Sue,
I really like anal sex with my husband. I think that it is better than regular sex. What kinds of toys can I buy that would go farther in than his cock can?
Wondering
Dear Wondering,
There are a variety of sex toys meant for anal stimulation ranging in size from the petite beginner kit meant for opening up the sphincter weeks before anal penetration is possible, to the huge, honking fist-sized probes that have been packaged for the predominately gay market.
A moderate, slightly larger than penis-sized dildo should be as far as you can go safely, however. Anything too much bigger than a penis runs a real risk of damaging your sphincter muscle and leaves you with all kinds of problems with bowel elimination control (ugh!)
The rectum doesn’t stretch like a vagina, and actually tears much more easily. A puncture of the rectal wall can be very serious, even fatal. People usually get into problems by inserting objects that could break, or using too much anal eze (a product made with novocaine that numbs the whole area so you have much less sensation) where the warning pain is diminished and damage could result.
So, stick to a silicone or latex butt plug, dildo or vibrator. The butt plugs have a large base so that the toy doesn’t go deeper than you want and you have to go fishing (or worse, head to the doctor) to get it out. The good news is that with plenty of lube and a gentle hand you can have lots of anal play with a larger object and add a whole new experience to the anal stimulation you enjoy.
Sue
ps. If you want suggestions about how to add anal sex to your repetoire then maybe a quick, 30 minute session with you and your partner might be in order. Let’s talk about health, anatomy and step-by-step instructions to both of you on how to get there. $75 and we can get it done.
We recently got a trial version of The Hustler Channel to test out recently. All in the name of research. Smile. I find the sameness of most porn has me yawning (give me well written erotica any day). However, Hustler has always been known for being a little kinkier. They were the first ones to use ice and glass dildos, the first to use big budget and high art in their shots, and the first to use all those crazy suction devices you see in porn. Apparently, the popular ones these days were designed as a beauty aid by Panasonic. Yup the same guys that make your stereo equipment make a vibrating, sucking blackhead remover that doubles as a clit vacuum suction device. I kid you not. Apparently the older model EH 2500 (which is harder to find) is better than the new "mist remover". Lavender, a vibrating and sucking sensation all together and well worth the price.
If you are looking for a more intense experience, why not consider a TENS machine? Wikipedia defines it as: "Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS or TeNS) is the application of electrical current through the skin for paincontrol. The unit is usually connected to the skin using two or more electrodes." A low level electrical impulse that can cause pain, but distract the brain from other chronic pain sensations. It is apparently all the rage with the dominatrixes, and can bring on P spot or prostate tickle in men when attached to the perineum (the area between the testicles and anus).
Breast pumping equipment is similar to that of the clitoral suction, but much more localized. For many women with sensitive nipples, it can be the height of sensual pleasure. I knew one woman who could reach orgasm by using her nursing breast pump. I like www.medicaltoys.com for a variety of devices (don't go to this site at work, but it is fun to look at all the stuff). Since Valentines is coming up, you might want to get a jump on ordering and give your sweetie something really unique as a present. You can say that "hustler recommended it".
www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com
I was asked to comment on a Canadian survey that came out in time for Valentine’s Day this week. The survey, conducted for Virgin Mobile, shows 56
per cent of young Canadians (ages 18 to 34) prefer holding their mobile phone
over their Valentine’s hand and almost 40 per cent say they’d rather live
without their Valentine for a week than their mobile phone.
“Clearly, people have a deep love affair with their mobile phones,
especially younger Canadians, and this survey shows just that,” said Nathan
Rosenberg, Virgin Mobile’s Chief Marketing Officer.
argh! I found the thought of being more attached to my phone than to a thinking, breathing (demanding or snoring) partner kind of depressing. I regularly try and kick my cell phone across airports, (and have a graveyard drawer of dead blackberries). But does technology have to be bad as it relates to sex? I’ve been blogging about my love affair with toys (can’t remember when I actually had to use my own hand to bring myself to orgasm (it has to have been a decade), and now I cam kind of intrigued with some of this virtual sex. All the gaming vixens that started with the anatomical Laura Croft, and come of the sexier, and steamer virtual partners. With the audience getting older, we want a more adult feel to our console interaction (can we all say vibrating joystick?). Think of the success of we fit with middle aged women.
It turns out that more sex is coming for women in the gaming community.
“Erotic content for women is the fastest growing segment of the adult market,” she says. “It stands to reason it’s a growing segment in the gaming market as well.”
It also stands to reason that if you want gamers to subscribe to an interactive sex game, you want to appeal to both men and women. In fact, if you can get women to sign on, the men will follow.
Two games scheduled to launch next year are taking this woman-friendly approach, although both companies are shy about describing exactly what the new games will entail.
Having spent some time at the Banff New Media Centre designing new media sex games, Iknow it’s hard to walk that line between cheesy and sleazy but I’ll know it when I see it. I’m thinking the Rock, Howie Long, Clive Owens, and Ben Affleck naked and at my control. Hmmm it may have possibilities. In the meanwhile, let me turn off my phone and for my damn vibrator.
www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com, we–vibe.com
I was speaking at Sexapalooza a few weeks ago and as I got off the podium, I was handed a gift. It was my very own we vibe, invented and designed in Canada and is now THE toy that heterosexual couples need in their bedside table. Thanks Bruce! I know what you're thinking. Another disappointing toy. Nope, this one is different. It's revolutionary in a couple of ways. It has no batteries (yeah! as I'm always losing those blasted things anyway), it comes in it's own case (a fetching purple), and has no protruding parts (the on/off switch is buried inside the silicone so not to rub on your neither regions), and has it's own charging feature, and holds it's charge for a good long time.
It has two speeds – low/high and has some decent torque. The bottom slides inside the vagina, while the top part stimulates clitorally, and stays in place well. A good shape, and it had an elegant feel as to not to feel the least bit uncomfortable anywhere. On the whole, I liked it moderately well as a solo toy. Given I still prefer my clitoral toys to plug into the wall and give me uncontested power, so even with the dual vibration I found the we vibe wasn't as strong as I like it.
However the beauty of the we vibe is as a couples toy. Put it inside and then have your partner penetrate you simultaneously. It may look awkward (like there isn't enough space), but trust me, it just makes the whole experience snugger. The vibration hits both partners together and it was a terrific sensation. We loved it. The we vibe has recently won some prestigious sex toy awards, and with good reason. An incredible innovation and design in a traditional marketplace. The nice thing is that it was done – not by the big boys at Doc Johnson or Cal Exotica, but by a small company that re-mortgaged their house to bring it to market. If you are in the market for a sex toy for your sweetie this Valentine's Day – this is the best one I've come across in a long while. Enjoy.
Related sites: www.harleydavidson.com, www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejacualtion.net
Apparently the new Harley Davidson motorcycles are being released today, which was big news in the sex information news. It doesn’t take much of leap to understand the parallels between all that vibrating chrome and sex, but even I was surprised at the emphasis the sex sites were putting on the launch. Until you’ve ridden one (especially with bad shocks and a muffler problem), you don’t get their link with sex. I think for men they are a big, shiny phallic symbol (besides being cool in black leather), but for women they really are all about the whole body orgasm. You can’t miss the pictures of hot women straddling the smooth seat and posting up and down. It’s why girls love horseback riding. Instant orgasms. Although these new Harley’s don’t have the western horn at the front of the seat like in horse saddles, which I think is an omission. In looking at the site with all the extras, there isn’t a mototcycle seat with a built in bump, or vibrating front mechanism. I wonder how they would sell? And maybe it’s time for some enterprising motorcycle inventor to come up with one. I really might consider buying a shiny motorocycle if that was the case. Maybe I should send a suggestion letter to Doc Johnson the toy manufacturer? Either way, look for the new shiny bikes with their happy girl riders coming to a bumpy road near you. Smile.
I was out last night, speaking with a group od women at a G spot seminar I gave (accompanied by the learned Dr. Squirt), and we were discussing the only vibrators that seem to work for to reach a g spot orgasm. I lean to the glass variety; but I had a few women talk about the new bang stick. I love discovering new things, as I had never heard of it before, and was told it has the right kind of lift when looking for stimulation along the front wall. Here’s what it looks like, and apparently it is wonderous for G spot stimulation.
On another note, I went looking for details of the bang stick vibrator (and you have to wonder who names these things?) but when I googled it, along came up a discussion about sharks, alligators and Alabama hunters, which is an entertaining read so I copied it.
(See the attached story about the alligator and the copsfor your amusement. The cops decided to do a Steve Irwin thing and wrestle the alligator hanging around a parking lot. A trapper finally came out and killed the gator with a bang stick.)
Anyway, I was thinking I should have a cheesy name that new vibrator contest. I’ve got an email into my friends at Doc Johnson asking for a cool prize for the best new vibrator name. Since I think most of the adult novelty companies are run by men, the vibrators tend to be called ” thrusty, or Terminator”, so Bang Stick fits right in. Be creative, think of a new name, send me an email, and I’ll post the winning name idea, and send the winner a cool collection of “romance items that require batteries” for their hope chest.
We regularly do sex toy trips with our Duckling social group. There are chapters all over the place. 
near you or join the tour online.
I continue to be such a geek, and whether it’s cool new computers, high tech camping equipment, or the latest in sex toys. As a rule, gadgets are so much fun to play with. I don’t know whether it’s they are shiny things, or because they are the latest and greatest bells and whistles, but that (along with lingerie, books and trips south) are the only thing I ever want as presents. My cell phone provider Rogers has just made a deal with Apple to start selling the iphones which Apple claims are “twice the speed and half the price”. They espouse loads of new features but not the one I want. I actually sent off an email asking if they could seriously ramp up the torque in the vibration ring setting option. Think of how much fun that would be, and how much more money in phone calls the companies would generate. It would start with a sexy song like Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” or “Let’s get it on”, and then the damn thing would vibrate like there is no tomorrow. I’ve got a list of popular songs to have sex to, and I am bust imagining all the fun I can have when my new phone hits the market. Please, give me a call and”let the good times roll”. I have samples of some of the new sex toys that you can activate with your phone. It’s one of the perks of belonging to North America’s coolest sexy social group. Come feel the love.
I have a girlfriend who in the midst of the craziness of internet dating, and has been for awhile. She says her experiences have become fodder for a book, but what I find interesting is how she can manage to keep the spark at such distances. She tells me she’s had relationships with men in Kentucky, London, Nigeria, Turkey, Italy, and all over the US and Canada.
She’s traveled to Istanbul, New York, and last week, had a guy from California fly 2000 miles simply to take her for dinner. Now she’s over 50, has struggled to keep her figure at times, and although attractive, isn’t stunning. A great woman for the right guy, but she wouldn’t describe herself as “barbie-like”. She’s just willing to open herself up to potential relationships, and is doggedly persistence in her search for a real guy. I asked her about the appeal, and how does she stay interested after hours logged on?
She said that “the webcam helps alot, and the erotic chat is surprisingly hot.” And with the great technology of MSN, skype, and now these new high definition web cams, it’s almost as good as the real thing. Well almost…
I’ve long believed that long distance relationships only work when you have a set date that you know it will end. You can endure much, if you know the end is in sight. Anything else is Hell.
So with my love away from me this week (not to fear, we are way ahead on the New Year’s Resolution of 300 boffs), I’m hooking up my new webcam and watching my nipples turn this slightly mottled color of thousand of flesh-like pixels. Now if I could just figure out how to plug in this wireless vibrator into the mix, it really could be almost like the real thing. 
The thing about being a sex therapist is that people pull you aside at parties to ask you advice. If its a quick question, I’m happy to help. Well usually. It’s the guys who see me in the grocery store that want to shoe me the sores that have broken out after last week’s romp with Darla the Carny that are off putting.
But what’s happened of late is family members have pulled me aside asking my professional opinion. I come by my sex drive honestly. I remember my late grandfather implying his virility was without question almost to his deathbed. How much was bravado, I don’t know, but I have a large group of extended relatives, many of whom are men over 60, who claim to be studley. So when one of them mentioned the symptoms of andropause (and he shall remain nameless), I took notice. Mainly feeling a loss of sexual interest where they were all piss and vinegar before, and just didn’t feel the urge, desire or interest. I know I’ve been talking about libido in women, but healthy men can stay active very late in life, IF they stay active. Use it or lose it. And with all apologies to my gaggle of male relatives, I thought the question and solution was relevant enough to warrant a published solution.
What has to happen to get your Mojo back if it’s lessening, is an increase in dopamine FH and LH hormones, and an increase in testosterone. Long term effects of testosterone on the prostate aren’t known, and I am wary of all but a low dose cream testosterone as there hasn’t been the long term studies about its effects on the prostate.
So what’s a guy to do if the spring has left his step?
Besides what I recommend for women, lots of Omega 3, zinc, and dark chocolate, I’m also a big fan of the herbal estrogen blockers, and FH LH boosters. My favourite of all these products is one called Thrust. A bottle of Thrust will set you back close to $70, but everyone I’ve put on it from 21 to 80 has sung it’s praises, and continues to use it. Anything that blocks estrogen in men, has the added benefit of increasing your testosterone. An interesting combination, and in many ways a true aphrodisiac.
I have the hots for Andy Kessler. Not that I’ve ever met him, and the back flap picture I’m sure doesn’t do him justice, but his writing is smart, funny, incredibly astute, and articulate. Something I find sexy every time in a man. I’m sure he also has that boyish charm thing going on as well. Hear that Andy? This sex therapist thinks you’re sexy.
I’m reading his book about the end of medicine.let me know if you find a better picture…:) His line about "how technology will do to doctors what ATM’s have done to bank tellers" sums it up brilliantly. He’s looking for a scalable way to use imaging, nanotechnology, or Star Teck tricorders, to look inside the body and prevent your own personal big bang -way in advance. He’s an investment banker and engineer (don’t hold that against him, the boy can write), and he’s looking for the health/medical dot com equivalent for which to invest his mad money.
I see patients every day with clogged blood vessels to their penises, (small blood vessels, remember it’s all that nasty plaque that is keeping Mr. Happy down), and beyond Viagra, Cialis and Levetra (what your doctor reccomends), and surgery (what your urologist usually endorses), I’m left generating alternative solutions to keep those guys boffing. I think the technology -be it pumps, rings, toys, gagets, herbs whatever- are going to find a way to all those deflated, but still willing penises, but I too keep looking for the Holy Grail of sex solutions.
I also love his blog. I’m wetting myself about his media, web 2.0 description I’ve long been defining media as controlling the pipes, (really, I said it first), since the days when I wrote and got the national broadcast licence for Passion TV, a government regulated digital TV channel meant to play cool sex programming like HBO’s Real Sex, and those fun Sammy Sperm documentaries all day long. Hell, I would have been able to run all Sue content all the time (oh yes, I want to be a media mogul – me me, and more me), but got beat up by the big boys in television when they saw it would be successful. It was my Mr. Burns moment, I could have been a feminist Hugh Heffner. sigh. A story about bad big business for another day, but have a look at what Andy says about controlling access to new content. For people who like to blog (and the 4 or 5 of you how may actually read mine), his argument is the bomb.
I read a business book a week. I can’t remember the last one I not only thought was super smart, but made me laugh out loud too. Hey Andy, do you want to come over and see my etchings?
I was re-living the 80’s the other day. "I wanna new Drug" the Huey Lewis song, 
about finding the perfect drug that would instantly make you feel perfect. Well I want the perfect sex drug or toy. Don’t get me wrong, there are alot of great sex toys, (my favourite is still my 30 year old Phillips) but I want the instant-take-a-pill and have an sensational orgasm kind of orgasm in a jar. Batteries may or may not be included.
So many women I see in my practice are still struggling to reach an orgasm. Two of my closest girlfriends (despite being very sexually active), both don’t ever climax. Feel good, yes, orgasm no.
How can we fix such an injustice? I thought the solution was a Willy Wonka type orgasm pill. I had high hopes for that anti-depressant that had you reaching orgasms when you sneezed (and hey, if the technology and bio chemistry can do it once, you should be able to replicate it in the perfect drug).
I want a grant to research that. The sex drug, I can see the marketing now. I won’t give you the munchies, and you don’t even need a partner. Now that’s medication that could save the world.
I started masturbating before I was 11. I was given a phillips beauty set for Christmas from my proper Scottish Grandmother, (it could adapt to be an electric razor, a manicure set or body cream massager…) and by the end of that Christmas day I had figured where you could put the massaging head to have me a whole new set of amazing, wonderful sensations. Best damn Christmas present I ever got, and sent me on my merry way. I have since replaced it with a ebay found version (now a vintage model), because it’s still my favourite despite an amazing toybox.
It turns out that how you learn to reach orgasm and become sexual (usually between the ages of 8 and 14), becomes your sexual road map ( as unique as a fingerprint). So it turns out how you first play with yourself, think about sex, and are first sexual is your basic sexuality until they take you away feet first. I don’t know whether that’s an argument for more sex in school, or less given there are a lot of very bad, uncomfortable gym teachers forced into teaching sexual health. (those who can’t teach, those who can’t teach, teach gym… or in many cases sex 101). Soemthing to think about if your 12 year nephew is coming for a visit. Hide those Playboys…