No, I’m not talking about the cocktail with orange juice and vodka. I’m talking about sand in your bathing suit and fish nibbling on your toes kind of sex. Think of the “From Here to Eternity” scene where the couple is making out, rolling around in the surf and dream about how hot and exciting that looked.
It turns out that many Canadian women have a fantasy about beach sex. In a new Ipsos Reid survey done for tripcentral.ca, women admitted that they had sex outside of their hotel room while on holidays. These women fantasized about sauna sex, hammock sex, public bathroom sex, and just about other private and romantic spot you can think of while on holiday. And who said that Canadian women are conservative!
I wasn’t surprised. When I speak to women about the best sex of their lives they invariably talk about parking, picnic blankets, or any place outside of the bedroom as their most memorable romps. Most people think that it is men that are looking for newness in the bedroom (and they would be right), but it turns out that it is women who overwhelmingly prefer the unique locations. Men tend to think about interesting positions and duration as their best sex. So holiday sex works for both parties.
I often ask my sex therapy patients how much sex they have on holidays. It’s a great barometer of the health of a couple’s sex life. If you have no outside stress, and your only decision of the day is a Mojito or Margarita, how easy is it to re-kindle some of that waning passion? Given that I think everyone needs sensual adventures, a great romantic holiday is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. It can certainly help your sex life. And in keeping with the survey results, if you can sneak out for some discreet shagging outside of the hotel room then the vacation ranks up there with the best sex of your life.
The Ducklings Social Group has a bunch of travel adventures. We were supposed to go to Temptations and Desire (before the pandemic hit) but we have a number of beach sexual adventures coming up over the next year. Find out more and join in with the sexiest group in North America. We want to include you.
I know it’s crazy to keep reading these surveys, but this one jumped out at me. Apparently, for men, if they had to choose:
• 60% of men would rather have a large penis and be balding
• 40% of men opted for a lush, full head of hair and an average to small penis
• 70% of men say they are satisfied with their hairline and penis size (perhaps the most surprising stat)…
• 44% of men believe their significant others care more about their hair/overall appearance, than their penis size
• 29% of men agree with the statement, “Regardless of my penis size, I would get hair restoration if I needed it, because no one wants to be bald.”
It turns out that both are true. Balding men have higher levels of DHT and DHT which is supposed to increase penis size. There is some truth to the fact that bald men have bigger weenies. Hair loss is caused by testosterone. And higher testosterone in utero can cause an increase in the size of your schlong. It also positively affects the length of your ring finger.
Yep. That manly hormone that makes men who they are, that makes you tough, burly, and, well, manly is ultimately responsible for male pattern baldness. I have a download about increasing your penis size which has all of the options listed at http://sexwithsue.com/how-to-increase-your-penis-size/.
From an evolutionary point of view, baldness may actually have evolved as a status symbol, indicating an older, successful, and virile male who is more desirable as a mate than a younger, less mature individual.
And the modern-day translation seems in keeping with this evolution. These days, having no hair on the crown of your head is regarded as sexy by many women.
But for men who have a small penis it can be all consuming. I see a ton on men struggling with small penis syndrome. It can be pervasive in all aspects of their life. One of my clients tried out Dinky the new dating site for guys with a small penis. It was interesting reading the profiles. Many on them went on and on about their oral skills and seemed to have a number of responses by women.
If you are someone struggling with your body image around penis size then let’s talk about it. I am considered a North American expert in this area and speak to more than three men a week for therapy on the issue of small penis size. We can start with a 30 minute session for $75 that may change your life.
I have a new list of the top 20 things you can do to increase your libido that I will happily email to you if you send me at note to suem@rogers.com. Some of the new ideas include an updated list of aphrodisiac foods that will put a new bounce in your step. Here are the top 12 foods that work to increase your libido. One of the things I really like are the new sexy foods list from the place for all things foody. Here is this amazing recipe for a cocktail that we tried on the weekend, and may be my new favourite thing.
Cranberry and Vanilla Bean Mimosas http://www.foodily.com/r/bpHcIdrWZ-cranberry-and-vanilla-bean-mimosas
Top Aphrodisiac Ingredients from Foodily.com:
1. Vanilla bean
2. Oysters
3. Figs
4. Honey
5. Red wine
6. Garlic
7. Ginger
8. Asparagus
9. Red chili’s
10. Almonds
11. Strawberries
12. And, of course, chocolate (preferably dark for the health benefits!)
I own a healthy collection of women’s erotica. Ever since I read Nancy Friday’s Forbidden Flowers on a airplane back from Vancouver and literally left a wet spot on the seat behind me, I’ve been hooked. I have everything from Suzie Bright’s American collection to the Ottawa based vampire books by Patricia McCarthy. Like many women, I have a taste for great mommy porn. As I wrote about 50 Shades when I first read it, (see the previous post), it is a smart premise with some hot sex scenes with very mediocre writing. What it says to me is that women of all ages are desperate for some hot sex. We may not all be into porn, but we love a well done sex scene as much as anyone.
There is a great article about the new surveys being done to explain the 50 Shades phenomenon. http://www.confused.com/news-views/infographics/holiday-reading-fifty-shades-effect
The most interesting thing for me was the idea that women would much rather read erotica than to do anything to make their own sex lives hotter. Some women reported that the 50 Shades books had them running for the local sex shop for some Ben Wa balls, or handcuffs. But 43% reading books like 50 Shades made their sex lives seem boring. I’ve got the new list of fun erotic things to do this fall. Check it out, and maybe you’ll have some “Christan Gray evenings of your own.”
My first baby was close to 10 pounds and had the head the size of a cantaloupe. It felt like I was ripped in half and it took a bunch of stitches to pull everything back in place. I have never peed the same since. So like many of my patients, I am always wondering if my vagina has a “cave-like quality”, or as my partner teased when I told him the title of this blog, “can you park a Mac truck up there?”
So it was with some interest that I read about the vaginal tightening cream “that will turn you as tight as a virgin”
It’s all the rage in India. The BBC reports on the controversy surrounding the commercial. (see the link). But in a nutshell here’s what it does:
It is an unusual take on Bollywood.
“I feel like a virgin,” she croons, although the advert makes it clear she is not.
Her shocked in-laws look on, before her husband joins her for some salsa-style dancing.
“Feels like the very first time,” she continues, as she is twirled around.
Cut away to her mother-in-law who begins by responding with a disgusted look on her face, but by the end of the advert even she has been won over, and is seen buying the product online.
So what does it do?
Think hemorrhoid cream for your squishy parts. 18 Again ingredients include pomegranate, aloe vera, punica granatum, alum, gold, woodfordia floribunda, almonds and Vitamin E. You are suppose to take a quiz to determine if your hole is a little on the loose side and then pony up the $45 bucks to make it tight again. Many of the listed ingredients will moisturize while contracting tissue but does it make you “feel like a virgin’? Many women groups are saying that now a saggy snatch is the latest thing we have to worry about in fighting gravity and feeling inadequate over 30. I’ve written to the company and asked for a sample. If I get one, I’ll happily wax poetic about any results I might experience.
It reminded me that so many women feel their genitals aren’t good enough. I spend half of my week talking to men about penis size but women have body image issues as well. One of the top plastic surgery is a labia reduction for women who feel their lips hang too low.
Sometimes you need to be reminded that your genitals are beautiful. However if you are struggling with issues around looseness, vaginal pain, or feel you need to “fix” your genitals then maybe it’s time to talk it out. I can do one full session for $125 with a receipt. Set up an online appointment this week.
It’s another case of parents needing to know what their kids are watching on television. A new study shows that kids who watch movies with more sex scenes tend to lose their virginity at a younger age, have more sexual partners and report less condom use, according to a new study from Dartmouth’s Geisel School of Medicine.
The article, “Greater Exposure to Sexual Content in Popular Movies Predicts Earlier Sexual Debut and Increased Risk Taking,” was published in the journal Psychological Science. It’s not rocket science but it does have some telling features for parents. Namely that young women especially think that sex is amazing right from the start, causes incredible orgasms and doesn’t require protection. Of all the women I polled about their teenage sex years, most had either mediocre or negative sexual experiences during adolescence.
Given that sexual images make most people more interested in sex, and teenagers have many of the same sexual feelings as adults the results seem consistent. Just because your child is 16, doesn’t mean they can’t be feeling the same sexual desires that adults can. You can hope they are late bloomers, but you need to plan for the contingency that they may blossom early.
Talk to your kids about healthy sexuality. Leave instructional books and videos around the house. Put an open box of condoms in the bathroom. Encourage your kids to get involved with sports. The UCLA study in 2009 suggests that teens who are active in sports are more likely to delay sexual activity. Be open with your kids about your sexual values, and make sure they have a doctor they can trust. And it seems, delay moving them off the Disney movies for as long as possible.
I was at a Canada Day picnic with about 80 people a few weeks back. It was a annual gathering of about 20 families (who pull into the large cottage lot in their RV’s). What was interesting to me is that rather than the usual catch up, everyone wanted to talk about Ben Wa balls, handcuffs, and 50 Shades of Grey.
If you haven’t read the wildly popular trilogy by E.L. James then you are one of the few that hasn’t. And anything you’ve heard about the books- both good and bad are true. It is steamy hot. Kinky erotic coupled with a traditional fairy tale love story never seems to go out of style. “Rich, powerful but troubled billionaire reaches out for invisible but beautiful student and sweeps her off her feet.” Very Cinderella-like except that the sex is riveting. And unlike the traditional bodice ripping Harlequin romance novels, this one has themes of Bondage, submission, dominance with all kinds of kinky toys. It also needs a good edit and won’t be winning any Pulitzer prizes anytime soon.
So why do you keep hearing about these books?
Here are my thoughts.
1. It’s risque. It’s a mainstream novel making the rounds of suburbia complete with an intact contract to be a BDSM submissive. As a sex therapist I’ve certainly used contracts with my patients, and they are common in alternative sex manuals, but have never seen one in a mainstream book. It’s a peak into a world that everyone wonders about but hasn’t been made palatable before. Unlike the Kink episodes they air on Friday night which are like a train wreck of pierced bodies and out there sex, 50 shades of Grey (or as my friend Sheila calls it 50 shags a day) makes the domination so delicious that you want to change places with the heroine.
2. It has really, really hot sex scenes. I can’t tell you how many women have told me how turned on they were by this erotica. Nicknamed “mommy porn” these passages are designed for arousal. If you don’t read much erotica this might be the first book in a long, long time that has made you that lubricated.
3. New toys. Every since Charlotte discovered the rabbit on Sex in the City (and had a rabbit intervention) there has never been as much interest among mainstream women in sex toys. Apparently the beginner bondage kit at Babes in Toyland has had a 90% increase in sales since the book came out.
4. It’s chocolate sauce on vanilla sex. And for women for whom the thought of the same sex with same partner makes them think about running off to a tropical island, 50 Shades is a great escape. It’s a safe way of having a romantic encounter while never leaving your bedroom. Many women can’t tell you what their fantasies are. We just don’t think that way and can’t rattle off a list of fantasies like men can. But if you paint us a scenario… then you get our attention. We love the story. If we can imagine the sex then we can get aroused. And most women are a little submissive. Think, “take me big boy”. So if you can add those pieces together (along with a great social media marketing campaign), and you’ve got the 50 shags err I mean 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon.
For many of the couples I work with trying to find time to connect sensually is challenging. Life gets in the way. Between work, kids, extended families, housework, friends, and community commitments romance time takes a back seat. I’ve long preached the importance of a regular, standing date night. In our house we always book something fun, and sensuous at least once a week. Intimate time needs to be a habit. If you go too long without connecting in a sensuous way it becomes awkward. That elephant in the room and it’s easier just to go to bed. However couples that don’t have sex start to feel disconnected. They begin to think they are roommates, or “friends who parent”. I think date nights are one of the five things that couples NEED to do to stay married. It’s way cheaper than hiring my brilliant sister-in-law the divorce attorney.
So what can you do to keep that heat? To this end I’m posting an up-to-date list of ideas about great, sensuous date nights that don’t cost a fortune, but help create come fun and intimate connections. I’m going to try and add 5 new ideas a quarter so keep coming back and reading the newsletters. If you need me to help you by setting up a timetable and “cracking the whip” so to speak, I would be happy to do so. I’m covered by all group health insurance plans so it’s essentially FREE. Send me a note now to suem@rogers.com. Whether by phone or in person, I’ll get you back on track.
I won’t promise that these tips will change your life, but I will say that if you leave them in the bathroom with a few pages highlighted, you may be surprised about how open your partner is to trying new things….
1. Drive around naked (or under a towel or wrap with nothing else on). Find a place to go parking that is off the beaten path. In Ontario cars are considered private property, and you have the expectation of privacy if you are well away from other people in a secluded environment. Speaking of naked, try nude sunbathing on one of the clothing optional beaches or campgrounds in Canada. They are safe, slightly naughty and I bet there is one near you. check out the www.fcn.ca, or www.aanr.com for a spot near you.
2. Picnics and outdoor sex generally crank up the endorphins. The best story I heard was from a 85 year old couple who always had weekly picnics. In the backyard during the summer and in the living room in the winter. They considered their picnic basket one of their most prized possessions.
3. Do it yourself bondage. By placing two hands in a pillow case behind your back and lying down, your own body weight safely and easily traps your hands for quick immobilization. Cheap handcuffs from the dollar store have a universal key and are easy to get out of. Simple, and I bet you haven’t tried a set in ages.
4. Canadian Tire or hardware store sex toys. Visit the house wares and get a “massager” that plugs into the wall. 110 volts makes the best sex toys. Try a drop sheets can be used for rolling around in oil, practicing squirting, and playing with chocolate body paint. Paint brushes for warm oil, ceiling hook to attach the rope too….whatever floats your boat.
5. Shop online for sex toys. Even if you don’t buy anything read about what’s new. My favourite these days are www.pinkcherry.com and who would have thought, Amazon are all decent sites. Sex toy shops in person in your ‘hood often have great classes where you can learn everything from Japanese rope bondage, to making your own sex toys.
6. Dollar store shopping. Cheap paintbrushes for writing on your body in oil, water based paints for getting really creative, water balloons (get wet inside and out), lightest sandpaper for a full body scruffing, and small LED flashlights (for playing gynecologist). Try something fun and add it to your tickle trunk.
7. Douche bags to clean out vaginas (and separate ones for rectums). With warm water, it helps clean out every orifice and makes the way clear for loads of oil and lube for vaginal play or anal sex. The ones I bought from the drug store are called vaginal syringes. They make you feel clean and fresh. I use a little vinegar and water and am far more likely to get frisky if I know my partner will find me pleasant.
8. Butterscotch instant pudding. Or chocolate, vanilla or anything that tickles your fancy or your taste buds. 5 minutes and you’ve got a fun activity. I use it in combination with the drop sheet. More women I know have tried oral sex with pudding than anything else. Just saying…
9. Adventure camping – White-water rafting, bungee jumping or anything that gets your adrenaline pumping will kick start things in the bedroom. The new study from Rutgers university supports all the earlier research that adrenaline bonds, and increases your testosterone levels.
10. Tea and ice cubes- The combination of the hot and cold on your genitals can be quite the sensation. Simple fun and erotic things you can add to spice things up this weekend.
It may be as simple as picking up a bottle of wine. The important thing is that even a $1 novelty item in the bedroom helps peak your interest. Set aside a date time and talk to your partner. It’s worth it.
If you want to look into pre-made date nights, consider joining the Ducklings! We are a social date-night group where the activities are planned for you. Idiot-proof romance and fun!
You may have never heard of her before. But if you are a women between 25 and 60 you would have probably shed a tear during one of her movies. This is woman who got other women. Nora Ephron was Hollywood’s most influential woman writer/director (I was hard pressed to name another woman director), died yesterday in New York. She certainly had a life well lived. First married to Carl Bernstein of the Washington Post and Watergate fame, she wrote and directed Silkwood with Meryl Streep, Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got out my Mail, and most recently Julie and Julia about the uber cool Julia Childs. She also wrote, produced and directed the definitive date movie of my generation “When Harry Met Sally” that forever answered the question “can men and women be friends?”
Nobody can forget the infamous faked orgasm scene done by Meg Ryan. It spawned thousand of bar contests (who can fake the best climax), and was so side splittingly funny because every woman had indeed faked an orgasm at one time or another. I asked my partner why there are so few women that have that level of success in the mass media. Ephron was incredibly talented and commercially lucrative who really got it and was ambitious enough to see the project to completion. To me she is one of the liberators of female sexuality by letting us laugh about our orgasms.
Hats off to you Nora Ephron, I’m going to fake a climax today in your honour.
So Jenny McCarthy, author, centerfold, actress, Mom, comedienne, and former Mrs. Jim Carey is gracing the cover of Playboy for her 6th time. She likes these pictures of herself best. Is it that women over 40 more comfortable with themselves, or are older women coming into their beauty in a new way? Ask Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, Jodi Foster, Elizabeth Hurley, Selma Haylek who all think they are at their sensuous peak in their 40’s.
I asked a couple of patients of mine this week who are in their 30’s about whether they would prefer women in their 20’s or 40’s. All said they thought women at 30 were perfect, but would prefer 40 to 20. As one patient said, “Sexy is a combination of body and attitude, and I think attitude is more important than body.”
Jenny McCarthy loves her new pictures.”I think they are classy and beautiful. I did it 20 years ago in 1993. It was kind of on my bucket list to do it again before I turned 40,” she said during an appearance on The Wendy Williams Show last week. “I’m so tired of seeing just the 20 year olds being considered sexy. I was like, ‘MILFS are hot, too.’ I’m getting better with age.”
Consider joining the Ducklings social group starting all over North America to celebrate sexy, mature women.
What’s new in sex toys? An environmentally sound, non-vibrating loop that tightens you up while it stimulates your G spot. Called The Magic Banana, it’s a device designed by Ontario based fine artist and yoga instructor Janeson Rayne after 30 years of research. It helps you tighten both the internal and external vaginal muscles, and prevents the need for those adult diapers in the future. The G spot can be elusive, but using basic muscle principles, tightening up those hard-to-reach muscles can ensure a more powerful orgasm.
The magic banana is defined as a self-discovery champion, designed by a woman for women
The Magic Banana® responds directly and immediately to your muscles, and works in harmony with your own movement. The flexible loop contracts and releases in conjunction with your inner muscles (‘the magical muscles’). You can insert and hold The Magic Banana® inside and squeeze against it pulsing on and off with your muscles or move it back and forth to experience completely unique rippling sensations, discovering areas you may not have even known existed! The loop of The Magic Banana® with its signature subtle curve is designed to reach and stimulate the G-spot.
How to use the Magic Banana
1. For first-timers, definitely lubricate the Magic Banana. It might also be a good idea to lubricate the vaginal area. Be sure to relax and allow yourself the necessary privacy.
2. Insert the Magic Banana, with the curve of the loop facing up. You will have to squeeze it so that it will fit; the initial size of the Magic Banana will seem daunting and large otherwise. With practice, it will get easier.
3. Once inserted, the Magic Banana will expand and press against the vaginal walls, which at first, might feel a bit awkward.
4. If you’re looking to improve the strength of your vaginal muscles, contract and relax the muscles against the resistance created by the Magic Banana.
5. If you’re looking to explore your G-spot, move the Magic Banana in and out. The loop will massage the soft tissue that makes up the G-spot.
—Source: magicbanana.com and Janeson Rayne
This banana is no ordinary fruit.
The Magic Banana, created by Kingston artist and yoga instructor, Janeson Rayne, BFA ’97, has
steadily gained in popularity among women since it first hit the market in 2000.
The Magic Banana is available online, at select specialty shops in North America and at the Sexual
Health Resource Centre (SHRC) at Queen’s, which is located in room 223 in clubs space in the JDUC.
G Boutique, a female-friendly shop in Chicago, has recently sold its 700th Magic Banana, according to Rayne. The store has carried her product for three years. The SHRC declined to comment on how many Magic Bananas have been sold. The device is sold under two different names—although still the same product—reflecting its two different uses. The Magic Banana is advertised as a female exploration tool, whereas its sister, the KLoop, is advertised as an aid in curing incontinence, which occurs when the vaginal muscles lose their elasticity.
Rayne said because the use of her product is not immediately apparent, it has added appeal.
“It is non-phallic and it is discrete,” Rayne said.
It’s called the Magic Banana because the curve of the loop is such that it creates the silhouette of that curvaceous fruit. Although at first glance it seems rather large, the flexibility of the Magic Banana allows for it to be bent and contorted for insertion into the vagina.
“You can move it manually in and out, which stimulates the G-spot,” Rayne said. “You can use it in conjunction with a vibrator or any kind of clitoral stimulation. … The loop actually reaches the walls of the vagina and stimulates them in a way that even a penis or other apparatus can’t.” If you visit the product’s website, magicbanana.com, there are nearly 30 testimonials from women who have used the product.
“It’s like a Thigh Master for your vagina!” wrote Hannah Varto, a Public Health Nurse from B.C. The K-Loop is advertised in a more medically-oriented context. It’s used in conjunction with Kegel exercises, named after the gynecologist who invented them. The exercises are a series of vaginal exercises used to help with incontinence.
Low libido, or inhibited sexual desire is the big issue that keeps coming up in my office as a sex therapist.
Often commonalities of people experiencing low libido include low levels of free testosterone, inflammation of the cells with a High sensitivity CR protein in the blood, food allergies and low belly fat among things. And then there is the emotional, relationship, and psychological issues.
If you are struggling with low libido where do you start to change things around?
I’ve written a number of posts with supplements and suggestions for low libido.
Here are some more obscure ideas that might help.
1. Try the new IXEL anti depressant. SSRI anti-depressants are notorious libido killers. IXEL out of Turkey which has just been licensed in the US, may actually increase libido if you need depression meds.
2. Try an exotic fruit. Sometimes its trace minerals that can impact libido. Zinc, magnesium and chromium all seem to be low in my libido patients. Peel a pomegranate instead of a banana. Or try dragon fruit or mangosteens that are packed with the trace minerals that North American fruit may be low in.
3. Daily dose of red wine. Really. I know everyone is telling you to cut back on alcohol. However the tannin’s in red wine help increase your testosterone (especially in women) and put that bounce in your step.
4. See a chiropractor. If you’ve never been now is the time to consider it. That or acupuncture. Blocks in the nervous system from misalignment can be solved through a chiropractor appointment or traditional Chinese medicine practitioner.
5. The Magic Banana or Intensity strengthening toys. There are a couple of new toys on the market that increase pelvic muscle tone. One is the Intensity which uses electrodes to increase muscle tension. The other a yellow, flexible loop called The Magic Banana, forces the internal muscles to contract and increase the blood flow to the genitals. And that’s all good when you want to increase your libido.
What I do know after 25 years of specializing in low libido is that it doesn’t magically get better. Your sex life needs work to flourish. If you’ve lost that loving feeling then I encourage you to reach out. Solution oriented sex therapy by skype or phone can address the problem and put a bounce back in your step. Reach out now.