My sweetie is going to be Neil Armstrong for Halloween. We bought all of the Apollo mission patches at the Kennedy Space Centre when we were there in April and we have everything but the spray painted rubber boots. More than anyone he would love to have dinner with the legendary astronaut. (The offer is genuine if Mr. Armstrong happens to read this blog. Sir, we’ll meet you and buy you dinner anywhere,its on our bucket list suem@rogers.com Smile). So where am I going with this? Apparently there is a story about Neil Armstrong and his now dead neighbors.
Probably apocryphal, but Neal Armstrong is reputed to have muttered the words “Good luck, Mr. Goldstein” after his storied “one giant step for mankind” statement. When asked about it he refused to explain until recently, stating that he had been waiting until all parties involved were dead. The story goes that when he was a little boy he heard shouting from the window of his next door neighbors, the Goldsteins. “Oral sex?” yelled Mrs. G. “You want oral sex? I’ll give you oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!’
For many couples it goes with that joke about the woman smiling on her wedding night. She was happy because she had given her last blowjob. According to the phone sex records and the latest stats I’ve heard from the people I know in the escort industry but oral sex is the most common service requested of your local rub and tug parlor. And if your neighborhood is anything like mine, the local “jack Shacks” (massages with happy endings) are on every street corner.
So what do you do if oral sex isn’t your thing? It is a bit of quid pro quo and you should consider doing things to make it more palatable. This includes chocolate sauce (or my fav maple syrup), and treating the penis like an ice cream cone. Shower before having sex and making sure your partner stay away from tart/bitter foods at least 90 minutes preceding sex. in my house gin and tonics are only on the menu when Spif is traveling alone. Finally using loads of warm flavored oils on your hands (and a little tongue) makes it easier to stimulate that area without actually having to feel like you need to deep throat. It’s the combination of hands and mouth simulating the vagina that drives most men crazy. Either way it’s an important skill to have if you insist on being your partner’s only sexual outlet. Giving it up for Lent or longer just isn’t fair. I hope Mrs. G realized it before it was too late.
If you happen to be frequenting the local brothels and want to talk about it I’ve seen lots (and I mean lots) of clients who have visited the local prostitutes.  And I’m much less expensive. $75 for 30 minutes

The stats says that over 90% of women have faked an orgasm at one point in our lives. Half of women doing it regularly. Seriously. So if 90% of us have done it the question is why and how can a partner know if the climax she’s just had is the real thing?
I had a patient yesterday who was in her early 50’s. She’s never had an orgasm in her life, shuts down and wants to get better in bed. What struck me was that she had no understanding of her own body. I think women can be as clueless as men when it comes to understanding their own bodies.
So women fake orgasms because:
1. They don’t want to hurt our feelings. The male ego is a fragile thing. And most women understand that. Although it slams the door on her own pleasure, women know that men fall in love with how they make them feel.
2. It’s hard to come. And the last thing you want is the apres sex grilling. Did you come? How about now? So rather than have a man keep pounding at her until she’s chafing, it’s just easier to pretend.  The average woman dries up after 12-15 minutes. If you’re doing the marathon without lube then it feels like me banging my hand on the top of your penis. It feels okay for the first 10 minutes, and after that it hurts.
3. She is too inhibited and fears losing control
You know the type. Your face twists up like Whistler’s mother when you climax and good sex is sweaty, messy with lots of noises and fluids. If she’s hung up on what she looks like and can’t let go for some reason (sometimes past bad experiences play a role). This certainly is an issue for G spot orgasm. Women who hold on too tightly can’t press their vaginal wall down low enough for you to access the G Spot.
4. Worried. You know how that feels. Concern about STI’s, oh-my-God-please-don’t-let-me-get-pregnant, or that someone may come in and find you can hold back orgasms. Some women need the perfect space to relax enough to come.
5. Uncertain about how to reach orgasm.
Unlike men who have easy access to their penis, women are sometimes equally as perplexed as men when it comes to the female body. Men grow up masturbating at a young age. But many women don’t learn about masturbation until well into their 20s, and even then it’s a complicated situation. Between the G-spot, the clitoris, vibrators, fingers, and everything else that’s going on, women often don’t even know how to make themselves reach orgasm, much less tell someone else how to do it.
6. She’s not getting enough stimulation.
I tell men that vaginal sex feels like me playing with their testicles. The same sensation, the same nerve endings. The clit and the penis are exactly the same  in terms of sensation. If she’s having intercourse without getting her clit played with, it feels good but there is no way she can come. And if she doesn’t feel safe enough to ask for a vibrator to use then it’s just a walk in the woods without getting to the other side.
So how do you know if she’s actually climaxed?
1. She may get a sex flush across the top of her breasts and belly. Anything from turning pink to what looks like a rash that suddenly appears.
2. Her vulva changes color. It goes from a light pink to a almost purple when there is enough blood flow for orgasm.
3.Internal contractions happen at regular intervals and are involuntary. Like a pulse for 30 seconds.
4. She pushes you away. Like when the stimulation continues after you come, sensation after climax can feel almost painful on the clit. If she doesn’t need a minute of something else to recover then I doubt she’s had a clitoral orgasm.
5. The gush. Even after menopause there is an increase in fluid with orgasm. It’s damn near impossible to fake wetness (unless she has a bottle of lube hidden that you can’t see). So a significant increase in wetness coupled with any of the other signs means you’ve hit it out of the park.
ps. If you are struggling with reaching orgasms I can help. Often in one visit. $125 for an hour and it’s less than most vibrators. 26 years of experience and one of North America’s top Therapists.  Reach out!

For budding sex therapists The University of Guelph is Ontario’s “sex school”. Every year they have a sexuality conference that was “a must attend” when I was studying to be a sex therapist.
Guelph just put out an interesting paper about why men and women cheat.
Women (it turns out) cheat because their relationship needs are being met. I always say that women cheat for attention (and excitement), men cheat for the sex (and excitement). Women will also cheat if they feel the sex doesn’t “work”. I had a patient last week who said that she craved sex with a new partner because her husband was too big and he hurt her during intercourse. She wanted a partner that “fit better”.
The new study supports this and adds some new insights.
People who aren’t sure their performance in bed is living up to their partner’s expectations are more likely to cheat, a new study says.
Researchers at the University of Guelph in Ontario and Indiana University found men who are risk-takers or easily sexually aroused are also more likely to wander, while for women, relationship issues are stronger predictors of unfaithfulness.
“Few studies on infidelity have gone beyond exploring demographics,” University of Guelph professor Robin Milhausen said in a release about the study, which was recently published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour.
“This research shows that demographic variables may not influence decision-making as much as previously thought — that personality matters more, especially for men.”
Milhausen said the study showed men who become aroused easily or are anxious about their performance are more likely to cheat.
“People might seek out high-risk situations to help them become aroused, or they might choose to have sex with a partner outside of their regular relationship because they feel they have an ‘out’ if the encounter doesn’t go well — they don’t have to see them again,” Milhausen said.
So if you want to discourage your partner not to cheat here are the rules.
1. Open email and phone logs. Don’t be afraid to show your partner your phone history or hesitate about keeping that transparent.
2. tell your partner they are good in bed. Do things to keep up the excitement.
3. Romance, touch and insist on “attentive date nights”.
4. Keep money trails open. trouble comes up with separate accounts that you can’t track.
5. Think about light play – ie strip poker with other couples, nude beaches or romantic holidays with group hot tubs. It keeps things just inside the line, but spices it up.

I’ve long been telling my patients that there really are only 3 sexually transmitted infections that you can’t cure with a quick trip to the doctor. (well 4 if you count the 20% of people with Hep C) They are HIV, HPV (the virus that causes genital warts and herpes.
Now apparently we can add gonorrhea to that list.
In all fairness (and not to be a scaremongerer) it’s only one type o gonorrhea.
When I worked in the sexual health clinic at the begining of my career, you would regularly see people coming in with the green, infected oozing genitals that signified gonorrhea. It`s the burn when you pee, “oops I caught something” infection that was treated with a one-dose pill.
It turns out that antibiotics have been the standard treatment for gonorrhea since the 1940’s. Those bugs have had loads of time and opportunity to become resistent.
As many as 700,000 people in the United States are believed to get gonorrhea annually, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Up to half of infected women experience no symptoms, while men usually see signs of infection within two to 30 days.  Any type of sex can transmit it, but it is intercourse where it becomes a bigger concern.

 
 
 
 
 

It’s an unbelievable picture. The picture of the couple kissing during the Vancouver hockey riot. If you’re not from Canada you might not understand how important hockey is to our culture. I watched game 7 of the Stanley Cup final along with the rest of my country and we were all devastated by the loss of the Vancouver Canucks to the Boston Bruins. Leaded the scoring and were expecting to walk away with the big prize. Hockey is as close to a national religion as we have and although you can’t excuse it, there were many in Vancouver upset with the loss.
Here’s the story however. Alex Thomas a 20 something Canadian girl was hit during the chaos of the riots. Her boyfriend, hunky Aussie Scott Jones gets down on the ground to comfort her. During the romantic, passionate kiss he gave her after finding out she was okay, Vancouver photographer caught the photo of the mystery couple with the riot police in the background.  Sweet, caring, authentic and oblivious to the world around them, this international couple showed loving in the middle of a horrible melee.
Loved the story. The cynical press thinking this picture had been faked immediately tried to find out the names of the couple. Here’s what Jones’s mother had to say when his identity was confirmed.
“It is something he would do, that’s our boy,” Scott’s mother Marie told ninemsn in Australia. “He has always lived in his own world, he’s special like that. He doesn’t always connect with what’s going on around him.”
Gallant and loving. Loved this story and I thought you would too.