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5 things you can do to keep things intimate while locked down during the pandemic!

I feel like a caged cat. For six weeks I was pacing the house and stress baking. Now that I can get outside we are walking together (slapping mosquitoes but hey, that’s spring in Eastern Ontario) and the lockdown feels slightly less intrusive. With more time together during a pandemic it certainly doesn’t feel like a holiday. The stress of the unknown, lack of connection with friends and extended family and sameness is getting to everyone.
“Stress is at an all-time high for many couples. According to Dr. Gabor Maté, “three factors that universally lead to stress are uncertainty, lack of information, and the loss of control.” Prolonged exposure to these stressors, generated from COVID-19 and other circumstances, can result in allostatic load.
Allostatic load refers to the wear and tear on the body that accumulates when we are exposed to repeated or chronic stressors. These stressors can be internal, external, or both. While allostasis has been traditionally examined in individuals, it undoubtedly impacts couples.
On an interpersonal level, increased allostatic load may result in individuals experiencing difficulty in starting or maintaining relationships. When an individual is depressed, certain neurotransmitters aren’t functioning at an optimal level. Even the most doting and loving partner might not be able to conjure the experience of love or limerence, which is the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings.”
Finding ways to be with each other in a positive way when you are fighting chronic stress is challenging. And men and women have different responses. For many sex is a stress reliever. For other’s it’s a definite mood killer. I am spending the pandemic talking to people in their cars who need to vent about their partner’s over exuberant interest or lack of interest.
I have been following a number of blogs that talk about using the uniqueness of the current situation to give your sex and love life a boost.
I wanted to summarize some of the suggestions for ways to up the connection while we wait for life to get back to normal. Here are some ways to keep things intimate during the isolation.
Be creative!
Order some discount costumes, download some free audio porn from Pornhub or film yourselves having sex.
Newness!
Human beings are inherently turned on by novelty and newness when it comes to sex. I have a list of 60 new things to try that you might not be doing sexually on my site. Or a list of 75 different things to do in the bedroom in a different blog. I’m happy to email them to you if you want to reach out. Things like taking the Mojoupgrade quiz and finding out if there is something your partner might be curious about that you didn’t know are also good suggestions for spicing things up.
The people who tried new things were three times more likely to report improvements in the bedroom than those who didn’t make any new additions.
Manage stress!
Bathe together, take a break from social media, massages, THC oil (it simply makes your genitals – not you stoned), meditate, naked exercise (or gardening!) or other gentle things that lower your stress load
Do some grooming together!
Treat your partner with the same care you would going out on any date. Even with hair and nail salons closed there are things you can do. One of the sexiest things that happened to me this month is my meticulous partner painting my nails and toes. And I cut his hair which is a truly intimate act. Wash each other’s back, do an oil rubdown, suntan together, or try one of those facemasks together. Grooming is an age old thing that brings you closer to each other.

Romantic Date Night at Home or picnic together!
I love picnics! We’ve been doing them in the backyard or on drives together. As Justin says, “plan a fun evening. For some, this might involve cooking your favorite meal together, ordering takeout or delivery from a special restaurant, having wine or cocktails while you watch the sunset or listen to music, watching a movie you’ve both been meaning to see, or trying an erotic game or role-play.The options are endless, and with a little creative thinking, you can craft a relaxing—or exciting—evening (depending on what you’re looking for) to fit any budget.”
This is time we will never have again. The more we can manage the stress and be together the greater the long-term impacts on you relationship will be. Reach out if you need some help. Otherwise be safe everyone.

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Are you missing your work spouse? Maybe it's time to look at those relationships.


As I tell clients, who your partner is having coffee with is far more threatening to your relationship than an inconsequential sexual liaison. With the pandemic in full swing the aftermath may be that more and more people work from home. What’s going to be interesting is how many people feel cut off from their intimate (albeit maybe not sexual) work connections.
It turns out that over 20% of people meet at work or at a work function. You put adults together with some commonalities, especially if there is some tension, stress and adrenaline and bonding happens. And you start to have feelings of protectiveness and intimacy towards your work spouse.
“1/4 of Americans admit missing their work spouse, more than they would their partner, reveals survey.
2 in 3 couples say they are not as productive as they could be when working under the same roof.
1 in 10 admit accidentally calling their partner by their work spouse’s name.
Tips on working from home with your partner.
If you work in an office team environment, there may be a colleague or co-worker with whom you share a strong bond – someone you consider your ‘work spouse’. Considering the average American employee spends around 40 hours per week working a typical 9 to 5 job, it’s no wonder we seek support, friendship and loyalty in a space where we (usually) spend a large portion of our daily lives. However, if you are romantically involved with an actual partner, having a work spouse may trigger feelings of jealousy in your real-life relationship.
If you are in lockdown with your partner, it can be difficult to maintain a high level of productivity when it comes to your job. There are plenty of domestic distractions at home including your partner, Netflix, and the temptation to get back into bed for more snooze time. It appears a large number of couples are distracted by each other as 2 in 3 couples here say they are not as productive as they could be when working under the same roof.
View the following tips on how to maximize your efficiency while working from home with your partner
In fact, 65% of employees working from home say they would be more productive if they were in lockdown with their work spouse as compared to their actual partner. Perhaps this is because it is easier to discuss projects and deadlines with your colleague or co-worker who fully understands your industry, as well as bounce ideas off one another in order to maximize efficiency.
If you’ve seen the episode of ‘Friends’ where Ross accidentally says Rachel’s name at the altar instead of the name of his wife-to-be, you will know that calling your partner by the wrong name can be detrimental to your relationship! This is a relatively common occurrence in American households as 1 in 10 employees admit to accidentally calling their partner by their work spouse’s name.
‘While working from home, it is understandable why a large percentage of US employees are struggling to focus on their work, especially with news of a global pandemic,’ says Jamie Ellis of PRPioneer.com. ‘If you have the space, try working in a separate room to one another and plan your lunch hours at the same time. This way, you will each be able to give more attention to your work tasks, while still enjoying time together as a couple over lunch, dinner and in the evening.’
What I’m seeing during this lock down is the challenges of couples spending weeks together without the option of getting out of the house. But it’s also a chance for re-connection. It gives you the quiet from running in place to look at your life and the quality of your relationships. If you are looking to your work spouse for intimacy it may be time to re-engage with your real spouse. Or if you miss your work spouse and can’t stop thinking about them maybe it’s time to be upfront to that person about what you are feeling.
If you are really struggling about what to do then it may be time to put heads together and talk it out. I’ve been there and really encourage you to focus on self awareness. Even one session ($125 for an hour) can give you clarity. It’s safe, confidential, and private. Half of my clients these days are skyping from their car. Let’s talk about those feelings.

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What women find sexy. And suggestions if you are struggling to attract women

 

 

 

 

It’s been amazing to watch the guys in the men’s group change. From awkward, bitter and confused about women to being coached by other guys to success. As Blaik says “the group is 25% education, 50% genuine sharing, and another 25% doubled-over in laughter”.

It’s hard to figure women out if you don’t have a bossy older sister like me or other guys to clearly (and in guy-speak) tell you what to do and where you went wrong. As the saying goes, “the masculine is defined by dialogue, challenge and feedback”.

I’m adding the new list coming out of the research on “what women find sexy about men”. If you are looking for coaching Blaik or I can help one-on one, or consider joining the Tuesday night men’s group.

“Huge dicks, in my experience, tend to be attached to huge dicks who have no idea what to do with them”
Leadership skills

Things women find hot….
Stubble- the masculine bad boy thing
Humour!!!!!
Show us you do altruistic things
Pictures with dog, guitars, and cool cars attract women online
Play hard to get. Neediness is the #1 turn off
In one speed-dating experiment, women were more attracted to men who were mindful — present, attentive, and nonjudgmental.
Wear red. It works for both men and women
Take small risks – start a fire, fly a glider, scuba dive etc.
Show that you have a Busy life
Be Passionate about something. Save the river, cuddle alpacas
Cool socks???? It came up on every study. Add it to your Xmas list
Smells nice. Find a cologne that speaks to you and wear a small amount every day
Own your flaws. Know that you suck at volleyball. Or whatever
All women are looking for adventure. Small road trips, activities that are somehow adventurous.
Roll up your sleeves to your forearms.
Have male friends and be a good friend to your buddies

I strongly encourage you to consider the men’s group and scotch tasting. Either virtually or in person. It’s real, funny, relevant, warm and connected. And Blaik hits it out of the park. Find out more and join in. Less than $25 a week of outstanding therapy, information and connection.

It's Oktoberfest! Understand how drinking the right kind of beer can increase your sex life!

If you are planning on taking in some of the Oktoberfest celebrations this October you might want to pay attention to the association between sex and beer. Really.
It turns out we do associate sex and beer. Hence all the Bavarian beer wench outfits. Here are some of the correlations:
1. Go for craft beer drinkers. Apparently the research from the Centre for Disease Control says the more expensive the drinks, the less likely someone is to carry a STI. The craft beer drinkers (and the most organic) had the least number of nasty infections.
2. The sweeter the beer the more likely it is to increase testosterone. Alcohol has long been known as a panti-remover. It turns out that sweeter beer does the most for increasing women’s testosterone levels. So if you are buying a girl in braids a boot of beer, go for the fruit flavoured beverages.
3. Beer goggles are real. The more we drink the more attractive people look to us. And we certainly associate beer and sex. Other studies show that both men and women believe that drinking alcohol heightens the probability of a sexual encounter and that men admit to using alcohol to try to encourage women to “hook up” (see Vander Ven and Beck, 2009). However, women also report drinking more beer when feeling romantic.

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How being masculine and watching sports increases your testosterone levels. Hockey and sex hmmmm.

andersonIt’s hockey playoff time. I have for many years wrote about the sexiness of playoff beards. Everyone has something that makes then catch their breath and bite their tongue. For me it’s burly, sweaty men and facial hair. I like men that look like men. It turns out that there is some physiological reasons for this.
Being hyper masculine, square jawed, broad shouldered, with a 5 O’clock shadow makes men look more virile. Meaning their boys can swim and they make good genetic choices for our ovaries. Those qualities have women thinking about baby-making (or at least practicing) in our primitive or limbic “we want to have monkey sex” brains. The opposite is also true. Feminized women who smell nice, are pink, cute, and sway their hips are also trigger heat from their partners. There is something about playing those exaggerated roles of masculine and feminine that has our primitive brains hard wired for sex.
These behaviours bump up our sex hormones, testosterone and progesterone. This in turn makes us friskier.
It also turns out that watching sports also increases our testosterone. But only if our team wins. This was the abstract of a great study that tested the hormones in saliva during basketball and soccer games. And those guys don’t have playoff beards. Smile. So test my hormones on Friday night when the Ottawa Senators win game 2 of the second round. Maybe that’s why I’m inclined to have halftime or intermission sex.
Basking in reflected glory, in which individuals increase their self-esteem by identifying with successful others, is usually regarded as a cognitive process that can affect behavior. It may also involve physiological processes, including changes in the production of endocrine hormones. The present research involved two studies of changes in testosterone levels among fans watching their favorite sports teams win or lose. In the first study, participants were eight male fans attending a basketball game between traditional college rivals. In the second study, participants were 21 male fans watching a televised World Cup soccer match between traditional international rivals. Participants provided saliva samples for testosterone assay before and after the contest. In both studies, mean testosterone level increased in the fans of winning teams and decreased in the fans of losing teams. These findings suggest that watching one’s heroes win or lose has physiological consequences that extend beyond changes in mood and self-esteem.
I’ve just finished a book called Men Chase, Women choose. If you want to read more about this I highly recommend the book.

Oprah and John Tesh, an unlikely couple. Find out why with the science of attraction

www.sexwithsue.comcontact

Would you do this guy?
According to the release of an Oprah biography yesterday, the Queen of Talk, and the King of Schmaltz were an item. Think about it, Oprah and John Tesh up close and rubbing their squishy parts together… I wonder if it lasted longer than the 90 second “intelligence for your life” sound bites that Tesh seems to produce as part of his daily life?  Today’s tabloids says she’s joined the other team with longtime friend Gayle. There is life after Steadman, and I’m all for Oprah sharing her new experiences.
As my friend Earl McCrae always said “As long as they spell you name right Sue, there is no such thing as bad press”…
Anyway, it got me thinking about other unlikely couples and the science of attraction. Belinda Stronach and Tie Domi? Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed? Woody Allen and Soon Yi?
Since I am always interested in the science of attraction, I had a look at the updated Darwinish book about mate selection.
“Choosing a mate is one of the most important decisions made in one’s lifetime and one of Darwin’s core components of sexual selection,” said David Geary, author and Curators’ professor in the Department of Psychological Sciences in the MU College of Arts and Science.  “Sex and reproduction complicate our lives in many ways, the most fundamental of which involve the demands of finding a mate. These choices are important because they echo through subsequent generations. The social dynamics that emerge as a result of sexual reproduction usually involve competition with members of the same sex for access to mates or control of the resources that will attract mates.”
In his book, Geary documents how sex differences found in humans and many other species can be explained by Darwin’s sexual selection. One of these sex differences is the level of parental involvement by males. Male parenting is found in less than 5 percent of mammal species. Because the males in many species do not provide any parental investment, females in many species do not compete for mates. In humans, however, men have a significant role in parenting, compelling women to compete for mates.
“The more men have to offer, the more valuable they become to women as a reproductive resource,” Geary said. “For this reason, men in all cultures are highly motivated to attain social status and control of culturally significant resources. The resources can vary from land to herds of cattle to large paychecks. Male-male competition is about making themselves attractive to women but the competition also can lead men to compete in lethal ways to gain control of social resources.”
Female competition may include how they dress or adorn themselves in ways that enhance their traits that men find attractive. Women may degrade these same traits in potential competitors and manipulate social information and relationships to drive competitors away from potential romantic partners. Male-male competition may explain factors, such as greater male mortality, risk-taking and rough-and-tumble play. Female-female competition may account for greater female emotional sensitivity and greater language proficiency, Geary said.
I don’t know if this explains the phenomenon but maybe it explains how Keith Richards stays sexual. If you are a guy trying to figure out women then I strongly encourage the in-person and virtual men’s group.  If you are ready to meet someone real then consider my guaranteed-to-meet-someone $500 (in three installments) dating program.

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Why Brent Butt may be the quintessential Canadian male. What women want from men.

www.sexwithsue.com, www.cornergas.com
BrentWhy Brent Butt may be the quintessential Canadian man
I’m coming late to the Brent Butt fan club. Although Corner Gas was the most successful Canadian show ever made, I was too busy to watch it when it aired in prime time. I only began to appreciate its subtle humour and appealing characters through weekend marathons on The Comedy Network, and the magic of a PVC recorder. I started looking at the leading guy, Brent Butt the 40ish, receding haired comic as an example of why Canadian men can be so sexy. And so clueless.
As a relationship therapist, I spend a good chunk of my days interpreting what I call “hooking up behaviours”. These are the insights and stabs in the dark about what we find appealing about our partners, potential partners and the opposite sex in general. “What do women want?” is a common question in my office. No question that much of why men do things is still as Greek to me as it is most women. However, I do think that what women are looking for is a guy like Brent Butt (or his character Brent Leroy). Not bad boys, or sports Gods, but relaxed, guy next door with charm. I think Canadian men are as a rule low key, fun, and sexy in an understated way. And women like this.  In an interview of Brent Butt I found online he names his appeal as “his coffee shop savvy”.  Think of it as a Timmy’s kind of charm. Down home, addictive, and slightly comforting. So how do you become more like Brent Butt (at least if it works to attract women)?
I call them the SHHHS characteristics of what women are looking for in a partner. The top five qualities that Brent and guys who get it have. These are sane Canadian boys. You know, the guys your mother likes, think that the Canadian National anthem should be changed to the Hockey Night in Canada theme. They  know the etiquette at curling bonspiels, and understand the offside rule in football. And they are:
S- safe. You need to discuss how you are liked by kids and puppies, that you buy girl guide cookies and are in no way, a serial axe murderer.
H- hygiene. You MUST be clean and smell nice. Men’s sexual sense is visual (hence all of the black and red lingerie), but women is all about how you smell. Spotlessly clean and subtle cologne works for most women.
H- Humour. Every survey on what women find attractive always lists sense of humour. Make us laugh, and we are putty in your hands.
H- Humilty. This is about being self deprecating and humble. Don’t talk about the size of your boat, mention how you have two left feet and are lousy at volleyball. The ability to poke fun of yourself is one of most men’s endearing qualities.
S- Story – This characteristic is the ability to carry on a conversation, and more importantly, talk in “girl speak”. Women like stories. We like to hear about your favourite ice cream flavour, how you had a pet dog named after Marvin the Martian, and how you embarrassed yourself at karaoke. In his bio, Brent Butt calls “Coffee shop conversation was a great way to learn comedy and connects. It’s relaxed and conversational and the jokes build naturally without forcing them.”
Brent1So this Valentine’s Day, don’t force the issue. Maybe take a second look at the men in the coffee shop “where there’s not a lot going on” is the way to find that guy who can make you laugh so hard you snort your double double out of your nose.
 

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How getting more sex is as close as 24 hours and some of these great hook up sites.

Computer
www.sexwithsue.com

Like most people I know, I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time on my computer. Lately it's been looking up interesting "hook up websites" so I can be in the know with my patients.  Nothing worse than being the expert who isn't hip to the next, new thing. As Andrew Tress says in his new book Decoding Love, "The way we find love now is crazy" Imagine how insane our current system to find love would look to an anthropologist from Mars. We lavish vast amounts of time, effort and money on the search. But, despite our best efforts, almost half of us will end up divorcing that same person we worked so hard to find. And then we will begin the search all over again. We are, mad for love".

For men I see as patients there never seems to be a break from the searching. After millions of years of evolution, and "a biological need to seek the next new woman", men I speak to are lamenting the need for mistresses. married or not, they all want more on the side. Some just want variety, some want to play sexually, some aren't getting enough sex, but there is always interest in finding out new and proven ways to meet sex partners.  Maybe i'm just getting the guys with too much testosterone, but I don't think so. Men really want to please but so many of them are dogs.

As for finding a partner, you can try the bars if you are a young guy. My own opinion is that women over the age of 25 who hang out in bars regularly likely have a drinking problem. Nice girls, horny girls, and approachable women, are at the gym, in coffee shops, taking wine pairing classes, and are online.

And new research by two Iowa State University sociologists has found that older adults who are turning to their computers to find love — largely because of the time constraints in their busy lives — are making their desired love connections.

"In many cases, there are some real structural forces that encourage the support and use of these technologies," said Cast. "And one of them is just structural constraints on people's time — such as people who have kids, or have full-time jobs, or work long or extensive hours.  "But the people who are doing the actual searching may look at it as a way to be incredibly serious about the process. And one of the things we found was that, indeed, their courtship periods are shorter."

That means women are busy, and this study shows that the time it takes to score is remarkably shorter online. Maybe not shorter than the closing time "will you sleep with me?" pitch. But you are far less likely to get your face slapped online.

So what are the best sites?

Certainly www.ashleymadison.com, www.adultfriendfinder.com, and www.lavalife.com  are popular. The free sites, (that I call the Giant Tiger or Kmart dating areas) like www.okcupid.com, or www.plentyoffish.com are popular. However you have to wade through a bunch of "fish with issues" before finding the right occasional partner. But they might be great for a "let's get it on" encounter. Finally, www.yahoopersonals.com, www.craigslist.com, and www.kijiji.com are worth checking out. Sure you can also buy a couch, get a ride to a different town, and sell your canoe, but there also may be someone there who is willing to change your oil. It's worth a try.

Wondering if an aphrodisiac diet has you losing weight. I'll kep you posted.

Reading about how gingerbread is an aphrodisiac. It's Monday night, and I'm waiting for a pan to come out of the oven.

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Why you need to write a snappy ad these days in order to get laid

www.sexwithsue.com

Dating ad 
 Mistress wanted. At least that seems to be what my patients are looking for. It's amazing how much time, energy, money and creativity goes into finding someone to get naked and jiggy with. I have a friend who ran one of the largest "alternative" dating sites in the world (www.ashleymadison.com) and he claimed that years of watching guys look for part-time lovers confirmed his opinion that "no man has ever run faster, nor jumped higher than one in quest of an orgasm".  I haven't heard of anything (beyond nice guys fighting with baser instincts) to set me off that assumption. But I don't believe at all that one size fits all.

I have a new theory about the female side to this equation. I have been writing about how women are looking for love (I wrote a "love ad for a 49 year old patient a few weeks ago, and he says he has had over 200 responses). Ask me about my system. I'm making serious headway into a tried and true way for single guys to meet a potential life partner. Unfortunately, for all the men out there looking for some simple action, am making no inroads into how to attract a casual playmate.

That women are horniest at ovulation and just before their periods is a common fact. I think women who give you signals of interest may only do so once a month. Just when you think you understand them…..

More on this, but I have to run and find the article in question. I promise to finisish the thought this week.

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Thoughts on being (or becoming) a Cougar

Cougar  not Cougar1
www.sexwithsue.com
This article about cougars was sent to me this week with reprinted permission. I thought it hit the nail on the head when describing the lure of older women. I am helping a number of newly divorced patients go out into the dating field of late, and they all describe as being hit on excessively from men young enough to be their sons. I was asked for the rules about what is appropriate behaviour in dating these “hunky, younger men” and although there is no Miss Manners book of etiquette on the situation, I thought the below article was well done.
What it means to be a Cougar: That a cougar must be over a certain age. That she only dates younger men. That she observes the Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven Rule. While each of these “rules” has its place in helping define what a cougar is, each of them is either too broad or too narrow. And that’s because being a cougar is ultimately about attitude. It’s about the way she carries herself and owns her sexuality.
While each cougar is unique (that’s what makes them great!), in our experience, there are a few common characteristics that help us understand the cougar woman.
She’s in Control
First and foremost, the cougar woman is in total control – of her life, her sexuality and her identity. She’s her own woman, independent, strong and sexy, confident in her self and unconcerned by what is expected of her by society. It’s that fearless attitude that makes a cougar.
As Ilana Eberson, CEO of Real Live People Party, remarks in the video from SheZoom.com (below), “Everyone wants to equate the predatory nature of the cougar animal with the cougar woman, and she doesn’t have to be predatory. She can be nice. She can be, you know, a vixen. She can be sassy. She can be, you know, virginal. She can be whatever she wants to be.”
That gets to the heart of what it means to be a cougar woman. She’s found her path and proudly (and unapologetically) follows it. Because it often takes time for women (and men, also) to “discover” themselves, cougars are typically more mature women in their latter thirties and beyond.
She’s Independent
A cougar is not just independent-minded, she’s personally independent as well. She is likely a career women who has reached a comfortable level of financial freedom. She’s worked hard and fought for her success. She’s found that while men her age and older are often intimidated by her ambition and success, young men are drawn to it and hopeful to learn from it.
Her independence extends to relationships where she has no time for petty drama. She’s comfortable letting a relationship develop naturally rather than trying to force it. She knows a relationship takes work but also understands that one can’t be made into something it isn’t.
She’s Experienced
Let’s face it: the cougar is experienced. She’s more sophisticated and worldly than her younger counterparts. She’s worked hard, played hard and really lived. Her experience has resulted in one simple truth: she knows what she wants.
Her experience is particularly profound in the bedroom. To a young man shes a living, breathing Kama Sutra, versed in the ways of pleasure. To be with her is an orientation into an unexplored world of contortionist positions, hidden erogenous zones, and foreign animal noises. She knows what she likes, how she likes it done and where, and instructs her cub on how best to give it. A night with her and he will uncover the secrets of making a woman beg for more. All men want those secrets and they know no amount of fumbling about with inexperienced girls will ever provide them.
She’s Undeniably Sexy
There’s just something about a cougar. Whether she’s the type that rocks a business suit or tight top and jeans, she just exudes sexual power. It’s not something you can quantify or categorize. You can only feel it.
A cougar knows that age is increasingly irrelevant. 40 is the new 30. 50, the new 40. Healthier lifestyles, a greater commitment to fitness and an emphasis on style, have all contributed to something young men have picked up on. Older women are smokin. The popularity of yoga, pilates, unique diets and other health and fitness fads have cougars looking hotter and more attractive longer. In fact, the older she gets, the more delicious she becomes. Her toned body and smooth skin coalesce with an earned stately grace to create a sort of sexual super woman.
She Likes the Attention
A cougar is quick to admit that when a young man expresses interest in her it makes her feel great, whether she’s into the guy or not. And why not? It validates all of the hard work she’s put in to looking hot and staying young. It proves that she’s still got it.
She also revels in the fact that other women are often jealous of her, particularly younger women. The cattiness of the young woman is just further validation that she, the cougar, is what men want. They want a piece of her sass, her experience
She’s Down with the Program
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, a cougar is proud to be a cougar. She wears the label as a badge of honor. She recognizes that it is tongue-in-cheek, but also finds it empowering. It’s both fun and sexy. And maybe she even likes the feistyness it suggests.
To her, “cougar” says, “I’m hot and I’m tired of men having all the fun.” She realizes that few people have been more neglected by society than the mature, sophisticated woman. Society expects her to dress conservatively, drive a station wagon and cart her kids to soccer practice. She’s watched Hollywood basically cast women like her aside, giving them nothing to play but ignored housewives, teachers with about as much to say as Charlie Browns, and useless mothers to obnoxious, ridiculously erudite kids. Its bullshit and she knows it. Its also bullshit that her male peers continue to be perceived as more respectable, more refined and more attractive the older they get, even when they havve got some blonde bimbo with big fake tits on their arms.These women are taking back their sexuality. And they are doing it under the moniker of cougar.
If you are attracted to older women, or you think younger men might be the cat’s meow try some of dating sites. I’m partial to mine because I know they are local, vetted, and emphasize kindness and authenticity. Check it out.