Where did I put that turkey baster?

Apparently some uber-right wing republicans in the US are trying to pass through legislation to ban gays, lesbians and single women from getting artificial insemination.  The thinking is that unless you are married, and heterosexual, you aren’t allowed to use the sperm banks. You can be drunk, homeless and have a love of sheep to make a sperm donation, but withdrawls are going to be closely monitored by the religious right.

So in the spirit of Martha stewart, try this at home folks, I’m going to offer advice on how to do this by yourself and save the money. 

Here’s how to have a let’s get pregnant party:

About the time you should be ovulating (15 days before the start of your next period is optimum).  Invite a bunch of your freinds over, and make sure to have a supply of cool erotica and a few dirty pictures, a bunch of clean glasses, beer, and a average turkey baster.  With Easter close at hand they may even be on sale.  Have as many male friends that you are sure are clean of sexually transmitted diseases take turns in the bathroom (with or without the porn) producing samples.  Shake it all together so you aren’t sure who’s your daddy (thus preventing any hassles with legalities), and using the turkey baster insert the semen mixture into your vagina and squirt.  Stay lying down for a half hour, and wait until your breasts start getting sore and you miss your next period.

That’s it. You don’t have to worry about some senator even being concerned about imposing their laws on your body.  I mean this a little tongue in cheek, but it actually works, and can get you pregnant in no time.  Good luck and please send me the birth announcement.