I stayed at Temptation Cancun for a few nights on a media tour back in 2012. At that time it had a “spring break” feel with loads of young 20 somethings headed into the big nightclubs like Cocobongo’s or drinking at the swim up bar until they had to be helped out of the pool.

It was loud, and everyone was there to drink as much as they could guzzle. I was only one of three topless women out on the beach. I remember rolling my eyes when someone asked to take my half naked, post-pregnancy picture. Compared to the service, grace and elegance of their sister resort Desire Riviera, Maya  Temptations seemed very shabby in comparison.

Not anymore.

In the last decade Temptations has grown up. Temptation Resort Cancun now rivals the 60 year old Hedonism Jamaica as the top party resort in the Caribbean. Fully renovated since I was there in 2012, Temptations has undergone a transformation. Located right in downtown Cancun, a short 10 minute beach walk from the high speed ferry stop to Isla Morales and beside the marina that runs the all-day boobs cruises.

Temptations Resort feels bright, fun, colorful, sexy, vibrant. And big. Boasting 430 rooms at double occupancy along with a 3 to 1 ratio of staff to guests means that there are over 1000 people at any given time. During their Saturday afternoon foam pool party, I ballparked that there were close to 650 people dancing in the pool.

If you want a non-stop party, then Temptations is the resort for you. The week they were there the resort ran a party from dusk to dawn with huge crowds that managed to stay up all night. Giant Mexican puppets danced with revelers, along with fire dancers & acrobatic shows every night.

We often met a number of partiers heading to bed as we sipped our coffee on the beach at 8 am.  In truth the only time the main Temptations sexy pool is quiet is between 6 and 10 am. The activity staff are fun, and good humored (great at engaging sunburnt tourists in sexy drinking games), and they offered lively and fun afternoon and evening games.

There is a quiet pool near the beach for downtime. Juan the fantastic bartender made what I called a “fruit smoothie” (banana daiquiri with petito rum). The best I’ve ever had, each served with a smile. Besides the unlimited drinks, the food was an absolute highlight. There was variety, amazing service and we didn’t have a bad meal. We tried all the restaurants – each with their own flavor & style. I felt a bit like a stuffed goose in that there was so much great offerings that you wanted to try it all.

You can escape the party atmosphere for a while if you need to. The resort was comfortable, elegant and spotless. One of the Canadian’s I was travelling with said “that she had never been to a cleaner resort”. Staff were working constantly keeping the resort pristine.

My big complaint was the quiet pool wasn’t heated (unlike the main pool) to the point where it was too cold for a Canadian to even dip a toe.

Original resorts – the ownership group of Temptations and Desire are trying hard to keep their market share in the adult only resort destination. The entire resort is topless. Unlike 10 years ago the majority of the women there were topless.

Their new properties in the Dominican Republic opening in 2022 are going to be fully nude. They are also going to be even more sex positive with lifestyle playrooms on site. The new Temptations cruise that sails Valentine’s week 2022 will also have fully nude areas and designed fantasy playrooms.

Temptations while staying on this side of the line is known to have lots of swingers in attendance. Temptations Resort calls itself “Lifestyle friendly”. It means that you can be very sexy up to the line of overt sexuality.  Hook ups are happening all around you but are taken out of the public domain.

Let me emphasize, it’s a sexy atmosphere. Club theme nights included lingerie, schoolgirl, naughty nurse/emergency etc. Little was left to the imagination. You needed an extra suitcase for all the dinner and club outfits. Even if you are in a monogamous relationship the sensuous environment is palatable.

If the resort has some challenges it’s in it’s ineffective reservation booking system for dinner and the very much two classes of guests between regular guests and Premier (or timeshare) members. Different access, the haves and the have nots were very evidently differentiated in seating, lounge chairs, extra perks (including the exclusive Sky Lounge). If you weren’t a Premier member count on the sales pitch every time you hit the lobby. We had a number of our group buy Premier memberships and we also had two members complain to the managers about how pushy the time share salespeople were.

We visited in November 2021. The feel was very much that the pandemic was a thing of the past. It was interesting to hear from the staff that they were feeling back to normal after almost two years of few travelers due to Covid. Mexico doesn’t require a negative test to enter nor does it require guests to be vaccinated. Nobody checked our Covid ap when we arrived and proof of vaccinations wasn’t required by the resort.

 

We chose to manage the Covid risk ourselves. We stayed with fellow Canadians for the week (unlike the Americans we all had to show proof of vaccination to fly) and the entire staff wore masks and had been fully vaccinated. If you are immunocompromised or concerned about catching Covid then the huge foam parties are not for you.

 

We found outside spaces to eat, quiet areas where you can watch the party from a safe distance that were easy to find. The resort was wiped down continuously. We arranged for a PCR test to come to the resort 72 hours before we flew at a negotiated cost of $90 USD per person. We had the results in 12 hours. There is also an antigen testing building a short walk from the resort. It felt safe being outside and our comfort level had us passing on the nighttime entertainment the few nights when rain moved everyone inside.

 

It will be interesting to watch how Temptations walks the line between flirty and sex and appeals to that huge middle group of people looking for a sensuous – but safe- adventure that spices up their relationship without leaving a bad taste in your mouth.

 

Unlike many of the other ‘lifestyle” resorts, Temptations allows singles. If you were looking for a clothing optional paradise with like-minded people for an escape and consider yourself a party person then Temptations Cancun is a great resort to try.

 

There is much to be said about vacations that don’t have unsupervised children splashing and spoiling an afternoon at the poolside. Maybe Temptations will be the half way point and a stronger choice in adult only vacation than a Sandals or Breezes resort because it offers a gateway to an open-minded culture of sensuality without crossing a line.

 

We need to read sexy bedtime stories!!!

Everytime we plan events this fall the Premier tightens things up even more. Sigh. Covid has put a damper on our fun gatherings.
As such (desire some grumbling) I am embracing the virtual events.
One of the ideas that has come up is erotic bedtime stories. With the reader in the outfit of their choice.
I can provide the erotica but we have some hot scenes that might make cool evenings a little warmer.
Anyone up to read a story? I will be sending epub books to anyone who wants to read.
Let’s start with one evening and see how it goes.
Please let me know if you are game to read a story.

Sue McGarvie is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: erotic bedtime stories! First edition.
Time: Oct 18, 2020 08:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)

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We know this pesky pandemic has caused challenges to many people’s sex life. Random hookups, sex clubs, and one night stands are completely on hold. Sex with someone new can be life threatening. But many of us are missing a sexy life.
But as new information about the pandemic comes to light we can start making better choices when it comes to our sexual encounters.
The only thing that has kept me sane through the last few months when we can only gather in small groups is our germ circle. That’s a cohesive “family” group that has isolated and agrees to keep each other safe. We’ve helped each other out, shared grocery shopping, had a few recent socially distant backyard BBQ’s and got masked hugs when we needed it. As a mental health professional I am seeing that without human contact the cure for Covid may be worse than what ails you for some people.
Now that the Province and other parts of the world are cautiously opening up (Yay!!!!!!!) the idea that we might be open to cautious sexual encounters. You are horny but scared. The good news is that while Covid 19 is very contagious it isn’t transmitted sexually. Wear your mask, wash your hands and calm your anxieties. Sex is good for you.
Here is a list of what sex does for the body if you do want to step out. And if you are looking for a partner consider trying the new Duckling Dating site. I manage it and it’s friendly, authentic, verified, fun, open and super-sexy.
in the meantime, having sex improves your urinary incontinence, fights middle age, improves relationships, and gives you a total body workout. Here are some of the other things it does in a quote from the well mind people/

Physical Benefits of Increased Sex

It’s fairly intuitive to understand how sex improves emotional health, but there are a number of physical benefits from sex as well. Some of these include:

    • Better physical fitness: Sex is a form of exercise. According to the American Heart Association, sexual activity is equivalent to moderate physical activities, like brisk walking or climbing two flights of stairs.7 The motion of sex can tighten and tone abdominal and pelvic muscles. For women, improved muscle tone improves bladder control.
    • Enhanced brain function: Preliminary studies on rats found that more frequent intercourse was correlated with better cognitive function and the growth of new brain cells. Similar benefits have since been observed in human studies. A 2018 study of over 6,000 adults linked frequent sex with better memory performance in adults ages 50 and older.8
    • Improved immune function: Being more sexually active has positive effects on immune function.9 Regular sex may even lower your likelihood of getting a cold or the flu.
    • Lower pain levels: The endorphins from sex promote more than just a sense of well-being and calm. Sex endorphins also appear to reduce migraine and back pain.
  • May Promote Weight Loss: Having sex for 30 minutes burns an average of 200 calories.10

    The rewarding brain chemicals released during sex can subdue food cravings and support weight loss.

  • Positive cardiac effects: Sexual activity (but not masturbation) has been linked with lower systolic blood pressure.11 Elevated blood pressure increases the risk of heart disease and stroke. Sexual activity helps dilate blood vessels, increasing the delivery of oxygen and nutrients throughout the body while reducing blood pressure.
  • Additional physical benefits: Being more sexually active boosts libido and increases vaginal lubrication. Frequent intercourse is associated with lighter menstrual periods and less painful period cramps. In addition, an improved sense of smell, healthier teeth, better digestion, and glowing skin may be related to the release of DHEA by the body after sex.

I’ve got a new book to share to clients and Duckling members.
It’s an ebook called your sex bucket list that I will happily email to you if you reach out to me. It’s been interesting interviewing clients and group members about the kind of things they want to try sexually and this and other information can offer up some great sex ideas that may not have occurred to you.
Talking about a wish list is more than fantasy. I may have a fantasy about a sex scene with people dressed up like the cast of Scooby Doo but it’s not something I’m going to try. On the other hand I do want to play with a variety of floggers with my partner to see which one he responds to best. That’s a bucket list item. And trying to walk the line in my head between fantasy and wish list has been a fun exercise while I’m stuck inside during the pandemic. Talking also been a great way to see the differences between how men and women think about sex. For me a checklist of crazy ideas from gentle touch to fantasies that involve yodeling and cream cheese (and everything in between and far after) has me a good reminder of the breadth of human sexual imagination.
There are a couple of lists online (Cosmo truth be told seems a little ho hum) but they give you a starting place. And if you are kinkier than usual try going through some of the product suggestions on the extreme restraints site.
So if sex is your hobby (and it’s certainly mine) then I encourage you to start a running list of things you want to try in bed. It helps build your sex IQ. And if you want to talk about making it happen in the form of a 30 or 60 minute session with me inexpensively then I encourage you to book a skype/facetime/messenger appointment.
Here’s a starting list. Check off all that might apply and then show your partner….
1. Kiss a girl
2. Have anal
3. Have a threesome
4. Engage in group sex
5. Have phone sex
6. Masturbate
7. Use a vibrator
8. Use a sex toy on someone else
9. Be tied up
10. Tie someone up
11. Have sex in a public space
12. Be a voyeur and watch others having sex (live, porn does not count)
13. Sex in a car
14. Sex at a drive-in
15. Mile-high club
16. Sex with a stranger
17. One-night stand
18. Married sex (the best kind, in my opinion)
19. Sex on a boat
20. Sex in a body of water
21. Light spanking
22. Read erotica
23. Play strip poker/Monopoly/card game
24. Sex in the shower
25. Sex standing up against a wall
26. Sex in a tent in the wilderness
27. Sex with no kissing
28. Sex in the pitch black
29. Sex in the broad daylight
30. Making out with no sex long after you’re no longer a virgin
31. Blindfolded
32. Watch porn together
33. Watch porn alone
34. Learn to give yourself multiple orgasms
35. Sex on the beach
36. Using ice sexually
37. Sexual role play
38. Whipped cream
39. La Perla lingerie sex
40. Frederick’s of Hollywood lingerie sex
41. A quickie in a skirt
42. Sex with someone much older
43. Sex with someone younger (legal!)
44. Sex in a foreign country, possibly with a foreigner
45. A longie in the rain
46. Sex in the ocean while people swim all around you
47. Feather ticklers
48. Sex while “altered” whether by alcohol or something else
49. Learn to orgasm in less than five minutes from intercourse alone
50. Silent sex in a full house

This is adult Christmas shopping! It’s all the items you can’t buy at a church bazaar this holiday. Corsets, pasties, Erotic Art, wine, Toys, and so much more.
We will have pictures with Santa only far more inappropriate. A lingerie fashion show and a Christmas playlist that they don’t play in elevators. $10 at the door and proceeds are going to Ottawa breast cancer support for local survivors. We have two Ducks (and Blaik’s sister) all fighting breast cancer and we want to help.
You can park in the school parking lot across the street. Music, community, shopping wine, Santa, food all for a fantastic cause. We will have elves wrapping presents and some fabulous vendors. Come and join us.
The Rosemount Orange Hall! 41 Rosemount Ave Ottawa. Parking across the street at the school

Update! While this event has passed (and it was epic) we hold three events a week. Come be a Duckling!
We are a group of people trying not to turn into their parents, have fun, and stay sexy. We also have built a community of safe, kind, fun friends. Come join us!
Shaken not stirred.
We are having a Casino Royale style party in January to pretend we are all out of a Bond movie. We will get dressed up, play blackjack and roulette (with monopoly money), win prizes and drink sophisticated drinks, and dance like crazy fools (as Ducklings like to do) all while pretending to have gadgets on our watches. Save the January 23rd, 2016 date. We sorting out a special Duckling martini with Lutz, the Duckling bartender! The location is just east of Parkdale between Gladstone and Wellington.
Where else do you get to wear long gowns and gloves (with nothing underneath) or pretend you are the villain Jaws and show off your silver teeth. You can always dig up the tuxes if you have them and be the best dressed guy in the room.
It should be a blast! A great way to work out the winter blahs. This is a 3.5 duck event. Tickets will be $20 each and available on the site at www.sexwithsue.com/duckling-events. We will sell out and you NEED TO BUY YOUR TICKET! RSVP’ing yes isn’t enough. Website, Email transfer (and in a few pre-arranged cases you can pay at the door).

spicing1Tips to keep things hot
It’s the #1 question I get from women over 30. I get constantly asked how to spice up relationships without stepping on landmines. For many people, the thought of having repetitive identical sex with the same partner for the next 30 years causes a decrease in libido, and has couples feeling shut down. I do a workshop with my husband we call “The Loving Hedonist”. It’s all about what’s new in sex. The seminars cover topics such as stepping out of your comfort zone, learning what really turns you on and how express your fantasies and desires safely. More importantly, it’s about understanding that adding creativity in the bedroom is one of the top three things you can do to stem off your chance of becoming one of the 51% of Canadians that divorce. The other two involve communication without stonewalling or contempt, and enhancing bonds of friendship and similar interests.
But what can you do today to spice up your intimacy?
Here is a list of eight suggestions that really work. Pick one and try it this week. Your relationship needs that kind of thought and effort.
1. Have an affair with your partner. Find a motel or hotel that charges by the half day. (Even if they are the kind where you have to pack your own towels) and set up the rendezvous. Or surprise your partner with a lunch date where you can fit in a nooner. Spontaneous sex and different locations are what most people list as memorable when I ask them about the best sex of their lives.
2. Boudoir pictures. Most people (especially men) are stimulated visually. Well done erotic photos pack a huge punch. Either hire a photographer (there are even boudoir groupons) or get a friend to take your photos. Forget the selfies, they never seem to turn out.
3. Have an imaginary threesome. Here are the rules. Sometimes called “monogamish”. Each of you picks out an anonymous person. Someone famous or maybe a server at the restaurant you frequent, but nobody you know well. Discuss together in bed what would happen if the three of you were to get together sexually. Next time select a different person.
4. Go through one of the online toy sites together. I like pinkcherry.com but Amazon has some cheap toys too, as they are both easy to navigate. Find something you both like and order it. The fun can be in the deferred gratification of waiting for the plain, brown package to arrive.
5. Act out a movie scene. Pick a movie that gets your juices racing. 50 Shades of Grey, 9 and ½ weeks or even Pride and Prejudice. Whatever works. You may start giggling but knowing what you like and taking a risk with your sweetie can make it very sexy.
6. Compete with your partner. Pitting yourself against your sweetie can boost your serotonin, attraction and chemistry. Your brain interprets that rush of adrenaline during games as connection to your partner. Anything that boosts your adrenaline bonds you as a couple. I like to suggest crazy things like bungee jumping, whitewater rafting, or sports bets. Even board games work. You can alter a basic jenga game to have blocks that read things like “kiss your partner on an interesting part of their body…”.
7. Try some light bondage. Use a simple cloth tie or try a pillowcase to immobilize them. Have your partner put their arms behind their back in an empty pillowcase and then lie back on the bed. Their body weight will hold their arms in place and allow them easy escape if desired while you touch them all over. If that doesn’t work I have a suggestion for cheap rope tricks that might get their attention.
8. I think those dollar store plastic drop sheets or shower curtains should be in everyone’s toy box. They keep your bed sheets protected while you cover your partner in oil, chocolate sauce, or whipped cream. Use your partner’s body as a base to make a sundae (or any other kind of dessert) as a treat. Then eat the treat without the use of hands.
Consider coming to one of my weekend or four week courses. Investing in your relationship and your sex life pays the best dividends. Check out the Duckling page for activities.

fallingHave you noticed that love is in the air this month? It’s that time of year when grocery stores and shopping malls are full of chocolate hearts, red roses and unconditional love seems to be on everyone’s mind. Why is love something that we seem to practice only when Hallmark tells us to? How do we make time for relationships when we are so busy trying to get through work, homework, housework, parenting, elder care, and errands? For many women, it seems like all work and no play. Where did the fun and intimacy go when we fell in love and couldn’t wait to see our partners?
Someone asked me recently what I thought was the secret to great relationships and maintaining the “in love” magic. I said that I thought “it was three hours a week of intimate time where there is sensuous touch, eye contact and conversation that isn’t about work and kids”. I’ve been pushing sensuous date nights for a while with my marriage-counseling clients. It turns out that conversation, touch, and eye gazing really are the secrets to falling (and staying in love) according to the study by Arthur Aron that is getting loads of airplay this Valentine’s season. Aron did a study in 1997 that paired 33 students (who were open to the possibility of falling love with a stranger) and had the couples ask each other 37 personal questions followed by four minutes of eye gazing. The couples in questions felt a tremendous amount of intimacy towards their previously unknown partner. One couple who met during the study actually got married.
So is it that simple? For women, conversation is huge. I used to use random questions from If… the Book of Questions as an ice breaker during my singles and couples workshops. Things like “if you were a carnival ride, which one would you be and why?” Or “What dessert would best describe your personality?” Asking personal questions of someone quickly creates intimacy between individuals and is one of the best ways to rapidly get people talking. And it turns out the type of question you ask helps find the type of relationship you are looking for.
A study by OkCupid.com found more casual questions such as ‘Do you like the taste of beer?’ were more likely to lead to a one-night stand than a long-term relationship. Questions about kids, pets, and favourite books are far more likely to help you find a partner that sticks. So if you are single, make your first dating contact letter full of interest and questions about the other person. That and lots of eye gazing by the third date and you will no doubt stand out from the crowd of many possible suitors.
So what are the elements of great relationships and how do you sustain them? While people have been trying to define love for millennia, as a sex and relationship therapist, in my opinion love is a mix of the pragmatic and the nebulous. I think that in order for love to sustain itself beyond the first year of honeymoon “in love hormones” and to endure, there needs to be a connection in four areas. First there needs to be chemistry. It’s an elusive quality, poorly defined, but critical for great love. Scientists would argue that it is a mixture of pheromones relating to a good genetic match and something else that makes your heart flutter. Secondly, love has a physical component. You need to find that person physically attractive. They don’t need to be body perfect, but there must be some features that really appeal when you see them. There also needs to be a lifestyle and intellectual match. The guy next door or someone most like yourself who becomes your best friend consistently offers the best chance for happiness and longevity in a relationship. Look for someone you have tons in common with even if they don’t seem like “your type” at first glance. Finally the emotional connection of same values leads into bonds that stick even when the going gets tough.
So meet people with commonalties of values, intellect, and lifestyle. You meet a number of them and with one of them the chemistry will hit you between the eyes. For couples who have been together awhile, work on or re-introduce those things that brought you together. Then stir up those cooling embers with intimate conversation and absolutely make time to look into each other’s eyes.
Forget asking for chocolate and flowers. Uninterrupted time, proximity, personal conversation, and face to face touch will pay the biggest dividends this Valentine’s Day.
falling1

I interviewed Gretchen Rubin, the author of the Happiness Project and happiness expert a few years ago for my radio show. She offered advice like “make sure you make your bed” and “think about trying meditation” as small things you can do to increase happiness. Happiness needs health, career, and community in order to thrive. But before all of that most people define happiness “as directly related to the quality of their intimate relationships”. How many times have you heard the adage “happy wife, happy life” this summer alone? When you have a great relationship the sun shines brighter, food tastes better and we have a bounce to our step. The challenge is that intimate relationships take a ton of work. Hopefully much of that is fun to do. Gottman’s much quoted research about how to predict a couples eventual divorce with 96% accuracy suggests there are a few things not to do. Those include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and disengaging. But he also suggests that what works is defusing the stress of the day.What’s the most powerful little exercise to improve a marriage? “Reunite at the end of the day and talk about how it went.” The goal is to bleed off stress from the day so it can’t negatively affect your relationship.
So call out your partner. My challenge doesn’t include a bucket of ice. It’s short, medium and long term work this fall. Make a 21 day commitment to check in with your partner at the end of the day NO MATTER WHAT. Do it by skype if you have to. Consider taking a relationship course. I’ve got the gentle “keeping it hot” PG-13 version as well as the x-rated version listed below. If not mine, then find a tantra, or salsa class you can take together this fall. Finally, commit to getting away for a weekend. Relationships absolutely require uninterrupted, intimate time. Your happiness depends on it.
Couples Workshop on intimacy, keeping it hot, and romance
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The new workshop starting this spring
One of the most common questions I get asked from clients is how do you keep up the passion? Especially for people who have been together for a long time. Finding out what’s new in sex, and exploring things you may not have tried is the theme of this new workshop. So if you are asking questions like; What if we want to try something a little more risqué? or How do we try it with grace and integrity? then you may want to consider this workshop for singles and couples. Sex Therapist Sue McGarvie and her husband Blaik Spratt are presenting a 4 week workshop on outlining all of the mild and wild things you can do to create a smoking hot relationship- all without stepping on relationship landmines. This is for couples (and singles) that know they want to ignite the passion within and to learn about new sexual experiences in a safe, professional atmosphere. Sue McGarvie (sex with Sue) has been talking about sex in Ottawa for close to 25 years. Along with her husband Blaik, they can be your tour guides into what might be the best way to safely spark up your love life.
Find out how amazing your sex life could be this September with topics that include:
What turns you on?
Where are you on the sexual continuum? Where is your partner and what does it all mean?
What is your Love Language and how does your sweetie feel loved?
Sensual touch and Tantric sex.
Burlesque, body image and how to move in a sexy way.
Read More
Why simply being in love isn’t enough to make relationships stick
I tell my clients that simply “being in love” isn’t enough to fix all of their problems. Unfortunately, love doesn’t conquer all. With a 52% divorce rate in this country, couples need more tools besides love in order to make relationships sustainable. Things like attraction, similar interests and values, support systems, courtesy and acceptance. You can go to your grave loving someone but if you can’t live with them the relationship is doomed. So what can you do? There is a great article by Mark Manson talking about why this adage is oh-so-true.
Manson calls them three harsh truths about love:
1. Love does not equal compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.
Read More
The Ethical Hedonist 2. From Jealousy to BDSM The advanced workshop.
This workshop is for couples who wish to learn and understand the dynamics in enhanced sexual relationships. This course is also recommended for couples who want more information beyond an introduction to what is out there to experience. So if you are asking questions like; How do I bring up and possibly negotiate expanding our sex life to include new forms of play? and If we do walk that path, how do we maximize the experience while minimizing the risk?, then this may well be for you. (There is no requirement to take EH1 before EH2)
Find out how amazing your sex life could be this spring with topics that include:
Week 1 Jealousy, insecurities, anxiety about alternative sexual adventures. Negotiating sexual experimentation, and understanding interpersonal dynamics.
Read More
Sue McGarvie,

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meetingI did a speech this week to a women’s group in a neighboring city. It was a professional women’s association made up of women 35-55. I was doing my talk I like to call “Even Superwomen get Stretchmarks”, about women, intimacy and work/life balance. I was going into the best ways to stay connected with your partner, when one of the women piped up that “she didn’t have a partner so how was she to stay connected?”
The room quickly dissolved into a discussion about being single again (or still). It turns out that in most major metropolitan areas singles constitute over 30% of the population. With a majority of those over the age of 40, being women. Despite being a proponent of smart, targeted online dating, many of the women present had been disappointed by their experiences online dating. So what’s a girl to do?
If you think you are ready to find a relationship I offer up 5 things you have to be aware of, and then a list of the best places to go to meet them.
1. Are you too shallow? Meaning is looks all that matter?
2. Are you are gold digger? Meaning all you care about is how he fills out his wallet?
3. Are you crazy? Is you past issues getting in the way of you finding love?
4. Are you too picky? Do you have a list of partner qualities that even Superman couldn’t fill?
5.Do you have that scent of desperation? Do you already have your wedding planned out and just need to “insert some groom here?” Are you rushing the relationship?
6. Are you a doormat? Are you willing to overlook any poor behavior in order to have a partner?
If you can honestly say that the above questions don’t apply to you then read on. If they do, send me an email at radioshrink@rogers.com and lets work through them either in person or by skype/webcam sessions.
If you’re ready then make an appointment at the spa, look as good as you can be and pick out a man hunting outfit that you feel confident and sexy in. Get up to speed on current events (I read Time Magazine’s website) and find a wingman. A wingman is a girlfriend or buddy you can go to events with.
Here’s the list of great places to frequent to meet that new partner.
1. Crash a party or wedding. It takes guts but if you’re well dressed and confident you can meet a whole new group of people. The best excuse is that you are scoping the venue as you are planning a future event.
2. Moonlighting. My favorite idea is the contracting desk at Home Depot where all those masculine guys with tool belts hang out. Go work at a sporting event, bar, or somewhere men congregate.
3. Go to as many parties as you can. Every Christmas when I was single four friends and I would swap Xmas party invites. I went to the chiropractic parties, my friend Dirk would come to my medical events, and we both would go to Betina’s law events. The food was always great at those. I met people who’s paths I would seldom cross.
4. Food/wine tasting. I love those things. You may have to diet the week following, but in Ontario the LCBO has lots of classes, as many of the upscale restaurants.
5. Co-ed volleyball. Bar none the best place I’ve heard of to meet fit, interesting men.
6. The same can be said of pool/bowling leagues, and believe it or not, latin dance classes.
7. Car shows. The place is crowded with men, and they are all imagine you lying across the hoods of those shiny vehicles.
8. Dog walking. Borrow a friend’s if you don’t have one. It’s a fabulous way to make friends.
9. Golf club. Take lessons from the pro and get out there. One of life’s social activities like skiing that helps you connect.
10. Investment seminar. Or upscale retirement living seminar if you are of that generation. Don’t commit to anything but get some tips and mingle.
A few years ago my husband and I started The Ducklings- a date night group for singles and couples. It’s now in 3 cities and has over 5,000 members. Our mission statement is about sexy but safe adventures. I like to say that it’s a group of people trying not to turn into their parents. Read about it and join us!

For many of the couples I work with trying to find time to connect sensually is challenging. Life gets in the way. Between work, kids, extended families, housework, friends, and community commitments romance time takes a back seat. I’ve long preached the importance of a regular, standing date night. In our house we always book something fun, and sensuous at least once a week. Intimate time needs to be a habit. If you go too long without connecting in a sensuous way it becomes awkward. That elephant in the room and it’s easier just to go to bed. However couples that don’t have sex start to feel disconnected. They begin to think they are roommates, or “friends who parent”. I think date nights are one of the five things that couples NEED to do to stay married. It’s way cheaper than hiring my brilliant sister-in-law the divorce attorney.
So what can you do to keep that heat? To this end I’m posting an up-to-date list of ideas about great, sensuous date nights that don’t cost a fortune, but help create come fun and intimate connections. I’m going to try and add 5 new ideas a quarter so keep coming back and reading the newsletters. If you need me to help you by setting up a timetable and “cracking the whip” so to speak, I would be happy to do so. I’m covered by all group health insurance plans so it’s essentially FREE. Send me a note now to suem@rogers.com. Whether by phone or in person, I’ll get you back on track.
I won’t promise that these tips will change your life, but I will say that if you leave them in the bathroom with a few pages highlighted, you may be surprised about how open your partner is to trying new things….
1. Drive around naked (or under a towel or wrap with nothing else on). Find a place to go parking that is off the beaten path. In Ontario cars are considered private property, and you have the expectation of privacy if you are well away from other people in a secluded environment. Speaking of naked, try nude sunbathing on one of the clothing optional beaches or campgrounds in Canada. They are safe, slightly naughty and I bet there is one near you. check out the www.fcn.ca, or www.aanr.com for a spot near you.
2. Picnics and outdoor sex generally crank up the endorphins. The best story I heard was from a 85 year old couple who always had weekly picnics. In the backyard during the summer and in the living room in the winter. They considered their picnic basket one of their most prized possessions.
3. Do it yourself bondage. By placing two hands in a pillow case behind your back and lying down, your own body weight safely and easily traps your hands for quick immobilization. Cheap handcuffs from the dollar store have a universal key and are easy to get out of. Simple, and I bet you haven’t tried a set in ages.
4. Canadian Tire or hardware store sex toys. Visit the house wares and get a “massager” that plugs into the wall. 110 volts makes the best sex toys. Try a drop sheets can be used for rolling around in oil, practicing squirting, and playing with chocolate body paint. Paint brushes for warm oil, ceiling hook to attach the rope too….whatever floats your boat.
5. Shop online for sex toys. Even if you don’t buy anything read about what’s new. My favourite these days are www.pinkcherry.com and who would have thought, Amazon are all decent sites. Sex toy shops in person in your ‘hood often have great classes where you can learn everything from Japanese rope bondage, to making your own sex toys.
6. Dollar store shopping. Cheap paintbrushes for writing on your body in oil, water based paints for getting really creative, water balloons (get wet inside and out), lightest sandpaper for a full body scruffing, and small LED flashlights (for playing gynecologist). Try something fun and add it to your tickle trunk.
7. Douche bags to clean out vaginas (and separate ones for rectums). With warm water, it helps clean out every orifice and makes the way clear for loads of oil and lube for vaginal play or anal sex. The ones I bought from the drug store are called vaginal syringes. They make you feel clean and fresh. I use a little vinegar and water and am far more likely to get frisky if I know my partner will find me pleasant.
8. Butterscotch instant pudding. Or chocolate, vanilla or anything that tickles your fancy or your taste buds. 5 minutes and you’ve got a fun activity. I use it in combination with the drop sheet. More women I know have tried oral sex with pudding than anything else. Just saying…
9. Adventure camping – White-water rafting, bungee jumping or anything that gets your adrenaline pumping will kick start things in the bedroom. The new study from Rutgers university supports all the earlier research that adrenaline bonds, and increases your testosterone levels.
10. Tea and ice cubes- The combination of the hot and cold on your genitals can be quite the sensation. Simple fun and erotic things you can add to spice things up this weekend.
It may be as simple as picking up a bottle of wine. The important thing is that even a $1 novelty item in the bedroom helps peak your interest. Set aside a date time and talk to your partner. It’s worth it.
If you want to look into pre-made date nights, consider joining the Ducklings! We are a social date-night group where the activities are planned for you. Idiot-proof romance and fun!