Canada’s Schizophrenic Prostitution Laws
Sue McGarvie, Clinical Sex Therapist
Canadians pride ourselves on being socially liberal and tolerant of a variety of lifestyles. We’ve been through gay marriage, marijuana challenges, bigamy, and the repeal of the abortion laws in the last few decades. Although we struggle to find that middle group of social mores we have arguably been schizophrenic on controversial subjects. We have wishy washy laws that don’t appear to be enforced. Marijuana isn’t decriminalized, but walk through any city park in the evening and note the patches of fragrant smoke. The bigamy laws have been recently upheld as long as you are not officially claiming to be married to more than one person. Having ten ‘girlfriends’ all living with you in openly sexual relationships and parenting all of your children is completely legal. But nothing illustrated this convoluted middle ground better than our prostitution laws. Sex for money is not in the Criminal Code of Canada. Talking about sex for money, or open solicitation is. We understand it’s the oldest profession, and we understand that it’s completely accessible, but we don’t believe in talking clearly about the transaction.
The Canadian prostitution laws have been openly ridiculous for a long time. Read the back pages of any tabloid or the yellow pages and you’ll find extensive listings of escorts along with detailed catch phrases outlining their sexual specialties. I’ve seen sandwich boards outside massage parlors offering up a price list and menu of sexual services in downtown Toronto. If we really had an appetite to enforce the laws against the open sex trade in Canada this would have been an obvious starting point.
And up until recently we haven’t had a revamp of Canada’s prostitution laws despite it being long overdue. A year ago that changed when the current prostitution laws were deemed unconstitutional after being tested by three Toronto area sex workers. The Government of Canada appealed, and today the Ontario Court of Appeal offered up a typically Canadian mixed ruling on Canadian prostitution laws. It is still considered completely legal to take money for sex, but activities such as negotiating value, open solicitation and living off the avails (pimping) are still illegal and in the Canadian Criminal Code. Interestingly, the bawdy house or brothel law was struck down by the Court of Appeals. The right to safely work inside was deemed more pressing than our distaste for having houses of ill repute popping up. But don’t look for a Nevada Chick Ranch coming soon to a neighbourhood near you. The court gave the Government a year before the ban on brothels comes into play.
I’m confident that well within that year the Conservative Government will appeal again, this time to the Supreme Court of Canada. It buys politicians another year at least. And with no appetite to let judges determine social policy in Canada, and a political base with entrenched traditional values, the Conservatives will have a hard time living with the new Ontario rules. As with many Canadian rulings, neither side feels like they can claim victory. But in this case it may actual solve the legal problem that was originally presented. It’s been our collective shame that by not looking at these laws we have made it easy for predators such as BC’s William Picton to prey on a vulnerable group of women. Statistically there are not many serial killers around but of those there are half of them kill prostitutes. By not addressing this problem we were guaranteeing more women (like those missing in Alberta or on northern BC’s Highway of Tears) will be without any options. By keeping pimping and exploitation illegal, it keeps the laws enforceable for any underage or international sex trade, while allowing women who decide for whatever reason to do this for a job, an opportunity to do it safely.
Angelina Jolie says being pregnant has its perks.
“It’s great for the sex life,” she tells Entertainment Weekly magazine. “It just makes you a lot more creative. So you have fun, and as a woman you’re just so round and full.”
I love this quote and have been speaking with a friend who is a midwife about he benefits of sex during pregnancy. For many of my patients it was the first time some of them reached orgasm. Or in my case, I couldn’t stop touci myself. I craved thin crust wood burned pizza and loads of sex.
Here are some of the changes that happen during pregnancy:
In order to support your pregnancy, your body increases the amount of progesterone and estrogen in your bloodstream. As a result, you may feel the need to be with your partner more than usual. This increase in hormones has a number of physical effects on your body, which can often make sexual intercourse much more enjoyable than usual. These changes include:
increased vaginal lubrication
increased sensitivity of the breasts and nipples – sometimes they are sensitive to the point of pain.
increased blood flow to the pelvic area
The truth is there is no “right amount” of sex during pregnancy. I see so many patient who’s sex drive is missing it’s important to realize that the closeness before the baby comes is important. Althougmt men are happy with the increase (I have amny who keep wanting more babies because they love this stage). Sotimes your sex drive is so crazy that your partner may be put off.
I describe it as the teenage years all over again. Your partner may not understand that you’re not quite in control of the impulses you’re feeling while you are knocked up and your heightened sex drive during pregnancy is in the hands of your hormones and changing body. (It may help to remind him of how he felt in seventh grade — when his hormones and his sexual reflexes were out of control and lived in fear of a boner during math class. Same hormonal soup. So lie back and feel like the goddess you are.
Men like spontaneous sex.
Maybe you knew that. Maybe you simply just suspected it. But in a discussion this week with a number of smart men I asked them what they would really, really like sexually. They all ranked sexual surprises and spontaneous sex first on a list of possible choices. I’m going to transcribe my survey and post it here and you can take the quiz about what you like sexually.
Spring sex out of the blue. Plan a hot night, or just reach over and stimulate him under the table. Initiation, slight sexual aggression, and spontaneous sex blow guys away. It’s a huge ego boost for them and they feel like you can’t keep your hands off them. They feel hot and rank that kind of sex as the most memorable when I ask them “to tell me about the best sex they have ever had.” For men, touch reinforces your relationship. Cosmo gives this advice:
“For a spontaneous seduction, ask him to pull over to a deserted spot for a roadside romp when you’re driving home one night. Or at a party, take him into a back bedroom or closet.”
More with the quiz, but in the meantime “what are you waiting for?” Spontaneous sex brings you closer, helps kick start some hormones and simply blows his little mind.
I have counseling a few patient lately who seem to be picking the same guy over and over again – with disastrous results. They want a relationship but find themselves weak in the knees around the leather-jacket wearing bad boy. They date the tough guy but want a husband and father. Can you see the disconnect?
These are smart, pretty women with good jobs but are always surprised when the Harley-driving mechanics don’t want to settle down. It goes back to that adage that women marry men hoping to change them, and men marry women hoping they will never change.
So what’s with those bad guys anyway?
What will attract a woman to a bad boy is excitement, daringness, and the promise of adventure.
There is something about brooding, moody guys that women find alluring. Now a new study this spring out of UBC in Vancouver supports the assumption with research.
Women find happy guys significantly less sexually attractive than swaggering or brooding men, according to a new University of British Columbia study that helps to explain the enduring allure of “bad boys” and other iconic gender types. Guys who can display that mischeivious shame (at least knows right from wrong even if they don’t act on it), and smiling comes across as a very “gay or feminine trait”.
Confidence, boldness and masculine is universally what women find attractive.
Bad boys also have the packaging. They emphasize the more testosterone rich parts of themselves and promise great sex, danger and adventure.
So if you keep falling for these guys, and want a more permanent life than pay attention to some of the reasons you keep picking the sweet-but-toxic men.
1.The impulse to perpetuate what’s familiar.
Many women attracted to rogues had a father who was a little wild and rebellious. Because many girls idealize their father, they may seek a partner with similar traits. This usually isn’t a conscious decision; much of the allure happens below the level of awareness. Girls may also choose these boys on the assumption that Dad will be impressed.
2. Can’t “own” your sexuality. Many sensuous women feel that they can “only get swept away in the moment” in order to be the openly sexual. Otherwise to say “I want hot, raunchy sex” means you are a slut. Having a bad boy lead you down the garden path lets them excuse their own sexual behavior.
3. The drive to rehabilitate or “save” a wayward man.
Simply put, many women are rescuers. It’s a challenge for them to reform an incorrigible man. These women think, Sure, he gets into trouble, but I can change him! Ego is involved as well. It’s inflating when a woman feels like she is the only one who can transform a man.
4. The appetite for adventure.
Other women like the excitement, thrills, and sense of danger bad boys bring. This is especially true for those who have been “good girls” all their lives. Perhaps they grew up in a family that demanded conformity and compliance with rules. So they’re intrigued with men who scoff at rules and shrug off responsibility.
I just finished an interview with Maria Coletsis of Vancouver yesterday. She’s the professional photographer and researcher who has written the new insightful portrait book called Behind the Whip.
Maria went all over the world photographing and interviewing all of the famous dominatrixes. She said it was fascinating speaking to these women. She explained some cultural differences between these dom’s. As an example, the Japanese doms use intricate rope techniques, the German dom’s are much harsher and use military discipline in their sessions. The British doms’ are all about the naughty school boy and Mommy figures in their play.
Maria explained to me that despite their differences and locations these women were all strong women who were inately kinky. These aren’t “hookers with a crop”, these women all lived the dom lifestyle 24/7 in both their personal and professional lives.
What came out of my discussion for everyday use is how much their clients need to “escape”. The hour a week when they can let go and not be incharge is bliss for these men. The role play and the fantasy varies, but that so many more men are sexually submissive. The clients are all ages, but Maria said two of the men she saw were young, good looking, and successful. They all said that they could NEVER tell their wives their fantasies. So the paid the $400 an hour to be spanked, humiliated, comforted or allowed to play a role. She said they are much more that actresses, but that there is always a part of the dramatic. She also said that the dom’s are completely turned on by their work.
I’ll post the interview and some of the pictures on my www.sexwithsue.com site if you want to hear more about her insights.
As a red blooded Canadian girl I understand the appeal of hockey. In Canada hockey (and Tim Horton’s coffee) is as close as we have to a national religion.There is something about padded guys in hockey jerseys skating around at high speed and winging rubber at each other that gets your heart racing. Fights where a couple of goons go at each other, wild action and big hits are always entertaining to watch. And don’t get me started on the sexy hockey beards…
I’ve long known that if I played my cards right I can usually get sex while watching sports. I written before about the Monday Night Football half time romp. And my flirty date nights after an evening watching the Sens at Scotiabank Place during those cold winter nights.
But until the new study came out from the University of Michigan, I didn’t have the science of my sports and sex correlation. The University did a great study that involved checking the saliva of men in the stands before and after a Red Wings game to determine their testosterone levels. (Did mention that I would be happy to personally check the saliva of the boys in red myself? but I digress…) With no surprise to me watching all of that beef cake win encourages fans to increase their testosterone level by up to 30% – especially of they win. Testosterone is your aggression, sex and brawn type hormone, and will encourage your sweetie to focus on you once the whistle is blown.
Now with the Red Wings going into game 7 against the dreaded Sharks you can’t help but be encouraged about some upcoming “sexy time”. Couple that with some deep fried calamari ( seafood is high in zinc – the sex mineral.and Red Wing fans throw squids on the ice- Yup those large rubbery sea creatures when they score a goal), and you’ve got a recipe for lov’n.
Go wings go.
ps. As I edit this during the pandemic of Covid-19 and there is no hockey I’m reminded of the strike when you needed to find other things to do. If you need to talk about keeping things hot reach out to me. I promise I won’t be on the clock. And we can talk a few minutes of hockey while we fix your sex life.
I’ve had a patient this week who was beating herself up for her sexual behavior. She went down to one of the urban pick up bars after work this week and took home Mr. Right now for an evening of hot sex. She said it was the walk of shame the next morning where she looked at herself in the mirror that had her beating herself up. It wasn’t the first time and she said her pattern was almost ‘monthly”. She said she felt awful and wanted to know why she kept feeling tempted?
I hear about the monthly booty activity from lots of women. I know one woman who is an accountant by day, mid 40’s, separated with a teenager at home who hasn’t found the right partner. She likes sex but is worried about what other people (mainly other women) will think of her and her reputation if she engages in casual sex. So once a month (the same time of month), she dresses up and heads to the local swing club. There she has an evening acting out her fantasies of multiple men (at the same time and one after another) and goes home hardly sitting straight. That’s all the sex she has until the next month.
What gives you ask? Well women are motivated for sex twice a month. Once when they are ovulating and once just before their periods. The science backs me up. Women when we are ovulating smell better, walk sexier, have better hair days and get more attention from the men at large.
If only men knew which day it was. Unlike baboons which have a red bum when they are in heat our signals are so much more subtle. We are horny, but feel guilty in the aftermath.
The sexual and feminist revolutions were supposed to free women to enjoy casual sex just as men always had. Yet according to Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University in the UK, the negative feelings reported by women after one-night stands suggest that they are not well adapted to fleeting sexual encounters.
According to the study:
“The predominant negative feeling reported by women was regret at having been “used”. Women were also more likely to feel that they had let themselves down and were worried about the potential damage to their reputation if other people found out. Women found the experience less sexually satisfying and, contrary to popular belief, they did not seem to view taking part in casual sex as a prelude to long-term relationships.
“What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her. The women thought this lack of gratitude implied that she did this with anybody,” Professor Campbell explained.
According to Professor Campbell, although women do not rate casual sex positively, the reason they still take part in it may be due to the menstrual cycle changes influencing their sexual motivation. Indeed, during the ovulatory phase (between days 10 to 18 of their cycle), women report increased sexual desire and arousal, with a preference for short-term partners.”
Which goes to show that just like chocolate cravings, the urge to have a romp is a very real drive. Understand it before you do your own walk of shame the morning after.
I actually want to talk a little about both kinds of Happy Endings. The phrase Happy endings used to invoke thought of fairy tales and “happily ever after”… Now as a sex therapist I think about the “jack shacks” or the new breed of masseuse when I hear it. I had an interview with Pauline from Michelle’s massage in Ottawa recently about her expertise in prostate massage. She claims to have given over 10,000 orgasms. She gives a good massage, and specializes in internal prostate tickles. Check out the 40 minute step-by-step audio at www.sexwithsue.com.
She says she has licensed RMT’s working part time for her, and has a whole group of friendly, knowldegable staff that do 20 minute massages and are booked at the half hour. They aren’t strictly speaking, legal. But if you are licensed with no drugs and use women over 18 the vice department usually looks the other way.
Now ABC has a new comedy with the same name. Happy Endings starring Elisha Cuthbert of 24 fame will debut tonight. I wonder if anyone is getting the name mixed up on Google? Here is the new comedy trailer…http://abc.go.com/shows/happy-endings Think of an updated Friends with six buds who hang together and are trying to figure it out. Sound familiar? But I don’t hink they have a Phoebe massage therapist character who offers up the goods.
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Get more sex when she’s orgasm easily, soaking the sheets, and screaming in ecstasy!
Blake, known as Professor Squirt who has a degree in anatomy, and is Sue’s personal as well as professional partner is easy to follow and clearly articulates to men what needs to happen to get women ready and primed to gush all over you. Blake explains the differences between finger and penile stimulation, tricks to try if she’s not responding, the secret of differing pressures, and specific details that will coax her body to respond every time. Between the two of them, as both experts and by understanding the sensations themselves, they have developed a system for teaching g spot orgasms and female ejaculation.
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The 10 Quick Steps to Reaching a G-Spot Orgasm as described on the Sexapalooza stage.
Check the Sex with Sue Blog!
Sue reviews the top sexy vacation hotspots!
Sex toys – Reviews of the Top 15 best sex toys and devices.
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The 10 Quick Steps to Reaching a G-Spot Orgasm! Get the full details, and sign up for Gspot stories and newsletters by joining here:
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The G-Spot
The G-spot is defined as a cluster of nerve endings deep in the vaginal wall, the G-spot when stimulated, can produce an incredibly intense type of orgasm.
The world of sex research has been a buzz about this new discovery, since the G-spot was first described by Beverley Whipple at the annual convention of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality in 1980. Many women claim that reaching a G-spot orgasm has been the high point of their sexual lives.
Women who have not experienced the type of vaginal orgasmic response a G-spot orgasm produces often feel frustrated and left out, that they are somehow missing out on a secret so special that they must be doing something wrong. I have had many women speak to me of the intense Richter scale orgasms associated with G-spot stimulation. Other women who have never heard of the G-spot and the intense orgasms it produces feel ashamed or scared when they start “gushing” and get really aroused from vaginal stimulation.
I first became interested in discussing the G-spot and disseminating information about it when I spoke to a woman who had experienced these intense orgasms and who thought something was seriously wrong with her. She had been to her doctor discussing the volumes of fluid gushing out of her, living in fear of a life threatening illness or physical deformity associated with these sensations and fluid expulsion. The later part of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe Curling Orgams has stories from real-life people who have had these kinds of orgasms and suggestions for how you can reach one too.
Unfortunately, many physicians are unaware of the recent developments in G-spot research and are unable to alleviate the fears and concerns of their patients who experience this kind of sexual stimulation. In fact, some well-intentioned but seriously uninformed doctors have even encouraged women to have surgery to correct this “problem”. Producing fluid and having a mind-blowing orgasm from your vagina is not weird, or abnormal. It’s healthy, sexy and something every woman should have the right to experience without shame.
These women thought that they were urinating, that they were incontinent. Other women have been told by their doctors to just stop having orgasms and that would stop the fluid from coming out! Obviously, these doctors weren’t doing their own hands on sexual research to find out how amazing a G-Spot orgasm can be.
As a sex therapist, and (for more than ten years) the host of a call-in radio talk show about sexuality, I hear all kinds of questions and problems from women and their partners about how to reach the elusive G Spot orgasm. The material collected for this book has been the result of conversations with thousands of people as a therapist and a radio host, who tried new and unique things in the bedroom. There is a collection of letters further on in this book that offer real-life suggestions and strategies couples have tried in enhancing their lovemaking.
Have you signed up for the FREE full coaching at www.sexwithsue.com yet?
This nerve center deep in the front wall of the vagina is about an inch and a half in, underneath the bladder. Don’t despair initially if you poke around and do not feel anything. One listener described the amount of pressure needed, as having to press hard enough to “pick his wife up with his fingers.” Very long fingers would then be needed to determine the position of the G-spot when lying on the back.
Many women I’ve spoken to find it easier to reach the G-spot if they “bare down” or push out with their genital muscles. Initially, the G-spot feels like a tender spot, and when the g-spot is continually stimulated then it feels like “you need to pee badly” (Carrie 27, listener) The G-spot is located just underneath the bladder, and this is a normal feeling that goes away in a moment if stimulation continues.
The key is that if you can push through this part, and keep on continuing after short pauses, the waves of orgasm start building in intensity.
Some, but not all women if the stimulation builds (especially if there has been a recent clitoral orgasm), or if the re is clitoral stimulation at the same time. My client Jennifer says it feels best if her partner makes a motion with her finger like a “come here” signal, that with enough pressure can bring her to a G-spot orgasm.
The Exact Spot
Let’s be really clear exactly where the G-spot is. It’s located roughly in the middle of the front wall of the vagina. One way to find the location of the spot is to pretend there is a clock in the vagina. If twelve o’clock is pointing to the navel, it is also indicating the position of the G-spot. The sensitive part of the spot is not exactly easy to find, being embedded deep in the vagina wall. So unlike the clitoris, this deep-seated cluster of nerve endings is not as obvious and as easy to find.
One listener suggested that if you could reach underneath the clitoris, from the inside that is where her G-spot would likely be situated.
If the G-spot is stimulated sufficiently, and the intensity is there, many women can have multiple orgasms one after the other. I had one women listener who wrote me saying she could see “colors exploding behind her closed eyes”, when she was having this kind of stimulation.
It was great to see you at Sexapalooza, and I look forward to sending you more free stuff!
Ten Tips
If the whole vulva was a clock, then the clitoris would be at 12:00. The G-spot would then between 11:00 and 1:00. Realize that this is deep stimulation near the back of the vagina, and on the actual spot – say half-way up the front wall.
Go into the vagina, feel under the curve of the pubic bone, then right after the bulge of the bone, directly under the “clock” or straight under the clitoris, along the ridge of the bone should be where the G-spot nerve endings start.
While offering clitoral stimulation (a mouth works best) use a hard “come here movement” at the spot. Stop if it gets too intense or if your hand gets tired but resume the stimulation. You can cheat by using a G-Spot vibrator that looks like a “J” to do some of the work inside. Don’t be afraid to use fairly firm pressure.
Try having your partner (if she’s not in a daze of Quivering Jello by now), press down on her lower abdomen. You are trying to get to deep seated nerve endings and pressing down helps.
Some women claim crunching their abdominal muscles – almost like doing a sit-up helps. Others find it easier, on their stomache with genitals in the air and having their partner going in from behind- pressing down works well.
Tickle gently the opening of the urethra. This is the tiny hole she “pees” out of just above her vagina. If she’s going to ejaculate – this is where it comes from.
If you can get a couple of fingers inside her vagina, try that –especially as your knuckles massage back and forth almost like the Queen “waving”.
A fuller bladder helps increase the sensation – so make sure you have lots of towels if she has one of those orgasms where she sees stars and releases lots of vaginal fluid. Intense stimulation on her clitoris (try a small clit vibrator) while working the G-spot spot seems to work well.
If it gets too intense, stop and start the stimulation. Most women need a number 30 second breaks or so on their way to orgasm. If it gets too crazy, stop for a moment before resuming the stimulation. You can handle more and more intensity as it builds towards a crushing orgasm.
Finally, it may take you a few weeks of trying this to finally get it. Stay with it, the work is fun and the payoff enormous. The female body can do amazing things- experiment with different kinds of stimulation, and soon G will be your favorite letter in the alphabet!!
Sue McGarvie – “Sex with Sue” www.sexwithsue.com
suem@rogers.com
The 10 Quick Steps to Reaching a G-Spot Orgasm .
Check the Sex with Sue Blog!
Sue reviews the top sexy vacation hotspots!
Sex toys – Reviews of the Top 15 best sex toys and devices.
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Sue,
I find it absolutely the biggest turn on when my partner talks dirty to me. Any suggestions on how I can get her to increase the foul mouth gab during sex?
Eager
Dear Eager,
So you like to hear her describe in that rude and graphic way of hers how she would like to take that big, hunk of hairy manhood and …
You’re not alone. According to both the Janus Report, and The Sex in America Study using explicit language while having sex is popular with over 55 per cent of sexually active adults. In fact there are lots of men who find their partner’s heavy breathing, illicit language and passionate moaning pushes them to intensely powerful orgasms. And women being even more auditory than men (men tend to be more visual) find that a lover who uses the right kind of language can be labeled as a Sex God. Try reading to her before you make love. Start with something romantic and well written, –Lady Chatterly’s Lover comes to mind — and read her the erotic parts. Women tend to prefer more romantic language but good erotica can use four letter words with the best of them. Tell her naughty bedtime stories, encourage her to read them to you, and in a non-threatening way, let her know how much her talking is making you hot. Bring up the subject out of the bedroom, and be careful not to insist on having her provide a “play-by-play” every time you make out. Sometimes you don’t want to work that hard, and women especially find it annoying to have to talk all the way through the best parts when they want to just live in the moment. That said, it’s not too much to ask your partner to meet you in the middle and try her best to whisper naughty nothings into your ear. Amen.
She thought I was a “one minute guy”. Leadingsex therapist interviewed hundreds of men and learned what guys who can control themselves know.
Are you embarrassed by being too quick to come in bed? Do you want to last longer in bed?
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Is your partner frustrated and upset that you are a one minute guy, and constantly leave her hanging due to premature ejaculation?
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You know that women talk to each other about sex every time they get together. You don’t want them sharing that you can’t deliver in the sack. Or worse have your girl in particular sit quietly in embarrassment saying nothing, and have other women look at her with pity.
Premature ejaculation training like this would typically need four sessions in a sex therapists office with a cost of over $600, along with time off work, parking, and the embarrassment of being seen going into a sex therapy office. Sue herself would charge close to $2000 to solve this problem in her clinical practice personally.
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Warning: The women in your bed will need smelling salts when you’re finished loving them. Women will write your name with exclamation points on bathroom walls, pass your number out to their girlfriends, walk around with a permanent smile on their face, and be so well loved that they have trouble sitting straight.
Guarantee: Sue is outlining a program that has been proven to work with her patients as they develop the muscle memory. As good as she is this isn’t going to be fixed without some effort on your part. You need to recondition your penis, and train some muscle memory, and condition your head and orgasmic triggers. If there was an instant fix you would have already heard about it. This is a no BS sex therapy (not some mystical herb made of questionable ingredients) in a quick download, everything you need to fix it in a package that is guaranteed to be effective. If you were going to the gym to sign up with a trainer (at thousands of dollars) you would give yourself six weeks of steady effort to see a noticeable result. Muscle is muscle, and it takes time to re-train whether the muscle in your arm or underneath your penis. Sue guarantees that if you aren’t completely satisfied that your performance hasn’t significantly improved after six weeks with this coaching you can have your money back. Sue is a leading sex therapist who values her credibility, and she delivers new, cutting edge information in a special audio along with lots of extras so that you become better in bed. It makes the world a better place, and has women falling at your feet.
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