, and according to the blogs, is still single. I guess Bill is a hard act to follow. I hope she doesn’t sell her blue GAP dress.
Why do you have sex? 
When I ask the High School students I speak to, they tell me “because it feels good”. But maybe that’s not the only reason couples get sweaty?
A study from The University of Texas found 237 reasons (they feel an exhaustive list) why people have sex.
Expressing love and showing affection were in the top 10 for both men and women, but they did take a back seat to the clear No. 1: “I was attracted to the person.” There were reasons that ranged from “I wanted to feel closer to God” to “I was drunk.” They even found a few people who claimed to have been motivated by the desire to have a child.
Who knew, for instance, that a headache had any erotic significance except as an excuse for saying no? But some respondents of both sexes explained that they’d had sex “to get rid of a headache.” It’s No. 173 on the list.
Others said they did it to “help me fall asleep,” “make my partner feel powerful,” “burn calories,” “return a favor,” “keep warm,” “hurt an enemy” or “change the topic of conversation.” The lamest may have been, “It seemed like good exercise,” although there is also this: “Someone dared me.”
People’s motivations ranged from the mundane (“I was bored”) to the spiritual (“I wanted to feel closer to God”) and from the altruistic (“I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself”) to the manipulative (“I wanted to get a promotion”).
Some said they had sex to feel powerful, others to debase themselves. Some wanted to impress their friends, others to harm their enemies (“I wanted to break up a rival’s relationship”).
Goal-based reasons, including utilitarian or practical considerations (“I wanted to have a baby”), social status (“I wanted to be popular”) and revenge (“I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease”).
Emotional reasons such as love and commitment (“I wanted to feel connected”) and expression (“I wanted to say ‘thank you'”).
Insecurity-based reasons, including self-esteem (“I wanted the attention”), a feeling of duty or pressure (“My partner kept insisting”) and to guard a mate (“I wanted to keep my partner from straying”).
I don’t know if you’re aware of why you have sex? I am personally motivated by orgasms an.d that #1 reason “to be closer to my sweetie”. Take a poll around your office or on facebook today and find out what motivates the people around you. Maybe you can scratch someone’s itch.
Having been a sex therapist for over 20 years there are few sexual problems that I haven’t seen in clinical practice. I’ve seen diaper fetishes, skipping rope obsessions, polygamy in all forms as well as what I thought was every kind of sexual dysfuntion. However recently, I had a patient who was having “sleep sex”. Meaning he was masturbating, and jumping on his partner to orgasm without any remembrance of doing the deed. A trip to the sleep lab confirmed that he was in deep REM sleep during the sexual activity. It was the first time I’ve encountered it. It turns out it is one of eleven types of sex disorders.
Carlos Schenck of the Minnesota Regional Sleep Disorders Center said that basic instincts of the human psyche can reveal themselves during the course of sleep. This includes the animal instinct of sexual interaction embedded deep in the human mind.
What Schenck found was that people, a significant majority of whom are men, occasionally masturbate during sleep. Even more astounding, is that in the course of masturbation, they can sometimes initiate sex with a partner and reach orgasm during sleep. With no remembrance of the night’s events, people with the disorders usually find out about this disorder through their partner or roommate.
If you have a regular partner and simply push them away or wake them up would work. Generally, I love being woken up for sex (if you can rouse me out of a dead sleep). But if your partner isn’t present, even I can see how daunting that would be.
Sufferers of sex-related sleep disorders might feel ashamed at having this ailment, but people should know that it is not an indicator of their daytime behavior. They are all perfectly normal people with psychologically stable minds. In no way does their unorthodox behavior during sleep reflect their overall personality.
People with sexsomnia are encouraged to note that the disorder is relatively easy to treat with medication. But if they don’t treat the problem once it becomes an issue, the sufferer runs the risk of developing a secondary psychological problem such as depression. Of course, as a sex therapist one of the most common issues I address is loss of libido relating to the use of anti-depressants. Sometimes the cure can be worse. Either way, it’s a good week when you run into something new.
Come and let’s talk about it.
G-Spot orgasm
The G-spot is defined as a cluster of nerve endings deep in the vaginal wall, the G-spot when stimulated, can produce an incredibly intense type of orgasm.
The world of sex research has been a buzz about this new discovery, since the G-spot was first described by Beverley Whipple at the annual convention of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality in 1980. Many women claim that reaching a G-spot orgasm has been the high point of their sexual lives.
Women who have not experienced the type of vaginal orgasmic response a G-spot orgasm produces often feel frustrated and left out, that they are somehow missing out on a secret so special that they must be doing something wrong. I have had many women speak to me of the intense Richter scale orgasms associated with G-spot stimulation. Other women who have never heard of the G-spot and the intense orgasms it produces feel ashamed or scared when they start “gushing” and get really aroused from vaginal stimulation.
I first became interested in discussing the G-spot and disseminating information about it when I spoke to a woman who had experienced these intense orgasms and who thought something was seriously wrong with her. She had been to her doctor discussing the volumes of fluid gushing out of her, living in fear of a life threatening illness or physical deformity associated with these sensations and fluid expulsion. The later part of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe Curling Orgams has stories from real-life people who have had these kinds of orgasms and suggestions for how you can reach one too.
Unfortunately, many physicians are unaware of the recent developments in G-spot research and are unable to alleviate the fears and concerns of their patients who experience this kind of sexual stimulation. In fact, some well-intentioned but seriously uninformed doctors have even encouraged women to have surgery to correct this “problem”. Producing fluid and having a mind-blowing orgasm from your vagina is not weird, or abnormal. It’s healthy, sexy and something every woman should have the right to experience without shame.
These women thought that they were urinating, that they were incontinent. Other women have been told by their doctors to just stop having orgasms and that would stop the fluid from coming out! Obviously, these doctors weren’t doing their own hands on sexual research to find out how amazing a G-Spot orgasm can be.
As a sex therapist, and (for more than ten years) the host of a call-in radio talk show about sexuality, I hear all kinds of questions and problems from women and their partners about how to reach the elusive G Spot orgasm. The material collected for this book has been the result of conversations with thousands of people as a therapist and a radio host, who tried new and unique things in the bedroom. There is a collection of letters further on in this book that offer real-life suggestions and strategies couples have tried in enhancing their lovemaking.
Have you signed up for the FREE full coaching at www.sexwithsue.com yet?
This nerve center deep in the front wall of the vagina is about an inch and a half in, underneath the bladder. Don’t despair initially if you poke around and do not feel anything. One listener described the amount of pressure needed, as having to press hard enough to “pick his wife up with his fingers.” Very long fingers would then be needed to determine the position of the G-spot when lying on the back.
Many women I’ve spoken to find it easier to reach the G-spot if they “bare down” or push out with their genital muscles. Initially, the G-spot feels like a tender spot, and when the g-spot is continually stimulated then it feels like “you need to pee badly” (Carrie 27, listener) The G-spot is located just underneath the bladder, and this is a normal feeling that goes away in a moment if stimulation continues.
The key is that if you can push through this part, and keep on continuing after short pauses, the waves of orgasm start building in intensity.
Some, but not all women if the stimulation builds (especially if there has been a recent clitoral orgasm), or if the re is clitoral stimulation at the same time. My client Jennifer says it feels best if her partner makes a motion with her finger like a “come here” signal, that with enough pressure can bring her to a G-spot orgasm.
The Exact Spot
Let’s be really clear exactly where the G-spot is. It’s located roughly in the middle of the front wall of the vagina. One way to find the location of the spot is to pretend there is a clock in the vagina. If twelve o’clock is pointing to the navel, it is also indicating the position of the G-spot. The sensitive part of the spot is not exactly easy to find, being embedded deep in the vagina wall. So unlike the clitoris, this deep-seated cluster of nerve endings is not as obvious and as easy to find.
One listener suggested that if you could reach underneath the clitoris, from the inside that is where her G-spot would likely be situated.
If the G-spot is stimulated sufficiently, and the intensity is there, many women can have multiple orgasms one after the other. I had one women listener who wrote me saying she could see “colors exploding behind her closed eyes”, when she was having this kind of stimulation.
It was great to see you at Sexapalooza, and I look forward to sending you more free stuff!
Ten Tips
G-Spot orgasm
If the whole vulva was a clock, then the clitoris would be at 12:00. The G-spot would then between 11:00 and 1:00. Realize that this is deep stimulation near the back of the vagina, and on the actual spot – say half-way up the front wall.
Go into the vagina, feel under the curve of the pubic bone, then right after the bulge of the bone, directly under the “clock” or straight under the clitoris, along the ridge of the bone should be where the G-spot nerve endings start.
While offering clitoral stimulation (a mouth works best) use a hard “come here movement” at the spot. Stop if it gets too intense or if your hand gets tired but resume the stimulation. You can cheat by using a G-Spot vibrator that looks like a “J” to do some of the work inside. Don’t be afraid to use fairly firm pressure.
Try having your partner (if she’s not in a daze of Quivering Jello by now), press down on her lower abdomen. You are trying to get to deep seated nerve endings and pressing down helps.
Some women claim crunching their abdominal muscles – almost like doing a sit-up helps. Others find it easier, on their stomache with genitals in the air and having their partner going in from behind- pressing down works well.
Tickle gently the opening of the urethra. This is the tiny hole she “pees” out of just above her vagina. If she’s going to ejaculate – this is where it comes from.
If you can get a couple of fingers inside her vagina, try that –especially as your knuckles massage back and forth almost like the Queen “waving”.
A fuller bladder helps increase the sensation – so make sure you have lots of towels if she has one of those orgasms where she sees stars and releases lots of vaginal fluid. Intense stimulation on her clitoris (try a small clit vibrator) while working the G-spot spot seems to work well.
If it gets too intense, stop and start the stimulation. Most women need a number 30 second breaks or so on their way to orgasm. If it gets too crazy, stop for a moment before resuming the stimulation. You can handle more and more intensity as it builds towards a crushing orgasm.
Finally, it may take you a few weeks of trying this to finally get it. Stay with it, the work is fun and the payoff enormous. The female body can do amazing things- experiment with different kinds of stimulation, and soon G will be your favorite letter in the alphabet!!
It’s interesting how fast sex changes. When I started as a sex therapist on the radio 15 years ago, I had to edit every second word.Now there are show’s on major networks showing G spot orgasms and squirting in almost prime time. Now with rub and tugs (or jack shacks as they call them in the southern US) everywhere and the Canadian prostitution law having been thrown out, sex for money seems to be everywhere. I was reading about offers on Craig’s List, on Kijiji in carefully couched language, Ashley Madison, and now on facebook. So now not only can you re-connect with an old flame from High School you can see if the woman voted “most likely to do the football team” actually turned it into a profession.
A recent sting in the US snagged a number of women on solicitation charges. Says the New York Times:
“Craigslist has become the high-tech 42nd Street, where much of the solicitation takes place now,” said Richard McGuire, Nassau’s assistant chief of detectives. “Technology has worked its way into every profession, including the oldest.”
Now as sex is always interesting and knowing that if you needed it- an emergency blow job is only as far as the back pages of the sun or one of the hundred million facebook pages out there. As one of my patients so eloquently put it “when the need strikes you have three choices. Porn, partner or the lure of of someone new for the low price of $60 for a hand job.”
And with men completely attracted to “newness”, the simplicity, ease and safety of getting sex for money with a parade of new women has never been more accessible.
I’m watching the trend with interest because I think sex has a real pulse on cultures. It’s such a need and is changing so quickly. Subscribe as I do some interviews with some of the most articulate madams around.
www.sexwithsue.com, http://www.billboard.com/#/../../news/sexy-songs-1-1004066338.story
I'm hosting an upcoming "disco night" at the cottage in a couple of weeks. As I'm putting together the list of the best "shake your booty" tunes, I found the Billboard top 50 sexiest songs of the last 50 years. It's an interesting list. Not necessarily music to boff to at least for me. It was heavy on the cheese. A little Captain and Tennille, some Boyz 2 men, and my favourite CBC choice Exile singing "I want to kiss you all over" as done in the 2007 video montage during the hockey playoffs in 2007. It showed a bunch of hockey players kissing the Stanley Cup. I wrote CBC to see if they could post the video. Now that's sexy.
Does Rod the mod put you in the mood? He was listed twice in the top 10. However it was their #1 choice that had me baffled. Olivia newton John in the gym with a bunch of out-of-shape, sweaty guys was considered the sexiest song? Sure it has some suggestive lyrics (if you take your fingers out of your ears long enough to listen), but the sexiest song of all time?
How about some Sexual Healing, or at least a little Bob Marley, but 80's leg warmers? It inspired me to do a CD this morning of the songs I find sexiest. I'll provide the list later this week.
It used to be that few heterosexual couples engaged in anal intercourse. And those who did, rarely spoke of it. It didn’t mean you hadn’t tried it, or weren’t curious about it, but when you have no clear information (or it is a secret nobody discussed), then you learn that “up the butt” is bad. The only information you got was from “clinical doctor-type” pamphlets that said anal sex leads to a loose sphincter (so you can’t hold in properly, which is a scare-mongering myth). Or from porn stars who looked liked they were taking a tree trunk up their ass and enjoying it. agh!
Fortunately ass play is beginning to come of age. The new study from the home of crazy sex surveys, Rutgers University claim that 27% of all couples engage in anal sex. I think it’s closer to 35% but I have no stats beyond years of speaking to thousands of couples to back up my numbers. What’s happened is that there is loads more information about the part A into slot B and how to’s than there ever was before. So if you need some details (check out my blog on anal sex 101 as told to me during my interview with Nina Hartley), then here is a list of what’s hot and new in detailed butt sex information:
A new book, “Master Class: Anal Sex,” is scheduled to be published this month by the Erotic Print Society. It will be a guide complete “with professional photographs that pull no punches and specially commissioned drawings.”
But it will be competing in a crowded field. “Anal Sex for Couples: A Guaranteed Guide for Painless Pleasure,” came out last fall, and the “Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women” (second edition) by Village Voice columnist and porn director/producer Tristan Taormino arrived a year ago. Later this month, she will release her new instructional video, “Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Sex.” And The New York Times named a memoir of anal sex, “The Surrender,” by former ballet dancer Toni Bentley, one of the most notable books of 2004.
I interviewed Toni Bentley (there’s a blog about that in my archives too), but I’ll see if I can dig up and add the audio of the interview here tomorrow. In the meantime, have a look at this very, very funny clip about identifying your partner’s asshole.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuDyaKBG9Ew
[sc name=”Contact Sue eform” ]
www.sexwithsue.com, http://ready2beat.com/entertainment/demi-moore-bush-photos-comedy-central, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iD0bovrZyE
If you came of age in the 80's (as I did) you remember Bon Jovi, Whitesnake and all those "big hair" bands that made up style in popular music. My own mane was hair sprayed within inches of it's life, and while it wasn't the "braless, au naturel" feeling that was popular in the 70's, pubic grooming had yet to come into vogue.
Hanging out in women's locker rooms and on nude beaches you see lots of different sized and shaped bodies. You also see a great variety of pubic styles. Most these days are clean shaven, or come with a sexy racing stripe, but you very rarely get to see the "crazy bush" very often. Now Demi Moore's 80's picture (now made popular from David Tosh of Comedy Central) has me saying WOW now that's a bush, and is a great example of 80's full frontal nudity.
My favourite comedians the Doo Wops (two Italians) do a great song called 'Crazy Bush" which is one of their funniest songs (in a group that won Just for laughs last year, so they know funny), and is worth checking out. I still giggle when I hear it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iD0bovrZyE
Anyway, hats off to Demi. She's an outspoken nudist (and looks hot in the pictures, although I prefer the "grown up Demi") and is showing off her world class bush. Now for those who struggle to keep their bush from creeping down to their knees (and I understand the struggle) Demi's bush may be a shining example to throw away the Nair and let nature take over the jungle. Otherwise you might have an experience like the women below (and let me just say that the reason it is so funny is that it strikes close to home….). Enjoy.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah…right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself….RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!….OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out…must stay conscious…must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe…OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy – a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake…remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop.
My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub – the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub….in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor .. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!!
It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair….THE HAIR IS STILL THERE…….ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color……
I’m such a geek.
I love cool technology, everything from the slick ipod’s to the die in the wool old style vibrators. I love how gadgets make my life richer. Especially ones with batteries included. I was reading today about the evolution in the Ivibe rabbits. Think of new personalized pink, purple, and blue beaded toys (like the famous original) that vibrate to a wireless frequency that your partner alone programs, and can attach to a cell phone to be turn on from a distance. Your long distance lover could turn it on, control the speed, turn the frequency up to eleven, and have you screaming, and writhing in no time.
I was biting my lip at the very thought of it.
I was thinking about the benefits of technology, as I was playing with a couple of newly purchased webcams tonight. Between that and skype, (free online long distance)they are far, far more personal than a typical telephone call. And much more fun. I didn’t break down and buy the more expensive HD type- all the rage with amateur porn stars (or so I read), but the price point is climbing below $200 and dropping rapidly. Fooling around with the test ones in the store, the possibilities in high def are cool, and you can really can see everything (I mean everything) in living, crystal-clear color.
In an article published last month by Canada Newswire spoke of the new revolution in brothels, using HD, especially out of Eastern Europe. The Madam’s are using this technology, along with some simple streaming where you can watch your favorite hooker having sex with men for a low monthly fee as if you were a fly on the wall. And the catch for the men visiting these specific “red light” venues is that the services are free. Yes, a free boff. You just have to sign a waver saying that you agree to be broadcast to an audience of members all critiquing your performance and equipment.
They are lined up to get in. Free sex, a chance to exhibit to the masses, and a good use of technology. Think of the fame. I’m tempted to sign up for a month just for the curiosity factor. The sex therapist checking out the technique of Ukrainian brothel goers. It sounds like a novel thesis topic for some budding (and perverted) sex researcher.
It’s a good thing I don’t know any. Smile.
I am very grateful for reproductive choices. I live in a country where I have access to free health care, and was able to get the best gynaecologist on the planet to tie my tubes without any fuss or fanfair. I can manage my own fertility, and have had the usual hassles with birth control being messy or giving me headaches, but for the most part, it worked well for me. So glad that chapter of my life is finished.
I’ve been giving some thought of late to couples who are still caught up in those worries or frets. One almost 40 year old friend who was worried she was knocked up, after a taking some porrly planned out chances. I know another couple who in their late 30’s are desperate for a child and facing the very intense, costly and intrusive invitro fertilization procedures. And then there is another long-time girlfriend I just ran into. I hadn’t seen her since her fourth child was born. She always wanted four, and her husband wanted to stop at three. She said that despite his feelings it really was her choice. She called it "a Friday night and a bottle of wine", and she would get her way. I don’t live in their relationship, and I’m not judging her behaviour, but it seemed a little one sided. But the truth is, that women have much of the responsibility, and control over the reproduction in their relationships.
As I talk to yet another young women about the side effects of the pill, I am again reminded that our fertility, while better managed than any other time in history, isn’t always simple.
As a sex therapist I’ve seen, heard, and documented a few interesting things. Other people’s sex lives really are fascinating conversation. But every now and then I come up with something that leaves me gobstopped. Floored, and taken completely by surprise.
A new patient, attractive man in his early 40’s came to see me for erectile dysfunction. This was a while ago, and I’ve had a few of these, so any resemblance to an actual patient has been obscured to protect the inocent.
Anyway, I went through the obvious questions, smoking, drinking, medication, diabetes, high blood pressure, chloresterol etc. No to all of the above. Fit, but without a partner, and had been having difficulties getting it up for awhile. Psychologically, and emotionally he seemed normal, and the only thing that seemed out of whack was that he hadn’t had a physical for years. In fact he hadn’t ben to a doctor in decades. I was at a bit of a loss until he shifted slightly in his seat. It was then, that it looked like he had a pillow between his legs of his very baggy pants. Huston, we have a problem.
After a OH MY GOD flash of his boxer clad testicles, I understood that we had a very serious untreated hernia to deal with. His scrotum was so filled with fluid that hung down his leg approaching his knees. It was a wonder this guy could walk. And he had been dealing with this for over a year!!!!!! A hernia is when your intestines start poking through the abdominal muscle and get pinched off and can’t get back. It usually requires surgery.
Anyway, there was a very obvious reason why he couldn’t acheive an erection. It turns out that over 10% of men have low abdominal hernia’s that may be undiagnosed. Left untreated, it can cause serious problems (see above) and leave Mr. Happy twisting in the wind.
So the moral of the story kids, is that if something hurts "down there" – even if you are a super macho guy, go see your doctor. Remember the sex therapists mantra – ‘use it or lose it" and in this case, if your testicles look like they are about to give birth, there may be something wrong.