How to Work With a Man With a Small Penis

“My Husband Has a Small Penis”

A few days ago, I received this email;

“Dear Sue. I’m married to a lovely man. He’s hard working, tender, kind and great with the kids. There’s just one problem. He has a tiny penis and it just doesn’t satisfy me. I feel horrible even admitting it.

“He can get erections and he doesn’t have any problems keeping it up. But when we have sex, I can barely feel it. I’ve been faking orgasms for as long as I can remember and I’m just not sure I can live like this for the rest of my life. What on earth can I do?”

It might surprise you to know that I receive emails like this all the time in my practice as a sex and relationship therapist. People just like you are struggling to feel satisfied in their sex life and they know the deserve more.

The truth is, their partner’s small penis isn’t the whole story.

Here’s my advice to them .

1. Avoid mentioning your partner’s penis size

Whatever you do, don’t say anything to your husband about his penis size. Although honesty is the best policy in most situations, this definitely isn’t one of them.

As unsatisfied as you might feel, your husband can’t control how large or small his penis is. Telling him is only going to hurt his feelings, damage his ego and potentially drive a wedge between the two of you.

You don’t want to throw your relationship away because you couldn’t resist telling him the truth. There are more effective ways you can solve the problem without destroying his self esteem.

2. Talk about your sexual fantasies

Most men love the idea of spicing things up in the bedroom, especially if you’ve been together for a while. So use this to your advantage and start making some sexy suggestions

For example, is there anything specific you’d love to try in the bedroom? Any foreplay moves that are practically guaranteed to get you hot? Fetishes? Role playing? Quickies? Sex in different locations?

Find the right time and place and start sharing your ideas with your partner. Make sure you’re both feeling relaxed, feeling comfortable when you do this and keep the conversation sexy and low key if you can. Don’t be afraid to send sexy messages if you’d like to turn up the heat even more.

But a word of warning- if you’re curious about multiple-person scenarios such as threesomes, tread carefully. Again, you don’t want your husband to think that he’s ‘not enough’ for you.

3. Bring toys into the bedroom

You should also consider bringing some sex toys into the mix. These are great for exploring your body, discovering new erogenous zones and helping you to climax. But be careful! You don’t want to damage your husband (or partner’s) ego by ordering an extra large dildo or suggesting in any way that he’s not satisfying your needs.

Bring sex toys into the conversation gently, then look for kinky toys that you can enjoy together and use on each other. This might include such as dual vibrators, sexy dice games, handcuffs, dildos and whatever else tickles your fancy.

Then have fun experimenting with them together.

4. Think about what really matters to you

When it comes to your relationship, sex isn’t everything. As the months and years go by, we all inevitably change. We grow apart, we have children, we face extra stress in our lives, we go through the menopause, we age and sex stops being as important as it was in the early days.

Are you willing to throw this away because of your husband’s penis size? Likewise, would you be happy to compromise and live like this for the rest of your life?

Your answers to these questions can really help shed light on how you’re feeling.

It’s also worth asking yourself whether your lack of sexual satisfaction really comes from whether or not you’re having multiple orgasms? Or are there other issues within the relationship that you’re too afraid or unwilling to address? Be honest with yourself.

Remember that you almost certainly married this person knowing exactly what they had inside their pants. Unless you were waiting until marriage, you knew that they weren’t well endowed. What makes this become an issue now when it wasn’t before? Or are you only just starting to admit it?

When I’m working with clients as an online sex and relationship therapist, I find that the root of most sexual problems isn’t sex at all. Sex is just the “straw that broke the camel’s back”. The real burning issue is the tension and stress between the couple, or communication problems, or even issues with trust.

How much of this do you think affects your own relationship and sexual problems?


Your husband’s small penis is clearly causing you problems when it comes to your sexual satisfaction. However, there are many ways you can turn up the heat in the bedroom without damaging his self esteem or destroying the relationship. Start by opening up about your fantasies or bring toys into the bedroom for added spice. Then consider whether there are underlying issues that are causing your husband’s penis size to be an issue now and not before.

Want to enjoy a satisfying sex life even though your husband has a small penis?


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