Questions for the battle of the sexes
Male Questions:
1. Which of the is the most common method of birth control in Canada
A) the pill
B) the condom
C) sterilization otherwise known as the snip
2. What is the #1 most common female sexual problem
A) Low sex drive, or “not this month honey I’ve got a headache
B) Difficulty reaching orgasm or “are you done yet?”
C) Sexual pain or get that thing away from me!
3. According the Durex Sex Survey a majority of Canadian women prefered making love in
A) The shower
B) The bed
C) The great outdoors
Female Questions:
1. What is the average penis size in Canada , is it
A) 5 inches
B) 6 inches
C) 7 inches
2. What is the most common male sexual problem is it:
A) erection problems or where’s the Viagra?
B) Premature ejaculation otherwise known as the 1 minute man
C) Or moody hormonal imbalances
3. According to the Durex Sex Survey, most Canadian men make love
A) between 7 and 8 AM
B) between 10:30 and 11 PM
C) Saturday night after 8 PM between periods of hockey night in Canada
Sue McGarvie will, “in the nicest possible way”, take your audience from lube to romance items that require batteries, tongues and toes, and every orifice in between, on your quest to learn what they didn’t teach you in Grade 11 gym class.
Sue, the syndicated talk shoe host of Love and Romance, and Sex with Sue minutes is heard on Canada’s #1 Talk Radio station (CFRB Toronto) and is picked up internationally. Her television show Unzipped, aired on Global in 2004 and Sue will launch her new series on CTV in 2005. As President of United Nations, Sue’s UNIFEM Canada, the Women’s Development Fund of The United Nations, Sue’s expertise and experience in Reproductive medicine is sought after, and with a global understanding of the issues surrounding women, Sue offers a practical and truly professional presentation to women’s groups, medical and pharmaceutical audiences, and school and parent groups.
A talk that will have you realizing just how much you didn’t know, Tips, Toys and Techniques, will be a truly fun and memorable way to learn what’s now beyond the birds and the bees.
I find it absolutely the biggest turn on when my partner talks dirty to me. Any suggestions on how I can get her to increase the foul mouth gab during sex?
Eager
Dear Eager,
So you like to hear her describe in that rude and graphic way of hers how she would like to take that big, hunk of hairy manhood and …
You’re not alone. According to both the Janus Report, and The Sex in America Study using explicit language while having sex is popular with over 55 per cent of sexually active adults. In fact there are lots of men who find their partner’s heavy breathing, illicit language and passionate moaning pushes them to intensely powerful orgasms. And women being even more auditory than men (men tend to be more visual) find that a lover who uses the right kind of language can be labeled as a Sex God. Try reading to her before you make love. Start with something romantic and well written, –Lady Chatterly’s Lover comes to mind — and read her the erotic parts. Women tend to prefer more romantic language but good erotica can use four letter words with the best of them. Tell her naughty bedtime stories, encourage her to read them to you, and in a non-threatening way, let her know how much her talking is making you hot. Bring up the subject out of the bedroom, and be careful not to insist on having her provide a “play-by-play” every time you make out. Sometimes you don’t want to work that hard, and women especially find it annoying to have to talk all the way through the best parts when they want to just live in the moment. That said, it’s not too much to ask your partner to meet you in the middle and try her best to whisper naughty nothings into your ear. Amen.
Sue
I was at a great presentation at the Queen’s University Executive training school yesterday. I actually brought my mom (as part of her Mother’s day gift). The speaker, Kerry Munro is an old family friend (Mom had to tell the women sitting next to us that “she used to change his diapers…”. groan). Anyway it was great content, and it struck me that these social connections I was told about are great for sex.
So I went looking. Search twitter (I didn’t know until yesterday you could do that either) I found these twitter quickies…. “Great dismount”, “Had a nooner and I was awesome” “Following Matt Lauer’s infidelity”.
Or how about this one: Google Thinks Sexual Older Women Are Gross, But “Sugar Daddies” A-OK, Sexual Fantasy: More Previews of Jake Gyllenhaal in “Prince of Persia”, Men also get genital yeast infection, no symptoms, pass to their sexual partner.
Social media at its finest. The challenges are that much of our sex education comes in sound bites and Twitter feeds. A Trying to navigate to get clear information about your sex life can sometimes feel overwhelming.
I can help. I do 30 minute session for $75 that can quickly answer any specific sex problem. With 27 years of experience as one of Canada;s best know Sex Therapists I can usually fix an issue in one or two visits. Reach out. Let’s figure out how to fix what’s troubling you.
So more Miss Universe and now some hot model (albeit an Amish one ) has been caught posing suggestively? Big yawn, of course they have. Just in case someone hasn't mentioned it before, sex sells. And it is fun to pose in a way that makes you look sexy and attractive. And everyone is inclined to get in on it. Even Miey Cirus's squeaky clean girl image will try and show some skin. Have you seen the new Hannah Montana video? If you're beautiful, famous or both someone is going to want to take your pictire. What is it about skin that has everyone all atwitter? (see the Twitter comments)
Like the quote attributed to the hottest pin up girl of all time (50's movie star Bettie Page) "To be naked is to be oneself. To be nude is to be seen naked by others and yet not recognized for oneself". It turns out that because we can wear clothes, we can motify our looks like nothing else in the animal kingdom. I think we need to get a grip on our reactions to nude pictures. I think nudity allows us to stop hiding and really get comfortable in our own skin. For couples struggling to be intimate, I get them to spend some time being naked. Especially outside. It is one of the simplest and most effective suggestions I can make as a sex therapist.
So there are some very attractive women who have taken off thier clothes…. And other people like to look at them. That and Tiger Wood's sexual compulsions make the top stories of the day? Just because they entre a beauty pagent, or come from a very traditional culture doesn't mean that they aren't sexual beings. We are all sexual, and some of us look better naked. Why do we assume becuase someone has notary, do they have a responbsiblity to have mosre subdued behaviour and not pose naked? So says beauty pagent officials.
Where am I going with this? Don't know, but just shake my head wondering what all the fuss is about. Besides, I thought you would want to see the pictures to see what all the fuss was about.
www.sexwithsue.com, http://www.billboard.com/#/../../news/sexy-songs-1-1004066338.story
I'm hosting an upcoming "disco night" at the cottage in a couple of weeks. As I'm putting together the list of the best "shake your booty" tunes, I found the Billboard top 50 sexiest songs of the last 50 years. It's an interesting list. Not necessarily music to boff to at least for me. It was heavy on the cheese. A little Captain and Tennille, some Boyz 2 men, and my favourite CBC choice Exile singing "I want to kiss you all over" as done in the 2007 video montage during the hockey playoffs in 2007. It showed a bunch of hockey players kissing the Stanley Cup. I wrote CBC to see if they could post the video. Now that's sexy.
Does Rod the mod put you in the mood? He was listed twice in the top 10. However it was their #1 choice that had me baffled. Olivia newton John in the gym with a bunch of out-of-shape, sweaty guys was considered the sexiest song? Sure it has some suggestive lyrics (if you take your fingers out of your ears long enough to listen), but the sexiest song of all time?
How about some Sexual Healing, or at least a little Bob Marley, but 80's leg warmers? It inspired me to do a CD this morning of the songs I find sexiest. I'll provide the list later this week.
My daughter brought home an Earth Day reminder letter today with suggestions about turning off lights and lighting candles from 8:30 to 9:30 this Saturday night. She's keen (as much I think about staying up late as anything else), and earnestly wrote the time on her calendar. Coincidently, I also got a new book from Random House in the mail called Eco Sex "Go green between the sheets and make your love life sustainable." It's mainly about making your own massage oils, green sex toys and aphrodisiac carob bars.
I don't know how much stock I put into making my own natural deodorant, but I know two friends who have given up the coloured plastic sex toys made with 4 dioxane and synthetic polymers because they cause rashes. What is more relevant was some of the off-hand comments about organic foods by author Stephanie Weiss as it relates to sexual functioning. In my practice, I am looking more and more at how junk food affect our urges and aptitudes in the bedroom.
Sex is always your early warning system, and I am seeing more and more weird stuff related to toxins. One of my first questions I ask a patient when I'm doing an intake is " do you or your partner works around chemicals?" I'm convinced that much of the drop of women's libido in North America (affecting 34-41% of women according to the study cited on Oprah) is related to food and environmental toxins. Some of it too much growth hormones in the milk, much is about the soy fillers in many processed foods increasing estrogen (particularly in men). Generally, it's all bad for your sex life.
Don't think it affects you? In the article in Diabetes Care found that people with the highest blood levels of pesticides were 38 more times more likely to have diabetes than those with the lowest levels. And diabetes is a huge problem for sexual functioning. In conversations with some of my sex colleagues, I'm hearing how more and more sex therapists are looking into organic food. I'm adding salba (www.sourcesalba.com) as an antioxidant to every meal, and am now trying it experimentally with those libido women who are desperate to try anything but hormones that put hair on their chest. Blaik calls them "super seeds" (as I put them on everything from his cereal to chewy smoothies) but they may be known as "sexy seeds" if the research shakes out.
So now I suggest a cleanse, and serious antioxidant and my own personal cocktail of supplements to improve sexual functioning. See my website www.sexwithsue.com and my book The Libido Diet for more specifics on this. But as we head to Mexico (ola) to an eco resort this weekend (solar powered, completely green holiday), this reformed junk food Queen is adding crunchy organic granola to my diet to keep me biting my lip and ensuring a bounce to my step.
www.sexwithsue.com, www.urbandictionary.com
The grocery in my neighbourhood always gives you you the local tabloid free if you are shopping on Sundays. Blaik reads it for the hockey scores, and one of us will end up reading the hooker ads in the back pages aloud for entertainment. Sometimes the marketing in the sex trade business is really clever. Anyway, one of the professional girls in my city (www.sexymissvivianna.com) had all these acronyms about the kinds of services she offered. A few I knew, and the rest I had to look up in the urban dictionary. The urbandictionary.com is a great source if you happen to be unclear about sexual comments, and want to be in the know without having to look dumb by asking. It was quite informative. Just for fun, I have written the acronyms below and instead of doing suduko today, try coming up with the sex slang meanings as an option for brain gymnastics.
Oh, and Miss Vivianna’s regular rate is $300 an hour, which goes up to $7,000 for a weekend (in case you were curious about the going rate). All this at age 20 without an education.
She offers the following services (see if you can guess the meanings):
GFE, PSE, bbbjtc, cbj, daty, dfk, msog, russian, pearls, and digits among other things.
Did you guess?
GFE is the “girlfriend experience”, where she acts like she may really be into you. PSE is defined by urban dictionary.com as “porn star experience”. Think multiple positions, long nails, lots of over the top moaning. bbbjtc is “bare back blow job to completion”. Bare back means no condoms are used. I’m sure you get what “to completion means”. cbj is a covered (latex included) blow job. daty means “dining at the Y”. Apparently that is an old expression meaning cunnilingus (that one I had to look up). dfk means “deep french kissing”. msog (had me laughing out loud as I heard the sports commentator say the phrase during the Olympic hockey game), means “multiple shots on goal”. More than one ejaculation….Russian as defined by the urban dictionary as “sex in which a man places his penis between a woman’s breasts and jerks himself off with them”. pearls are another expression for “the money shot” or “pearl necklace” where a man ejaculates on the face or neck of the woman. Finally digits are “manual stimulation of the anus”. Who knew? You can tell your co-workers you were busy improving your vocabulary…
http://www.amazon.com/Decoding-Love-Revelations-Science-Attraction/dp/1583333312
Between watching the Vancouver Olymipics this weekend, I'm reading a book by Andrew Trees called Decoding Love. It's subtitled "Why it takes twelve frogs to find a prince and other revelations from the science of attraction."
There are loads of insights, which I am still trying to digest. I'll add that to my new book on evolutionary biology with has some fascinating thoughts about why people cheat. Apparently according to Trees and Bunson (the other science book), we are collectively 76% likely to fool around on our partners. Women are 20-40% likely to fool around.
The chemistry of attraction takes 2-3 years to wane before we start to feel "neutrality" (isn't that a scary word) about our partners. One of the most interesting facts that Tress presents is the insight into women's fantasies. Women who fantasize about other men are the ones most likely to cheat. However if you encourage a range of creative fantasies with your sweetie it also keeps the relationship fresh and interesting. You may run the risk of her looking at the next guy, but you keep her heat up for spin offs in your own bedroom.
Valentine's day is always a popular one with relationship therapists. Go figure. But instead of the standard, schmaltzy, contrived Valentine's ideas, I'm going to list my best suggestions of experiences to do this Valentine's day that will get her naked.
1.Think hot tub and back massage for starters. Warmed oil (I like the chocolate scented oils) will have her start to purr.
2. Rent a thriller or scary/ horror movie instead of the typical romantic comedy. Her dopamine and adrenaline will be aroused by the intense movie, and her body can't differential scary arousal from sexy arousal. Your sweetheart should be putty in your arms.
3. Go get samples of the best new cologne for men from the department store. You are doing a smell test with her. Put a little test patch on your arm and have her smell it. Get her to determine which "blind sample" she likes best. Yes, it's good to choose a cologne she likes, but it is more important for her to simply smell you. Scent is women's sex sense (men are visual) and smelling you, will immediately put her in the mood.
4. A hand holding walk. Preferably wearing one of your jackets or a peice of your clothing. It covers her in phermones, and makes her feel safe. The walk will lower her stress cortisol levels and make her more receptive.
5. Show her the new we vibe. I love this little toy (www.wevibe.com) and it's small enough to keep in your pocket and use as a massager. No batteries or plugs required/
6. Check out the new book Sweeping her off her feet with food, by chef Eric Lee. www.sweepingher.com. I loved the recipes, and it offers step by step instruction for romancing her with food.
7. Chocolate, berries and red wine. Fantastic panti removers. Fresh strawberries, blue berries, and bananas in a bowl. Get a mixture of dark and semi sweet chocolate chips, a little olive oil and melt at a low temperature (take immediately off the stove once melted). The mixture of the tannins of the wine, the antioxidents int heberries, and the potassium of the bananas (along with the serotonin boosting chocolate) will have her wiggling.
8. Burn a "world famous make-out cd". Blaik swears by the killer music to boff to. The legend started in residence at university where one amazing tape was booked in advance for date nights. More women are auditory than visual, and familiar, well thought out music is a great gift that has her playing right into your hands.
More ideas to come as we head into the Valentine's Day weekend. Read my last year's blog about why Valentine's day is so important, and stay tuned to inexpensive, last minute ideas.
http://www.google.com/trends/hottrends?q=bubble+wrap+appreciation+day&date=2010-1-25&sa=X
Being only first generation Canadian of Scottish parents, I have celebrated my share of Robbie Burns days. Think haggis, scotch, cold mutton and other Scottish culinary delights. It may have been on one of those days that I first discovered that a true Scotsman doesn't wear anything under his kilt. Smile. So in keeping with my ancestry of rutting in a dark cave somewhere, I encourage you to think about Liam Neeson (the guy with the biggest equipment in Hollywood) in Rob Royor Mel Gibson in Braveheart and find some Scottish inside of you today.
I also found out that it was the 50th birthday of bubble wrap. That great packing material you always wanted to pop when you were a kid. As I work on my new list of erotic ideas (you know, crazy suggestions for keeping it hot in the bedroom), I think there has to be one that includes both some kind of Scottish apparel and bubble wrap. Not necessarily together, but imagine the possibilities. I wonder if they make plastic in a tartan pattern….
As a sex therapist I spend my days encouraging people to focus on sexual solutions, rather than problems. However it is sometimes hard to see the solutions in the middle of daily chaos. Think about it. Kids bickering, dogs barking, food to buy and prepare, the never-ending pile of laundry means you struggle to fit in the time and privacy for great sex.
That's why I schedule sex in my own life, and encourage my patients to do the same. It's easy to get turned on with a new person. Keeping things hot day after day requires work. I have a weekly night in my house that's for fun, play and intimacy. Either myself or Blaik (Mr. Romance) takes the initiative to lead the dance. I'm working on a new list of modern suggestions for couples looking for activities. It's finding time in your day to day life to have that connection. I don't know about you, but I count my blessings to have someone in my life to hug and have sex with. Smile.
Debbie Herbenick has this to say about why you can create intimacy with a simple connection:
To stop and notice that you are living with and/or loving a wonderful being who chooses you – and to notice that every day you stay you are choosing them, too – can bring two people closer in love and in sex. In fact, an interesting finding from sex research is that although several aspects of sexual function (orgasms, erectile function, vaginal lubrication, desire) tend to decline with age, sexual satisfaction tends to not change as much. Often, it even improves with age, perhaps because women and men learn to cherish what familiarity brings them: namely, someone to come home to and to count on and who's invested in knowing their bodies and their minds better with each passing year.