My little brother gave me a gift yesterday. We are an especially literate family, and always trade back and forth books, but along with the books he handed me a box of magnetic erotic poetry words for the fridge at my office. Never mind why I have a fridge at my office, I now stand in front of it chewing my lip makimg up sentences like:”heavy turgid nipples shudder between plump enormous naked engorged man clenching gooey knob. Okay, maybe my first poetry attempt reflects my heaving, erotic trembling thoughts, but squeal hard dirty murmurs may make a sizzle picture.
I think it’s a great way to get your partner into the mood, or to know what heaving, naughty fantasies leave you frantic and kinky. I’m thinking of becoming a poetry fairy and giving boxes to my patients or leave titilating, hot, sweaty, probing words on the fridges of my friends. There may be much more convulsing apparatuses, in my neighbourhood if I do that.
The dark, wet girl of love.
Hey,
I was never the kid with the diary. Some of my friends journaled about their life daily, one of them, my friend Kim is just publishing her teenage memoires as she wrote about the going through an adolescent pregnancy. She’s now a grandmother in her early 40’s. I, on the other hand, never did. I found (for yhr five of you who actually read my blog), that I wasn’t sure it was worthwhile, but made a decision that my patients are just too damn interesting, and their issues too relevant, not to chart it in a real, but anonymous way. I’m doing some interesting discussions about herbal libido stuff, monogamy ( and it’s many trials), conversations with mistresses, new stuff about the prostate and more chewy stuff. Can”t wait to fill you in, so I’m back. Write me, and tell me that something, anything may resonate with you. I much prefer conversation to lecturing.
cheers!
Sue
I’m going to a cousin’s wedding reception, after she and her new husband eloped in Bali a few months ago. In the pictures, not just the ones in the white dress, but the following shots of her in Australia touching crocodiles, or hiking in Thailand I noted that she had never looked better. It caused me to wonder, was it just the holiday- relaxing- lots of time to boff- or is honeymoon sex really the best there is? When I asked a few female friends and patients, many of them mentioned holiday/honeymoon time as a time when they could stop thinking about life, and just be in the moment. But any of them also spoke of high school, when they would neck and pet for hours, but never comsumated the deal. You know, everything else but intercourse. For many of these women, that was supremely hot. But not for me. High school sex for many guys, was quick, awkward, I-don’t-know-what-I’m-doing, and it only got better with time. What I’ve realized is that men think sex is mind blowing, when their own performance is steller. They remember the times when they had a bit too much to drink, and lasted way, way longer than normal. They also mention to me the spontaneous, out of the ordinary sex as the best they remember. Was it the change room, the hotel rooftop, or airline bathroom that you remember as the hottest sex? Or was it, in retrospect that honeymoon I spent camping in eastern Ontario where I came home full of bug bites and tent burn….
One of my favorite, most cited sex studies in the last few years was one done by Dr. Alan Hirsch from Chicago, who found that our limbic (primative brain linked with sex) gets turned on by certain smells. For men, their testosterone levels go up a whopping 40% when exposed to the smell of cooking cinnamon, lavender, oranges, donuts, and pumpkin pies. After reading that, I started to change the perfume I was wearing from the Lauren I wore for years to The Body Shop oils in orange, and cinnamon. It was about that time when the amount of male attention I received increased significantly. It may have been the new cologne, or it may have been that I also lost some weight at that time, and – if I do say so myself- was looking rather rightous.
If you’re looking for some positive male attention, it may be something to try. Alternatively, men should smell like baby powder- or some other cuddly, nurturing scent. Women are more likely to want to boff if they (even unconsciously) start thinking about babies. Oh, the smell and taste of chocolate also seems to work for women.
Why not try it? Maybe the neighborhood dogs will start following you home since you smell like food, or maybe it will be the two legged dogs that suddenly take an interest.
Who said "that what men want from women are the same things they want from their underwear. A little support, and a little flexibility." 
I think men are looking for women who are good looking (that 70% waist/hip ratio, hourglass), and who are kind. Playing hard to get finishes the deal, but brains and ambition (for the most part), need not apply.
Thoughts?
I don’t know about you, but this girl’s gotta have it. I’ve been blogging for awhile, Hell, I practically preach from the hilltops about how, and why sex is good for you. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I think it’s as important as doing exercise for your body’s overall health.
If you’re not getting it, or no longer feel the urge, I as your sex therapist (you are welcome to introduce me as your sex therapist at cocktail parties), do something about it. Have the heart to heart with your spouse, go on date nights, plan a bootie call, get a viagra prescription, slip some zinc supplements into your husband’s coffee, sign up Clay the poolboy, but don’t turn your back on your sexula health. I think it’s worth working on. And since CNN and Good Morning America will have all those weight loss experts on, I’m goint to be your own little sex cheerleader. Write me, and I’ll help. Promise. End sermon.
Enjoy your New Year. Have a romp or two, tell your partner your sex therapist told you to.
So by now you may have discovered my secret obsession for schmaltzy chick lit. Chocolate and very light reading (I haven’t sunk as low as the bodice rippers, but they too have their appeal). Anyway, I’m in the book store yesterday and start flipping through a few books with a similar theme. “So, he’s not that into you, Humble Howard’s book about men are snakes, and Clare Naylor’s book Dog Training, “A good man is hard to train” cheeky, funny novel kept popping up between books on happily ever after, and getting the love you deserve. The idea that men are pigs, dogs, snakes (you name the species) when it comes to treating women well in relation to casual sex seems to come up over and over. Guy can do some bovine behaviour, and often can seemingly have a one track mind. But can they be trained out of it?
I don’t know if I buy that. I think men are opportunistic, but then so are many women. You want to understand men, know that they are indeed ruled by their glands and have never, ever, been too busy to call a woman they were interested in. The men I talk to describe their daily desires as accomplishing the big deal, (either in business or on the golf course), throwing down their woman and screwing her, eating, throwing down their woman and screwing her, fantasizing about having sex with other women, multiple women, sleeping, then repeat. I think men have hopes, dreams desires and aren’t that shallow, but they spend their days with the horniness buzzing around their heads to the point of distraction. Face it, men, like women are altogether entirely human.
I’m exploring the concept of training them (a la puppy 101) and I’ll keep you posted after I get through the stack of boy training books I bought yesterday. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it does work…. 
So my tribute to Halloween this year was by taking a Midori workshop on role playing. Midori, a Japanese American from San Francisco, is one of the world’s leading sex presenters in the area of kinky and fetishes. She put on a fabulous workshop on dressing up and playing naughty/good girl, and naughty/good boy in a variety of ways. Loads of props (and I didn’t lift any, despite the temptation), I got to play out both my cheerleader and doctor play in dialogue with another sex educator. It was fun, although there was more emphasis on the education rather than the heat. But if my husband ever gets back rom hunting season I may play game warden and bad hunter/poacher with him.
As a group we came up with a list of role playing scenarios. I wrote down and bunch here and will be brainstorming on any I may have missed. Knock yourself out trying to play them all, but given all the old Halloween costumes are on sale right now, you can get a great costume box at a fraction of the price.
I’m a big fan of Garth Turner’s blog about being a Canadian Member of Parliament. Strong writing is great anytime, and he’s a very cool, and articulate member of the House(well worth reading). Now kicked out of the Conservative caucus for telling his truth he’s now independent MP, and something that I had read about in his blog happened to cross my desk as well. 
I had received the booklet from a safe sex group in Toronto written by street kids telling other street kids the straight (or bi) skinny on street sex safety. Graphic, but very clear, and I loved it. Then I read Garth’s post on October 2, discussing how he had received outraged comments about this book from a constituent because the booklet had been misused as propoganda by a television evangelist. read it for yourself
When I started on air in 1993 as a sex therapist, I had my share of complaints, and criticisms from individuals for talking openly about sex. I hosted a group from a religious group for tea at the station and we discussed my very Christian background and about how half my family were missionaries, and my study of Theology. I am still an elder in my church and attend weekly. I went on to discuss how you can be Christian and still tolerant, open, sexy, blatent, safe, kind, and downright graphic about sex – at least in my opinion. I think God would want people to be more safe, and every study since the dawn of time says that sex education prevents unwanted pregnancies, (just like drivers education prevents accidents) and STI’s, and talking about sex in a language the audience understands still works. Thanks Garth for pointing out that there are still people using misinformation and both other people’s bodies and their fear of sex to move forward their own agenda.
I sat in the same rarefied air of His Highness, The Aga Khan, spiritual leader to the world’s Ishmailis yesterday in Ottawa. He was in town to hang out with the Prime Minister, and I was in the lobby for a meeting of the same hotel that he (and a host of security personnel) were hanging out in. Attractive and charming- I had met him briefly at a reception last year- he is opening a centre for pluaralsim and multiculturalism down the street, and has some very progressive views about women. Kind of cool, and interesting to almost meet him again as he does some important work.
After the company of princes, I go onto to interview Delilah, a 35 year old escort who has worked for some of the best known agencies in New York and Las Vegas. I’m trying to discover for women who have known many men, what if any advice they have to give to the rest of us. She reminded me of a saying, that"men don’t fall in love with you, they fall in love with how you make them feel." So, you need to pamper the ego as much as you need to pamper their penis’s. I wonder what the Aga Khan would agree with that.
This month’s Oprah magazine that I was reading at the spa today (when the going gets tough, the tough go to the spa-that’s my motto), anyway, while I was getting a pedicure, I read the article about The sexiest real men in the US. They had an articulate discussion of what women find sexy (kind of my own, small, informal, focus group). I read aloud the magazine article and asked the women sitting around in various stages of pampering what they found sexy. The group of very attractive stylists, all claimed to like confident and strong men. The older eclectic group of patrons said they preferred sensitive, smart guys with great butts. 
In my experience doing the dating events, I found that women want smart, funny, safe, kind, slightly self depreciating, charming (boyish or otherwise), great hygeine, charisma, self awareness, smells nice, knows about foreplay, likes sex but isn’t obsessed by it (porn addicts need not apply), focused and attentive, did I mention foreplay? And finally interested and genuinely like women.
If you are a guy trying to market to women, funny and attentive will win over cocky and washboard abs – for thinking women anyway.
As for me, I find brains, charm and humour exceeding sexy – and as a sex therapist I like my men randy. Hmmm, kind of like Bill…or Anderson Cooper.
September always seems like the beginning of the year. Forget January, it’s all about those new backpacks, and start of the school year that has me thinking of rolling around in leaves and tight Levi’s. Big sweaters and football games, is there anything that brings back the thought of hot sex, then the smell of autumn? Maybe you didn’t get your share of parking during University, but hell I majored in sex research, and if you can’t get laid on campus…
The truth is that although I did get some, I went through some of that awkward acne, braces, self conscious stuff just like everybody else. Don’t you wish you had a school where you learned about sex, interacting with potential lovers, and how to be the lover you always wanted to be? I would have happily racked up the student loan for that kind of education. I don’t know if it is an urban myth, but apparently there are a few schools around the world that train you in epert sex techniques 101. The one I heard about is in Washington DC, where for an outrageous amount of money, you check into this exclusive B & B, and attractive, expert partners are sent in to teach you the best sex skills. For guys, it’s about learning control (apparently you are only allowed one orgasm a day, but are stimulated constantly), and for women, it’s all about the best techniques.
I wonder what it would be like if Jack Black starred in that movie…. 