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Dating from 2020 onward. Why and how the rules of dating have changed.

2020 has been a Hell of year.

For most people the chaos of a global pandemic has amplified what’s going on in people’s relationships. And there is nothing like being locked down for months at a time to have even the most ardent introvert looking for connections.

So what can you do?

How to make the most of 2020 pandemic dating – a primer. Here’s what has changed (and what has stayed the same) as we wind down 2020.

  1. It turns out that during a Global pandemic is the best time to actually set up lasting connections. Hookup aps like tinder, grindr, Hinge etc are out. Clients I’m speaking to are having better luck with OKcupid.com & Bumbl that let women lead the way. There is also loads of success with some of the newer aps. “A good one is The League, which started out as an “elite” app for Ivy League graduates, and has since expanded to people who are simply smart and driven. She’s also heard good things about a new app called Cheekd, which uses a cross-platform low-energy Bluetooth technology to match you with people who are in your direct vicinity.”

 

  1. The same rules as ever apply for keeping things classy. Use authentic photos of you doing fun things, keep it positive, don’t give off that smell of desperation (too eager is ALWAYS a turn off.)

 

  1. Go to places with experiences. Dating in 2020 involves walks, virtual dates, pumpkin patches, outside Christmas tree places, unique shops and bundled up on patios. Check out the local dating during a pandemic suggestions blog.

 

  1. This is the not the time to keep grazing hoping the next person might be better. Try to go on a minimum of 3 dates if a potential partner feels like a maybe. People will grow on you if you give them a chance. But don’t make excuses for them if they treat you badly.

 

  1. This is the time for meaningful connections. People value authenticity more than ever. Figure out your most endearing, real, and slightly deprecating qualities and put it out there up front.

 

  1. You have something to talk about. This came up in an article in the Atlantic. “Instead of searching for topics that would hopefully elucidate our compatibility, my matches and I now had an all-encompassing shared experience to discuss. I tried to steer the early dialogue away from the magnitude of our global predicament, and we were able to find common ground over topics such as how we were keeping ourselves busy at home. The men were more responsive, likely because the shutdowns had left all of us with few obligations, clinging to any social connection we could find.
  2. Yes dating has changed. Anyone casual will be scared off already. Everyone is more hesitant and only people ready to take their time remains. According to the new McGill University study disease makes us less friendly and more hesitant. Scary times bring us down to an element of our psyche known as the “behavioural immune system”. Pathogens have presented a threat to our survival throughout human history. So, evolutionary psychologists believe humans have evolved a set of subconscious responses that manifest when we are particularly concerned about the presence of an infectious disease. These responses lead us to engage in behavioural patterns that reduce the likelihood of getting infected, such as being less open and making reduced eye contact when in social situations.”
  1. Video dates have become more casual. Less stress than going to a coffee as you can do it from home. And people tend to fall in love if they relax. The pandemic has meant that every date becomes more precious. Quiet people need 3-5 dates before they start to blossom. And there is less of “the grass is greener” move on quickly during Covid.

 

  1. You are less likely to be catfished. I was just reading an article about whole industries that hire professional writers to work to have you fall in love with them. Agh! You might be writing someone else just to find out they are not anything like they are letting on. If you need help to wade through the scary world of dating in general (and to clean up some of the old baggage) feel free to reach out. My three session of dating coaching will GUARANTEE you dates. Just saying….

 

And through all of this Ducklingdating.com is launching. It’s open to a variety of relationship models, vetted, local, kind, with authentic questions that celebrate who you are – not what you have. Check it out and the Duck site.

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Dating during the pandemic part 2. What to do in Eastern Ontario when it gets cold

List of safe dates you can try

As it gets colder it is definitely harder. There are a few drive-in (check out Wesley Clover) or you can make your own with friends by projecting movies to the side of buildings.  The great zoo (Saunder’s Little Critters) is closing for the season but Parc Omega in Montebello is open. I strongly recommend the Bistro in Montebello for a safe (and excellent) lunch ahead of time.

Walks in the amazing Perth park off mainstreet with cute restaurants and my favourite the new chocolate and coffee store.

Bundle up and go to Blakeney on the Mississippi a few minutes west of Almonte. It was my High School make out spot and a sheltered, nature spot and small Provincial park.

Walks along the Fletcher Wildlife Centre on Prince of Wales. I would get mugs of coffee and walk the less travelled side of the arboretum. It’s easy and free to park there.

More expensive dates on Elgin Street includes the back patio of the Whalebone, or Al’s Steak House which has plasticized, outside areas with heaters.

There are a few vineyards that are still kicking.  Smokie Ridge outside of Kemptville is doing tastings, as is Kinsip right in Carp. Friday night Kinsip has a date night where you can bring in food and picnic near the heaters. Here is the list. Local wineries to add to your hit list include Jabulani Vineyard & Winery, Domaine Perrault Winery(link is external), Vignoble Clos du Vully(link is external), and KIN Vineyards(link is external).

Mountain Orchards in Kemptville can let you apple pick on a nice day and offers food, donuts, and lots of fun mazes to try.

Le Nordik is still open. Smaller crowds and it changes based on what’s going on in Quebec but a fun way to spend a day.

Speaking of mazes, Saunders Farm in Munster is still open to buy pumpkins and walk the mazes before the snow flies.

And if you are feeling Christmasy, go for a fun day at the Christmas season at the Log Cabin Orchard. They will have fresh cut trees for you to take home, churros, Apple butter, Apple pies, Christmas decorations, a bon fire…and more.

 

Then there was the trip to Brockville to walk the train tunnel and get (arguably) some of best fish and chips anywhere at Don’s Fish & Chips right near the waterfront.

 

And then there are the Try a recipe together. Or make complementary  dishes and do porch drop offs.

Or if you have another couple in your bubble it is time to go back to our parent’s house parties where they played games like scrabble, Probe or maybe Cards Against Humanity?

 

Soon the Christmas lights will be on downtown and you can walk and warm up in different stores with your fetching masks.

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    10 date ideas to do during the pandemic

    I’ve been posting and talking a lot about dating during the pandemic. Even if you’ve been married for decades you still need to make the relationship a priority. I spend my days trying to make sure that I am doing things to keep my own relationship spicy. It’s a hard thing to keep top of mind and it’s especially hard during a global lock down.
    In my neck of the woods we had a late spring so from much of the early days even a walk outside wasn’t fun.
    However with the warm weather we have bug season. But outdoors is a great place for romance.
    We have walked at dusk looking for bats, walked along the water looking for turtles (here is the female painted turtle laying her eggs along mud lake this week) and sunset seeing the ducks swim along the Ottawa River. Hiking in Gatineau Park always works for an evening.
    Camping and cottaging is now open (Thank you!). An inexpensive tenting weekend in the Provincial parks, a Inn in the Gatineau’s (Travel Zoo has a mid week $189 night that includes breakfast and spa service, or cottages on airbnb are at an all time high for availability.
    Drive through zoo’s and drive in’s are open! Port Elmsley drive in (Smiths Falls area) and Parc Omega in Montebello are both open. Add to that the winery testing in Perth, Carp, south Mountain, and Navan and campfires at Saunders Farm there are some things you can do while only limited to 10 people.
    Some of the consignment and antique stores are open and that might be a great day of wandering through piles of other people’s junk.
    The Premier is encouraging “social bubbles” of 10 people. We call them “germ circles” but it allows dinner parties, backyard gatherings, and visit with friends. This is the time to be creative. Please let me know if you have any other ideas.

    How to date during the pandemic. Or let's scrap the third date rule until we are covered in latex.

    As an extrovert I’m finding my current self isolation a form of certain torture. And while I’m not spending it alone in my household (THANK GOD for my amazing husband!) I am missing my people. I am certainly not alone. The posts in our Duckling community (6,000 strong in four cities) show how singles and those without regular touch/sex/intimacy are having a hard time of it. One of the many things that is going to be altered when we finally see our way out of a global pandemic is dating. We are going to value genuine responses, old-fashioned courting (albeit from a computer screen) and less instant hook ups.
    As the quote from the Globe and Mail articlee said;
    “We’ve gotten away from really getting to know someone or even establishing true interest before going out,” she said. “Now you actually have to engage and maintain someone’s attention.”
    In a way, Ms. De La Cruz and other daters observed, it’s now easier to decipher a stranger’s character: Are they willing to disregard health officials and put others at risk by pushing an in-person meet-up? Or, will they wait for the first date, which may be months out? “Watching and learning how people respond in crisis while you’re getting to know them will say a lot about them,” Ms. De La Cruz said.
    One of the things that I’m doing is helping single/poly clients use this time to write dating ads, and help them figure out what their next relationship (s) might look like. That includes improving sexual functioning, getting rid of old baggage and understanding what you really need (not superficial wants) in a great relationship. Reach out if you are ready to start a four session plan that will have you getting the relationship you need.
    As part of offering new, innovative solutions for dating, the long awaited unveiling of the Duckling dating site happens in two weeks! It can’t come soon enough. The plan was always to make it local to individual communities (duck members and real people), authentic (with genuine information about potential dates), open (any model, orientation, and permutation goes), and have a link to the real world with upcoming duck events. Those values are now more important than ever. The upside of the pandemic is that we have the time and space to actually get to know people. Have a read of the interesting Globe article about how to virtual date during the pandemic.
    We will be rolling out the details on how you can participate over the next couple of weeks. Stay tuned and hang in there. In the meantime send me an email or book a session so we can discuss your next relationship and the month long plan to find it. Remote sessions are available as early as next week. 30 minute sessions are $75 and hour long appointments are $125.

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    The new dating rules for women. Or why you might still be single after years of dating.

    One of the most interesting thing that’s been coming out of the cool men’s group my husband runs on Tuesday nights (hot men in our living room) is hearing the dating stories about women from a male point of view. While I’m not privy to the discussions I get an understanding of modern male and female dating stories from both perspectives. And it isn’t pretty.
    My female clients complain that guys flake on set dates, have bad breath, only seem to want sex, and string them along. They worry about fake profiles and personal safety in dating.
    As for the guys they are really, really gun shy about getting back into a new relationship. Meaning they want to play the field until something feels right. And then they still want to think about it. Especially if they have had a difficult (and expensive separation previously) or worry about women controlling them. The men in the men’s group want to understand how to keep things casual and not have women fall in love with them.
    Mostly men are looking for women who are “cool”. Someone who isn’t needy and doesn’t press them for a commitment. Someone who isn’t caught up “with the happily ever after” or “supposed to’s” about relationships. Someone who doesn’t want to meet your parents on the fifth date. I wanted to find out more about what turn’s men off about the women they are dating.
    So I asked this past Tuesday night to the group of 20 or so men who were out in the dating market and had looks, game, and self-awareness. This is what they had to say about the don’t’s and turn-off’s that they were seeing with women.
    1. Don’t be cheap. Pick up a bill for coffee, dinner, or drinks when it’s your turn.
    2. Stop bitching. Women complain or it appears to men that women complain. Find your happy self.
    3. Don’t make men feel like they are a dirty secret. Invite them over, and be proud to be out with them.
    4. Don’t ghost. Have some class and say goodbye with a quick email or text. It turns out guys are bitter about being ghosted in a big way.
    5. If you are looking for someone to take care of you then pull yourself out of the dating market until you have your own life together. Dating is not a retirement plan.
    6. Try hard to keep the self-criticisms quiet. Most women struggle with body acceptance but men find beauty in all women. Confidence no matter what your size or attributes is sexy.
    7. Understand men are busy too and a part-time relationship is all they have the time or interest in exploring. Guys don’t understand why 50% of a great relationship is better than being alone. Especially if you both have the opportunity to see other people.
    8. Don’t be crazy. Men think all women are crazy but the truth is that women need to do a better job managing their moods, hormones and behaviour.
    If you are single and struggling unsuccessfully to find a partner then maybe it’s time for some dating coaching. I can usually solve the issues within three sessions. So less than the cost of two concert tickets I can have you back on track. Schedule a time and let’s talk.

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    Nine Amazing Autumn Date Ideas. And What to do if You Are Looking for a Relationship

    I was standing at Subway and talking about the weather with the woman making my sub. I mentioned that it’s much cooler outside and she concluded that it means “it’s the season for love. In the summer it’s too hot to rub up against someone”, as she loads my 6-inch turkey with spinach.
    Fall is in the air. It’s time for big sweaters, football games, Halloween shopping, and closing up the cottage.
    Planning a date night with your partner may have gotten lost in the shuffle. It’s time to pick a few ideas and plan something before homework piles up and the freezing rain starts.

    1. Apple picking. It’s in every romantic comedy for a reason. It allows you to gather food together, lets him reach the tall branches and makes amazing apple crisp. It’s also private enough to start smooching somewhere away from prying eyes.
    2. In keeping with this there is always the pumpkin patch or corn maze, and haunted house/hayride. Those are great!
    3. Send them text bombs or random questions. Make them into paper airplanes, leave them on the bathroom mirror or in their wallets. It’s a fun thing to do if you have some time and want to find something out about your partner you don’t know.
      • What’s something you always wanted to do as a child but never got to do it?
      • If you were in a witness protection program, what would be your new name and where would you go?
      • If you could get away with a crime, would you? If yes, what would it be?
      • Who was your first celebrity crush?
    4. Find the country fairs! Check out the homemade pies, look at the 4 H club livestock judging, go on a merry-go-round, and take in a local band. This is the time of year and there is one on every weekend.
    5. Small town adventure. We went with the group of Ducklings to a small, nearby town (Buckingham) where we had a morning of corset shopping as a group and then went for cider. We had a blast. Many lingerie stores have big chairs for your partner to sit in while you come out and model. Check out the lingerie pictures on our meetup site.
    6. Speaking of shopping, I love trying on Halloween costumes this time of year. You can dress up in all kinds of costumes (prison warder, cowboy, pirate) and play out the fantasies. They are only around until Nov 1st so get busy with a skanky costume this month!
    7. Take one of the couple’s cooking classes. Around here the Loblaw’s cooking schools or LCBO classes are fabulous. There is also one every Tuesday night at the Independent at Bank and Somerset where you get a $10 gift card for the $10 class. Loved their pizza making. Playing with dough was sexy.
    8. Try making a fort. Inside or outside it will bring back the kid in you. And the fun things you can do inside one…
    9. Brewery tours and whiskey festivals. They are on and often have that pumpkin spice added to their microbrew. Yum. And those scotch/whiskey/wine shows. Perfect pick up place.

    And if you aren’t in a relationship this is the time of year when more people start thinking about making changes to their love lives. In my career I’ve written over 400 dating ads and have matched over 100 people. I went to six weddings this year alone of couples who I had a hand in introducing.
    If you are ready to do something about your stalled love life then reach out to me. I book in person, Skype and phone sessions. Make the change now.

    5 new date night ideas this spring.

    As I tell my clients finding time for date nights is one of the top five things you can do for your marriage. Other research based steps to great relationships include communicating with humour, putting your partner’s needs first, stopping fighting before it gets miserable among other things.
    But something you can do today to improve the quality of your relationship is planning a sexy date night with your sweetie.
    Here are 5 new ideas to book right now
    1. Museum of Nature Costa Rica butterfly exhibit
    Tropical heat, coloured insects, flowers, foliage and a chance to get some amazing pictures make this a favourite.
    2. Stargaze. Cozy up under a blanket and watch the stars together. You can search for constellations if you want, or you can just enjoy the view. Google what you are likely to see this time of year, include a bottle of wine and turn your phone off.
    3. Beer tasting. Most Groupons have coupons for breweries in your area cheaply. There is a new article about how the hops in beer increase women’s oxytocin levels. Have her wear your sweater and the hormone will crank event higher.
    4. Rent a convertible for the day. Celebrate the start of convertible weather by renting one for the day and take a mini road trip with the top down. There’s no better way to enjoy the fresh spring air than having it hit you right in the face while coasting through scenic surroundings with that special someone.
    5. Make a time capsule of your date
    Whatever you decide to do, make a point to capture one of your spring dates. Hold on to any and all tangible memorabilia, from tickets, to dinner receipts, to brochures, cafe napkins, or wine corks. Gather the mementos in a box, along with a handwritten letter to your future selves. Set it aside (or bury it) and set a future date, next season or even next spring, to open it again together and reminisce in a big way.

    The new workshop this Sunday in Ottawa connects partners in new ways. It's the anti-Tinder movement.

    Dating needs to re-invent itself. April 28th dating event in Ottawa 3 -5:15 pm
    Between the soul crushing, mass-emails of hookup sites, to online Nigerian scammers, and swipe left “you are not-good-enough-looking” picture aps there are challenges to finding potential partners. All of these have been amplified over the last five years. And if you are looking for a non-conventional relationship how do you find someone out-of-the-box?
    This Sunday’s Anti-Tinder, authentic, funny, engaging and informative dating workshop is a new approach to meeting a traditional or non-traditional partner.
    It includes a comedian to get you laughing, speakers to catch you up on all the latest information, chocolate to feed your soul, and a new way of meeting people that focuses on who you are, rather than what you do or look like.

    3pm, The Orange Hall 41 Rosemount Ave Ottawa (Wellington and Parkdale) $30 at the door.
    Give these questions some thought before you arrive..
    1. What brings you joy?
    2. What is the best vacation you’ve ever had? Why?
    3. What is your favourite guilty pleasure activity?
    4. What are your relationship deal breakers?
    5. How would you describe yourself as a kid? What’s quirky about you?
    FIND YOUR DEFINITION OF A PARTNER!
    It’s the fourth edition at doing the coolest of Duckling dating events. We’ve learned from each of them and know of many relationships and dates happened out of the last gathering. We are adding an online component so we are doing the best of both online and in persona connections.
    Everyone needs to bond to that one (or more) special person(s) . The Duckling dating games event is a gathering for Ducklings looking to have fun and connect or market themselves in a way that shows each person in the best possible light. In the almost four years the Ducklings have been running we have had over 50 love matches which makes us kick-ass at putting people together. It just turns out that if you put like-minded adults together then attraction happens.
    We have a number of super cool singles (or the it’s complicated crowd) who have been pushing us to try some more togetherness events (if you catch our drift). We tried a fun speed connecting event last year and had a blast with the dating game but realized the evening needed more focus. We want this event to be about our cool Ducklings meeting each other. It’s for all Ducks who are looking to make intimate and personal connections with other Ducklings but with no pressure and a sense of humour. This is the group between “Meet my parents on the second date” and “I’m bed-notching and only looking to hook up”. It can be about meeting friends, lifetime partners, or potential “let’s get horizontal” friends.
    We’ve often been asked how do you find those Ducks who might be in the same place that you are and have great oral hygiene.
    2 duck event.
    Think of it as a chance to be introduced (not in front of everyone so don’t be scared), and showcase your best features without being judged on looks. We plan to anonymous answers to fun questions on the wall so people can learn your interesting quirks. We are going to talk about how to approach and talk to a person of interest. As well as how get to know people beyond the same old conversations. This is not about small talk. Nor is it entirely about what you look like. Learn some skills you can use anywhere. And meet Ducklings you can be friends with or maybe something more.
    We will run the old funny dating game show as an ice breaker. Expect to laugh and relax.
    Last time we tried a dating event, almost everybody chose the “looking for something but don’t know what” wristband. This time you will have to be way more specific. We recommend a lot of thought about what you want. If you register in advance we will send you out a handout so you can give some thought to the questions. If you are coming as a couple we suggest significant conversation before attending so that you are on the same page as your partner. It really helps to understand where each other is at BEFORE the event happens.
    It’s an open event so bring a friend if that makes you feel more comfortable. We pride ourselves on running events that make you feel safe. And we will have fondue so you can share a strawberry with someone of interest.
    We think Ducklings are the coolest, kindest, most interesting people we have ever met. And we want them to know each other and feel the love.
    ps. we don’t discriminate about relationship models or orientation. Couples, singles, triads all welcome. We are not the bed police. $30 to attend. This is a 2 duck event.
    $30 at the door or in advance here!





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    Dec 1st Naughty Xmas Market at the Orange Hall!

    This is adult Christmas shopping! It’s all the items you can’t buy at a church bazaar this holiday. Corsets, pasties, Erotic Art, wine, Toys, and so much more.
    We will have pictures with Santa only far more inappropriate. A lingerie fashion show and a Christmas playlist that they don’t play in elevators. $10 at the door and proceeds are going to Ottawa breast cancer support for local survivors. We have two Ducks (and Blaik’s sister) all fighting breast cancer and we want to help.
    You can park in the school parking lot across the street. Music, community, shopping wine, Santa, food all for a fantastic cause. We will have elves wrapping presents and some fabulous vendors. Come and join us.
    The Rosemount Orange Hall! 41 Rosemount Ave Ottawa. Parking across the street at the school

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    Best date nights when the weather gets yucky and cold

    It’s November. The clocks have gone back and at least in my part of the world it’s gotten cold. -18 with the wind tonight. Halloween is over and Christmas seems like a long way off. For our American friends the holidays are approaching with a list of things to do. The date nights are hard to initiate and get motivated.
    The urge to pull the covers over your heads is strong. But relationships need time, energy and enthusiasm. Even (or especially) when it’s hard to do.
    I’ve borrowed some of the list from my friends at Elite and have added a few of my own. I have a list of more sexual things you might try
    1. Go for a dip in a local hot spring (or hot tub).
    2. Hit the ice rink or pond for some adorable couples skating.
    3. Go for a stroll (or cruise around in a nice warm car) to look at all holiday lights together.
    4. Take a stroll in a nearby state park and pack a thermos of some adult (aka spiked) hot chocolate.
    5. Do a winter wonderland photoshoot.
    6. Hit the slopes for a snowboarding or sledding adventure.
    7. Hike a local nature trail. It’s gorgeous out there, so why not see it together?
    8. Fire up a bonfire on the beach or in your backyard and roast some s’mores.
    9. Crack open your local parks and rec guide to find local winter events or programs you didn’t even know existed in your town.
    10. Book a trip to somewhere with warmer climates. Hawaii sounds amazing right about now.
    11. Break out some boardgames or jigsaw puzzles and play over steaming cups of mulled wine.
    12. Check out Atlas Obscura and visit some nearby strange and unusual attractions or museums.
    13. Or go the total opposite and play tourist at your most popular local attraction.
    14. With the weather turning colder, less fortunate folks and our furry friends need even more help than in the warmer months. Pick a cause and volunteer together.
    15. Speaking of furry friends, go visit them in the zoo or at the aquarium.
    16. Play some indoor sports together like indoor mini golf, going for swim at the local indoor pool, or bowling a few games.
    17. Scale an indoor rock climbing wall together.
    18. Arcades are making a comeback and oftentimes they even serve drinks, so gather up your quarters and go get your Ms. Pac-Man on.
    19. Head to a local brewery to taste all the awesome seasonal beers. Mmmm so pumpkin-y.
    20. Test your teamwork skills with an escape room (seriously, these are so fun).
    OR HAVE A COZY AND ROMANTIC NIGHT
    21. Rent a cabin up in the mountains or by a lake and just try not to have the most romantic weekend.
    22. Netflix and chill is for the rest of year, but Netflix and snuggle? That’s my idea of winter fun. Not sure what to watch? Each of you should pick their favorite movie and make it a double feature.
    23. Make an amazing dinner together at home. Pick something that makes you feel cozy in the winter and use lots of seasonal veggies.
    24. Snuggle up in front of a fire with some spiked hot chocolate or bundle up under a blanket together and watch the sunset with a couple of mugs.
    25. Embrace your inner child by building a pillow fort… and then do really adult things inside it.
    26. Paint your toes or groom each other. It’s one of the most bonding things you can do together.
    27. Put on some fast music and dance.
    28. Come to a Ducklings event! Or check us out and duplicate one of our crazy ideas!
    29. Develop a hobby together! Beekeeping course, salsa dancing, beginner volleyball, paint nights….
    30. SEX! As your sex therapist I’m actively encouraging you to get naked!

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    Best date ideas for 2018. Why keeping it romantic is worth the effort.

    Why surprising your partner (even when you are super busy) is essential for great relationships.
    I try hard to consistently do and suggest great date night ideas. My friend Angela sends me ideas every quarter for activities in the Nation’s Capital (Dec/Jan’s are posted below).
    But for those of you who don’t live in Canada’s most beautiful city my team has come up with some of the best new date suggestions for 2018.
    Feeding each other at a food truck.
    Even when it’s cold the food trucks make some of the best tacos, chips, and beaver tails around.

    New Year’s fireworks. Most communities have firework displays (or inexpensive fireworks) to ring in the New Year. Find a good spot (hint: try the top level of a parking garage), and gaze at the spectacle. Bring along some sparklers and warm beverages in a thermos to make it more fun.
    Geocashing. Geocaching is the ultimate scavenger hunt. Using a smartphone and GPS coordinates, participants search for hidden objects. Just sign up for a free Geocaching account and download the app. Then pick a geocache near you and start hunting. It’s a great togetherness activity.
    Have you considered ice fishing? You can bring a deck of cards and stay out on the ice in rented fishing huts. Check your local outdoor store for details.
    Stargaze. Pack some blankets and dust of those festival chairs. There are lots of stars that you can’t see in the summer and it’s worth some cuddle time on a cold night. Once the stars come out, search for constellations and identify them using an app or book. Make a game of it: Whoever finds a specific star, planet, or constellation — or the most of all three — wins.
    Play strip chess. Learn to give great massages.
    The list of activities in Ottawa:
    Skating through the Forest – Discover the enchanting site of Skating Through the Forest next to the vast Gatineau Park, at 45 minutes from Ottawa. Savour the pristine experience of ice skating on a natural 3km open air ice path in an incredible landscape and sheltered from the wind. Non-skaters can spend some time snowshoeing or walking on our designated paths. Can you spot our friendly wolf “Loupie”? After discovering the ice, join us in our chalet for a hot drink and a snack. (opens officially Dec 15th!) https://www.patinageenforet.com
    Alight the Night – Starting Friday! EASTERN ONTARIO’S BIGGEST OUTDOOR LIGHT FESTIVAL. Bundle up for an evening stroll through this picture-perfect postcard setting! Close to one million lights adorn the heritage buildings, trees and fences of Upper Canada Village creating a one-of-a-kind magical backdrop for its annual Alight at Night Festival – a
    true winter wonderland! https://www.uppercanadavillage.com/events/alight-at-night/
    Rideau Hall Skating Rink – The outdoor skating rink was originally built in 1872, during the mandate of the Earl of Dufferin, Canada’s third governor general. Along with his wife, Lady Dufferin—who quickly became a keen skater herself—he organized many skating parties during his stay at Rideau Hall. Today, you can step back in time and go for a skate on this historic rink which is also now refrigerated. Saturdays and Sundays, from 12 noon to 5 p.m. (without reservations).
    http://www.gg.ca/document.aspx?id=15335&lan=eng
    8. Christmas Lights across Canada – Ottawa sparkles and shines during the Christmas season with Christmas Lights across Canada. From early December to early January, thousands of colourful lights illuminate the National Capital Region’s winter landscape. The 33rd edition of Christmas Lights across Canada will take place from December 7, 2017 to January 7, 2018. Hundreds of thousands of dazzling holiday lights glow throughout downtown Ottawa. Parliament Hill is a must-see stop on any tour of the lights, with tens of thousands of bulbs lighting its historic buildings.
    Also from December 7, 2017 to January 7, 2018, a winter lightscapes multimedia show is projected onto Parliament Hill’s Centre Block. Inspired by Canada’s nature, climate and culture, this 13-minute fairy tale runs nightly in a loop, from 5:30 p.m. to 11:00 p.m.https://www.ottawatourism.ca/ottawa-insider/christmas-lights-across-canada/
    10. Christmas in the Byward market – Complimentary wagon rides and Christmas Choirs. Saturday and Sunday on the George Street Plaza from noon – 4 p.m. Choirs: Saturday, December 16 12:00-2:00 Northern Stars Saturday, December 16 2:00-4:00 Ottawa Gay Men’s Choir, Sunday, December 17 12:00-2:00 Chinese Alliance Church, Sunday, December 17 2:00-4:00 Ottawa University
    http://byward-market.com/event/christmas-byward-market-wagon-rides-christmas-choirs/
    .
    Ottawa Art Gallery Lit Up – We’re taking art outside for one night!
    Join us as the Ottawa Art Gallery (OAG) celebrates two new commissioned works in the front courtyard of the soon to be opened OAG Expansion at 50 Mackenzie King Bridge. The night will include the spectacular projection artwork Of Buffalo, Bears, and Indian Scouts on the facade of the new OAG cube by Bear Witness and an accompanying DJ set by the JUNO winner. We will also be celebrating the large-scale, interactive light installation Ascension by The Latest Artists which will soon be mounted on the Mackenzie King Bridge wall. So much to celebrate! Heated tents, festive food and drink, participatory artwork and much more will help to mark the occasion. Admission: Free. 50 Mackenzie King Bridge (at the intersection of Waller Street), front courtyard https://www.ottawaartgallery.ca/whatson/2017/12/15/oag-lit-up-art-unveiling-celebration
    13. Tim Hortons on the Hill – December 14, 15, 16, 17, 30 and 31. 12 p.m. to 6 p.m. Warm up and refuel with free coffee and hot chocolate from the Tim Hortons truck on the Hill!
    14. Inuit experiences with Nunavut Sivuniksavut December 16 and 17 on Parliament Hill. 11:15 a.m. to 11:45 a.m., 2:15 p.m. to 2:45 p.m. and 3:30 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. Join Inuit youth from the Nunavut Sivuniksavut
    college program for choral singing, group dancing from the Western Arctic, throat singing, drum dancing, a sharing of their history, culture and
    language through education as well as a demonstration of Inuit Games such as the Muskox, Leg Wrestle and High Kick.

    Date nights and being playful as the summer ends….

    So fall is coming fast and furiously. And with that (at least in our house) we starts thinking about dressing up. While I’ve had my Halloween costume since January I just saw the costume display set up in Costco for Halloween! It’s the chance for everyone to dress up as their favourite superhero or villain and not take themselves too seriously. For me, the opportunity to have fun is something I value in my life and I certainly try to walk the walk in my relationship. Talks on humour and playfulness are showing up in more Psychology conferences of late as one of the best ways to stay connected. A sense of humour and a willingness to be playful is listed as one of the five characteristics of couples who have great relationships. I was asked recently by a new counseling student what I emphasize to improve relationships between couples. The ability to have fun with each other is one of the first things I suggest. It has one of the fastest impacts to connect couples who are feeling out of step with each other.
    Humour can keep things exciting, fresh, and vibrant. When you laugh with one another, you create a positive bond between you. Laughter evokes strong feelings and bonds you as a couple. It also helps push away depression and feelings of powerlessness. The doom and gloom you feel when you listen to the news or read a paper can be wearing on even the most optimistic of people, so I encourage you to think about ways to be playful this fall. It pays dividends. It’s doing things with a sparkle in your eyes, and having belly laughs with your sweetie. We try to take in comedy monthly and are a member of the free Sunday Night funnies group on meetups. It’s celebrating distraction and taking a break from the humdrum of everyday life.
    Having fun also increases confidence. You stop worrying what others will think. And doing it holding your partner’s hand makes everything better. I describe it as embracing “childlike” with wonder and rapture. Borrow a kid if you need help finding that space.
    Schedule a play date. Here are some suggestions:
    It’s the time of the year to go to the Halloween stores and try on costumes. They will be open in a few weeks! They usually have giant change rooms and don’t be afraid to try on something zany.
    Have a pillow fight. Walmart has $6 pillows if you don’t want to wreck one of the ones from your bed. Go to the park and have your partner push you on the swings. Or slide down the slide like you still want to. Make some bubbles. Bubble baths, bubble blowing, and bubble gum blowing contests.
    Make a playlist together. It’s reminiscent of the old 80’s make-out tapes. Put some music on it that reminds you of when you met. Go get ice cream. Have your partner close their eyes and have them guess the flavor of as many samples as they will let you try. Dance in the rain, go see the fall leaves, take pictures of each other’s funny faces and see how long it takes for your partner to laugh.
    Go play at the toy store. Come out with us on a Ducklings sexy date night and laugh! (www.sexwithsue.com/duckling-events)
    Try strange, experimental cooking (or a new martini recipe). We love this new Dragon Fruit martini.
    Ingredients
    • 1-1/2 cups (375 mL) ice cubes
    • 3/4 cup (175 mL) cubed peeled dragon fruits
    • 1/2 cup (125 mL) guava or guanabana nectar
    • 3 oz (85 g) vodka
    • 1/4 cup (60 mL) coconut milk
    • 1/2 tsp (2 mL) lime juice
    Simple Syrup:
    • 3/4 cup (175 mL) granulated sugar
    • 3/4 cup (175 mL) water
    Preparation
    Simple Syrup: In small saucepan, bring sugar and water to boil; simmer, stirring occasionally, until clear and syrupy, about 2 minutes. Let cool completely.
    In blender, purée together ice cubes, dragon fruit, guava nectar, vodka, coconut milk, 2 tbsp of the simple syrup and lime juice until smooth and frosty. Pour into cocktail glasses. Reserve remaining simple syrup for other cocktails.
    Whatever you do HAVE FUN TOGETHER!!!