,

How getting more sex is as close as 24 hours and some of these great hook up sites.

Computer
www.sexwithsue.com

Like most people I know, I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time on my computer. Lately it's been looking up interesting "hook up websites" so I can be in the know with my patients.  Nothing worse than being the expert who isn't hip to the next, new thing. As Andrew Tress says in his new book Decoding Love, "The way we find love now is crazy" Imagine how insane our current system to find love would look to an anthropologist from Mars. We lavish vast amounts of time, effort and money on the search. But, despite our best efforts, almost half of us will end up divorcing that same person we worked so hard to find. And then we will begin the search all over again. We are, mad for love".

For men I see as patients there never seems to be a break from the searching. After millions of years of evolution, and "a biological need to seek the next new woman", men I speak to are lamenting the need for mistresses. married or not, they all want more on the side. Some just want variety, some want to play sexually, some aren't getting enough sex, but there is always interest in finding out new and proven ways to meet sex partners.  Maybe i'm just getting the guys with too much testosterone, but I don't think so. Men really want to please but so many of them are dogs.

As for finding a partner, you can try the bars if you are a young guy. My own opinion is that women over the age of 25 who hang out in bars regularly likely have a drinking problem. Nice girls, horny girls, and approachable women, are at the gym, in coffee shops, taking wine pairing classes, and are online.

And new research by two Iowa State University sociologists has found that older adults who are turning to their computers to find love — largely because of the time constraints in their busy lives — are making their desired love connections.

"In many cases, there are some real structural forces that encourage the support and use of these technologies," said Cast. "And one of them is just structural constraints on people's time — such as people who have kids, or have full-time jobs, or work long or extensive hours.  "But the people who are doing the actual searching may look at it as a way to be incredibly serious about the process. And one of the things we found was that, indeed, their courtship periods are shorter."

That means women are busy, and this study shows that the time it takes to score is remarkably shorter online. Maybe not shorter than the closing time "will you sleep with me?" pitch. But you are far less likely to get your face slapped online.

So what are the best sites?

Certainly www.ashleymadison.com, www.adultfriendfinder.com, and www.lavalife.com  are popular. The free sites, (that I call the Giant Tiger or Kmart dating areas) like www.okcupid.com, or www.plentyoffish.com are popular. However you have to wade through a bunch of "fish with issues" before finding the right occasional partner. But they might be great for a "let's get it on" encounter. Finally, www.yahoopersonals.com, www.craigslist.com, and www.kijiji.com are worth checking out. Sure you can also buy a couch, get a ride to a different town, and sell your canoe, but there also may be someone there who is willing to change your oil. It's worth a try.

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Why you need to write a snappy ad these days in order to get laid

www.sexwithsue.com

Dating ad 
 Mistress wanted. At least that seems to be what my patients are looking for. It's amazing how much time, energy, money and creativity goes into finding someone to get naked and jiggy with. I have a friend who ran one of the largest "alternative" dating sites in the world (www.ashleymadison.com) and he claimed that years of watching guys look for part-time lovers confirmed his opinion that "no man has ever run faster, nor jumped higher than one in quest of an orgasm".  I haven't heard of anything (beyond nice guys fighting with baser instincts) to set me off that assumption. But I don't believe at all that one size fits all.

I have a new theory about the female side to this equation. I have been writing about how women are looking for love (I wrote a "love ad for a 49 year old patient a few weeks ago, and he says he has had over 200 responses). Ask me about my system. I'm making serious headway into a tried and true way for single guys to meet a potential life partner. Unfortunately, for all the men out there looking for some simple action, am making no inroads into how to attract a casual playmate.

That women are horniest at ovulation and just before their periods is a common fact. I think women who give you signals of interest may only do so once a month. Just when you think you understand them…..

More on this, but I have to run and find the article in question. I promise to finisish the thought this week.

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Thoughts on being (or becoming) a Cougar

Cougar  not Cougar1
www.sexwithsue.com
This article about cougars was sent to me this week with reprinted permission. I thought it hit the nail on the head when describing the lure of older women. I am helping a number of newly divorced patients go out into the dating field of late, and they all describe as being hit on excessively from men young enough to be their sons. I was asked for the rules about what is appropriate behaviour in dating these “hunky, younger men” and although there is no Miss Manners book of etiquette on the situation, I thought the below article was well done.
What it means to be a Cougar: That a cougar must be over a certain age. That she only dates younger men. That she observes the Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven Rule. While each of these “rules” has its place in helping define what a cougar is, each of them is either too broad or too narrow. And that’s because being a cougar is ultimately about attitude. It’s about the way she carries herself and owns her sexuality.
While each cougar is unique (that’s what makes them great!), in our experience, there are a few common characteristics that help us understand the cougar woman.
She’s in Control
First and foremost, the cougar woman is in total control – of her life, her sexuality and her identity. She’s her own woman, independent, strong and sexy, confident in her self and unconcerned by what is expected of her by society. It’s that fearless attitude that makes a cougar.
As Ilana Eberson, CEO of Real Live People Party, remarks in the video from SheZoom.com (below), “Everyone wants to equate the predatory nature of the cougar animal with the cougar woman, and she doesn’t have to be predatory. She can be nice. She can be, you know, a vixen. She can be sassy. She can be, you know, virginal. She can be whatever she wants to be.”
That gets to the heart of what it means to be a cougar woman. She’s found her path and proudly (and unapologetically) follows it. Because it often takes time for women (and men, also) to “discover” themselves, cougars are typically more mature women in their latter thirties and beyond.
She’s Independent
A cougar is not just independent-minded, she’s personally independent as well. She is likely a career women who has reached a comfortable level of financial freedom. She’s worked hard and fought for her success. She’s found that while men her age and older are often intimidated by her ambition and success, young men are drawn to it and hopeful to learn from it.
Her independence extends to relationships where she has no time for petty drama. She’s comfortable letting a relationship develop naturally rather than trying to force it. She knows a relationship takes work but also understands that one can’t be made into something it isn’t.
She’s Experienced
Let’s face it: the cougar is experienced. She’s more sophisticated and worldly than her younger counterparts. She’s worked hard, played hard and really lived. Her experience has resulted in one simple truth: she knows what she wants.
Her experience is particularly profound in the bedroom. To a young man shes a living, breathing Kama Sutra, versed in the ways of pleasure. To be with her is an orientation into an unexplored world of contortionist positions, hidden erogenous zones, and foreign animal noises. She knows what she likes, how she likes it done and where, and instructs her cub on how best to give it. A night with her and he will uncover the secrets of making a woman beg for more. All men want those secrets and they know no amount of fumbling about with inexperienced girls will ever provide them.
She’s Undeniably Sexy
There’s just something about a cougar. Whether she’s the type that rocks a business suit or tight top and jeans, she just exudes sexual power. It’s not something you can quantify or categorize. You can only feel it.
A cougar knows that age is increasingly irrelevant. 40 is the new 30. 50, the new 40. Healthier lifestyles, a greater commitment to fitness and an emphasis on style, have all contributed to something young men have picked up on. Older women are smokin. The popularity of yoga, pilates, unique diets and other health and fitness fads have cougars looking hotter and more attractive longer. In fact, the older she gets, the more delicious she becomes. Her toned body and smooth skin coalesce with an earned stately grace to create a sort of sexual super woman.
She Likes the Attention
A cougar is quick to admit that when a young man expresses interest in her it makes her feel great, whether she’s into the guy or not. And why not? It validates all of the hard work she’s put in to looking hot and staying young. It proves that she’s still got it.
She also revels in the fact that other women are often jealous of her, particularly younger women. The cattiness of the young woman is just further validation that she, the cougar, is what men want. They want a piece of her sass, her experience
She’s Down with the Program
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, a cougar is proud to be a cougar. She wears the label as a badge of honor. She recognizes that it is tongue-in-cheek, but also finds it empowering. It’s both fun and sexy. And maybe she even likes the feistyness it suggests.
To her, “cougar” says, “I’m hot and I’m tired of men having all the fun.” She realizes that few people have been more neglected by society than the mature, sophisticated woman. Society expects her to dress conservatively, drive a station wagon and cart her kids to soccer practice. She’s watched Hollywood basically cast women like her aside, giving them nothing to play but ignored housewives, teachers with about as much to say as Charlie Browns, and useless mothers to obnoxious, ridiculously erudite kids. Its bullshit and she knows it. Its also bullshit that her male peers continue to be perceived as more respectable, more refined and more attractive the older they get, even when they havve got some blonde bimbo with big fake tits on their arms.These women are taking back their sexuality. And they are doing it under the moniker of cougar.
If you are attracted to older women, or you think younger men might be the cat’s meow try some of dating sites. I’m partial to mine because I know they are local, vetted, and emphasize kindness and authenticity. Check it out.

Dating sites – the good, the bad and the misleading

www.sexwithsue.com  Dating3

I think online dating is a great way to meet someone. In my estimation, at least you know they can spell. I also think that meeting in a bar is a generally bad idea. For men, a bar is comforting – community, where they feed and water you, and where you have the off chance of making a connection. Fo women over 25, (at least the women I know) are there to meet up with girlfriends but are rarely thereto hook up. Besides, alcohol blurs your natural abilities to separate the "wheat from the chaff" (or note if they party in question in unbathed).

So I am a big proponent of online dating, and suggest that you keep working at it, and changing up your ad to get the hundred dates you need to meet your special someone. The trouble is, that on some dating sites, they stack the ads with "phoney girls" just to keep you hooked and online longer.

A Brooklyn man sued Match.com yesterday for inflicting "humiliation and disappointment" on lonely hearts "who feel rejected when their e-mails get no reply."

Sean McGinn alleges the popular matchmaking Web site dangles phony date bait by posting profiles of people who no longer subscribe to its $39.99-a-month service.

As a result, lovelorn singles have been "defrauded" out of millions of dollars and countless hours spent sending heartfelt missives in vain, the 37-year-old TV producer says.

Most members of Match.com — which claims 86 million searches a month in the United States — are actually unavailable because they "are canceled subscribers or never subscribed at all," according to his suit filed in Manhattan federal court.

The class-action complaint doesn't specify damages, but says they exceed $5 million.

McGinn is also demanding that the Internet's biggest dating site "cease and desist its deceptive practices," which he claims are "willfully causing emotional harm to the consumer and social harm to society at large."

"Match's policy causes severe emotional distress and anxiety for some [subscribers], including those who keep writing e-mails to one member after another and never hear back because he/she is writing to people who've canceled," his suit says.

"Because the writer has no way of knowing this, he or she may experience profound personal anguish, suffering which is easily preventable by Match."

The suit also alleges that "Match induces canceled members to log in . . . creating the appearance that inactive members are active" by sending bogus BlackBerry notifications that read, "Someone has winked back at you."

McGinn declined to comment, but in an ironic twist, his lawyer said McGinn "met someone he's happy with" through the site.

"We're not saying that Match doesn't provide a valuable service, but they don't have to misrepresent what they're offering you," attorney Norah Hart said.

About 15 other disgruntled Match.com users are lined up to join the case, she said.

McGinn's suit is the latest in a series of fraud allegations lodged against Dallas-based Match.com and other social-networking sites cause heartache and misery.

In keeping with this, here are my rules for online dating:

    1. Stay local. Your goal is to have coffee with a hundred people who fit your profile. That's hard to do if they live a continent away.

    2. If they look too good to be true – they are. Guaranteed they are fake – or nutcases.

    3. Men tend to look better than their pictures and women look the same or worse. That's because if we are going to post a picture, women have done our hair, put on our best clothes, and look great.

    4. Men should put a picture of their pet (or somebody else's) on their profile. Women like men that care okay with kids and puppies, but men think women with pets (unless it's a champion German Shepard or hunting dog) are "crazy cat ladies".

    5. For women, what men want is a kind women who looks good. This is the time to join weight watchers, go to the gym, the spa , and crank up the sexy quotient. Men aren't all shallow, but they are ruled by first visual impressions.

    6. For men, what women want is safe, clean, funny, intelligent, and humble. Did I mention clean?

    7. Finally, don't be afraid to google someone. If you are chatting with somebody, get their real name and google them. If they don't exist, you might want to raise an eyebrow.

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David Letterman gets married after 23 years of singledom-Men and commitment phobias

Bruce willis   Spring must be in the air. Harrison Ford that that perpetually skinny actress Calista Flockhart have decided to made it official, as hass Bruce Willis and his main squeeze, Victoria Secret model Emma Heming (listed on the list of the top 100 of the world’s hottest women). Now long time bachelor and late night curmudgeon David Letterman has tied the knot after 10 years of dating. His long time partner
Regina Lasko, the mother of his 5-year-old son, got hitched in a courthouse ceremony near their Montana ranch, Letterman announced during the taping of his CBS “Late Show” yesterday.
“Regina and I began dating in February of 1986, and I said, ‘Well, things are going pretty good, let’s just see what happens in about 10 years,'” joked Letterman.
“I had avoided getting married pretty good for, like, 23 years, and I — honestly, whether this happened or not — I secretly felt that men who were married admired me … like I was the last of the real gunslingers, you know what I’m saying?'” he said.
Letterman
As I was doing some research for an article for an upcoming bridal show, it seems that men have a very push-pull attitude when it comes to taking the big plunge.  For many guys, the very thought of making a commitment to one woman for the rest of their lives is enough to send them sprinting for the hills. The dreaded “C-word” implies compromise, loss of independence, the sacrifice of sexual variety, and the looming specter of financial devastation if they’ve been divorced before.
Another cool sex and relationship survey – this time from my friends
at Rutgers University, men today are overwhelmingly apprehensive about getting married. A couple of the guys I pooled informally (okay I asked my brother, a few patients, and the male  dental hygienist at the dentist today), what would scare them about marriage. The honest ones spoke of the looming disappointment of sexual exclusivity and the loss of freedom. I’ve said it before, men are attracted at the most basic level to sexual newness. Sleeping with only one woman for life can be scary when presented with life’s buffet of redhead’s and brunette’s. Getting past that fear of loss of independence, freedom, space and losing that schmorgesborg of sexual bounties (even if it is only in their heads) is scary. I’ve long thought as a marriage counselor, that many a relationship could be saved by having a marital “recess”. A get-out-of-jail-free time when you could play for a month long trip with the boys, wild orgies, or solitude without hassle might stop many a guy from hedging when presented with the thought of matching left hand rings.
But there must still be something positive about the institution of marriage. If it can get a confirmed bachelor like Letterman to the alter, maybe there are more guys out there ready to take the plunge.
www.sexwithsue.com, www.schoolofsquirting.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net
http://www.wowowow.com/entertainment/late-night-surprise-david-letterman-marries-longtime-girlfriend-regina-lasko-248558

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Cougar Dating, and why older women want "young, dumb, and full of come"

Demi Related topics: www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, www.schoolofsquirting.com, http://www.postchronicle.com/news/original/article_212172795.shtml, http://www.spike.com//subchannel/top100
Before Susan Sarandan (and her long time younger man Tim Robbins), and Demi Moore and Ashton made it in vogue, being a cougar (defined as “a sexually cunning 35+ female who is on the hunt for a much younger energetic male,”). Think MILF, but more aggressive.  There was an award winning website called cougardate.com that matched would be cougars with young, willing men. On the surface it’s a great fit. Horny young guys, older, experienced women. While men reach their sexual peak at 19 (fastest recovery, strongest ejaculation, and highest sex drive), women peak between the ages of 38 and 52. I’m so looking forward to my 40’s. Smile.
Anyway, here’s where I’m going with this. It turns out that three women are suing after they went to a club called Chapter 8 in California back in 2007 and wound up being featured on a G4 program called “Attack of the Show”  in a segment called “The Great Cougar Hunt.”
According to the suit, the ladies were portrayed as “older women who were attempting to pick up younger men at Chapter Eight, which was described (on the show) as a ‘world famous cougar hot spot.’ The segment describes cougars as the easiest and most ravenous prey for younger men.”
The cougars three respectable ladies claim they were filmed without giving consent, and swear they “were not attempting to meet or ‘hunt’ younger men, or any men for that matter, on the day the video segment was made.”  They are suing for one million dollars.
What was interesting about the stats for Cougardate.com in it’s heyday (besides the funnyvideo of women morphing into Canadian cougars, and launching themselves at young, unsuspecting men – they had a sense of humour), was how many womensigned up discreetly. These are professional women looking for inconsequential sex, and finding in young guys that can be trained. The older girls have got to have it too.  I’ll keep you posted on the cougar lawsuit as it evolves.

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The ideal woman: one who gives great head, while holding your beer

related topics: www.sexwithsue.com, www.solveprematureejaculation.net, http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1595714/banned_guinness_commercial/

Beer I've been told (in absolute jest by a man I know likes and respects women) that the ideal women gives a great blowjob, and has a flat head (or other body part) where you can leave your beer. I guess the fantasy of a woman who gives you sex, while holding a cold one is more popular than I thought, and not just a bit misogynist. There is a fake beer ad makingthe rounds of viral marketing (coming to an inbox near you), that has a naked woman with a Guinness placed in the small of her back. She's moving as if she's getting it doggy style  (and the guy in question reaches out to take a drink), while giving oral sex to another (who's tattooed arm reaches out to share it). The tag line of "share one with a friend, or two" happens as a third hand (this one a woman's hand) pops up to share the same beer. I know it's not politically correct, but I thought it was funny. Apparently Guinness (who didn't authorize it) are not finding it so funny. Have a look at it, before they pull it, but the two enlightened men I showed it to, seemed to thing it would have them buying more Guinness. Have a look and let me know what you think.

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Why bossy, dominate women get the boys

Dominate Like most women, I have numerous men in my life. My partner, ex-partner,  realtor, accountant, lawyer, brother, father and nine-year old son to name a few. I have been known once or twice to complain about the energy it takes to manage all of them, and stay connected. My girlfriends understand that if we don’t connect, there is no harm or foul as we are overrun with work, kids, and laundry. Men are in need of far more attention and stimulation than that. Don’t get me wrong, positive male attention is in the top three things that women crave (behind a live in maid, and hot bath with a box of Godiva chocolate (maybe just my fantasy).

And if a year goes by, we all know it’s nothing personal. As I get older (aging gracefully, I hope) I’m noting that the secret to handling the men in my life is to be far more direct, and bossy than as women, we are taught to behave.  I read the Elle magazine survey women bosses were as effective and liked as male bosses when it came to management and productivity, but the "catty" and "tyrant" labels linger. It turns out, that the cattier and more tyrannical the women employers were, the better the men liked it, The women employee hated it, but that’s not proving my point. Smile. The truth that I’m realizing is that the bossier, and more directorial I am, the better most of the men I know like it. I think men really need to be needed, get mildly turned on by being bossed around by a woman, and how they seem to quiet down given directions (even if you are faking being bossy, it seems to work). The old adage that "men fall in love with bitches", may or may not be true, but the sex therapist in me thinks that men find the bitches much sexier. Just a thought….

Dating insight- a little like guerrilla warfare

Date I have a few friends and patients (almost all men), who need some advice on making the connection, and meeting the right woman. The thing is, I see them all making the same simple mistakes that keep them from being in a relationship. Good guys, all of them. I tell them to watch the scent of desperation, but I think meeting the perfect partner is a simple, measurable, marketing process. Follow the steps.

1. Visualize the partner you want.  Write out the script.  Who they are, what they do, how they treat you, what makes them special. Then be clear about what you need.  I need this person to love my dog, be a hockey fan, have a sense of humour etc. To paraphrase the Rolling Stones, "You don’t always get 100% of what you want, but you usually get what you need".

Women are attracted to safe, funny, and humble. In that order. Your perfect partner then needs to be advertised for. And then she needs to be pursued.

2. Spend a long, long, long time on a great dating ad. Get women you know to read it.  Self depreciating, fun, and how you are liked by kids and puppies. Safe, funny, and interesting will get women to respond.  I like online dating, and think true.com, match.com, lavalife, plentyoffish.com are all reasonable dating sites.

3. Write her a few times, but your goal by the third date is to get her to meet you for coffee. Your emails ahead of time should be full of open ended questions. Favourite ice cream flavour, any pets, celebrity they most resemble…etc.

4. Once you are through the coffee stage, and are interested enough to see her again, plan a cool date. Any activity that gets her heart rate up will cause you to bond. Not necessarily overt fitness stuff, more like adventure stress. Coolest date I heard of in a while was taking a gps and going to look for hidden geodes.  The second coolest was visiting a reptile zoo and alligator farm.   It’s also good if she can wear your jacket somehow – covered in your phermones, and for most women scent is huge. Oh, and dark choclate. I’m off the scale about it,  it makes women aroused, and is a true panti remover.

5. By the second date you have to kiss her.  If you don’t try and kiss her on the next outing, she won’t get that you are interested and you become a friend. So, plan a cool date with adventure, and kiss her nicely are your next moves. In the meantime, keep up your emailing of other women in the meantime until you agree to become exclusive. If you  have other possibilities, you won’t be so fixated on her and be desperate. It’s human nature to want something in demand, so she’ll be more intrigued if she suspects you are in the marketplace. So think date, and soon, and ask for the close (meaning sell her on the outing), and look for an opening to kiss her.

So here are the things you need to be thinking about:

1. Dating ad. Buy a lindt dark chocolate bar and keep it in your car. Emergency seduction kit, as important as the flavoured condoms.  What are your potential date plans? Pay attention to things like Art gallery opening? Comedy nights are good, potential adventure dates. 

2. Incidental affection is good, and you are appropriate, so I have no fear that you’ll over do it with an arm touching etc. Too soon for the hand. Kisses are better.

3. A decent on the lips kiss, look into her eyes, and let her gently know you are hot for her is what she needs. Feel free to kiss her soundly, but nothing down her throat on the second date.

Start there. Women are waiting for you. As I guy, you have to lead, even if it’s not your nature, but the payoffs are worth it.Dating2 

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The girl's bisexual continuum

Bi I was told a story recently from a married women, out with her husband at a bar she didn’t usually frequent, who found herself dirty dancing with a lesbian tradeswoman to the delight of her husband and the rest of the bar. She said it was liberating to be that free and open with another woman on the dance floor, but assured me that it was "just in fun".  I think like the song says, "girls just really want to have fun", and that this was truly just sexy, adult play, and touching  for the fun of it, without an agenda. She was worried that I might misconstrue what I thought was sensuous, but light hearted fun.

I know lots of heterosexual women that have experimented sexually with other women. Does that make them bisexual? I don’t think so.  At least I don’t define it as that.  To me, bisexual means you could have a life relationship (rings, china patterns, or it’s equivalent) with someone of the same gender. The truly bisexual women I know are really attracted more or less equally to either gender. I counselled one married couple who loved each other, but where all her previous relationships had been with women and she really felt like she was a lesbian. She said it was a 90/10 split (favouring women), but she fell in love with the person, a man in this case, and I guess he fit into the 10% heterosexual part of her.Bi3   

That’s not what I’m talking about with the story of the dirty dancing. I’m wondering about the appeal of straight women having a sexual romp- with or without men involved-(who would pay big money, or promise the moon to watch), and is there an appropriate label for that? I don’t think bisexual is it. I think everyone falls on a line, or a continuum, from really straight, to really gay, and most people would be open to some innocent, sensual, same sex, exploration if the situation was right, and the planets in alignment.  The idea of touching breasts, skin, and hair of another woman is kind of like a really great massage, just with a bang at the end.  Fun, sexy, silly, walk-on-the-wild-side, but safe, girl play. As who would know how you would like to be touched better than another woman?  Besides our bodies feel different than men’s do. It doesn’t mean you want to have an emotional relationship with another woman, it is simple curiousity, and being open to positive sensations.

I’ve had married women who do this kind of play with like-minded girlfriends, and describe the difference between sex with men and women as the difference between birthday candles and dynamite.  Prefer men, but birthday candles are still fun to blow out.  It’s what all heterosexual men wish women would do together on the dance floor (or off it). I told the women sharing her dancing experience, that I not only thought she made the evening of everyone watching, but bet most of the straight women watching wished they were uninhibited enough to join in. 

The wild world of online dating – there be fish out there

Shark 

I'm a big fan of the connectedness of online dating.
 Better than a bar for meeting someone
 (at least you know they can spell),
 and where else can 100,000 potential
 candidates view your profile. 
The world really is your oyster, and
 there is someone out there for everyone - 
no matter how specific. You can write a profile
 that will attract exactly the kind of person
 you are looking for,in fact the more specific the better.
 Given those kinds of numbers,
 being specific helps weed through the massive number
 of potential hook ups.
 I have few girlfriends who have had out-of-the-park type
 success with men online. 
The first is having the romance of the century with a man close
 to two decades younger halfway
 around the world. She leaves tomorrow for Turkey and may come
 home having never met him, and may come home with the promise of something permanent.
The second, met less than a month ago and have already fallen in love.
 He's 65 and she's a young
 Franco-Ontario grandmother who has found the love of her life
 with an African American scientist
 and are already exploring co-habitating.
 
What all these stories seem to have in common,
 is speed, and intensity of the bonding.
 They have all told me that it "clicked", and feels so
 right despite distance and obstacles.
 Maybe when you do finally connect with the right fish among
 the tens of thousands out there,
 it really does take much of the guesswork out of
 what happens next.
 I expect to be giving away a bunch of love baskets to happy women
 this summer. Happy endings...?
 I'll keep you posted.
   
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Mating rituals not unlike men tracking a wounded antelope

Dancing I like to dance. I’m reasonably good at it, and for me, it leverages a bunch of things all at once. I get to go out be social, and connect with some girlfriends who are also dancing fools, I get in some fun cardio (which means less time on the treadmill-yeah!), and the shrink in me gets to observe the mating rituals of the slightly inebriated, over 30 crowd.  Absolutely fascinating stuff if you’re a social scientist. I get to watch the female preening gestures – women playing, with their hair, sucking suggestively on straws, and running their fingers down their throats.  For men, if they want to show off, they do things like pull up their socks, frame their crotch with their hands and generally leer a lot.  It happens all over the place when you know where to look. 

I was sitting out a dance last night -I try and pretend I’m a lesbian at these things and only dance with other women, but I suspect it just makes me more alluring. I’m there for the exercise, and the last thing I want is some sweaty guy with halitosis pawing me, so I present definate "hands off" body language. Anyway,  I was in conversation with a guy who was lamenting that women rarely make the first move and I told him my "wounded antelope theory". I think that men need to chase, lead, and make most of the initial, and major mating rituals in a relationship. I know it goes against my feminist view of the world, but since most guys are bred to be hunters, and there is a shortage of limping prey to finish off,  hunting behaviour can be seen in guys trying to score. Nail her, and nail her hard. Based on my leanings towards evolutionary biology, and years of coaching patients, I think the relationship is far more likely to be a success if two things happen. First, the guy chooses, and approaches the women. Second, the women holds off until she has a chance to talk with him, write to him, or date him for at least two weeks. Then it’s more about connections and only half about raw lust.  I would source the material – I’m too lazy to go look it up, but The Mystery Method, about how to pick up hot women, offers up practical tips of my biological theory if you’re a guy on the make. And if you run into me in the dance floor remember I’m pretending to be a lesbian.