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The allure of unshaven, and clean smelling men

It’s not much of a secret that I like facial hair. Particularly that three day old unshaven look. I filmed a national news story yesterday (on why older women need to try alternative ways to meet men, and should be dating younger men) and the young, camera guy came to my door unshaven, wearing sunglasses, with rumpled hair, and smelling faintly of soap.  I would forgive him many transgressions. Before I let him in the door I had him hold still so I could feel his jawline. I told you the interview was on cougars didn’t I? grin

Smell It’s not young, but grizzled and smelling clean will get me every time. I met a 75 year old in a full beard, smelling great that turned my head recently. Subtle cologne, coupled with that 5 o’clock shadow is far more intriguing than the Pierce Brosnon type smooth.  To me anyway. We have this cool olfactory nerve, and this little poorly known organ called the vameronsal organ that detects phermones, or the chemical scent that someone attractive puts off to us. Facial hair, like armpit, and pubic hair is designed to trap and market those phermones to the opposite sex. But there is somethng about the look and smell of masculinity causes us heterosexual girls to sit up and take notice.  Clean sweat puts off buckets of these phermones and if there is a chemical connection, has your body already planning strategies on getting you naked and horizontal in a serious burst of sexual desire.

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Fear of sun burn on the oh-so delicate flesh

As a natural blonde of Scottish decent, I don’t tan, rather I ignite. My ancestors lived in a cave in the North Atlantic, eating cod, and having their hairy legs protect them from the sun. So I have two skin tones, fish belly white, and sunburnt red, and despite the spf 120, I end up with attractive red blotches all over my back. I admit to being envious of those nicely tanned people, despite the skin cancer warnings.

I have this friend who is a practising nudist (as opposed to an non-practicing…). Wonderful person, ordinary job (software guy), spends weekends streaking at a nudist campground and doing everything in the buff. I’m intrigued enough to consider dropping in for a swim this summer. It’s not that I haven’t been naked in public before. Give me any excuse to be au naturel, and you’ll have me frolicing a la mid summer’s night – gloriously naked. I’ve never been modest, despite my regular adage of "if you’ve got it flaunt it, if you don’t, for God’s sakes cover it up". I have my share of train track stretch marks, and cellulite, but we sex therapists are prepared to take one for the team.  My concern is the previously mentioned sun sensitivity.  I know you are not suppose to apply sunscreen to babies and certain mucus membranes, but where is the research on well razored, exfolliated, and waxed vulvas? A google search give me few facts.  I guess I’ll just have to do some "hands on research. So if I come home scratching my bottom with bug bites, and needing special apres sun skin cream on soft tissues, you can tell me to stop whinning.

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The new sex cushions

My partner hates when I get strange packages in the mail. He usually assumes (correctly) that it’s some wierd, new, sexual device that I’m going to chase him around the house to try out with me. I got a smaple of the new Liberator sex cushions that are like little wedges to ergonomically adjust your posture and make sex easier. Man, sex can look funny sometimes. I could describe the pictrue of me trying to adjust this under my hips (all in the name of science), but it loses something in the description.  Suffice it to say, that I have difficulties being acrobatic. No swinging from the chandelier for this pushing middle age sex therapist.  Imagine curvy, plus sized blonde upside down. Hey, if you’ve got it, flaunt it, if not for God’s sake cover it up….
So why would you want a sex cushion? Sex furniture is the rage. And it can help with anyone not perfectly bendy.
There are a few different kinds of furniture that will help you and your partner do those positions that appear int he Kama Sutra.
WEDGES – These triangle pieces of foam are meant to support your body if you have to maintain a position for an extended period of time. They can be used for non-sexual purposes as well. You’ll have to buy more than one (different sizes) if you want the most versatility – just keep in mind that they are sometimes pricey. Very beginner-friendly.
BEDS – It might sound like a no-brainer, but we’re not talking about the one in your bedroom. These are usually inflatable OR custom made to have the ability to attach restraints.
CHAIRS – This group has several subgroups

  • Queening Chairs – Low seats that allow for one person to sit while another lies on their back and performs oral sex. A smother-box is the same idea but with the ability to be locked or restrained inside. Some can look like simple stools while more elaborate ones can look like thrones.
  • Chaise lounges or sofa chairs – One step further than wedges. They support the entire body for various sexual positions. Some can include restraints.
  • Thrones – Can be included in bondage furniture or queening chairs if they are altered accordingly (as well as high-back chairs made to look royal or menacing and aid in role-play).
  • Balls – Much like the posture/exercise balls you see at offices, except these have a dildo attached to them. Yay!

If you are looking to try them and don’t want to make the big investment consider a weekend at a sex resort. My favourite is Secrets in Orlando. Secrets is one of the only lifestyle resorts in the US and is a very special place. A weekend to try the furniture can cost much less than the $850 starting price to buy some. Have a look at my favourite room at the resort.

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Girls watching other girls bump and grind

Mitzy So girls night out this past week was spent watching the hottest strippers around.  No Chippendales dancers for my small gaglle of women, we went to see traditional burlesque women dancers, who took it down to pasties, adn garters.  Hot, classy, feminine I was blown away at just how much fun it looked. This is the best of the 30’s and 40’s stripping before it became lap dancing and champagne rooms. An even group of men and women, I had a great time!  Miss Mitzy Cream, the leader of the pack of a group called the Kitten Revue I want her wardrobe! check out the photo page, it’s so sexy!Mitzy2

My two favourite numbers were a 40’s Bugle Boy sailor number, and a Hawaiian grass skirt hula that left the guy beside me breathless.  Forget pole dancing for your man, it’s about ultra feminine, girl power!  Break out the pasties and like the Chris De Burgh Patricia the Stripper song (it was the final number) says, "get men tumbling down in heaps before your feet."  I’m out shopping for corsets!

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Hungarian men use the most sex positions…

Men’s Health Magazine commissioned this survey of how men like to have sex.  Filipino guys apparently like to masturbate most (5 times a week, instead of the usual 4).  No wonder your hot water bill is so high.  Canadian men are unremarkable (they used to be considered the most sensitive lovers, maybe there is an award for the most polite?).  Korean guys do it the most 4.5 times a week, instead of the usual 2.8 times.
Think about that. 4 and 1/2 boff (the occasional quickie).  Maybe they have a less hectic lifestyle.  Those British guys (who in practice are always the kinky ones), devote the most time to foreplay. Lie back and think of England or at least David Beckham…
Finally, it’s the Hungarian guys that are the acrobats.  Jumping around to as many as 8 positions a session (sounds exhausting), but if you were really looking for some attention, it would be the Hungarian and the Korean guys together that may be the most interesting.  Poder that twosome on your lunch break.

Pioneer sex – can you do it with mosquitos buzzing around?

Amish  PBS television (viewed in Canada on HGTV) is running a reality series where two couples live off the land with no technology a la pioneers for an entire year. This is not 39 days in a hot climate with sexy people like Survivor, no this is building a cabin, sleeping with your pig, in Manitoba, home of more mosquitos per capita than anyother place in Canada or maybe the world.  I’ve been to Manitoba, and I had mosquitos in my hotel room in downtown Winnipeg-  in September!!@  These reality show couples complained about mosquito bites they got on their ass every time they went pee, and how couldn’t leave the tent after dusk to go for a leak because the bugs were just that bad. The episode I saw was after living together in a tent for 2 months, the two couples finally had their own space and were going to get to have sex for the first time in months! 

They couldn’t have sex outside (for the aforementioned reasons not to mention the cameras), but it struck me as me as somewhat less than idealic lovemaking conditions. I used to say that before the turn of the 20th century when we didnt have elecric light, the thing most adults did after dark was sleep, nurse babies and boff.  I thought it much more romantic that you had way, way more time for sex.  But now after seeing this "reality" (great show check out the linkthis is really reality) I’ve thinking that technology, DEET, vibrators, and those electronic bug zappers may be sexier after all.

Just a thought.

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Boobs- we must we must increase our busts

Breasts  If you are of a certain age, you remember the line from Judy Blume’s book "Hello God it’s me Margret" cool kids author  about how obsessed women are with their breast size.  Not quite as obsessed as men and the size of their dangling dicks, but that’s a rant for another day.  Billions of dollars are spent on breast augmentation- which you have to have repackaged with saline about 10 years later.  Not to mention the pain, money and side effects.  I’m working on this new technique and clinical study to grow yours naturally. Interesting research study.  If you are interested in trying a new, pain-free, and free technique to increase your breast size, I’m looking for guinea pig er I mean candiates to try this.  Email me at suem@rogers.com

fish oil for your hard on's

I was speaking with my buddy Mike Bode yesterdaymike’s site.  He’s the former Mr. Strongman guy that now runs this leading store selling nutricitionals and testosterone based supplements.  He tells me that Omega 3’s, Yohimbine in it’s strongest form, and a product called Vigor is what you need to keep the blood flowing through your Mr. Johnson.  It helps women reach orgasm, but is especially effective for me. Omega 3’s are best as either wild salmon oil, or believe it or not, seal oil.  Support the Newfoundland fishing industry, and buy some of the native seal oil tablets.  They have almost double the Omega 3 oil, and is very good for your weenie.

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The sex Olympics

So the Olympics just wound up. I think it’s an opportunity to speculate about the possibilities of a sexual Olympics. I’ve got a friend who thinks we should always make our partners feel like they’ve gotten a gold medal. You know, sing O Canada, stand them up on the pedestal, and shower them with accolades. I don’t know if I would agree with that, for women especially, that may involve faking their sincere reactions to pleasure. Hey, I’m all about giving warm fuzzies to your lover, but faking, in my opinion only slams the door on your own pleasure. How’s a partner to know what you like, or even do the necessary work, if you are busy misdirecting or acting out the moans? For men, like with the Canadian hockey team, the gold medal may just involve too much pressure and hype, which can result in difficulties in the clutch. I happen think that as a rule, Canadians are great in bed. We would be showered with medals in this department. Understated, sensitive, used to snuggling together to ward off the cold, and according to the Durex Sex Survey, more concerned about their partners pleasure than their own.

There’s a lot of similarities between sex and the Olympics. It involves sweating, endurance, and those convoluted, scrunched up facial expressions you get when getting to the finish. There are too are all those sports related sex metaphors like throwing rocks, slapshots, scoring between the periods. And don’t even get me started on the sexy snowboarding lingo.

You look at all these really good looking athletes at the Olympics– and they are really good looking given a lifetime of healthy living and exercise, and wonder just how many of them are actually getting some. Maybe they are all saving themselves? Canadian swim coach Dave Johnson included an abstinence pledge in the official code of conduct for the Canadian women’s and men’s swim teams during the 1996 Summer Games in

. Asked about it recently, he said it was largely an attempt to minimize emotional stress for the swimmers. "Sex creates an extra set of distractions for young athletes," he said. In professional football, many teams require players to check into hotels, away from wives or partners, even before home games. The Steelers coaches conduct room checks. Maybe that’s why they won this year’s Superbowl. So maybe you could be in medal contention even if you are flying solo these days….

I think we should be lobbying to make great sex an Olympic event. Maybe the least amount of thrusting before silmultaneous orgasms, or the longest distance ejaculated. It’s something everyone has a good chance of trying out for, and I guarantee it would do wonders for the ratings on CBC and NBC. Just a thought,

I’m Sue McGarvie, and that’s Sue’s spin on sex.

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