It threesome's becoming the new thing that everyone is trying? The short answer is yes.
People come to see a Sex Therapist when something doesn’t work well between the sheets. Or if there is something they want to try but don’t know how to get started. The fantasy about two women
“In the new book by sociologist Dr Ryan Scoats of Birmingham City University reveals the reasons why people choose to have threesomes, the factors that make it more likely for threesomes to happen, and how this sexual behaviour reflects today’s society.
The book, titled Understanding Threesomes: Gender, Sex, and Consensual Non-Monogamy, is the first in-depth study into threesomes in over 30 years. It examines the many motivations behind having a threesome, from ticking it off a ‘bucket list’ and exploring sexuality to settling psychological ‘debts’ and as a means of realising sex with a particular person who may be otherwise unavailable.
The research showed that women more often than men engage in threesomes as a ‘safe’ way to explore their sexuality, in part because it was deemed ‘safer’ than simply approaching other women.
However, some participants, particularly bisexual women, reported actively avoiding threesomes in which a heterosexual couple was exploring their sexuality, rejecting the suggestion that their involvement should be to fulfil a heterosexual couple’s desires.
Others explained that engaging in threesomes helped couples to settle psychological ‘debts’, for example, one participant reported cheating on her husband and engaging in a threesome. She later repeated the threesome with her husband, to settle the ‘debt’ of infidelity.
Similarly, for heterosexual couples where the woman had engaged in a threesome with another woman and her male partner, male participants reported offering to ‘return the favour’ by having a threesome involving the heterosexual couple and another man.
Others reported ‘sexual altruism’ saying that they engaged in threesomes to please their partners and satisfy and particular sexual fantasy or desire, despite not directly gaining pleasure from the experience themselves.
Scoats concluded that threesomes may be becoming more common as societal expectations of sex and monogamy become more liberal. He explained: “This is the first in-depth research into threesomes since 1988, it is an under-researched area.
“As society becomes more liberal, more open to different sexual behaviours and relationships, the stigma around threesomes is gradually reducing, although many may not feel they can openly discuss their threesome experiences.”
I’ve written a book on non-monogamy called The Suburban Hedonist. I teach a course on Ethical non-monogamy and I am a leading therapist on the subject. If you are hitting landmine’s then let’s talk. I can get you in this week. I also run a supportive date night group with a non-monogamy dating component. Read more
