How to stand out as a single man in the lifestyle.

Going to lifestyle events can be a great way to meet people and have fun, but as a single man, it can be hard to stand out in a crowd. To make sure you get noticed, try to go dressed in something eye-catching, such as a unique hat or bracelet – something that encourages people to look just a little extra and start conversations.

Be sure to listen more than you talk – at a lifestyle event, you should always let your interests be known by smiling and making eye contact when people walk by – but also be careful to not cross any lines by commenting on body parts. Instead, pay attention to little details like the jewelry someone is wearing, and build a conversation around that. Give genuine compliments on clothing or anything that won’t come off as creepy.

By building a genuine connection and showing your interest in a subtle yet effective way, you’ll be able to stand out in the crowd and make a lasting impression.

, , ,

Is infidelity actually a wake-up call for relationships?

There is a great quote from Esther Perel (the Sex Therapist’s Sex Therapist about infidelity.”Perel takes a very stern line on what she sees as the excessive sense of entitlement that contemporary couples bring to their relationships. Their outsized expectations of what marriage can and should provide—perpetual excitement, comfort, sexual bliss, intellectual stimulus, and so on—together with their callow, “consumerist” approach to romantic choices, leave them ill-equipped to cope with the inevitable frustrations and longueurs of the long haul. They are too quick to look elsewhere the moment that their “needs aren’t being met,” and too ready to despair the moment that the promise of sexual loyalty is broken. Those who show willingness to forgive infidelity risk being chastised by friends and relatives for their lack of gumption. Women, Perel notes, are under particular pressure these days to leave cheating spouses as a mark of their feminist “self-respect.”

I remember hearing her speak in Ottawa at the JCC about needing a more compassionate approach to outside liaisons. I agree with her wholeheartedly. Infidelity is often a wakeup call and a chance to reinvent your relationship. Rather than the “you are bad finger pointing, we need to look at the why’s & how this can be a vehicle for open discussion.

The article in the New Yorker goes on to say this about where people are in the reflections on relationships.

“Surprisingly, perhaps, our increasingly licentious behavior has not been reflected in more tolerant public attitudes toward infidelity. While we’ve become considerably more relaxed about premarital sex, gay sex, and interracial sex, our disapproval of extramarital sex has been largely unaffected by our growing propensity to engage in it. We are eating forbidden apples more hungrily than ever, but we slap ourselves with every bite. According to a 2017 Gallup poll, Americans deplore adultery (which is still illegal in some two dozen states and still included among the crimes of “moral turpitude” that can justify denial of citizenship) at much higher rates than they do abortion, animal testing, or euthanasia.”

So is stepping out something that only a few people do? A recent survey from Ashley Madison (the site for infidelity) based out of Toronto has this to say. I know the Ashley Madison site as they used to sponsor my radio show & I attended a Christmas party & had regular meetings with the CEO at the time. He saw that 35% of people on traditional dating sites were married so he started a site to address those 35%. Whatever your feelings about stepping out on your relationship you are not alone.

“Seventy-nine percent of cheaters are against divorcing their partner, and their main motivations to cheat rather than leave include loving them too much (46%), not wanting to make things hard for their kids (19%), and not being able to financially afford it (17%). In fact, cheaters would feel more selfish (58%) and more guilty (67%) getting a divorce than continuing to cheat.

What best describes how you’d feel if your primary relationship ended?

I would feel like a failure

18%

I would feel like a disappointment

18%

I would feel lonely

17%

 

“At 24, I married my husband, and we have been together for 30 years,” says one female Ashley Madison member. “In terms of sex, I’m more adventurous and have a higher sex drive than my husband. My husband views sex as a service, and I see it as integral to my well-being. I can’t imagine having sex with one person – it simply makes no sense. As a society, we ask too much of one person, so I see cheating as a way to stay married. Ultimately, I’m looking for the cherry on top, not the whole sundae.”

What I see in my practice is the need to stop shoving things under the carpet. As I tell my patients ” I am in the needs business”. What I often talk to clients about is non-monogamy, monogamish, hall passes or anything that might save conventional relationships while meeting needs. I teach a class on this around North America that has given couples the tools & communication skills to step outside of conventional norms. Either alone or together. My Ducklings Social group and Duckling dating has articles that might help.

Find out more or let’s book an appointment to talk about what’s going on in your relationship.

, ,

Temptations Cancun. The Caribbean’s party resort post pandemic.

I stayed at Temptation Cancun for a few nights on a media tour back in 2012. At that time it had a “spring break” feel with loads of young 20 somethings headed into the big nightclubs like Cocobongo’s or drinking at the swim up bar until they had to be helped out of the pool.

It was loud, and everyone was there to drink as much as they could guzzle. I was only one of three topless women out on the beach. I remember rolling my eyes when someone asked to take my half naked, post-pregnancy picture. Compared to the service, grace and elegance of their sister resort Desire Riviera, Maya  Temptations seemed very shabby in comparison.

Not anymore.

In the last decade Temptations has grown up. Temptation Resort Cancun now rivals the 60 year old Hedonism Jamaica as the top party resort in the Caribbean. Fully renovated since I was there in 2012, Temptations has undergone a transformation. Located right in downtown Cancun, a short 10 minute beach walk from the high speed ferry stop to Isla Morales and beside the marina that runs the all-day boobs cruises.

Temptations Resort feels bright, fun, colorful, sexy, vibrant. And big. Boasting 430 rooms at double occupancy along with a 3 to 1 ratio of staff to guests means that there are over 1000 people at any given time. During their Saturday afternoon foam pool party, I ballparked that there were close to 650 people dancing in the pool.

If you want a non-stop party, then Temptations is the resort for you. The week they were there the resort ran a party from dusk to dawn with huge crowds that managed to stay up all night. Giant Mexican puppets danced with revelers, along with fire dancers & acrobatic shows every night.

We often met a number of partiers heading to bed as we sipped our coffee on the beach at 8 am.  In truth the only time the main Temptations sexy pool is quiet is between 6 and 10 am. The activity staff are fun, and good humored (great at engaging sunburnt tourists in sexy drinking games), and they offered lively and fun afternoon and evening games.

There is a quiet pool near the beach for downtime. Juan the fantastic bartender made what I called a “fruit smoothie” (banana daiquiri with petito rum). The best I’ve ever had, each served with a smile. Besides the unlimited drinks, the food was an absolute highlight. There was variety, amazing service and we didn’t have a bad meal. We tried all the restaurants – each with their own flavor & style. I felt a bit like a stuffed goose in that there was so much great offerings that you wanted to try it all.

You can escape the party atmosphere for a while if you need to. The resort was comfortable, elegant and spotless. One of the Canadian’s I was travelling with said “that she had never been to a cleaner resort”. Staff were working constantly keeping the resort pristine.

My big complaint was the quiet pool wasn’t heated (unlike the main pool) to the point where it was too cold for a Canadian to even dip a toe.

Original resorts – the ownership group of Temptations and Desire are trying hard to keep their market share in the adult only resort destination. The entire resort is topless. Unlike 10 years ago the majority of the women there were topless.

Their new properties in the Dominican Republic opening in 2022 are going to be fully nude. They are also going to be even more sex positive with lifestyle playrooms on site. The new Temptations cruise that sails Valentine’s week 2022 will also have fully nude areas and designed fantasy playrooms.

Temptations while staying on this side of the line is known to have lots of swingers in attendance. Temptations Resort calls itself “Lifestyle friendly”. It means that you can be very sexy up to the line of overt sexuality.  Hook ups are happening all around you but are taken out of the public domain.

Let me emphasize, it’s a sexy atmosphere. Club theme nights included lingerie, schoolgirl, naughty nurse/emergency etc. Little was left to the imagination. You needed an extra suitcase for all the dinner and club outfits. Even if you are in a monogamous relationship the sensuous environment is palatable.

If the resort has some challenges it’s in it’s ineffective reservation booking system for dinner and the very much two classes of guests between regular guests and Premier (or timeshare) members. Different access, the haves and the have nots were very evidently differentiated in seating, lounge chairs, extra perks (including the exclusive Sky Lounge). If you weren’t a Premier member count on the sales pitch every time you hit the lobby. We had a number of our group buy Premier memberships and we also had two members complain to the managers about how pushy the time share salespeople were.

We visited in November 2021. The feel was very much that the pandemic was a thing of the past. It was interesting to hear from the staff that they were feeling back to normal after almost two years of few travelers due to Covid. Mexico doesn’t require a negative test to enter nor does it require guests to be vaccinated. Nobody checked our Covid ap when we arrived and proof of vaccinations wasn’t required by the resort.

 

We chose to manage the Covid risk ourselves. We stayed with fellow Canadians for the week (unlike the Americans we all had to show proof of vaccination to fly) and the entire staff wore masks and had been fully vaccinated. If you are immunocompromised or concerned about catching Covid then the huge foam parties are not for you.

 

We found outside spaces to eat, quiet areas where you can watch the party from a safe distance that were easy to find. The resort was wiped down continuously. We arranged for a PCR test to come to the resort 72 hours before we flew at a negotiated cost of $90 USD per person. We had the results in 12 hours. There is also an antigen testing building a short walk from the resort. It felt safe being outside and our comfort level had us passing on the nighttime entertainment the few nights when rain moved everyone inside.

 

It will be interesting to watch how Temptations walks the line between flirty and sex and appeals to that huge middle group of people looking for a sensuous – but safe- adventure that spices up their relationship without leaving a bad taste in your mouth.

 

Unlike many of the other ‘lifestyle” resorts, Temptations allows singles. If you were looking for a clothing optional paradise with like-minded people for an escape and consider yourself a party person then Temptations Cancun is a great resort to try.

 

There is much to be said about vacations that don’t have unsupervised children splashing and spoiling an afternoon at the poolside. Maybe Temptations will be the half way point and a stronger choice in adult only vacation than a Sandals or Breezes resort because it offers a gateway to an open-minded culture of sensuality without crossing a line.

 

, , ,

Non-Monogamy class November 2021. Join in!

Non-Monogamy class Fall 2021

Wednesday’s from 7 to 9 pm.

Nov 24, Dec 1, Dec 8

Zoom link is attached.

 

This is the course everyone who is dipping a toe in (or diving headlong into) non-monogamy needs to take! This is the tight, informative, interactive workshop lead by Canada’s leading non-monogamy expert. It includes a copy of the workbook the Suburban Hedonist, lots of resources & handouts and a chance to really understand the world of open relationships.

You can read definitions online of what swinging, or polyamory might be outlined as. But what do they really mean?
This course is like being in the best class you have ever attended where everyone has read the book and participated. Read below for details.

The non-monogamous clients tend to be couples in long-term relationships who don’t want to split up but are desperate for more or different sexual experiences and partners. Or singles who know that traditional monogamy hasn’t worked for them. And there is no one-size fits all.

Examples of non-monogamy can be:
~Living with a third (or triad) and how do you deal with that?
~Two couples connecting with each other (quad)
~Heterosexual couple Bringing in an extra male (hot wife)
~Swing clubs where everything from gentle touching on the dance floor to full blown orgies (and everything in between) happens
~Polyamorous. Means to love more than one person. But can be someone who is married and has a girlfriend/boyfriend or more.
~Alternative relationships in all kinds of ways. Asexual while one partner has other sexual interactions, monogamous but in different cities.
~One relationship two dwellings. Or having their own dedicated space within a dwelling.
~Friend with benefits for an occasional hook up
~periodic hall passes.
~Group family or commune.

And so many more examples.
Trying to navigate it is hard. Consider joining us. It’s the tool kit for managing non-monogamy without blowing your relationship up.

Every Wednesday for 3 weeks from 7 to 8:30 pm.
Cost is $225/couple/single for non-Duckling members, or a mere $100 for paid Duckling members. Membership has it’s privileges.

1. Intros, purpose of workshop, specific models of non-monogamy, ways of finding one’s own voice.

2. Specifics of sharing, Jealousy (Swing, poly and other non-monogamous forms). Rules, what works, contracts etc. Non-Monogamy checklist. What is the wish lists and deal breakers

3. What do you need/want. How do you negotiate that? How do you ask for it and how do you find it? Sharing and tools for understanding boundaries.

4. Group discussion about finding potential partners. A chance to practice skills and role play in a safe way. Stories about successful (and not-so-successful) models of play.

An informal social has happened in the past with the group and will be organized later following the completion of the workshop.

etransfer to ducklings.payment@gmail.com

, , ,

Jealousy in non-monogamous relationships. How to navigate the world of poly/swing/hot wives & more

I’m in the middle of another non-monogamy course only this one due to the pandemic is virtual. Because it’s online, What’s interesting is that there are attendees logging in from all over North America. There are certainly cultural differences about the acceptance and availability of non-monogamy outlets in different parts of the country. The couple from Utah have a very different time of it than a couple from urban Toronto in terms of social acceptance & options to meet other like-minded people. But what remains the same no matter where you are from is the issue of jealousy in non-monogamous relationships. There is a worry that couples can’t explore any kind of sexual novelty (no matter how mild) without feeling the gut-punch of jealousy.

I have a deck that I’m working on this morning talking about how to work through those feelings. I think it’s important for all couples to have tools to work through one of the most difficult issues that comes up in non-monogamy discussions. I’ve devoted a whole evening in our 12 hour course to jealousy.

If you are starting this journey I’m encouraging you to look at taking the course. I’ll be running another one soon (make sure you sign up on my newsletter or join the Ducklings) but in the meantime for less than $30 you can download the whole course to watch with your partner.

The course talks about the role of communication, boundaries, contracts, meeting other people for play, breakups, conflict & certainly jealousy. It’s also mainly about  authenticity.

It’s about knowing what triggers you, where your pain comes from (often fear of abandonment), and how to navigate those feelings.

If your partner gets jealous here are the steps (loosely borrowed from Kathy Labriola’s jealousy workbook) that might help start the conversation.

Step 1. Shut up and listen. Don’t be defensive. Let them talk.

Step 2. Ask for clarification & specifics on how they are feeling. Are they angry, sad/hurt, or afraid?

Step 3. Allow them to feel the way they feel. If they are feeling it, it’s real for them.

Step 4. Identify your role in the problem. Have you crossed a line? Even if you didn’t know it was there.

Step 5. Ask for the floor & express your side of the story.

Step 6. Think carefully before you rush in & change things. Don’t rush in and say you will give up play or change everything. Jealousy is like any emotion it ebbs & flows.

I also know that this too shall pass. The first time feels like a trigger the size of a dinosaur, but after time, familiarity, communication, and benefits it may only feel like a mosquito.

I do lots of work individually (over zoom or facetime) to help clients figure out what’s going on for them. It’s effective, quick, & inexpensive. We can figure out what’s going on for you. Consider booking an appointment with me to sort it out. We’ve got this.

,

Non-Monogamy 4 week online workshop . Avoid the landmines, communicate & connect

This is the course everyone who is dipping a toe in (or diving headlong into) non-monogamy needs to take! This is the tight, informative, interactive workshop lead by Canada’s leading non-monogamy expert. It includes a copy of the workbook the Suburban Hedonist, lots of resources & handouts and a chance to really understand the world of open relationships.

You can read definitions online of what swinging, or polyamory might be outlined as. But what do they really mean?
This course is like being in the best class you have ever attended where everyone has read the book and participated. Read below for details.

The non-monogamous clients tend to be couples in long-term relationships who don’t want to split up but are desperate for more or different sexual experiences and partners. Or singles who know that traditional monogamy hasn’t worked for them. And there is no one-size fits all.

Examples of non-monogamy can be:
~Living with a third (or triad) and how do you deal with that?
~Two couples connecting with each other (quad)
~Heterosexual couple Bringing in an extra male (hot wife)
~Swing clubs where everything from gentle touching on the dance floor to full blown orgies (and everything in between) happens
~Polyamorous. Means to love more than one person. But can be someone who is married and has a girlfriend/boyfriend or more.
~Alternative relationships in all kinds of ways. Asexual while one partner has other sexual interactions, monogamous but in different cities.
~One relationship two dwellings. Or having their own dedicated space within a dwelling.
~Friend with benefits for an occasional hook up
~periodic hall passes.
~Group family or commune.

And so many more examples.
Trying to navigate it is hard. Consider joining us. It’s the tool kit for managing non-monogamy without blowing your relationship up.

Every Thursday from Feb 11th forward from 7 to 8:30 pm.
Cost is $225/couple/single for non-Duckling members, or a mere $60 for paid Duckling members. Membership has it’s privileges.

1. Intros, purpose of workshop, specific models of non-monogamy, ways of finding one’s own voice.

2. Specifics of sharing, Jealousy (Swing, poly and other non-monogamous forms). Rules, what works, contracts etc. Non-Monogamy checklist. What is the wish lists and deal breakers

3. What do you need/want. How do you negotiate that? How do you ask for it and how do you find it? Sharing and tools for understanding boundaries.

4. Group discussion about finding potential partners. A chance to practice skills and role play in a safe way. Stories about successful (and not-so-successful) models of play.

An informal social has happened in the past with the group and will be organized later following the completion of the workshop.

etransfer to suem@rogers.com or on the wearetheducklings.com site

,

A men's group about all kinds of relationships to keep you sane while in isolation

There is a virtual men’s group starting this week. It’s irreverent, authentic, funny, and will give you a space to talk about unconventional relationships. And the best part- It’s free. And absolutely magic. I can’t recommend it enough. I’ve been watching the group as it’s going through growing pains and it’s evolved into something authentic and chewy. It’s got Canadian sensibilities of kindness and humour. It’s safe but not politically overly correct. Send a note if you are interested.
Hugs,
Sue

Here are the details:
Hi guys,
I wanted to at least get us talking again. These are shitty times and friendship/community is more important than many things right now. It keeps us sane, literally.
So, grab a drink, open your phone, computer or tablet and please join in.
I am only offering this to try it out. There is no charge. I am hoping to have somewhere between 10 and 15, and the call is to last as long as there is interest. I will try to run it as a regular meeting so there is some structure.
If it is an amazing success, we can invite others and officially start the group. If it doesn’t draw people or work well, we will keep waiting this out and re-group when we are allowed.
I have tried different platforms but I keep liking messenger the best. If you are interested, I will create the group and we can get going next Tuesday 21st at 7pm..
Please RSVP (bdspratt at gmail .com) if you are interested in trying.
Thanks and stay safe.
Blaik

, , ,

Gonnorhea, HPV, Herpes and other nasties you need to prevent if you are swinging.

Where I come from there has been sex education taught in the schools for over 40 years. Often taught by gym teachers who would rather be doing anything else then discussing Fallopian tubes and dealing with “the smell of puberty in the morning” but accurate details about STI’s have long been in the public domain. And yet many adults have no idea that the four non-curable sex infections, and that you can get things like penile cancer from a STI or that gonnorhea can live in your throat. STI’s for many people remain a mystery they simply pray to avoid.
Given the global reach of the Covid-19 pandemic we are all far more sensitive to the impact of invisible viruses and bacteria on our health. And the worry that connecting with someone might kill us. It can be especially scary if you want to play or swing outside of your relationship. Swingers or other non-monogamous people have a vested interest in being safe and sexy. Anyone dating – especially if you are a bit of a germaphobe- may stop you from venturing out to get your sexual needs met. But there is still a huge about of mis-information about swinging and sti’s. In a time of great uncertainty and anxiety about the global pandemic there is also a need for prudent, balanced facts about our communal health. That includes Sexually transmitted infections. The early (and albeit not 100% proven) news about Covid-19 is that if there is no kissing or exchange of breath and mouth droplets the pandemic virus isn’t transmitted sexually. But as well trained as I am about in the area of sexual health I wouldn’t chance it right now with a stranger casually.
So what about the STI’s that have been in our bodies for decades now? It may be time to re-visit how to best prevent getting those infections. I was too young to date during the beginning of the AIDS outbreak in the early 80’s when they didn’t know exactly how you could contract it but it did have the swinging 70’s move to “leave it to Beaver” in a few short years. HIV and Aids had us all scared for awhile.
A few months ago my husband and I did a talk at the largest swinger/lifestyle convention in Canada (VIN). While there were condoms everywhere there was certainly indiscriminate play in the hot tubs and playrooms around the convention hall. We fielded more than a few questions about sexual infections. Few of the people we spoke to had their garnacil (for the HPV and genital warts virus) or twinrix (for Hepatitis) vaccines. And most of the couples we spoke to didn’t use condoms for oral play. Even when STI’s like Chlamydia and Gonnorhea can live in your mouth. Few of the people we had spoken to seemed to be concerned.
As the Popular Science article summed up beautifully.
“Why is this important? Well, a lot of people assume STIs are gross—thanks, society—and part of that stigma is a misconception that all STIs produce gnarly and horrific symptoms. In reality, this is pretty rare! Herpes, for instance, is asymptomatic in almost everyone who has it, and gonorrhea and chlamydia can also infiltrate your body’s defenses without making much fuss. They can even go away on their own, but the problem is that they don’t always do so.
That means that you should not wait for an outbreak of oozing sores before getting tested for STIs. If you’re sexually active—and we’re talking about any kind of sex—you need to get tested two to three times a year.
A mucus membrane is a mucus membrane. STIs, like all infections, are caused by viral, bacterial, or fungal microbes. While many of these infections have particular parts of the body they’ve evolved to thrive in, most of them aren’t too picky. The risks vary between diseases—a 2016 article from the San Francisco AIDS Foundation really hammers home the message that the bacteria Neisseria gonorrhoeae will take any opportunity to hop off your skin and onto someone else’s, but not all STIs are this industrious.
This doesn’t mean you should spend your next date in a hazmat suit. The solution is actually really simple.
Get tested.”
The challenge of this time is to walk the line between prudent and paranoid. And while I am locked away in quarantine doing my part to stop the global pandemic I will admit having a few eye rolling moments. Some intakes of breath when the American President dismissed the risk of Covid-19 and some exasperation of the exaggerated numbers and banning of even the solo sitting on a park bench. And at a time when we need connection more than ever it’s important to get the facts and get tested. My $500 four week program to help you find a partner (or partners) includes a discussion on the latest facts about sti’s. And during this time of
health uncertainly facts and clear science are what we need most of all.

, ,

It threesome's becoming the new thing that everyone is trying? The short answer is yes.

People come to see a Sex Therapist when something doesn’t work well between the sheets. Or if there is something they want to try but don’t know how to get started. The fantasy about two women
“In the new book by sociologist Dr Ryan Scoats of Birmingham City University reveals the reasons why people choose to have threesomes, the factors that make it more likely for threesomes to happen, and how this sexual behaviour reflects today’s society.
The book, titled Understanding Threesomes: Gender, Sex, and Consensual Non-Monogamy, is the first in-depth study into threesomes in over 30 years. It examines the many motivations behind having a threesome, from ticking it off a ‘bucket list’ and exploring sexuality to settling psychological ‘debts’ and as a means of realising sex with a particular person who may be otherwise unavailable.
The research showed that women more often than men engage in threesomes as a ‘safe’ way to explore their sexuality, in part because it was deemed ‘safer’ than simply approaching other women.
However, some participants, particularly bisexual women, reported actively avoiding threesomes in which a heterosexual couple was exploring their sexuality, rejecting the suggestion that their involvement should be to fulfil a heterosexual couple’s desires.
Others explained that engaging in threesomes helped couples to settle psychological ‘debts’, for example, one participant reported cheating on her husband and engaging in a threesome. She later repeated the threesome with her husband, to settle the ‘debt’ of infidelity.
Similarly, for heterosexual couples where the woman had engaged in a threesome with another woman and her male partner, male participants reported offering to ‘return the favour’ by having a threesome involving the heterosexual couple and another man.
Others reported ‘sexual altruism’ saying that they engaged in threesomes to please their partners and satisfy and particular sexual fantasy or desire, despite not directly gaining pleasure from the experience themselves.
Scoats concluded that threesomes may be becoming more common as societal expectations of sex and monogamy become more liberal. He explained: “This is the first in-depth research into threesomes since 1988, it is an under-researched area.
“As society becomes more liberal, more open to different sexual behaviours and relationships, the stigma around threesomes is gradually reducing, although many may not feel they can openly discuss their threesome experiences.”
I’ve written a book on non-monogamy called The Suburban Hedonist. I teach a course on Ethical non-monogamy and I am a leading therapist on the subject. If you are hitting landmine’s then let’s talk. I can get you in this week.  I also run a supportive date night group with a non-monogamy dating component. Read more

,

Why words like mistress, and cheating are on their way out. The language of Non-Monogamy

Non-Monogamy is rapidly moving up the list of most common topics I see in my office. The culture of sexual openness is advancing quickly it seems. More and more people are asking me about swinging, polyamory, and ethical non-monogamy in my office. People struggle to find Clinical information about a topic that has only been in our repertoire for a short time. There hasn’t had time to develop words bout non-monogamy to describe them sufficiently.
I posted an article about the case for new erotic language on our wearetheducklings Facebook group and the discussion was vibrant. We need to develop new language. And some of it is evolving. Words like compursion ( excited for your partner’s happiness about playing/loving someone else), and metamour – your partner’s partner. These are considered commonplace in the non-monogamy communities and are part of the lexicon to those who follow these discussions.
But we were still struggling. We had a conversation about new non-monogamy words in our wearetheducklings .com closed
“We use words like Wally’s and Vinny’s. Wally’s are the guys who stare and are super creepy (think of THAT guy in the back of obsession). Vinny’s are guys who think they are God’s gift to women and come off as jerks – I guess similar to McBains. There is also SAM’s – Single awesome male who knows how to go to a lifestyle party and not be one of these guys.”
A McBain (from the Simpson’s) is someone who talks up your partner with no respect for the relationship. “To be McBained. Imagine you and I are talking and someone decides to barge in, places his back to you and cuts you out completely and physically out of the conversation to start making time with me. No regard for anyone else (either you or me), just regard for himself. Can be a woman doing this too.”
Pool hugs – Pool hugs is just a happy group of us, with or without clothes, just hugging, loving (not sexually) one another. Think of a bunch of us in the pool doing this.
Erotic language has at time been challenging. Slut shaming vs. owning the word, being marginalized as a mistress (a woman you have an affair with) vs a Mistress (a dominate woman) and you can understand the confusion.
There is a great quote about sex and language in the blog The Case for new erotic language by D Saah
“I often wonder how different my early sexual experiences would’ve been if the words, advice, and conversations about sex sounded more like:
“Masturbation is a great way to bring yourself pleasure and learn your body.”
“If penetration hurts, do something else that makes you feel good.”
“It’s okay to use lube!”
“Communicate and negotiate with others about the things you want to experience and your boundaries.”
“Your pussy deserves to be licked.”
As Kid Fury and Crissle often say, “words mean things” and currently the words we use to describe the kind of sexual experiences we have are insufficient and quite frankly outdated.”
I wholeheartedly agree. Where are the linguists in our culture who can cunningly design some new words? We sure need more of that. Smile.

,

Non-Monogamy four week workshop starting Apr 15. Avoid the landmines and connect!

You can read definitions online of what swinging, or polyamory might be outlined as. But what do they really mean?
We have a new non-monogamy course starting later this month. It’s like being in the best class you have ever attended where everyone has read the book and participated. Read below for details.
The non-monogamous clients tend to be couples in long-term relationships who don’t want to split up but are desperate for more or different sexual experiences and partners. And there is no one-size fits all.
Examples of non-monogamy can be:
~Living with a third (or triad) and how do you deal with that?
~Two couples connecting with each other (quad)
~Heterosexual couple Bringing in an extra male (hot wife)
~Swing clubs where everything from gentle touching on the dance floor to full blown orgies (and everything in between) happens
~Polyamorous. Means to love more than one person. But can be someone who is married and has a girlfriend/boyfriend or more.
~Alternative relationships in all kinds of ways. Asexual while one partner has other sexual interactions, monogamous but in different cities.
~One relationship two dwellings. Or having their own dedicated space within a dwelling.
~Friend with benefits for an occasional hook up
~periodic hall passes.
~Group family or commune.
And so many more examples.
Trying to navigate it is hard. Consider joining us for a small group starting a few weeks from now. It’s the tool kit for managing non-monogamy without blowing your relationship up. It is great if you can join us in person but easy of you need to video in.
Monday April 15, Monday April 22, Monday April 29, Monday May 6 7-9(ish) pm
81 Pooler Ave. Very limited enrollment. $240/couple, $180 individual.
1. Intros, purpose of workshop, specific models of non-monogamy, ways of finding one’s own voice.
2. Specifics of sharing, Jealousy (Swing, poly and other non-monogamous forms). Rules, what works, contracts etc. Non-Monogamy checklist. What is the wish lists and deal breakers
3. What do you need/want. How do you negotiate that? How do you ask for it and how do you find it? Sharing and tools for understanding boundaries.
4. Group discussion about finding potential partners. A chance to practice skills and role play in a safe way. Stories about successful (and not-so-successful) models of play.
An informal social has happened in the past with the group and will be organized later following the completion of the workshop.
etransfer to bdspratt@gmail.com
FOUR MONDAYS IN A ROW!

, , , ,

Non-Monogamy four week workshop starting July 30th, 2018

You can read definitions online of what swinging, or polyamory might be outlined as. But what do they really mean?
We have a new non-monogamy course starting later this month. It’s like being in the best class you have ever attended where everyone has read the book and participated. Read below for details.
The non-monogamous clients tend to be couples in long-term relationships who don’t want to split up but are desperate for more or different sexual experiences and partners. And there is no one-size fits all.
Examples of non-monogamy can be:
~Living with a third (or triad) and how do you deal with that?
~Two couples connecting with each other (quad)
~Heterosexual couple Bringing in an extra male (hot wife)
~Swing clubs where everything from gentle touching on the dance floor to full blown orgies (and everything in between) happens
~Polyamorous. Means to love more than one person. But can be someone who is married and has a girlfriend/boyfriend or more.
~Alternative relationships in all kinds of ways. Asexual while one partner has other sexual interactions, monogamous but in different cities.
~One relationship two dwellings. Or having their own dedicated space within a dwelling.
~Friend with benefits for an occasional hook up
~periodic hall passes.
~Group family or commune.
And so many more examples.
Trying to navigate it is hard. Consider joining us for a small group starting a few weeks from now. It’s the tool kit for managing non-monogamy without blowing your relationship up. It is great if you can join us in person but easy of you need to video in.
Monday July 30, Monday Aug 13th, Monday Aug 20th, Monday Aug 27th 7-9(ish) pm
81 Pooler Ave. Very limited enrollment. $400/couple, $200 individual.
1. Intros, purpose of workshop, specific models of non-monogamy, ways of finding one’s own voice.
2. Specifics of sharing, Jealousy (Swing, poly and other non-monogamous forms). Rules, what works, contracts etc. Non-Monogamy checklist. What is the wish lists and deal breakers
3. What do you need/want. How do you negotiate that? How do you ask for it and how do you find it? Sharing and tools for understanding boundaries.
4. Group discussion about finding potential partners. A chance to practice skills and role play in a safe way. Stories about successful (and not-so-successful) models of play.
An informal social has happened in the past with the group and will be organized later following the completion of the workshop.
Sign up single $200





Couple sign up $400