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Somewhere between crazy bush and Brazilian. Or why do I have pieces of green wax stuck to my pubes?

 www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chloe_Does_Yale, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pubic_hair
Body hair can be a rather sticky subject. Or so I found out when I bought this “do-it-at-home” wax kit from Walmart. I’m a razor girl as a rule. I shave my legs daily, keep the pitts clear of fuzz, and try to keep the bush from migrating down towards my knees. I use a top of the line razor, use baby powder to reach really low without cutting myself, and soap on the rest of me. It’s part of my morning bathing ritual and I thought an acceptable solution to the age old hair removal problem. Until a random comment about “pickyness” had me re-thinking the whole thing. I had tried the creams before and they gave me those little red bumps, and my experience waxing previously had been something akin to the 40 year old virgin scene. Given that I really am a natural blonde, the hair is finer and less visable than my brunette girlfriends. They spend an outrageous amount of money getting lasored and waxed monthly (some have trouble walking for a week afterwards), but are left coiffed and smooth as possible. Blondes can’t be lasored as the lasor can’t “see’ the hair in order to zap it. I have heard that poor estheticians have to deal with “spiders” or the creepy pubes of unkept patrons, that make the inside of the thighs look like party favours, and I didn’t want to deal with the kind of regularity that was necessary to have me not lumped into that category. For me it now seems that razor stubble has me crossing into that new domain into hair removal solutions. Do I shave more often? pluck? Go back to the expensive and time consuming estitcians, or try and assume that hair removal is one of the biggest hassles in being a women and ask for a little understanding?
Previously my rule of thumb had been akin to my friend Chloe in the book Chloe Does Yale, by Natalie Krinsky.
“The general consensus among both male and  females was that body hair is not about style or panache, but rather hygiene, and thus the rule of thumb is keep it organized. Pubic hair is like a Filofax. It’s no good when little pieces of paper are sticking out of your Filofax; it makes it difficult to fit into your purse. Same goes for pubic hair. Capiche?”
Which brings you to my current situation. Trying to use a tongue depressor to apply a rapidly hardening green wax to my less than firm inner thighs in anticipation of ripping pain. I managed to make a mess of the whole thing, and after a few serious yelps, and tears of physical anguish running down my face, I ma forced to spend 15 minutes trying to scrape the leftover wax from migrating up my cervix. I obviously need to leave this process to the professionals. Or contemplate going back to my trusty razor.  I’ll keep you posted.
ps. We have a Duckling event coming up soon called “spring gardening” where we bring in the manscapers, the straight razor experts and the new lawn care shavers to talk about pubic hair. Come join us?

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Why your rapid or premature ejaculation may be your dad's fault, or linked to your sense of smell

www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com, www.sexwithsue.com
Pe9 The most common problem I see daily in my sex therapy practice, without a doubt is men struggling to last longer in bed. With an average duration of seven minutes, and many guys lasting only one -two, there are a bunch of women frustrated at how short the whole process is. With most women needed 10-12 minutes of rubbing (with their clit involved) to reach orgasm vaginally – if they can at all well… you do the math.
I keep telling guys that if we can put men on the moon, “then for God’s sakes we should be able to get them to last longer in bed”.
Besides doing some cool research with all the new devices on the market (my patients give me clear feedback on what works), there are some interesting studies that is suggesting that premature ejaculation may be genetic. They found a gene for ejaculation control when scientists mapped out the genome and you may be able to blame your dad and grandfather and base DNA for being a little quick off the mark. The other thing that’s come up lately in sex research is that the smell of your partner at her fertile or ovulating times of the month may set you off faster. Women ovulate about 14 days before the start of their next period, and are more sexual, have friendlier vaginal mucus and smell more appealing to the primitive, limbic part of your brain. Even if you don’t notice it consciously. All the stripper claim that they get more attention (and bigger tips) during their periods, and when they are ovulating.
“Recent research has also investigated the role of factors involving the female partner. One study of young married couples (Tullberg, 1999) reported that the husband’s IELT seems to be affected by the phases of the wife’s menstrual cycle, the IELT tending to be shortest during the fertile phase. Other studies suggest that young men with older female partners reach the ejaculatory threshold sooner, on average, than those whose partners are their own age or younger“
So the moral of the story- until you get your premature ejaculation under control (www.solveprematureejaculation.net), feel free to blame your ancestors, or 100 million years of evolution on your tendency to be a fast shooter.

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Men, porn and daily masturbation

Related sites: www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com, http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/nov/08/gender.weekend7
Cartoon4  I have a new patient who I think is more typical than most women have any idea about. He’s a sweet guy, early 30’s, married, kids, and who’s wife caught him looking at internet porn and masturbating. Gasp! She was mortified, and made him feel humiliated and shameful. She thinks he’s a sex addict, and banished all porn and the internet from home, and severely limited the sex they had. I thought it was one of the cruelest things I heard about in awhile.  Many of the women I polled, or read about in chat rooms on the subject think that men looking at porn is degrading, repugnant and is a symptom of something wrong in their relationship and is a reflection on their own sex lives. I see daily porn with erotic stimulation as medically necessary and a normal part of men’s sexuality. My partner describes the difference between sex and masturbation as “gourmet food or water” you need both to live, and they feel completely different.  When I explain about the build up of fluid in the seminal vesicles, and the need to keep the pipes clean, most women look at me blankly. They simply don’t get how horny most guys are, and how they absolutely need visual stimulation to help them reach orgasm. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love, respect, or have hot sex with the women in their lives – but they NEED the release. As a rule, I think men are loyal, and try to be good partners. As a mother of a ten year old boy, I want my son to grow up knowing his body belongs to him, and that there are social conventions (no masturbating in public, or talking about it in front of his grandmother), but I cringe at the thought of his innate sexuality being reamed out because a partner defines their’s differently.
I think my patient may explode sometime soon. Without a release, I believe that any healthy adult man will find another outlet to get relief. I’ve said it before, if you think someone isn’t getting any – you are probably wrong. And somebody is buying some of the the five billion dollars the adult industry produces each year.

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News flash: Men cheat because they are genetically programmed to be unfaithful

Related Topics: www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com, http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/01/AR2008090102087.html

Kids  According to a new article out yeterday from some researchers at my favourite sex university Rutgers (the state University of New Jersey – where they are always testing something sexy) "Men are more likely to be devoted and loyal husbands when they lack a particular variant of a gene that influences brain activity, researchers announced yesterday — the first time that science has shown a direct link between a man's genes and his aptitude for monogamy."

This is news to me since I am convinced that 90% of men, maybe 95% will cheat if they can get away with it. I've said it before, but evolutionary biology has taught us that men are programmed to want to impregnant every woman in the world, and they are thinking about sex every six minutes. The expectation is  that they want a variety of women, and the challenge for most guys (being the loyal dogs they are), is how to get variety while staying married and not upsetting partners they love and the lives they like. All the while looking for like-minded women.  

"The finding is striking because it not only links the gene variant — which is present in two of every five men — with the risk of marital discord and divorce, but also appears to predict whether women involved with these men are likely to say their partners are emotionally close and available, or distant and disagreeable. The presence of the gene variant, or allele, also seems predictive of whether men get married or live with women without getting married," says the Washington Post.

My research on The Ethical Hedonist is about "How in God's name do we deal with our instinct to rut and be kinky, while being the person we want to be?, continues to lead me into new areas that show me that attraction, monogamy, polygamy, or a love affair with a pumpkin are all programmed by our genetic material. This study doesn't give people a cart blanche to behave any way they want, but it does say that if a man's culture, religion and family background each have a seat at the conference table that determines his attitudes toward marital fidelity and monogamy, his genes might well sit at the head of the table.

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How to be a male porn star – despite serious job hazards

Related topics: www.sexwithsue.com, www.prematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com, http://www.voyeurmonkey.com/home/articles/7-reasons-why-it-sucks-to-be-a-male-porn-star.html, http://www.tenbroadcasting.com/programming/

Porn I was reading voyeur monkey's article about the top 7 reasons why it sucks to be a male porn star. I know what you are thinking- how hard can it be? Apparently it is frought with a downside that you don't often think about. The hassles include:

1. You have to have sex in a room full of other people, without preamble ALL THE TIME.

2. You can't get it up, and taking Viagra or Cialis has side effects and a built up tolerance to the medication.

3. You make 10 times less than the women only $200 to their $2000 per scene.

4. You have to have good aim when it's time for the money shot. (no explaination needed)

5. You have to have sex with any and all women despite her silicone pumpkin-like boobs, or strange smell, taste, looks, or attitude.

6. You are expected to tolerate anything with no hang ups. Too bad if you don't like anal, oral, double penetration with some onther guy, there are thousands more where you came from.

7. She bites, smacks ot otherwise hurts your dick. Female porn stars are looking to be enthusiastic lovers as well, and if she hurts you in the process, then too bad.

In Ottawa we have a porn network in town that produces 10 films a month.  I've got a call into it's CEO to see there were opening for male porn stars, and occording to their web site they may have job openings. I'm going to interview Stuart about the steps to breaking into the business if you think you've got what it takes. Have a look back on my site next week, and who knows, maybe it's a new career path for you.

The testosterone decline. How men in the US (and arguably Canada) have 68% less manhood

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For many women testosterone is a curse. It’s the hormone that makes men, well men. It what leads to wars, guys shoving raging erections against your backs first thing in the morning (I’m not saying that is always a bad thing), and I’m sure is responsible for leaving the toilet seat up so you do a splash down in the middle of the night.  It turns out that the amount of testosterone is declining at the slow and steady rate of 1% per year. That’s like the few minutes the days get shorter on the way to the winter equinox. Nothing taken by themselves, but cumulatively, boy do they add up to a bunch of emasculated men. The study done by epidemiologist Dr. Shanna Swansays testosterone rates rates in North America and Western Europe are down 68% and 40% respectively since 1934 when men were apparently more men-like. It makes sense as testosterone decreases with stuff like lavender, and tea tree oil, PCP’s in fishing lures (and the fish in lakes, along with sex toys) lawn pesticides, and bad bike seats pollute guys and muck up their hormones. I’m seeing it daily with loads of low libido women, and now with men who in their 30’s, have testosterone of 70 year olds. Not only does it slow down sexual performance but also things like athletic abilities, strength and ambition. I’m not kidding, and my days are spent looking at lab work where the free testosterone isn’t where it should be. Sigh. Get a blood test if your get up and go isn’t where it used to be.

So I’m off to crunchy granola, organic, nutrition grow-your-own-sprouts class tonight to see if there are suggestions that can help my patients reclaim their ball scratching, chest hair pulling manhood (and the women who can’t get into the mood to jump said lugs). My guy scoffed at my “plant workshop” tonight but he should be thankful he lives with a overly curious, slightly indignant sex therapist who has a vested interest in keeping his testosterone high. Even if it means I keep putting down the toilet seat.Testicles3

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Watermelon1 Have you heard about the study of something called citrulline? It’s something in watermelons that dilate the blood vessels and improve sexual performace, giving people a viagra-like benefit.  say cool. Imagine all the hard on’s at church socials, and summer barbeque’s.The nutrients in watermelon can “deliver Viagra-like effects to the body’s blood vessels and may even increase libido,” according to Science Daily

 I’ve been doing even more reading about sexual nutrition (just wait until I regale you with stories of my class on sprouts..), and I’m convinced that much of what ails you can be solved with antioxidents and certain foods. I take these tiny, little cinnamin tablets to regulate my blood sugar, zinc to keep my squishy parts squishy, and now I’ll be buying even more watermelon.

There are three photo-nutrients; in watermelon which are delivering these : lycopene, beta carotene and citrulline. Coupled with a herbal supplement like Thrust which increases the nitric oxide in the blood stream like  an increase in trace minerals (from either a mineral supplement, or drinking mineral water) you should be doing the Bob Doyle thing without the benefit of pharmaceuticals. I had a 89 year old patient who was still having sex with his 84 year old wife. Their diet was lots of fruits, meat, real cream (he used to be a farmer), and he was still chasing her around the house. As his wife told me, “He’s a frenchman, everything else is falling apart, but the protruding part is the only thing that still works right.” I wonder how much watermelon he ate?

Why there is lots of dick waving at Boston Celtics games, and be glad they're on the ball

I've written recently about the metaphors between sports and sex. Dribbling balls, jammin' baskets, and "he shoots, he scores" (or in the case of the squirting video I saw at the sex shop "she squirts, she scores…") And Lord knows we understand that one or two athletes may misbehave sexually, (think half the Dallas offensive line who should hire me on as the team sex therapist). Professional athletes  aren't known to be sexually prudent (gee Sue, you think?)  It was great that the Celtics won last night, and that there was lots of green beer consumed, but it seems that not everyone feels the need to keep things contained. The Boston police arrested a few partyers for peeing in the street. Considering I pee behind bushes on my walks daily, and the world is your urinal, I thought that was a little heavy handed. Until I read that the arrestee was former people magazine hottie (named once as a contender for the  US's most eligible bachelor)  Boston attorney Gary GaryZerola. He's the creep er I mean guy that's beaten three straight rape charges this year for luring teenage girls into his room and drugging and sodomizing them.  So if the Boston police, well meaning vice dicks that they are want to come down hard on someone for peeing after a Celtics win, then they picked on the right guy. Don't mess with Boston's finest. http://news.bostonherald.com/news/regional/general/view.bg?articleid=1101634&srvc=home&position=rated

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Self or Auto Fellatio – or is your flexibility an amazing gift

Autofellatio As a sex therapist, you never know what’s may be walking into your office next. I’ve seen every kind of costume, and thought I had treated most problems, fetishes, and addictions in my fifteen years in private practice and handling radio calls. Last week’s guy had a difficulty that I had never seen before. A fit guy, who, with the gift of double jointed hips, and an extremely well endowed penis, and he could take his own penis into his mouth. I guess it’s like women who can climax just by having their nipples pulled. There is always someone to be jealous of.

A problem you must be thinking? What problem?  I thought that too, except between a sexually active partner, and his personal party trick, this guy wasn’t getting any work done. He would rather stay home. He wanted to know if five times a day, and ingesting his own semen would cause long term problems.  I swear I couldn’t make this stuff up, and some days my job includes serious conversations about how much self fellatio is too much. It’s like that old joke…"why does a dog lick himself?" Because he can… In humans it’s less than 1% of guys who have the magic combination, and the rest of us who just wish we could.

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Am I the only one who thinks playoff beards are hot?

Beards I’ve been watching more hockey lately. ast night it was the Philidelphia and Washington game (Philly 4-3 in double overtime). Which despite being the good Canadian girl that I am, atching hockey and turning into a hockey fan is a new thing for me. I always know Monday Night Football usually meant sex at halftime (the fastest three minutes in football), but now I’m getting it after the hockey games. I realized hockey acts like foreplay for me. I get to snuggle up with my love who is an avid fan, increase our testosterone level (as watching sports is supposed to do), and I get to see fit men sporting lots of facial hair. At least at this time of year. You may not know this (as I only found out last night) that professional athletes stop shaving and don’t start again until they are eliminated from contention. Which for those of us who think beards are sexy, is a very good thing. I realized that is why I watched the Stanley Cup Playoffs last year with the now golfing Ottawa Senators and that team that Scott Beards1 Neidermayer (that hotty) captains from California. There was something about a 35 year old BC raised environmentalist that captured my imagination (shown without the beard sadly in this picture). It’s the time of year when baby-faced 19 year old hockey playing rookies, actually look like real men. Out of control beards (a la crazy bush only scruffier), make the hockey playoff very interesting. And if you can get sex between the periods (provided Don Cherry doesn’t come on and completely spoil the mood), it makes for a very entertaining evening. Something to think about if your guy is watching the playoffs tonight. smile.Beard2 

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Hooker Ads – Why men are compelled to read them

Hooker When I used to advertised in the local newspaper for my clinical sex therapy services, I was invariably placed in close proximity to the hooker ads near the back pages, despite my protests. So for days I had to screen calls wondering about my "services". My response when pressed was "that girls who do what you are looking for, charge three times what I do, and that my higher education meant that I wasn’t "laying on hands…". I am the strictly educational therapist, and that you were looking for a more experiential sexual surrogate.

I was talking to my sweetie about advertising and he commented that all men read the back pages to check out the escort, massage, tranny, and hooker ads. The ads are entertaining, educational, a little shocking (they really aren’t saying that in a newspaper…), and slightly re-assuring. He said all the guys flipped to them after the Sunshine girl photo, and before the sports scores. He claimed that it gave men an out, if they ever needed it. For $200 plus, you could get laid if you were suddenly cut off. No strings, no hassles. If the hookers were advertising in the paper, chances are they were stable, adult, with their own places, and had a certain level of credibility. He said that 90% of guys wouldn’t act on it, but it is always good to have it in their back pocket. In watching the comedy troop the Doo wops fabulous winners of this year’s Just for Laughs Festival and they have a song about how they miss visiting whores and skanks in the towns they visit. There seems to be an appeal in reading the sleazy classifieds, and joking about having a hooker on retainer. Almost like a Mistress, only much, much less expensive.

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More on Gender differences aka boys are cute but confusing

Susie4 I’ve been writing this week about how people are the same as each other, and how we seem to be the same as the birds, bees etc. However there are some gender differences that we atill have to overcome. I’m working with a new couple as patients, who have been married for 40 years, work together, can finish each other sentences, but still have no idea how the other person feels about them, or understand why they can’t overcome their diverging thought processes.

John Gray implies that as women, we may be from Venus.  But sometimes men appear to be from somewhere like Mars.  Well, I’m not a huge John Gray fan, but the process of adding testosteone at a certain neo-natal stage has our brains wired completely differently from the embryo we started as. Female. Which is why I advocate paying for sex change operations for identifyable trans-sexuals. They are willing to undergo tremendous pain and suffering so that their bodies and brains match. I see it with my son, watching him evolve into the sports mad, mud covered, kid, from the sensitive little boy his Mother tried to have him become. I certainly believe in nature rather than nurture, because as I have said before, you can’t find what you are.

  You also can’t tar everyone with the same brush – the more we are similar as a species, the more differences I seem to discover. A friend told me today, that they thought that men are far more predictable, and less emotional than women.  I don’t think I agree. The women I know, seem to follow fairly simple rules of engagement. We want everyone to get along, and we want attention. Play nice, even when we are evil or clueless. Men want to rule the universe, get stuff done, and sleep with as many women as possible. You agree?

According to my web search on gender differences, along with a few obvious anatomical dissimilarities, the top three gender differences that seem relevant popped up. Women cry when we are upset, versus men who usually swear and yell (or give us the silent treatment). Women are far more likely to ask for help and directions, where as men try and figure it out by themselves.  Finally men, can write their names in the snow, while women take longer in the bathroom.  Oh, and we are way, way more likely to experience multiple orgasms. Smile.

Not sure what it all means, but as women around the world scratch our heads in response to the Martians we live with, I thought I would share my confusion in helping my patients figure out their partner who they love, but who frustrates them. I wish I could say that lesbian relationships are far easier. So gender fdifferences aren’t the whole story.

Decades in the study of interpersonal relationships, and my way of dealing with the boy (and sometimes the men in my life) involves the very grown up response of sticking my tongue out at them and going "Nananana".  Hey, if you’ve got a better idea, I’m all ears. Susie3