It's not your fault you have low libido. It's your fault if you aren't doing anything to fix it.
A disproportionate number of clients in my office are for hyposexual libido or low sex drive. Many of my low libido clients finally arrived in my office (or by skye/messenger) when their frustrated partners have finally lost it and threatened the relationship if their sex lives don’t improve. Partners who aren’t getting the sex they desperately want from their wives and husbands feel pushed away, depressed, unattractive and disconnected. Many feel like giving up. What comes after they have tried to improve the frequency of sex over the years is that their partners start looking for extra-marital stimulation. Or think about leaving. Or are just sad, lonely and unfulfilled within a stifling, sex-less marriage.
Talking about a lack of sex is a tough conversation to have with someone you love and want desperately to be with. In a monogamous relationship if your partner wants sex they have to turn to you. If you are pushing your lover away they go through the stages of grief when it comes to the loss of their sexuality. It’s when they get past the anger and stop initiating that relationships start to hit the boiling point. Don’t let it get to that point.
If you have low libido you can do something about it. Whether it’s because of peri-menopause or menopause, hormone changes, relationship challenges, medications like birth control and anti-depressants, stress, loss of connection, or emotional and psychological problems and baggage there are things you can certainly do to fix a lagging sex drive.
As I tell people we can fix this together. It’s not a failing or your fault. But it doesn’t magically get better on it’s own. This I can promise you. I’ve spent over 25 years focused on helping in the area of low libido. Some of the solutions are medical, some are about the habit of sex, some are working on limiting beliefs, uping the excitement and passion can help, and so can improving the overall relationship. Or all of the above together.
If you are single and want to give up your sexuality that is your choice. But if you are in a committed relationship where sex with each other is part of the dynamic then you need to take ownership if your libido is failing you. I know it can be hard. If you are stressed (and we all are), busy, disconnected, and feeling blah about sex ramping it up can feel daunting. For many people having sex feels like work. My job is to help you find your way through this. We troubleshoot together until something works. Usually it’s about three things all at once as there is no one size fits all approach. I can get this done quickly, with humor, grace and a sense of urgency. As I tell my clients, there is no failing in having a missing libido. But not taking action and doing something about it while your partner flounders is all on you.