,

Men behaving very badly. Why Big Ben, Charlie Sheen and Tiger need a sex therapist intervention

www.sexwithsue.com

Charlie Ben

I've long thought that major sports club should have sex therapists on retainer. Part counselor, part nurturing principal figure (don't disappoint us), and part kick-ass dominate who'll be what out-of-control testosterone needs. Young men with too much money, time, and overblown egos need their sexuality managed if they can't seem to keep it in their pants. Sports figures manage their image, financial planning, and coaching. I think they there needa consistent, therapeutic way to manage potential "off the field" problems. As a sex therapist/and sex addiction counselor I've written insights into Clinton, ARod, Tie Domie, Woods, and countless CEO's,  I find myself shaking my head about this week's exploits.  I really believe that many men will have difficulties managing their sexual selves if they aren't given the tools to deal with raging hormones, fantasies and overwhelming opportunity to indulge.

Take Big Ben Roethlisburger, the Quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers. He's in front of the NFL Commissioner this week after a third women (this time a 20 year old in Georgia who was kept in a back room by Ben with his body guards blocking the door) came forward with sexual assault charges. There is absolutely no excuse for the behaviour, but it could have been identified and managed before he put anyone else at risk. The NFL need some help dealing with large men out of control. And despite what Terry Bradshaw says, I think he needs therapy, (and a serious tune up) not a lecture from the Commissioner.  Like Tiger, he's a lock to repeat the behaviour. The only thing he's may have learned out of this is discretion. He doesn't have the tools to self correct. This week we also learned that Stephen Seagal (quasi athlete turned TV star) has had his reality show "Lawman" halted because he is being sued by a model for making her "his sex toy". http://thresq.hollywoodreporter.com/2010/04/hollywood-docket-cops-shut-steven-seagal-down-charlie-sheens-right-to-remain-silent-sarah-palin-cont.html

And there is Charlie Sheen. Not a sports figure (he just played one on TV), he is up on domestic abuse charges for holding a knife to his wife's throat. I would be inclined to give these guys the benefit of a doubt except that with the third time for Roethlisburger (fifth occurrence in the case of Sheen) shows the pattern continues unabated. I think the answer is to understand the psychological link between physical achievement, domination and sexuality. If you understand that triad of deep rooted inclinations, and you have a chance of solving inappropriate sexual behaviour. I have not yet heard from sports management organization (feel free to call, I am so confident of my theory I'll work for free). It is time to quit doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  You and I both know that is the definition of insanity. It is also the absolute guarantee that the headlines of men behaving badly will continue. 

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Today is Bubble wrap appreciation day, and Robbie Burns Day. So either have sex in a kilt or draped in bubble wrap. Your choice.

www.sexwithsue.com

http://www.google.com/trends/hottrends?q=bubble+wrap+appreciation+day&date=2010-1-25&sa=X

Scottish
Being only first generation Canadian of Scottish parents, I have celebrated my share of Robbie Burns days. Think haggis, scotch, cold mutton and other Scottish culinary delights. It may have been on one of those days that I first discovered that a true Scotsman doesn't wear anything under his kilt. Smile. So in keeping with my ancestry of rutting in a dark cave somewhere, I encourage you to think about Liam Neeson (the guy with the biggest equipment in Hollywood) in Rob Royor Mel Gibson in Braveheart and find some Scottish inside of you today.

Bubble wrap
I also found out that it was the 50th birthday of bubble wrap. That great packing material  you always wanted to pop when you were a kid. As I work on my new list of erotic ideas (you know, crazy suggestions for keeping it hot in the bedroom), I think there has to be one that includes both some kind of Scottish apparel and bubble wrap. Not necessarily together, but imagine the possibilities. I wonder if they make plastic in a tartan pattern….

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Why Halloween is my favourite sexy holiday

www.sexwithsue.com,

http://www.legavenue.com/

Hall
I'm busy trying to get the Halloween costumes ready for a plenary of festivities next week. I was debating going as Wonder Woman, medusa, or Elvis in his sparkling, white, polyester jumpsuit. It's the fun and romance of being something different. For my cross-dressing clients, it is the one day a year where they can be legitimately "out" in drag. I was trying to figure out why it had become so popular. Fantasies and dressing up in sexy costumes to "be someone new" has always been popular.

Business week had this to say about why Halloween has caught on in Europe where nobody had heard of the holiday five years ago.

WILD ABOUT HARRY (potter, that is).  What's driving the Halloween craze? Partly it's an organized effort by major U.S. brands to export the holiday to Europe. The Disneyland Paris theme park has been promoting Halloween heavily since 2001. During October, the park is renamed "Halloweenland," with daily theme parades and a squad of pumpkin-head characters wandering through the grounds with buckets and brushes, splashing things with orange paint. The park has even come up with a mascot, "Ed the Pumpkin," and has installed displays showing his "ancestors," beginning with pumpkin-headed cavemen.

The Boston Herald discussed what I had been seeing in sex stores for years. The biggest sellers are the border patrol costumes, and the sexier the costume, the better for your office err, your neighborhood Halloween party. 

BuyCostumes.com promises an “evening that will make your heart soar” with the “Mile High Captain,” a tight pilot’s dress with matching hat and a “Mile High Club” badge. A similarly themed costume is the no-further-explanation-necessary “Captain Layover.” On the seas, there’s the “Captivating Captain,” a “naval hottie who can command any body . . . of water.”

Clever stuff.

Perhaps the two most fetishized career fields are health care and law enforcement. Halloween merely amplifies the kind of racy comments directed at virtually any nurse under the age of 70. But it underscores public perceptions of doctors, too. Thus, the widespread availability of surplus white lab coats with “Gynecologist” or “Breast Inspector” embroidered on the pockets.

Outside of college, who gets away with wearing this stuff? Would anyone dare show up to the office Halloween party in these get-ups?

On the crimefighter front, there are at least a half-dozen variations of the sexy cop – handcuff earrings and doughnut purse optional. Female police officers have had a long lineage of role models dating back to Heather Locklear’s stellar performance on “T.J. Hooker.” But all that has just been neutralized by this:

“Book ’em gorgeous! The Busted costume includes: A stretch-knit dress with a two-way zipper front and a ‘Busted’ knit bra top. A police hat, a removable ‘Officer Ivana B. Bad’ name badge, a belt, a toy gun, an officer’s badge, a pair of handy handcuffs, fingerless gloves and a baton are also included in this sexy style. Who knows how many laws are broken when you patrol in this arresting ensemble!”

There’s also a “Border Babe” who cracks down on illegal immigration, a “Corrupt Cop” with a proclivity for vinyl-boned waist corsets and bribes, and Detective “Terri Gation,” in charge of making stubborn suspects talk.

Feminists should take note that the cheesy male version of the sexy cop, “Oliver Clothesoff,” does not appear to take bribes. And he at least starts out with long sleeves and long pants. 

Halloween is a chance to bring out "your inner stripper" or at least celebrate the peeler culture. Look out for me, in my naughty prison matron garb…

Cops

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Androgyny – Is this a man or woman?

Runner www.sexwithsue.com
I used to get invited to a group called “Gender Mosaic”. A gaggle of cross dressers who always had interesting workshops (and great food), and who spoke of the “third gender” neither male nor female. It is that mix of male and female  though, that has everyone talking about Caster Semenya, an 18-year-old South African runner now competing in the World Championships. Semenya (pictured above and below) is under scrutiny because of her powerful running style and her appearance.  Given her recent win this week in Berlin, the running world is having her examined for gender identity.
South African teenager Caster Semenya, the winner of the women’s 800-meter race at the world championships, has been undergoing gender-verification testing. She must be examined by, among others, a gynecologist, psychologist and endocrinologist.
Semenya, 18, reportedly has a deep voice, and her pictures show a physique notably more muscular than the bodies of even her most accomplished rivals. She has dropped almost nine seconds from her best 800 time in the last year – the type of improvement that usually suggests performance-enhancing drugs.
It’s not enough for her to undergo the very intrusive drug testing (the sample collector is supposed to watch every second, up close and personal, in the bathroom). Semenya has to endure a fairly medieval practice, a remnant from the days when all female athletes were deemed abnormal.
I heard a story by the sister of a swimmer in the Montreal Olympics in 1976. Who said that at one point, her sister was sure she heard men’s voices in the women’s locker room. It was the East German women’s swim team (before the testing came in for testosterone). I am all about not cheating, but to subject an 18 year old to scruitiny for her “parts” seems a bit draconian.
I wonder what the gender mosaic group would have to say about this?

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Autoeroticism (or hanging yourself while masturbating). The story of David Carradine and Michael Hutchence

http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/posted/archive/2009/06/06/287638.aspx

http://www.inquisitr.com/25288/shades-of-michael-hutchence-in-david-carradine-death/

www.sexwithsue.com David

You may have heard that David Caradine died last week by accident during a session of kinky masturbation gone terribly wrong. So under the "don't you dare try this at home folks", let me give you the "sex therapist's" take on what autoerotic asphyxiation is and why guys like David Carradine, and Michale Huchence (formally of INXS before he died) get their jollies cutting off oxygen to the brain.

For awhile in the early 80's you could find "popers" at some of the less regulated sex shops. They were little pills that were "quasi- street drugs" that apparently made sex better. I haven't seen any in years, but the nitric oxide (hormone that helps trigger erections, and impacts heart medication) in the popers apparently gave you a head rush and made orgasms more intense. Apparently you can get the same head rush by near strangling yourself during masturbation (and also kill off a bunch of irreplaceable brain cells, and run a fair risk of killing yourself), so it is extremely dangerous.  This rush is the reason that some guys use a slip knot, their teeth and a noose of knotted rope to hang themselves in hotel closets in Thailand (as Carradine was found). Pictures of Carradine's naked body have made their way to a Thai tabloid, and imply that he was dressed in lingerie and a wig. Most guys use a cloth between the rope and their neck to diminish the rope marks, and have some sort of porn used for sexual stimulation, (Carradine apparently had neither), and whenever I come across this behaviour as a therapist I know it can never end well. As in the song that my kids sing "oh, everyone makes mistakes, oh yes they do."

Sad for his family, puts a graphic and tawdry spin on his death after a great career, but for me it is just another reminder that everyone has some sort of kink. No matter how famous and seemingly "put together" they are. The longer I'm a therapist, the more that I know that everyone has a fantasy, fetish, sexual preference, or past exploit that is unique and their private kink. Be as kinky as you want, but don't try this one. It will kill you sooner or later.

And then the jokes begin. As Rick Currie, the comic I heard Thursday night say "is it too early to use the phrase Hung Fu".

Do you think Michelle Obama is as uber cool as I do?

Michelle1 When I grow up I want to be like Michelle Obama. Okay, maybe she's only a few years older than I am, and has kids exactly the same age as mine, but to me, she exemplifies poise, serenity and that black booty that seems so interesting to men. Fit, beautiful, grounded, brilliant, connected to her husband and kids, Michelle kicks ass. This month's Chatelaine magazine says "Isn't it interesting that in the epicentre of world power Washington DC (since politics is just show biz with worse looking people), we have a model of healthy living in the White House, a high-functioning nuclear family straight out of a storybook, with Michelle at the helm – strong, confident, self assured."  And as Zoe Williams observed in the New Statesman, "You rarely see feminism more confused than it is around a woman who's an intellectual but also hot." Is it simply that an attractive woman with a stellar brain is more power than our society can handle?

I think she's just so interesting, a fabulous body, a great marriage and Harvard educated to boot. She's not afraid to show the world she has a relationship that burns up the sheets, and she and Barak seem connected, intimate and playful when together. When was the last time you called a politician's relationship "playful?"  She's slim, but isn't the Jackie O, Nancy Regan anorexic type, and carries her weight on her ass. It's that universal and primitive shape that make most men go WOW. I know that I want to be more like her when I grow up. Smile.  Michelle

http://michelleobamawatch.com/, www.sexwithsue.com, www.schoolofsquirting.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net http://www.barackobama.com/learn/meet.php, http://www.newsweek.com/id/112849

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The adventures of the stripping magician. If only I thought of it.. or had a body like that.

http://files.ww.com/files/21406.html  www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com, http://www.seethemagic.com/ , www.sexyandfunny.com

 StripWe had dinner with an old friend and his wife this week. Elliott the magician (who will be inducted into the order of Merlin this year) came over to get caught up socially and show us a new magic trick. Always dazzling, conversation drifted to the art of entertainment, and he mentioned the Just for laughs performance of the "stripping slight-of-hand performer." Blaik already knew about it (I can always trust him to source out the nudist adventures. smile)  Anyway, its a sexy video of a woman who keeps losing her little red handkerchief in her clothing. Of course the clothes need to come off to find out where it might be lost. Funny, talented stripping burlesque. It made me smile, and got the hats off by at least a couple of connoisseurs.

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What boobs are really meant for

www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com, http://www.examiner.com/x-608-Early-Childhood-Parenting-Examiner~y2009m2d11-Salma-Hayek-breastfeeding-a-starving-baby-in-Africa–Would-you-do-it
BreastfeedingI was reading about this today (it aired on Dateline – not something I ever watch). It was such a nice story that it warmed my heart (between rumours that my favourite 90’s Blue Jay player – Robbie Alomar- is HIV positive, and a winning dog name Stumpy 🙂 that I wanted to share it.
Salma Hayek the actress, on tour with UNICEF – The United Nations Children’s Fund, was filming a show on the importance of getting tetanus shots.  In a hospital with a woman her starving baby, she offered to feed the baby herself. Meaning she lifted up her shirt, pulled out a breast and gave the child breast milk she is producing for her own one year old daughter.  The thing about breast milk is that (provided the mother is fed and healthy), the more a baby sucks, the more milk you can produce. She would have had enough for both babies. It actually works the same way with female ejaculate. Anyway, she had more than enough to go around, and fed a starving infant from her own body. I thought it was a very real gesture and would have been potentially life saving for that child. Weakened babies – despite needing nourishment – can have trouble digesting formula when they are so fragile. Breast milk is the best thing in the world for sick babies, and that infant would have benefited from the actress’s immunity. As the past President of UNIFEM Canada (the UN’s women’s fund), and a nursing Mother, I appreciate the gesture for what is is. Selfless.Salma
 
 
 
 

Sex and the Superbowl. They go together like humping broccoli and wardrobe malfunctions

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/superbowl/sex.html, http://www.peta.org/content/standalone/VeggieLove/Default.aspx?c=pbsaec09
www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com
Football1I’m not a huge sports fan, but I am a fairly avid watcher of NFL football from Labour Day to Superbowl.  I like the game, I enjoy the razzle dazzle, and I always like what football is associated with  – sex. I could always count on sex during the “fastest 3 minutes in sports” or at the 2 minute warning during Monday night football. Between cheerleaders, and running backs with great asses I really enjoy the innuendos of competing masculinity. Although my Chargers didn’t go the distance this year, I’m sorry to see the season end. I could guarantee a certain few times during the week to send out cheers of my own. If football in my twisted brain is all about sex, then the Superbowl is sex personified. Who can forget Janet Jackson flashing her nipple? Or Prince’s sexy guitar fornication? This year the Boss is playing during half time, and he’s sexy enough just singing in his jeans.
Football3  However the big story this year about Superbowl is the refusal of NBC to play the sexy PETA (the animal rights group) commercial that says vegetarians are sexy.  See the bannd commerical below:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1600158118/bctid9405666001
The video includes sexy models in lingerie doing fun things with vegetables like:

  • licking pumpkins
  • touching her breast with her hand while eating broccoli
  • pumpkin from behind between legs
  • rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin
  • screwing herself with broccoli (fuzzy)
  • asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina
  • licking eggplant
  • rubbing asparagus on breast

I think they got more than their money’s worth in free publicity without paying the astronomical rates for ad time. I love smart marketing and sexy smart marketing without crossing the line is interesting. You determine whether or not they crossed the line. You may have previously believed that the Superbowl is about football. I concur with the ESPN commentary that the Superbowl is about entertainment – sexy, bone-crunching entertainment. I invite you to watch this year’s Superbowl on Sunday night and then tell me that you didn’t have sexy thoughts thoughout. Next year you’ll no that as part of your game preparations besides pizza and beer – may include lube. smile. Football
 
 
 

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Nursing home sex – it turns out that all the old guys are still getting some

Older3  One of my favorite patients I've ever had as a sex therapist was a man – let's call him M, who came to see me for help finding a new sexual position with his wife after surgery. He was 90 at the time, and his wife was 87. I saw him as he turned 91, and they were still working on keeping a lifetime of sexual activity going. They couldn't do my stairs, and I had to make a housecall, but what a delight they were to see. I regularly see patients in their 70's and a few in their 80's that are working hard to keep what they have going on in the sack.

I just finished Still Doing it,  intimate lives of women over 60 the video and book by Fishel and Holtzberg about the amazing, largely uncelebrated, sex lives of older women. Yeah! I can't wait to be having hot sex when I'm old.   It was a delight.

"STILL DOING IT: The Intimate Lives of Women Over Sixty is the first book to send out the battle cry, to challenge the myths and misconceptions that surround older women and sex. Women over 60 are still doing it – it being whatever turns them on, from doing humanitarian work to buying a dildo, from climbing Machu Picchu to having the best orgasms of their lives. Sex is so much more than an act – it’s a metaphor for being alive. STILL DOING IT is a call to arms. Women of all ages, stand up! Follow your passions! Fall in love! Get laid!"

I actually gave my copy to my mother for her book club. She's in her late 60's, in fabulous shape, and I know has an active sexual life. It's a suggestion for a interesting Christmas present for your Mom this holiday.

Anyway, it seems that everyone it starting to wise up that older people can still do it. A new research paper and education lecture has been touring nursing homes encouraging staff to celebrate – not make more difficult- the sex lives of their residents.

 "The research, whose details were announced today, was presented in October at the American Association of Homes and Services for the Aging conference.

"By law, you can't always lock a room, but you can offer residents some privacy," Doll said. The semi-private rooms that are typical in nursing homes pose a problem for residents who want to engage in sexual activity, either alone or with a partner, Doll added.

In fact, past research has shown that men and women continue to participate in sexual intercourse and "solo activities" well into their 70s and 80s."

We recently met a man pushing 80 at Desire Rivera MayaMexcian lifestyle and nude resort from Canada. His wife (also in her 70's who had no problem with being naked and sexual in the hot tub) had to leave the resort for a day, and gave him cart blanche to get some action if he could while she was away. That's what I want to be like. 80, at a nude resort in Mexico, and able to get sexual advances from other, like-minded people decades younger. Smile.

related topics: http://www.livescience.com/culture/081118-nursing-home.html, www.sexwithsue.com, www.schoolofsquirting.com, www.solveprematureejaculatiion.net

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The 100 things to do before you die sex list

related topics: www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.cbc.ca/cp/entertainment/080826/e082604A.html

100 Dave Freeman, the 47 year old ad executive who co-authored the book 100 Things to do before you Die, fell off a ladder at his home in LA and died. Very sad, and it caused me to wonder how far he got down his list? 47 isn't nearly old enough to do all the crazy things I want to do before I get taken away feet first. Hell, I think I'll have to live to 127, just to get everything in. It's like Robert Duvall in the movie Second Hand Lions, who lives an incredible life and dies flying a bi-plane upside down through a barn together in their 90's. Freeman's death is a reminder to live every day like it could be your last, and make the most out of the time you have. I was thinking about my 100 things; a list that includes snorkle off the Great Barrier Reef, running a marathon, hot air ballooning over the Serengeti etc. and then realized that much of my own personal list has serious sexual overtones. Go figure.  They include a night of naked debauchery at Carnival in Rio, joining the mile high club, re-enacting that subway scene from Risky Business, sex outside all night under the stars, a naked massage with four masseuses among other things. The list goes on and on and on. So I'm going to finish my own very personal list – but challenge you to make up your own and try something new this weekend. Labor Day, the summer swansong, and it's time to be a little sexually adventurous. Walk on the wild side, and stay away from ladders this weekend. Giddy up.

Hermaphrodites, Transsexuals, and men who give birth. A day in the life of a sex therapist

Pregnant-man_269895d

Man who givesbirth

It was a weird day yesterday for phone calls. I get a variety of interesting questions in the course of a week, amongst the premature ejaculators and inhibited sexual desire patients. I had a call from a transsexual (someone undergoing a sex change) from male to female. Transsexuals are individuals who believe they really are the other gender (usually because of a hormone rush to their brain at a certain stage of neo-natal development), and are wanting to change gender despite what their DNA says. Gina called me asking if she could give birth like the pregnant man in Oregon had. He’s the legal male who gave birth to a baby girl this week who is pictured above. 

Beatie, 34, who lives in Oregon, was born a woman but decided to become a man 10 years ago. He began taking testosterone treatments and had breast surgery to remove glands and flatten his chest.  Thirty-four-year-old Thomas Beatie was born a woman, but underwent gender realignment surgery and is legally recognized as a man. He was able to conceive because he retained his female organs when he underwent the sex change.

We spoke about the anatomy required with pregnancy, and she was disappointed that the technology wasn’t there for her to become a mother (as she had been born male). I was reminded of the two calls I had from hermaphrodites in the 15 years I’ve been a practicing sex therapist. One was from a new Canadian who called my radio show with a bunch of questions about her genitals. She knew she wasn’t normal, but came from a culture that didn’t discuss that sort of thing. I came to understand that she was a true hermaphrodite (had both a vagina and a penis and testicles), and wanted to know if she could self impregnate. Considering hermaphrodism affects about 1 in a million, you know they exist, I just hadn’t run into it before. The truth is that most hermaphrodites are infertile (or if they are, only one of their sex organs work).

My brain is busy thinking of the possibilities of men giving birth. I’m doing some reading about the new male birth control pill, and if they get that perfected, then maybe male conception may not be that far off? Either way, congratulations to Mr. Beattie and his wife, and they make it a little easier for transsexuals to find their way.