She’s gotta have it.  The name of my favorourite Spike Lee movie, and the thoughts for today’s musings.

I see alot of sex addicts, but they are almost all men. Addicts, (who used to be called nymphomaniacs) are what one sex therapist described as the crack cocaine of the 21st century), are coming to see me in droves. Most of these guys are addicted to internet porn, escorts, video porn, and those massage parlours.  Spending too much money, and are using sex as a way to manage stress.  Guys that just like sex alot are seldome called addicts. if they just want sex, they are thought of as ‘players’ (if all guys want sex, and think about it every 6 minutes, where does the addiction start?  I would say when it satrts to interfere with everyday life, but I digress again.

Lately I’ve been seeing a women addicts.  These are nice women who are adrenaline and sex junkies.  picking up strange men on business trips, working as a teacher during the day, and escort at night, unbenounced to their boyfriends, husbands and co-workers.  I have heard of one woman who offers to work as a stripper for the night whenever she is out of town at the local establishment.  She says she uses the money to pay for sexy clothes, but it’s about the rush and she would do it for free. 

I’m wondering why the sexuality of my patients, and now the gender of my patients have changed so much?  I can treat these women, but most don’t want to eliminate the behaviour, just manage it.  I call it ‘boxing’ (or compartmentalizing if you’ld prefer…)  I’m doing some reading and will (with permission and anonymity) write more about the new kind of nymphomaniacs.

So what do you do if you really would rather wash your hair than have sex?  I did my show tonight on low sex drive, and why low libido affects 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men.   I see so many women in my office struggling  to find their missing desire. There are so many other things to do in a day rather  than getting naked.  If your desire to have sex is missing it may feel like work. Sex triggers oxytocin, brings you closer together, improves your health,  brings out all those protective instincts in and male partner and will help keep your pelvic floor toned.
It’s a huge issue, and I can help.  Have a listen to the MP3 from my show summarizing how you can get better.  Hell, even if you were having sex with the big wrench below, there is no way you are going to be hot and horny, all day every day.
My quick suggestions if you don’t want to listen to the whole questions is:
1. Schedule sex.  Put it on the top of your list of things to do, and visualize all day how you would like it to go.
2. Make yourself a “I’m sexy, and I love sex” self talk tape, MP3, or goal sheet. I can help with a downloadable one.  The most impactful thing you can do to change the tape in your head happens if you use your own voice to speak to your subconscious. There is more about this in my blog on sexual hypnosis.
3. Have sex someplace exciting. Go parking, outdoors, someplace where you have a chance of getting caught, and crank up the dopamine. Scary movies or anything that gets your adrenaline up will help as well.
4. Omega 3’s and CLA. Buy them from the health food store and take them religiously.
5. Chocolate helps, and a positive mental attitude, that if you start it, your body will quickly warm up to it.
6. If you think it may be hormones let’s talk about scheduling an in person or remote appointment. I can give you some quick answers unique to you in one or two inexpensive sessions.  In the meantime be gentle with yourself.