How infidelity is changing

They did a poll and asked how many men would cheat if they could get away with it.  It turns out that close to 90% of guys, would have inconsequential sex, if  they couldn’t ever get caught.  (I’ll look for the survey source).  Infidelity and having a mistress also used to have more social acceptance – you know, Man’s God give right to fool around…
Well not anymore.  Social mores suggest that you are not entitled to have an affair, and I beleive as a sex therapist that if you choose to cheat, you better be prepared to live silently with the guilt.  This is one of the shifts in sexual attitudes happening in our lifetime. Most partners would rather you didn’t, (go figure), and if you do, would rather not know.  “Getting it off your chest” seems like a very selfish thing to do, in terms of spousal mental health. 
Which brings me to my patient today, and my thoughts that monogamous relationships may just not work for some people.  I’ve met clients, that are incapable of being monogamous, it’s just the way they are made.  These people end up feeling horrible guilt and are made to feel abnormal because they don’t fit the mold of the nuclear family.  You are free to take exception to this, but this is my objective conclusion after years of tying to figure out why people have affairs.  For some people ethical non-monogamy might be a better option than infidelity. I teach a course with my husband called The Suburban Hedonist which offer an 8 hour online session that helps you dip a toe in the area of non-monogamy. It works to help by-pass the landmines. It’s also part of our Duckling Dating set up. It’s the way to find potential partners with grace and integrity. Why don’t we start the conversation.
Feeling the Love…
Sue