I am only two meetings in but am humbled by the kindness and compassion extended to all. @SUE MCGARVIE You have this incredible way of ensuring everyone has a sense of belonging and a caring way of getting people to open up in this safe space. Very grateful, thank you! Danielle
Good morning. Happy Valentine’s. For some reason I was thinking about you this morning, wanting to wish you luck today. In your professional context: helping people who are hurt and sad in the love department is a challenge, but perhaps more so today.
Thanks for all that you give to the world. . Including to me.
Apparently, you need quotes on how Sue’s group has helped, here is mine:
Socializing after 40s is not a given. It’s hard to find meaningful relationships online or within the boundaries of the workplace.
Sue’s groups and events have provided me with ability of meeting real new people in person and online. Then you attend the events and its not hard because you’re already know some of them and everyone is looking to make new friends. So they’re open to meet you and talk to you. And then you make friends, as easy and as often as when we were still going to school and making friends was normal and totally expected.
Sue offers a playground where to meet, mingle and connect with others looking for friends and relationships.
It’s the next best thing in the apocalypse of the dating apps.
Tania
Sue mentioned you could use a quote for an article you are working on:
The most important thing I have gotten from being part of this amazing group of people is a sense of purpose and belonging. Not only was I able to put a difficult past in the past, I was able to find happiness and excitement for the future. I don’t know where this wonderful journey will take me, but I have a village coming with me!
Cathleen
“Sue’s weekly group was exactly the lifeline I needed during a very difficult and painful transition in my life. The wisdom, insight and compassion tailored to each person provided exactly what my troubled soul required during this time – the group is nothing short of exceptional”.
or me, widowed during a pandemic was really lonely. I had my family, but working from home, I had no other social interactions, and definitely no way to meet women who might like romance with me. I had never been on dating apps, and to be frank, they kind of scared the shit out of me, and while I installed the apps, I have no real experience with how to use them. Sue’s events and her guidance has me opening up and experiencing all kinds of things that I never thought I could do, and for that I owe her a great deal of thanks.
Brett’s
I joined this group April 2023. I had a one-on-one discussion with Sue to see if I would be a fit for this group. The main reason for the interview was: I did not want to die alone.
Being an extreme introvert it was difficult for me to push myself forward to interact with new people. .
I’m the 14th child in my family, and now there are only 4 siblings left living. This past year after meeting with Sue, I decided to venture out to the May 4, 2023 “Force be With youStar Wars” event. Not knowing anyone, I get to the Bar and I’m watching to see what I can do to fit in. It took everything in me to go the Bar… I started talking with a few people and maybe lasted about 25 to 40 minutes top before I felt I needed to leave.
That was my first venue. I felt proud that I managed to meet a few people, they were inviting and inclusive. (From my view point I felt like I didn’t know how to relax and respond comfortably, I don’t drink alcohol or soda – coffee is my drink.)
I forced myself to go to as many events as I could, so that my comfort level would grow. I had 2 medical setbacks that year both times totally kept me in hospital for 18 days each.
Determined to get better and do more, I continued to go to events, and grow accordingly. I did not feel comfortable with doing anything so I started to arrive early at events to see how I could assist, Sue graciously allowed me to helper/volunteer.
The greatest gift you can give yourself is to move forward, become more sociable, more fun loving, laughing and being spontaneous. The compliments others have said is that I’m laughing and having more fun with this group now.
Introvert or extrovert…. Come in and meet wonderful people, change your life.
Yvette MC Guy
Mel & Christine
Hello Sue! I hope you’re having a nice day. I have something to share with you. I spent time with my friends C and D today. C and I realized that we had in common the fact that at some point you got our back, without questions, you believed and trusted us. I thought you would like to know how important it was for each of us. You healed something shattered and it’s a lot. I’m raising my kids to be someone like you. Thanks Sue.
Hi Sue. I hope you are settling in well. I haven’t been to as many events lately for a variety of reasons but I can’t thank you enough for opening up my whole world. I am having one of the best times of my life and it is largely due to my having made interpersonal connections after years of loneliness and self doubt. I have discovered that I do have the ability to have friendships, to take chances and to liked for who I am. I will be forever grateful. I hope to see you at an event soon but until then I hope you and Gram have a wonderful holiday season.
Gary
First of all — You did amazing — you adapted on the fly and still made everyone feel at home and relaxed even with a topic that could have more than a few triggers attached to it (in mixed company)
Your pretty much a natural with people
Tina
Hey Sue I wanted to thank you again for being so much help to me last week or this week. You are so awesome- I am so happy I found you and the group! I am finding my way I think!
Sue
I just wanted to say thank you for making me feel welcomed and introducing me to people. I’m very shy and insecure when it comes to dating, socializing and being around tons of people, but I felt very comfortable around you and the others.
I’m also new to the Ottawa and surrounding area, I came here when my work moved at the end of July , so at 51 I’m starting anew, all my family and friends are 5 to 7 hours away, I won’t even be able to see them over the holidays. Saturday night was my first time out in about three years, and I haven’t dated anyone in about the same time, covid, and the move out here was a nightmare the way my work did it hence life was on hold for the last few years. I cant tell you how nervous I am, and very insecure in all manners of socializing, my appearances, conversation skills etc. So my experience on Saturday night was very important to me, I greatly appreciate you and the group. I would of stayed longer but I had been up since 4 am, worked that day and had an hour drive still ahead , I was a tad tired lol
The place was great, the band was excellent, they did things that I’ve never seen before (audience participation) that was awesome. You and the other ducklings left me speechless, I truly can’t express my gratitude with words alone.
I look forward to the attending more events,
lol but I won’t be volunteering my dads bod for your next event no one needs to see me like that lol
Thank You and Happy Hollidays
Shawn Sparkes
Sue McGarvie Hi Lady! Miss you! The article is great! I like how you spoke about implementing rules and how helping others through a safe space has helped so many. I know you’ve helped me! I want to say thanks for all the behind-the-scenes effort you have accomplished to make the group as amazing as it is today! Even making opportunities for people Your amazing perserverance and stamina to continue with ALLLLLL the events through the years is inspiring! Thank YOU. And, Great Job!
Rhonda
I started getting out socially in 2015 after the end of a relationship and I wasn’t ready to date. I just wanted to have fun, try new things, meet new people. Enter Sue and my life has blossomed! I’ve dated some lovely men, who I am still friends with, and met so many new friends. Online dating made me more insecure, while getting out and having fun and just being myself brought me community. I love you, Sue!! The years have been a blast!! n
The social group is exactly what combats this.
If your focused on gathering and doing rather than finding it takes the pressure off and all of a sudden you find yourself in a wonderful relationship!!
There are quite a few of us in the group who have had that happen.
Thank you Sue for keeping this vision of yours going!!! Love you . Rhonda
Sue. this is a great group and you’re an amazing lady……I totally agree with what you’re saying here. I divorced 15 yrs ago and did alot of online dating back then but it’s not the same anymore…..maybe because I’m 15 yrs older now but I suspect even the younger crowd are frustrated with online dating. I simply gave up with online dating…..you have a great group going here and it’s an excellent idea……where is my love??…..lol
Cousin Gery
Hi Sue !! Hope you’re doing amazing !! Hey Sue, I’ve found my forever girl !! Purely by coincidence and we are inseparable ! We both fell so in love almost instantly and we both feel so amazing ! She is so perfect (for me) !! She was in a terrible marriage for over 30 years which dissolved and she is so sweet, such a lady along with everything I’ve ever wanted that I knew I HAD to bring her into me. I gave it everything I had to be tender about it and I couldn’t help but naturally care ! We got real close rather quickly but undeniably we are both meant for each other !! I’ve never fallen in love so deeply with anyone like this ! I could go on forever but I wanted to drop you that note . I removed myself almost instantly from all dating groups / sites ! Sue, I hope to see you around town !!! Take care for now!!! ..Gerry xo
Joining a therapy group might seem daunting. However it can be a comforting, wonderfully safe environment to learn new things, to be reminded that each person has a special story of their own and you have no idea just by looking at them. It can also reinforce that you have survived much and can put those lessons to use to look forward. This group has been supportive, non-judgemental and enlightening. So glad I joined.
Marlene Curtis
For those wondering if it’s possible to find that special someone in this group let me tell you it’s not only possible… it happened!
First contact …June 23
First date/ met ….July 11
First kiss ….July 12
Entered into a relationship …July 13
We are both 70 and know we have found our last partner in life!
It’s never too late!
Allow me :
I’ve attended 3 different speed dating events over the past year. I found them to be rather fun and a good way for me to work on my communication skills. Of those events, I matched with a total of 10 women. I only met 2 of them in person. I went on a few dates with the one then she decided we were not a good match (fair enough). The other expressed significant interest then ghosted me. She reappeared after 6 weeks and for some reason I decided to talk to her again only to be ghosted again after a few days. For the other 7 women, 5 of them never responded to my initial text and 2 of them stopped responding after a few text exchanges. This is just the speed dating experience. The online experience is much more brutal for men (yes, I know it’s bad for women too). I have heard endless stories from other men with similar experiences to me of non-responses, ghosting, not showing up for the dates, monkey branching (dating for a while then finding someone else), etc. The speed dating service I have used is always advertising extra men’s tickets available. I think men are just fed up with these dating experiences and are deciding that their time is better spent elsewhere (hobbies, video games, porn). Let me be clear, I am not blaming women as a whole for what is happening. The rise of social media has exposed a lot of uncomfortable truths. Some of those are:
• Women find 80% of men as unattractive on dating apps
• Women swipe right 4.5% of the time of dating apps while for men swiping right, the range is roughly 40-60%
• Women are succeeding and earning more than ever in the workplace (which is awesome) but generally prefer to date men at the same or higher socioeconomic level. A study in 2019 found that women found most men as “economically unattractive” and preferred on average to date men than made 58% more than they did.
• A study from the dating app Bumble concluded that 60% of female users set their minimum height requirement at 6’ however only 14% of men are 6’ or taller.
• A study concluded that 28% of men between 18-30 have been celibate for the past year and 63% of men in that age range identify as single (I know that age range is much younger than the folks in this group).
So, it would seem that women are being very selective on who they choose to pair up with, again I have no issue with that. The issue is that the man they seek is rather rare which leaves the more average men disenfranchised when it comes to dating.
Glad I joined this group. Online dating is broken. After almost 9 years of being divorced have not found my partner in crime. After a while you start to think “is it me or something I am not doing” but being in my 40s now I have realized I know what I am looking for and it is not being found online. Looking forward to getting out, meeting new people and having fun.
Heather
Hi Sue. Just thought I’d reach out and tell you that I think you are incredible – so dedicated to your mission and endless energy to support your group members. Sorry the rain ruined the comedy event.
I hope you get to recharge this weekend. Thanks for all you do.
“Hellooo. I just wanted to thank you. I am in the throes of a new relationship and had the confidence to ask questions early in the relationship. I am actually very shy around men. You have given me so much confidence. On another note- this is actually a man I really like, not just someone who showed interest in me. That used to be my type- he likes me, so I will date him. You are the best!!!” Elizabeth
Heather B
Hey there. This has been on my mind for a bit, so I’ll share.
I think you (your objective with helping over 40s find love, not you personally) have a mountain to climb. Everest, even. It’s not just about dating sites being impersonal or people being stuck on past life events that make them scared to open up, out of practice with being vulnerable.
It’s expectations, it’s lethargy, it’s feeling offended as soon as it’s not what was wanted, it’s feeling excluded if there is extra effort to be made (I.e. pay $25 for an event, travel for 30 min, etc.). In short….I think there are a lot of people who you want to help, but who don’t want to help themselves.
There are many reasons why people like staying in a mindset of “I can’t.” I guess for many, it’s familiar, comfortable. And there you are breaking down so many of the big barriers, so now the reasons are about smaller, simpler things…
Bottom line: it’s not you. None of those things are about you and your team. If people want to exclude themselves from anything that’s not downtown or completely vanilla, oh well. Not on you.
This may sound super judgy of others, my colleagues in the group, and if yes then I apologize. What I’m trying to say is you can’t do for others what they must do for themselves, so please don’t let the negativity get to you too much, if possible. You are climbing a mountain, you have great sherpas and you have helped others up along the way.
I don’t go to events… not at all on purpose, it’s 95% timing and me needing alone time and time with friends when I don’t have kids. That’s my issue and choice, not yours. I’m still very grateful for you, your group and the posts and the fact that you do run events. So it makes a difference for me. (The bootcamp made a HUGE difference for me, I’ll tell you about that later).
Happy Friday.
Lorraine
I had been separated for two years and the Covid restrictions were being slowly lifted. I found myself lucky to have many supportive friends, but all were coupled. I needed to find other people to share social interactions with. I saw this group come up on Facebook and took a chance on venturing out to a Comedy and Music in the park evening in June 2022. I’ve met some very friendly and welcoming people.
Sandi
I joined for a couple reasons . I appreciate and respect how this group isn’t defined by set parameters like only for dating or just friends . It’s all about fostering human connection in what ever way vibes with YOU. It’s a great concept . It feels organic , grass roots if folks can leave their judgements and bias’ at the door . Sue McGarvies name attached is my second reason. I met Sue years ago and she was ahead of the curve then. nothing has changed ! As for me, I was working in my garden today thinking about all these tomatoes and if pico de gallo is in my near future . Happy Saturday !
No picture as this weekend is about moving past my discard paralysis and beginning the transformation of my personal space from prison to palace.
My wonderful ‘Boss Lady’ suggested the group when she saw how lonely I was. Ex took the flying monkeys, which is fine but left a social void. I wanted to make new connections well away from the past. I have joined the book club and am looking forward to a foot massage.
Looking for a partner in crime but should that not happen life remains to be lived. Sue Carruthers
The group was a Facebook suggestion and I always listen to Sue on BTR so I figured if she was involved, it was a solid group. Then I learned a few others I follow on Facebook are here as well so there was no doubt it’s a awesome group.
I’m working on being social and pushing my comfort limits so as to expand them. I’ve basically been living under a rock (next week it will be 5 years) since I lost my person. I more or less never want to ever go through that again so I keep people at arms length. I’m working on it though. I have like 10 phone numbers on my phone now that aren’t related to my kids like doctors or school lol
Melanie
Yvette
I decided to join – because I did not want to die alone. That was the primary reason. I joined her group on Monday nights and met some really wonderful people, and have been participating in more activities that Sue offers. It’s has been transformative and enlightening. Even with a hospital intervention (blood vessel not working well) of 3 weeks, determined to increase my wellbeing and joy!
Dear Sue,
Thanks for your email…and for all the newsletters that I am enjoying each of them. They are fun, funny, hilarious… and delighting.
It has been a while for me that I didn’t attend one of your event. You probably don’t remember me too much (please see my attached picture), but since I live in Montreal….and I am taking care (literally full time) of my son those years, distance was always the main constraint for me to jump in any of your proposed activities. I realllllllllllllllllly enjoyed the friendship and the fun during the 4 gatherings that I attended with you a couple of years ago.
…By the way, I remember you saying (or I red it in one of your newsletters long time ago) that we might have a Montreal Chapter of Ducklings.
Would you please let me know if it’s case? I would love to join (now that my son has grown and is more easy to baby-sit :)).
I love you all…, thanks a million and I hope to see you again next season.
You’ll be guys always welcome to my condo in case you’re around Montreal.
XOXOX
Sami
Hi Sue
Not sure if you hear this enough but wow what an amazing woman you are. You just have such a beautiful glow to you and spirit, zest for life. Your children are very fortunate to have been brought up by you. You’re always giving so much of your time and energy to everyone. I really don’t know how you do it! I really don’t know how you manage it all. It’s like a super woman lol.
Just wanted to say thank you!
Lou
Hi Sue,
I am amazed at what you (and Graeme) do for your single’s community. I want to let you know that you are awesome. It is so nice of you to open your home and welcome people in the way you do. Unfortunately, I cannot attend, but I wanted to let you know how special you are. The world would be a lot better place if there were more people like you.
I want to thank you for for everything you have done for me and thank you for being so thoughtful and awesome!
Rob
Sitting here eating a piece of Debra Chiabai’s unbelievable apple pie, counting my blessings. So grateful for all the enjoyable chats I had with individuals in a diverse group of people. The laughs I shared and the chance I had to sit in the sun, waterside while Graeme and his team toiled in a hot kitchen to bring us an extraordinary meal. The generous ride to and fro, safely and with wonderful stories from that special gem, Guy. And the doggies! I love to see the dogs! I am so spoiled. All this joy would not have been possible without the hard work and generosity of Sue McGarvie. Thank you. I truly appreciate all you do!
Hi Sue. I just wanted to say I listened to about five of your podcasts while driving back from London last week. I enjoyed them all. I am a frequent podcast listener of all kinds of topics and a picky one too lol. I just wanted to give a shout out. Have a nice weekend.
I’ll throw it out there….
My first outing with this group. I joined in the summer and never really looked into it for many months.
It’s way out of my realm to go out like this, but the atmosphere, the vibe and the people were amazing.
For those I was lucky enough to meet and socialize with, thank you for making it easy on me…..or, taking it easy on me?
Let’s see if my big boy pants can be put on another time.
Thanks y’all
Hi Sue, pretty sure we’ve never met, but I know your name and face from what must be at leastv20 years or so ago, when you were already active in a sex-positive… tv show? radio show? alt weekly newspaper? All of the above? It must have been tv of some kind as I very much remember your smiling face and enthusiastic, energetic, even effervescent, manner not just what you talked about Or I’m getting senile and getting my dates wrong.
All this merely to say that I dropped in at the over 40 dating group (I really need an over 55 group), and saw your pix. My goodness, you look exactly the same! You seem to have found a secret to eternal youth
This msg is merely congratulatory; I’m not hitting on you and I doubt I will be active in the group or attend any events. Purely just wanted to express my marvel
Hope you had a great, happy Christmas and I wish you a wonderful 2024 .
Take care and stay safe
n♥️. Alex
Good morning Sue,
I really appreciate all that you are doing to keep your Over 40 connect group Safe.
Your perspectives on dating are great, and I am pushing myself to change my pattern of waiting for someone to approach me. I have dating cards now and I have power thanks to you. I will never be desperate though, in fact the opposite is true, I don’t stick around long if there is a problem, life is too short.
I actually texted a man friend that I ran into that I hadn’t seen in years who said he we could take pictures together for my Instagram. That is ground breaking, and a first for me to text a man first.
I appreciate your Thursday dating Coaching and events. All are amazing:)
Jodi
To be honest, I never had a “pack” growing up. We moved often and I was pretty much ignored or bullied in school. I’m blessed to have Susan Coles as my first best friend that I know has my back and I hers. I’ve also been blessed to have added some amazing people to my “pack”. I’ve met all of them in the group. The hugs and check ins I get from my friends keep me trying to move forward in my life journey. Without you Sue McGarvie I wouldn’t be where I am today. You are the driving force that keeps this group a safe place for all of us. All of our members spread that message of love and support. Thank you for everyone who are part of my pack. Much love
Sandi and Shawn
Morning Sue! I love watching what creative events you come up with next! Thought it might help to add myself to the list of folks that have found a beautiful match through your group. We’re very private people but wanted you to know Shawn and I have been dating for 6 months exclusively now and its been a wonderful journey so far. THANK YOU! I managed to avoid the cesspool that is dating apps altogether because of this group. So appreciated!
Jen and Reg
Well you posted a picture of him In The group and offered to set anyone that was interested up on a blind date with him. I out my hand up immediately because he had a twinkle in his eye and looked like a real sweetheart. When I met him, he was a perfect gentleman. He is open-minded, funny, sweet, and just wants to hang out and be kind. He asked lots of questions and I felt like he really wanted to get to know who I am. It felt good to be seen like that. We have great conversations and have a good time seeking to understand each other. It’s been 3 months now and I have no idea where it is headed. But I feel good about it and he is a normal guy!! What a great person. And he showed up a week or so after meeting me for the first time with flowers and cake for Valentine’s Day. I’m a sucker for a gentleman.
Hello, no I did not meet him through the group. he’s an old friend. I will say however, that i learned SO MUCH from the bootcamp and resources you’ve provided me with and i feel like i’m able to navigate a new relationship effectively for the first time in my life.
Shannon
CBC ottawa morning
Hi Sue,
I just finished listening to your interview on the Ottawa morning show and let it in the article:
Looking for love in all the IRL places
I have to tell you that it was very heartwarming, especially the last line. The last sentence you spoke about Valentine’s Day and but it does not have to be so elaborate and simple gesture or message from your partner saying “
You. I would pick you again.”
That is so romantic and heartwarming. I am
hoping to find a partner so thoughtful.
Thank you for sharing. I think that someone who can share very sweet and sincere words is much better than getting a gift of roses or chocolates, not that I would expect that, but I value the time someone communicates something meaningful and heartwarming like that.
Pearl
Thank you for running this boot camp. It really helps, believe me
I’m having a blast dating and I’m going on a bunch of dates with different types of men but I’m really enjoying Hani’s company and I think I’m panicking not because I don’t want to have sex, on the contrary I can’t not think about doing it, but I was married for 13 years and it was vanilla
And boring as hell.
I think I’m worried that sex, much like the dating world, has changed! What if a guy doesn’t want a girl to tell him what she wants, what if I screw up lol, is it like a riding a bike, it comes back naturally. Omg!
For a girl that walks around in great heels, a great push up and a lot of confidence, I’m
Worried I won’t take the confidence I have into the bedroom and he will be let down
This shit is hard lol
Thank you again for these sessions! Have fun on Saturday, I’m so bummed to be missing that and the zoom dating on Tuesday!
Have a great evening
KimAnn