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Set the clocks back an hour and use it to boost the national sex average

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related topics: www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com, www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20081029/sex_survey_081029/20081029?hub=TopStories

So despite living in a world where there are sexual images and ideas (including mine) bombarding you constantly, we seem to be keeping up the same level of sexual activity we've been doing for the last 20 years. I don't know about you, but I actually schedule sex into my day. Whether it be with myself (insert vibrator sound here- smile) or preferably with my dexterous partner, making whoopie is an absolute priority. According to those fun surveys about our sex lives that have started with the Kinsey report in the 50's, we are spendingroughly the same amount of time doing "it". Although I am mathematically challenged, we could seriously change the numbers if EVERYONE took the extra hour we are given today with the end of daylight savings time to get wiggly with the one we love, then we might make a blip on those boringly predictable sex stats we sex therapists keep getting in our inboxes.  Take an hour today and reach out to your partner. Or split the difference. Do it for 30 minutes, and then take a 30 minute nap. A reasonable prescription from your sex therapist.

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More on Gender differences aka boys are cute but confusing

Susie4 I’ve been writing this week about how people are the same as each other, and how we seem to be the same as the birds, bees etc. However there are some gender differences that we atill have to overcome. I’m working with a new couple as patients, who have been married for 40 years, work together, can finish each other sentences, but still have no idea how the other person feels about them, or understand why they can’t overcome their diverging thought processes.

John Gray implies that as women, we may be from Venus.  But sometimes men appear to be from somewhere like Mars.  Well, I’m not a huge John Gray fan, but the process of adding testosteone at a certain neo-natal stage has our brains wired completely differently from the embryo we started as. Female. Which is why I advocate paying for sex change operations for identifyable trans-sexuals. They are willing to undergo tremendous pain and suffering so that their bodies and brains match. I see it with my son, watching him evolve into the sports mad, mud covered, kid, from the sensitive little boy his Mother tried to have him become. I certainly believe in nature rather than nurture, because as I have said before, you can’t find what you are.

  You also can’t tar everyone with the same brush – the more we are similar as a species, the more differences I seem to discover. A friend told me today, that they thought that men are far more predictable, and less emotional than women.  I don’t think I agree. The women I know, seem to follow fairly simple rules of engagement. We want everyone to get along, and we want attention. Play nice, even when we are evil or clueless. Men want to rule the universe, get stuff done, and sleep with as many women as possible. You agree?

According to my web search on gender differences, along with a few obvious anatomical dissimilarities, the top three gender differences that seem relevant popped up. Women cry when we are upset, versus men who usually swear and yell (or give us the silent treatment). Women are far more likely to ask for help and directions, where as men try and figure it out by themselves.  Finally men, can write their names in the snow, while women take longer in the bathroom.  Oh, and we are way, way more likely to experience multiple orgasms. Smile.

Not sure what it all means, but as women around the world scratch our heads in response to the Martians we live with, I thought I would share my confusion in helping my patients figure out their partner who they love, but who frustrates them. I wish I could say that lesbian relationships are far easier. So gender fdifferences aren’t the whole story.

Decades in the study of interpersonal relationships, and my way of dealing with the boy (and sometimes the men in my life) involves the very grown up response of sticking my tongue out at them and going "Nananana".  Hey, if you’ve got a better idea, I’m all ears. Susie3

The sexual bucket list

Bucket If been trying to live my own version of the Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson movie The Bucket List. For those of you who don’t know it, it is the story of two guys who share a room in a hospital, and make a list of things they want to do before they “kick the bucket”. Then they go out and live it.
Bucket2
Being the sex therapist (who thinks that I should be living these experiences, rather than simply counseling about them) that I am, my own bucket List, has got more of a sexual slant to it. I want to have elegant sexual experiences in amazing locations. You may have read about my Out of Africa experiences recently. I’ve also done whirlpool sex, discreet public sex, and Mexican sex (don’t ask).  I’m thinking that ski lift sex, golf cart sex, moutain climbing sex, and the From Here to Eternity (rolling around in the surf sex) may also be amazing. No, I’m not an exhibitionist, and I have no desire to be arrested for being lewd in public. It’s just that, like most women, I get a charge out of the setting, rather than a change in plot. I don’t need a cast of thousands to make my fantasies come true, just a partner I trust, a great location, and a sense of adventure. Golf2 Suggestions for new and interesting locations welcome.
 
 
 

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It's not the size of their feet, it's the size of thier ring fingers

My partner has size 13 feet.  But more importantly, his ring finger is longer than his index finger.
So what,  you say?  Well next time you are in the bar scouting out potential cowboys for that midnight ride, don’t be concerned about the size of their boots, ask to see their hands. “According to University of Liverpool researcher John Manning, the size of your ring fingers and genitals are directly related tohow much testosterone you received in the womb; the higher the testosterone level, the longer they are. In fact, looking at the length of ring fingers in comparison to index fingers will give you an idea of the size of a man’s penis. If the ring fingers are longer, it means that there were healthy testosterone levels; if they were the same size or smaller, it means that there were lowered levels.”
This from Daniel Amen, “Sex on the Brain” book cool website on Dr. Amen, and some info on how scanning your brain may solve your emotional problems
I don’t know about you, but I’m going to go around looking at the fingers of guys I know, and whose packages I’ve always wondered about. Fingers
 
 
 

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I'm quoting Jerry Springer…

Who said "that what men want from women are the same things they want from their underwear.  A little support, and a little flexibility."  Underwear1

I think men are looking for women who are good looking (that 70% waist/hip ratio, hourglass), and who are kind. Playing hard to get finishes the deal, but brains and ambition (for the most part), need not apply.

Thoughts?

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Beauty and the Geek – a train wreck I can't stop watching

Beauty_and_the_geek I watch less than an hour a week of television, and instead I usually have my nose in a book for my mindless entertainment. But I have a fascination with human relationship drama, and got caught up watching the first episode of that Beauty and the Geek show. This is the show where they have a bunch of MIT and Harvard top science grads, who, are more than a little socially awkward and a bunch of beautiful women undergoing challenges.  For the guys, think pocket protectors and clashing plaid shirts. Then there is the guy in the star Trek uniform….But earnest, sweet, and genuinely looking for self improvement.  They are then matched with a bunch of airhead Hooters waitresses, Playboy bunnies, and WWF ringside girls, who prove to be more than a little brainless. It’s every stereotype you’ve ever thought about these two groups.

As offended as I was by the whole thing, I couldn’t seem to stop watching it.  These guys just want to be Bill Gates (and then the girls will come in droves), and the girls seem to just want to have fun. They also want the $250,000 for winning. My money is on the guys. You can teach social skills, but how to you teach intellectual smarts? What I found particularly interesting is how the age old dance of boy/girl happens even if the women are totally, totally, not interested in the guys.  If these girls were smart, they might just take a second look at their geeks. I know I would if I were in the same position.

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Bait and Switch.. the new relationship motto

I have a bit of a penchant for smart, funny, literate men. I wrote about my not-so-secret hankering for Andy Kessler The author of The End of Medicine who fills all my requirements and looks hot on his book cover picture.  Hey, if he smells nice, I may run away with him.

Not to be fickle, (sorry Andy), but I’ve got a new favourite this week. As I whittle down my pile of holiday paperbacks, (the good, the great, the bad, and the really bad) I found a gem. Bait and Switch, a book, that the back cover calls "a smart, funny, sexy, scary ride". It helps that Larry Brooks is an ex pro baseball player who looks like he still fills out his leather jacket exceptionally well. Even if he doesn’t smell nice, I may be inclined to run away with him

Larry_brooks Anyway, my new sweetie Larry wrote some very interesting things about fantasy, power and sexual domination in this book of his.  His thoughts about how women are looking "to lose herself in the desire, in the embrace, in the bonds of a cruel master, with the gifts of her suffering… the darkness, she has no accountability for her own, she is a little girl again, a victim to her own beauty.  It’s so twisted upin explanations, in right and wrong, in shame and guilt, when in fact she just needs one thing…the be desired… to be consumed." 

And that’s just a taste. Larry has a clear understanding of how men in power respond sexually. For all the type A patients I see- the bigger they are, the more submissive they are.  He talks about why women and how the whole dance connects to her past…"it’s all about some inexplicable craving, some dark forbidden pleasure, when you know it’s much more, that it’s the salving of old wounds, the feeding of demons, and it’s never going away…."

Well, I think that boy understands, ( in a Darth Vader kind of way) the dark side. 

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An affair by any other name

I’ve been seeing a bunch of patients who are having affairs. For some people it’s not a bad option – the guys I see who’s wives no longer give it to them and are going to spontaneously combust walking down the street, for those men an affair is a life saver.  You have to get somewhere, and it’s safer and cheaper than paying for it.  If you think someone isn’t getting sex, you are probably wrong. Every time the Durex Sex Survey is run, over 85% of men surveyed say they would have an affair if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. I firmly believe that men are biologically attracted newness and will usually slip when tempted.  Blame their biology.  I think it’s harder than you think to fight 10,000 million years of evolution. If you are looking to cheat – try  Ashley Madison, the dating site for those already attached…. I think it’s so very much safer than falling in love with a co-worker. But i would encourage you to look at my course on ethical non-monogamy. This is the place where you can discover the way to be transparent and  get your needs met without sneaking around or screwing up your relationship.
Before you get mad ad say I’m encouraging cheating, in my experience there are many people for whom monogamy doesn’t work, and that safe, discreet, intimacy is a viable option. Being the child of divorce, I think inconsequential sex is better than breaking up families.
Anyway, my point today was in saying that despite all the information, many of my friends, patients or callers think their married lover is going to leave their wife. Just for the record, less than 10% EVER leave the wife. Don’t expect it if you are cheating. When you are ready let’s talk about swinging, poly, hall passes or other ways you can be upfront about wanting to step out.
The Flanders Panel, the great novel by the Spanish author Arturo Perez-Reverte has a fabulous quote about married men.  ” In the end my dear, a married man invariably finds in favour of his legal wife.  All those years of washing underpants and giving birth always prove to be the deciding factor.  It’s just the way they’re made. Deep down they’re sickening loyal. The bastards.”
I couldn’t say it any plainer,  so adulterers take heart.

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Seduction bomb

Shag As defined by Webster’s, Seduction is the process of deliberately enticing another person into an act (see motivation). The word can have a negative connotation, either seriously or mildly (and also used jokingly), and may refer to an act that the other may later regret and/or would normally not want to do.
On last night’s show we discussed the process for becoming a “player” or having women fall at your feet. The book, The Game, (which I looked for at Chapters today, and couldn’t find…) and Mystery the infamous pick up artist find out about the book, and you too, can pick up women in bars  it seems that the men who listen to my show (smart, amazing listeners that they are) were quite interested in the process.  Hear the conversation about it with this podcast.
Dress funny, play hard to get, and reel them in.  Dating 101 coaching, and it’s all here.  So stay tuned to more on this after I actually read the book. Feedback welcome… Pickup artist, not just an 80’s movie anymore.Pickup_movie
 
 
 
 

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Everybody, and I mean everybody has something going on with them sexually.

So I finished Naked Conversations (the cool new Isreal and Scoble book) and they said that technology has experimented and initiated all the new ways (I have already loaned it out or I would quote the passage directly).
“Anyway, I want to add that I think it’s sex, not IT that has caused most of the new technologies to be developed and perfected.  Everything from the VCR, satellite TV, webcams, virtual reality, man the whole web is still about sex.”
If I haven’t mentioned it before, sex is the second most powerful drive in the human body after food. What’s amazing to me is that so many people seem so hung up on it.   I want to take out a bus ad that says, Relax, it’s only sex. So we rub our genitals together?  So what? If it’s safe and consensual, to quote Martha Stewart “it’s a good thing”. I had a bunch of questions from my radio show of people feeling really different and isolated.  The longer I’m a sex therapist the more I know that everyone, is uncomfortable about some of their sexual feelings, and thinks their a bit weird, or that they are somehow wrong for liking it too much, or liking it not enough.  Anyway, my thought this morning reading my mail, is you are all okay, and be a little gentle with yourselves.
The longer I’m a Sex Therapist the more that I know that everyone (and I mean everyone) has something sexual going on. Even if you are asexual or don’t want sex at all you have a thing. And it’s okay. You aren’t a mutant.
Feeling the Love, Sue

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This is my blog!!!

I’m starting to blog, but can’t figure this out yet!!! Why aren’t my first blogs posting?  How can I read someone else’s blogs? I’ve got interesting content but why isn’t it showing up!!!!
In the meantime, play this little quiz, and I’ll work hard to keep up.
Cheers!
Sue

Questions for the battle of the sexes

Male Questions:

1. Which of the is the most common method of birth control in Canada

 

A) the pill

B) the condom

C) sterilization otherwise known as the snip

2. What is the #1 most common female sexual problem

A) Low sex drive, or “not this month honey I’ve got a headache

B) Difficulty reaching orgasm or “are you done yet?”

C) Sexual pain or get that thing away from me!

3. According the Durex Sex Survey a majority of Canadian
women prefered making love in

A) The shower

B) The bed

C) The great outdoors

Female Questions:

1. What is the average penis size in Canada, is it

A) 5 inches

B) 6 inches

C) 7 inches

2. What is the most common male sexual problem is it:

A) erection problems or where’s the Viagra?

B) Premature ejaculation otherwise known as the 1 minute man

C)  Or moody hormonal imbalances

3. According to the Durex Sex Survey, most Canadian men make love

A) between 7 and 8 AM

B) between 10:30 and 11 PM

C) Saturday night after 8 PM between periods of hockey night in Canada