, ,

Why even the chief of the US intelligence service thinks erotica is essential.

There is a great article in the Guardian today that talks about the new top American spy Avril Haines who has just been confirmed to lead all 16 of the US intelligence services. Apparently besides being a pilot, physicist, mechanic, judo expert, she also read erotica at a brothel she and her partner owned in Baltimore. She is unapologetic about the need for the erotic in the modern world.

“In Fells Point, a formerly dodgy area of Baltimore that was gentrifying, the shop succeeded, through hard work and innovations like erotic literature evenings upstairs in the former brothel, where Haines would read extracts.

She defined the genre to the Baltimore Sun in 1995 as as “everything that’s repressed, guttural, instinctual, chaotic and creative”.

“Erotica has become more prevalent because people are trying to have sex without having sex,” Haines said. “Others are trying to find new fantasies to make their monogamous relationships more satisfying … What the erotic offers is spontaneity, twists and turns. And it affects everyone.”

As part of staying connected to my sex-positive social group the Ducklings we have set up Zoom erotic bedtime stories a few times a month. It regularly attracts more than 50 listeners to erotic passages, poetry, and written stories from members. It’s for couples, singles, triads, friends & comes across as warm, inclusive, and incredibly intimate. Erotica – and the passages people pick to read- allows us to get to know acquaintances faster than just about anything else. Sex is close to the bone and reflects who we are as real people.

If you haven’t read erotica I invite you to join in on one of our erotic reading nights by Zoom. It’s free and welcoming. Otherwise read some of the best sex scenes in some classic literature and see if there is anything that resonates. Sex and our sexuality is part of the human condition. And as Avril Haines summarizes, “erotica affects everyone”.

,

Duckling Dating has launched! A new kind of dating phenomenon.

Duckling Dating has launched!
It has been two years in development, including some bad words at the low points, yet an incredible team pulled it out to deliver the first edition of Duckling dating. Register & if you are a member you will be approved to set up a profile & navigate the site. Let the celebration begin! We are going to have a 30 minute “how to navigate the new dating site” by Zoom this Monday, January 19th at 6:30 pm for 30 minutes.
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89366933535
What’s different about Duck dating you might ask?
First it only for paid Duckling members only. That means for less than a tank of gas annually ($50/year) you get a dating membership, access to all of our 4 & 5 duck events, the big Dropbox of sex books & erotica,  toy testing access, & FREE sex- ed with videos including prostate massage, dominatrix training & more. As well as being part of the kindest, most amazing community anywhere. Many dating sites are over $500/year alone.
With only Ducks allowed, our new dating site is private, vetted, local, with like-minded people. It’s all about authenticity. Fun questions about your passions, dreams, & what’s fun about you -and less about intrusive questions.  It’s also open for all kinds of relationship models & duck colours so you don’t have to fit into a box. Poly, kinky, traditional, bi, couples, swingers. hot wives, unicorns etc. all have a place in Duck dating.
Once Covid is over you will be able to blend our amazing online dating site with in-person events. This is a new way of connecting both online & offline.
,

Dating from 2020 onward. Why and how the rules of dating have changed.

2020 has been a Hell of year.

For most people the chaos of a global pandemic has amplified what’s going on in people’s relationships. And there is nothing like being locked down for months at a time to have even the most ardent introvert looking for connections.

So what can you do?

How to make the most of 2020 pandemic dating – a primer. Here’s what has changed (and what has stayed the same) as we wind down 2020.

  1. It turns out that during a Global pandemic is the best time to actually set up lasting connections. Hookup aps like tinder, grindr, Hinge etc are out. Clients I’m speaking to are having better luck with OKcupid.com & Bumbl that let women lead the way. There is also loads of success with some of the newer aps. “A good one is The League, which started out as an “elite” app for Ivy League graduates, and has since expanded to people who are simply smart and driven. She’s also heard good things about a new app called Cheekd, which uses a cross-platform low-energy Bluetooth technology to match you with people who are in your direct vicinity.”

 

  1. The same rules as ever apply for keeping things classy. Use authentic photos of you doing fun things, keep it positive, don’t give off that smell of desperation (too eager is ALWAYS a turn off.)

 

  1. Go to places with experiences. Dating in 2020 involves walks, virtual dates, pumpkin patches, outside Christmas tree places, unique shops and bundled up on patios. Check out the local dating during a pandemic suggestions blog.

 

  1. This is the not the time to keep grazing hoping the next person might be better. Try to go on a minimum of 3 dates if a potential partner feels like a maybe. People will grow on you if you give them a chance. But don’t make excuses for them if they treat you badly.

 

  1. This is the time for meaningful connections. People value authenticity more than ever. Figure out your most endearing, real, and slightly deprecating qualities and put it out there up front.

 

  1. You have something to talk about. This came up in an article in the Atlantic. “Instead of searching for topics that would hopefully elucidate our compatibility, my matches and I now had an all-encompassing shared experience to discuss. I tried to steer the early dialogue away from the magnitude of our global predicament, and we were able to find common ground over topics such as how we were keeping ourselves busy at home. The men were more responsive, likely because the shutdowns had left all of us with few obligations, clinging to any social connection we could find.
  2. Yes dating has changed. Anyone casual will be scared off already. Everyone is more hesitant and only people ready to take their time remains. According to the new McGill University study disease makes us less friendly and more hesitant. Scary times bring us down to an element of our psyche known as the “behavioural immune system”. Pathogens have presented a threat to our survival throughout human history. So, evolutionary psychologists believe humans have evolved a set of subconscious responses that manifest when we are particularly concerned about the presence of an infectious disease. These responses lead us to engage in behavioural patterns that reduce the likelihood of getting infected, such as being less open and making reduced eye contact when in social situations.”
  1. Video dates have become more casual. Less stress than going to a coffee as you can do it from home. And people tend to fall in love if they relax. The pandemic has meant that every date becomes more precious. Quiet people need 3-5 dates before they start to blossom. And there is less of “the grass is greener” move on quickly during Covid.

 

  1. You are less likely to be catfished. I was just reading an article about whole industries that hire professional writers to work to have you fall in love with them. Agh! You might be writing someone else just to find out they are not anything like they are letting on. If you need help to wade through the scary world of dating in general (and to clean up some of the old baggage) feel free to reach out. My three session of dating coaching will GUARANTEE you dates. Just saying….

 

And through all of this Ducklingdating.com is launching. It’s open to a variety of relationship models, vetted, local, kind, with authentic questions that celebrate who you are – not what you have. Check it out and the Duck site.

,

School of Sex on non-monogamy followed by a Zumba dance class and then burlesque

SEPT 29 in Ottawa starting at 3:30 41 Rosemount Ave

We are trying something different with our sex skills school. We know there is a need for continuous information. We want to do weekly 45 minute classes rather than a two hour presentation. First week is the art of the erotic touch and massage. THIS WEEK IS EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT NON_MONOGAMY!

Examples of non-monogamy can be:
~Two couples connecting with each other (quad)
~Heterosexual couple Bringing in an extra male (hot wife)
~Swing clubs where everything from gentle touching on the dance floor to full blown orgies (and everything in between) happens
~Polyamorous. Means to love more than one person. But can be someone who is married and has a girlfriend/boyfriend or more.
~Alternative relationships in all kinds of ways. Asexual while one partner has other sexual interactions, monogamous but in different cities.
~Friend with benefits for an occasional hook up

We have booked the hall for five weeks ( Sept 29, Oct 27, Nov 3rd) for five different School of Sex techniques (everything on best hand jobs, the advanced art of oral sex, talking dirty etc).
We will have a chance to get the best information, research and ideas in a safe way. You can always sit at the back of the room but everyone can get better in bed. Up your sex IQ.

And then we throw in an exercise class followed by a 30 minute mingle. So it’s a sex class, exercise class, and a chance to mingle afterwards!
Everyone needs to increase their hip mobility, pelvic tilts, keegals and other sex muscles. Let’s dress in the skankiest workout clothes, throw on the music and have Carla the certified Zumba instructor lead us through a fun workout targeting our sex muscles. We need to be bendy and put those ankles behind our ears.

And then we have Kopy Kat teaching us burlesque! It’s co-ed and super sexy. All you need is your workout clothes and let’s start walking tall and strutting our stuff.

Bring your workout clothes (there is a place to change)
The cost is $30 for all three School of Sex, Zumba or burlesque! Or $20 for any one class. Be a rock star in the bedroom and strengthen those boffing bits! See you then!
Only some of our members are on meetups. The rest are on our newsletter (make sure you are getting the pictures from us every week and in the private facebook group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/335381237198870/pending/

Rosemount Orange Hall Sept 29 starting at 3:30. $30 for all three classes. 41 Rosemount Ave

,

School of Sex. Nipple stimulation, anal sex and chocolate bunt cake! Be informed

It’s time for a School of Sex!
Our survey results mentioned Anal play as a topic of interest, and there are some new toys, and techniques around nipple and breast stimulation that needs addressing. We want to add some bunt cake to the mix (that’s the cake with a hole in it) along with a chance to meet, mingle and make new friends!
We will cover the 14 misconceptions about anal sex, and why 46% of Canadians want some kind of rear end play. The afternoon will also cover prostate massage, pegging, and the latest in butt toys. And if that’s not enough, we will outline a program of breast stimulation that the latest literature suggests actually works to improve size, and firmness of breast tissues. A fun activity to try with a friend (or friends!)
We will have a try-this-at-home play set of nipple clamps, and a game that involves “headlights”.
We think everyone can get better in bed. Even with over 25 years as a Sex Therapist there are always new things to learn. Be great in bed and up your sex IQ.
It’s discreet (you can wear a fake name and sit at the back of the room), funny, incredibly informative and interactive. And a number of our Duckling couples have met at School of Sex mingles. So it’s a great way to make connections. Come out on a Sunday afternoon and learn about bottom and breast play. And eat chocolate cake in funny shapes.
We have some in person and virtual School of Sex’s coming up. Check out the Duckling lineup!

, ,

Huge Erotic Art Exhibit with over 200 pieces of nudes, sensuous and sassy art! September 29, 30th 2017

The idea started because we couldn’t find any galleries that carried classy erotic art for our office. It’s evolved to be the perfect date night activity. A Friday/Saturday pop-up erotic art exhibit with over 200 pieces of art. Wine bar, chocolate samples, music, and a chance to get your picture taken as a couple. Most of the artists will be in attendance and you can appreciate the human form portrayed by the best visual artists around.Tell your friends and co-workers to come see the art. There has never been so many pieces of erotic art in one place in the city’s history. It will be a perfect date night and girl’s night out.
For Ducklings there will be a private VIP section with nude art models along with a chance to paint them on the Saturday evening. Really. There will be body painting, learn-how-to-draw nudes (with a bunch of models), chocolate, an erotic food tasting off a naked body, body part casting, an “ass-print collage” and so much more! Anyone can come to the art show but after 7 pm on Saturday night you have to be a Duckling to attend!
The schedule includes a live body casting of strategic squishy parts. A “feel and identify” human sculptures, a body painting of nude models, an artist teaching how to draw nude models in different mediums, erotic edibles (eating off a naked body), music and food. It’s going to be unique and we’ve been planning this for months.
The art show runs Friday evening along with Saturday afternoon 2 to 7 pm if you can’t make it Saturday night and just want to see the art. It’s a great date night with food and drinks available. Then we will dance like nobody is watching, drink beverages, and use a variety of different mediums to create our own erotic masterpieces.
We will create a collective Duckling portrait and eat foods that double as aphrodisiacs.
We have been working on this event for close to a year!
We event have our own website and facebook page! See the gorgeous website here
Get your Saturday (7-11 pm) Duckling-only VIP tickets below!.
When
Friday September 29, 2017 – 6 pm to 9 pm $10 admission and everyone is welcome.
Saturday, September 30, 2017 – 2 pm to 7 pm $10 admission all are welcome
Saturday 7 pm to 11 pm VIP Party – body painting, paint night, chocolate fondue dance party plus meet some of the artists!
(must be a paid Duckling member to attend – membership can be purchased at the event or online here)
Where
Collabspace – 70 Bongard Ave
Tickets
$10 at the door (cash only) for the public events Friday evening and Saturday afternoon
$25 online (coming soon) or at the door for the VIP event Saturday night
(includes entrance to the art show)
Email us at info@eroticartshow.ca
Presented to you by Sex With Sue and We are the Ducklings $30





, ,

New date night ideas! Pick a suggestion and make a sexy date happen.

happy
So it’s late summer and the schedules are irregular. Life is good but there are lots of family, and social obligations and chores to be done. Planning a date night with your partner may have gotten lost in the shuffle. It’s definitely time to pick a few ideas and plan something before homework and football games take over.
1.Try a honey tasting! As a beekeeper and honey sommelier I definitely eat my share of honey. Honey has been known for its medicinal properties for thousands of years. Honey not only is an excellent sweetener, will never go bad, and can prevent wound infections it also can boost the immune system, relieve seasonal allergies, and improve gut health.
Honey also tastes amazing and has unique flavours based on the geographical location, types of flower nectar sourced by the bees and how the beekeeper has harvested the honey. Time of the year impacts the flavor of honeys. Autumn honeys tend to be darkest and most full-bodied but crystalizes the most quickly. This is the time of year that it is most flavourful and has the most aphrodisiac properties. Buy a few different local honeys (honeys from the grocery store is often cut with other ingredients or pasteurized- killing the healthy enzymes). Blindfold your partner and pour some honey into a glass. Using a clean spoon have them taste the honey and describe the taste. You can kiss them and let them nibble a little green between honeys to cleanse their palates. Have them pick their favourite. Then you get to spread it on you and have them continue the tasting….
2. Send them text bombs or random questions. Make them into paper airplanes, leave them on the bathroom mirror or in their wallets. It’s a fun thing to do if you have some time and want to find something out about your partner you don’t know.
`What’s something you always wanted to do as a child but never got to do it?
`If you were in a witness protection program, what would be your new name and where would you go?
`If you could get away with a crime, would you? If yes, what would it be?
`Who was your first celebrity crush?
`What’s the worst thing you ever did as a child and what was your punishment?
`What is one thing you refuse to share?
`What are two things you would do if you woke up to find yourself completely invisible?
`If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?
`If you could be on the cover of any magazine which one would you choose?
`What song would you sing for your American Idol audition?
3. Find the country fairs! Check out the homemade pies, look at the 4 H club livestock judging, go on a merry-go-round, and take in a local band. This is the time of year and there is one on every weekend.
4. Star gazing with foods you haven’t tried before. We like to try mystery fruits. Things like dragonfuit and lychee
and look up at the night sky. This is the best time of year to do this because there aren’t any bugs. You can also do a tailgate picnic in the evening and watch the sun set.
5. Take one of the couple’s cooking classes. Around here the Loblaw’s cooking schools or LCBO classes are fabulous. There is also one every Tuesday night at the Independent at Bank and Somerset where you get a $10 gift card for the $10 class. Loved their pizza making. Playing with dough was sexy.
6. Make a drive-in movie. Lots of people have those projectors that show off computer screens. It can project easily to the side of your house or even a sheet on the wall. But the fun is doing it outside. Run a “drive-in type movie”. Think Indiana Jones, Grease, or The Martian. Sit in the car and make out during it. There is a reason why drive-in’s never go out of style.

,

Why adults are still craving intimacy and the desire to stay sexy into middle age.

We as Canadians have always prided ourselves on our ability to be flexible, inclusive and to be open to both new ideas and changing times. Never has this been more necessary than in recent years. With households (often blended) requiring two working parents with irregular work schedules, kids in all sorts of programs often requiring travel –think hockey families- and more opportunity than ever to have spare time consumed in new and exciting ways, it is not a surprise that intimate time is at a premium and that the same old time spent between the sheets isn’t enough to capture our attention. Simply put, we as a nation are craving more interesting ways to spark our relationships. We are questioning whether the intimacy that the previous generations shared will see us through. The fifty plus percent divorce rate suggests not.
So if one or both partners in a relationship draw this conclusion, what is the next step? We (my husband Blaik and I) tested a theory during 2015 and were blown away by the results. It was kind of a “if we build it, will they come?” sort of thing. We set out to build a sassy and flirty club for couples and singles along the lines of monogamish. Monogamish is a relatively new term for couples who want to expand their sexuality and intimacy in a safe and fun way that allows for shifting into that “outside your comfort zone” area while maintaining the integrity of the relationship. Think being allowed to flirt with other people, perhaps visit a nude beach with a gaggle of like-minded friends or attend a sexy dance where you may enjoy multiple dance partners all with the approval of your primary partner.
We created a meet up group, sent out a newsletter, organized a few events and stepped back. Boom! 1500 people signed up in the first 9 months. We outgrew venue after venue. We added more events and they sold out. The club grows by 5 people per day. It is astounding the number of adults who want to be seen as sexy by their peers. And it goes without saying that they would rather do this with their partner’s involvement than behind their partner’s backs. We discovered that if you provide an outlet for couples to express the sexiness together in a manner safe to the relationship, they are all in. Their intimacy as a couple grew substantially as they remembered just how attractive their own partner was and could be.
Our experiment had other interesting spin-offs. As the community grew, volunteers came forward to both help out with the workload and offer their personal expertise. In other words, it was developing a life of its own. It has become a large part of many people’s lives and has become their social network. It has sparked relationships and people sign up for events months away because it gives them something to connect over and talk about.
The experiment needed a name and the club became “The Ducklings”. The website (www.wearetheducklings.com) was launched and more events are being posted each week. If you are interested in seeing the results of an experiment devised last March, you are invited to join the group and attend the January James Bond Casino night and dance. Laughter, hot costumes, sex appeal, and great fun from a bunch of regular Ottawa couples who simply understand that if you aren’t using that inner sexiness then you are losing it. And if you are using it, your own relationship becomes that much hotter which promotes deeper intimacy. These days, we all can use some of that.
intimacy2

, , , , ,

Casino Royale with the Ducklings! Dress as your favorite Bond character!

Update! While this event has passed (and it was epic) we hold three events a week. Come be a Duckling!
We are a group of people trying not to turn into their parents, have fun, and stay sexy. We also have built a community of safe, kind, fun friends. Come join us!
Shaken not stirred.
We are having a Casino Royale style party in January to pretend we are all out of a Bond movie. We will get dressed up, play blackjack and roulette (with monopoly money), win prizes and drink sophisticated drinks, and dance like crazy fools (as Ducklings like to do) all while pretending to have gadgets on our watches. Save the January 23rd, 2016 date. We sorting out a special Duckling martini with Lutz, the Duckling bartender! The location is just east of Parkdale between Gladstone and Wellington.
Where else do you get to wear long gowns and gloves (with nothing underneath) or pretend you are the villain Jaws and show off your silver teeth. You can always dig up the tuxes if you have them and be the best dressed guy in the room.
It should be a blast! A great way to work out the winter blahs. This is a 3.5 duck event. Tickets will be $20 each and available on the site at www.sexwithsue.com/duckling-events. We will sell out and you NEED TO BUY YOUR TICKET! RSVP’ing yes isn’t enough. Website, Email transfer (and in a few pre-arranged cases you can pay at the door).

,

Why connecting with a community of friends will help you live up to 7 years longer

I had lunch with an old friend of mine a few weeks ago. He was lamenting about the fact that busy lives made it hard to connect with the gang of friends that we all used to hang out with and yet he felt better when he made time for “his peeps”. It turns out that he’s not alone.
There is consistent evidence in the scientific literature that social relationships do affect health and longevity.
Most people I know, especially those with kids, find it hard to fit friends in amongst work, housework, and aging parents. The three-decade long Brigham Young University study showed that having an active community is one of the five things that affects quality of life and lets you live close to four years longer.
“People with good social relationships — friends, family and community involvement — were 50% less likely to die during study periods than those with sparse social support, the authors found. It’s an effect comparable to that of quitting smoking.” If you add things like consuming antioxidants such as green tea, getting enough Vitamin D and trace minerals, making sure you take time to de-stress during the day and actively take your holidays you have a much greater chance of being an octogenarian.
Quality friendships are more than the number of Facebook likes. The study references “a like-minded community of friends who get our humor, and have similar interests”. These are the people who are by our side in good times and bad. We need to build real human contact into our lives now more than ever. Susan Pinker, a Montreal based Developmental Psychologist researched the physiological effects of community. She offers up these key facts about those of us who make community a vital part of our lives.
Social butterflies live longer: People with a circle of friends who get together regularly live an average of 15 years longer than a loner. Friendship is good for the brain: The lowest rate of dementia appears in people with extensive social networks.
The touch of friendship: A hug, squeeze on the arm or a pat on the back lowers physiological stress responses, which in turn helps the body fight infection and inflammation.
Having a circle of friends leads to a lifetime of benefits. “In general, the role of friendship in our lives isn’t terribly well appreciated,” said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro. “There is just scads of stuff on families and marriage, but very little on friendship. It baffles me. Friendship has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships.” However outside of school and work contacts how do adults make new connections? Hosting a “play date” with a new buddy takes on a whole new meaning outside of Elementary school. For some people making friends is easy. Many others, though, find themselves as wallflowers without having learned the nuances of working rooms and effortlessly include new potential friends in their lives. So where do you make new friends? 30% of North Americans hang out with their work friends. It’s also the place where they meet new potential partners. Lots of people use meet-ups, chat rooms, Craig’s Lists and other online forums to meet like-minded people. I have a client whose new friends have come from a monthly ukulele group. Whatever your community looks like it’s time to reach out to them. They may save your life.
It goes even further than this. In Susan Pinker’s ted Talk she lists the top two markers for longevity. It’s not genetics, stopping smoking, obesity, whether or not you’ve had previous health concerns. It’s whether or not you have three or more people you can call for help. And if you have daily social interaction. Her ted talk is worth a listen.
If you are lonely then you need to do something about it. Now. If you are in one of the three cities that host our group the Ducklings then I encourage you to come out and be included. I promise you will be seen and welcomed. If not, find a community group that sparks your interest. Ukulele playing, awe throwing, or not-your-Mother’s-book-club. Your life depends on it.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

, , , , , ,

Spring courses, Why love is not enough, and new ideas to keep-it-hot

I interviewed Gretchen Rubin, the author of the Happiness Project and happiness expert a few years ago for my radio show. She offered advice like “make sure you make your bed” and “think about trying meditation” as small things you can do to increase happiness. Happiness needs health, career, and community in order to thrive. But before all of that most people define happiness “as directly related to the quality of their intimate relationships”. How many times have you heard the adage “happy wife, happy life” this summer alone? When you have a great relationship the sun shines brighter, food tastes better and we have a bounce to our step. The challenge is that intimate relationships take a ton of work. Hopefully much of that is fun to do. Gottman’s much quoted research about how to predict a couples eventual divorce with 96% accuracy suggests there are a few things not to do. Those include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and disengaging. But he also suggests that what works is defusing the stress of the day.What’s the most powerful little exercise to improve a marriage? “Reunite at the end of the day and talk about how it went.” The goal is to bleed off stress from the day so it can’t negatively affect your relationship.
So call out your partner. My challenge doesn’t include a bucket of ice. It’s short, medium and long term work this fall. Make a 21 day commitment to check in with your partner at the end of the day NO MATTER WHAT. Do it by skype if you have to. Consider taking a relationship course. I’ve got the gentle “keeping it hot” PG-13 version as well as the x-rated version listed below. If not mine, then find a tantra, or salsa class you can take together this fall. Finally, commit to getting away for a weekend. Relationships absolutely require uninterrupted, intimate time. Your happiness depends on it.
Couples Workshop on intimacy, keeping it hot, and romance
workshop10
The new workshop starting this spring
One of the most common questions I get asked from clients is how do you keep up the passion? Especially for people who have been together for a long time. Finding out what’s new in sex, and exploring things you may not have tried is the theme of this new workshop. So if you are asking questions like; What if we want to try something a little more risqué? or How do we try it with grace and integrity? then you may want to consider this workshop for singles and couples. Sex Therapist Sue McGarvie and her husband Blaik Spratt are presenting a 4 week workshop on outlining all of the mild and wild things you can do to create a smoking hot relationship- all without stepping on relationship landmines. This is for couples (and singles) that know they want to ignite the passion within and to learn about new sexual experiences in a safe, professional atmosphere. Sue McGarvie (sex with Sue) has been talking about sex in Ottawa for close to 25 years. Along with her husband Blaik, they can be your tour guides into what might be the best way to safely spark up your love life.
Find out how amazing your sex life could be this September with topics that include:
What turns you on?
Where are you on the sexual continuum? Where is your partner and what does it all mean?
What is your Love Language and how does your sweetie feel loved?
Sensual touch and Tantric sex.
Burlesque, body image and how to move in a sexy way.
Read More
Why simply being in love isn’t enough to make relationships stick
I tell my clients that simply “being in love” isn’t enough to fix all of their problems. Unfortunately, love doesn’t conquer all. With a 52% divorce rate in this country, couples need more tools besides love in order to make relationships sustainable. Things like attraction, similar interests and values, support systems, courtesy and acceptance. You can go to your grave loving someone but if you can’t live with them the relationship is doomed. So what can you do? There is a great article by Mark Manson talking about why this adage is oh-so-true.
Manson calls them three harsh truths about love:
1. Love does not equal compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.
Read More
The Ethical Hedonist 2. From Jealousy to BDSM The advanced workshop.
This workshop is for couples who wish to learn and understand the dynamics in enhanced sexual relationships. This course is also recommended for couples who want more information beyond an introduction to what is out there to experience. So if you are asking questions like; How do I bring up and possibly negotiate expanding our sex life to include new forms of play? and If we do walk that path, how do we maximize the experience while minimizing the risk?, then this may well be for you. (There is no requirement to take EH1 before EH2)
Find out how amazing your sex life could be this spring with topics that include:
Week 1 Jealousy, insecurities, anxiety about alternative sexual adventures. Negotiating sexual experimentation, and understanding interpersonal dynamics.
Read More
Sue McGarvie,

Home

sue_banner-300x67

, , , ,

The best new ways to meet the man you can love this spring.

meetingI did a speech this week to a women’s group in a neighboring city. It was a professional women’s association made up of women 35-55. I was doing my talk I like to call “Even Superwomen get Stretchmarks”, about women, intimacy and work/life balance. I was going into the best ways to stay connected with your partner, when one of the women piped up that “she didn’t have a partner so how was she to stay connected?”
The room quickly dissolved into a discussion about being single again (or still). It turns out that in most major metropolitan areas singles constitute over 30% of the population. With a majority of those over the age of 40, being women. Despite being a proponent of smart, targeted online dating, many of the women present had been disappointed by their experiences online dating. So what’s a girl to do?
If you think you are ready to find a relationship I offer up 5 things you have to be aware of, and then a list of the best places to go to meet them.
1. Are you too shallow? Meaning is looks all that matter?
2. Are you are gold digger? Meaning all you care about is how he fills out his wallet?
3. Are you crazy? Is you past issues getting in the way of you finding love?
4. Are you too picky? Do you have a list of partner qualities that even Superman couldn’t fill?
5.Do you have that scent of desperation? Do you already have your wedding planned out and just need to “insert some groom here?” Are you rushing the relationship?
6. Are you a doormat? Are you willing to overlook any poor behavior in order to have a partner?
If you can honestly say that the above questions don’t apply to you then read on. If they do, send me an email at radioshrink@rogers.com and lets work through them either in person or by skype/webcam sessions.
If you’re ready then make an appointment at the spa, look as good as you can be and pick out a man hunting outfit that you feel confident and sexy in. Get up to speed on current events (I read Time Magazine’s website) and find a wingman. A wingman is a girlfriend or buddy you can go to events with.
Here’s the list of great places to frequent to meet that new partner.
1. Crash a party or wedding. It takes guts but if you’re well dressed and confident you can meet a whole new group of people. The best excuse is that you are scoping the venue as you are planning a future event.
2. Moonlighting. My favorite idea is the contracting desk at Home Depot where all those masculine guys with tool belts hang out. Go work at a sporting event, bar, or somewhere men congregate.
3. Go to as many parties as you can. Every Christmas when I was single four friends and I would swap Xmas party invites. I went to the chiropractic parties, my friend Dirk would come to my medical events, and we both would go to Betina’s law events. The food was always great at those. I met people who’s paths I would seldom cross.
4. Food/wine tasting. I love those things. You may have to diet the week following, but in Ontario the LCBO has lots of classes, as many of the upscale restaurants.
5. Co-ed volleyball. Bar none the best place I’ve heard of to meet fit, interesting men.
6. The same can be said of pool/bowling leagues, and believe it or not, latin dance classes.
7. Car shows. The place is crowded with men, and they are all imagine you lying across the hoods of those shiny vehicles.
8. Dog walking. Borrow a friend’s if you don’t have one. It’s a fabulous way to make friends.
9. Golf club. Take lessons from the pro and get out there. One of life’s social activities like skiing that helps you connect.
10. Investment seminar. Or upscale retirement living seminar if you are of that generation. Don’t commit to anything but get some tips and mingle.
A few years ago my husband and I started The Ducklings- a date night group for singles and couples. It’s now in 3 cities and has over 5,000 members. Our mission statement is about sexy but safe adventures. I like to say that it’s a group of people trying not to turn into their parents. Read about it and join us!