That awkward conversation about sex…between couples

If you’ve been together for awhile, you may be comfortable discussing sex with each other. You no doubt have chatted about contraception, know each other’s favourite positions and you may have even ventured into the potential minefield of past lovers.
But most couples stall when it comes to the talk about what to do when their sex life gets dull. If sex for you is Saturday night, lights off and missionary position it may be long past the time to heat things up. Even if it’s more frequent with an interesting repertoire, an inventive sex life can still become routine. Have you tried anything new in the last year? Have you planned a sensual date night? Have you ever had a truly honest talk about sexual fantasies? Do you know what your fantasies are? Or what are the most common fantasies for your gender? Have you ever role-played?
What if you really want to try something that may seem a little out there and are too terrified to bring it up to your spouse? Where do you find the skills to discuss and negotiate sexual play in a culture where you never talk openly about sex? Most Canadian homes can discuss politics, neighbours or pop culture around the dinner table. Very few dinner tables are open enough to joke about or have any kind of sexual conversations.
The inner place we inhabit sexually is one of our most personal and intimate places. Most of us are afraid to show off our sexual selves as it leaves us too open and vulnerable. This personal sexual seclusion often forces us to exclude the partner we share a household and life with. We may worry that our partners will find us perverted if we share our secret selves. Or worse, laugh at our sensual desires. The truth is that most people name having a terrific sex life as one of the fundamental requirements in having a great marriage. For a majority of people having good sex is a priority. So why are so few couples having what we call “mind blowing, toe-curling sex?”
We decided that the need to learn sexual communication skills is fundamentally important in relationships. Men and women often need to collectively contemplate new sexual ideas before they decide whether or not a potentially new kind of sexual play is interesting to them. So we designed this course.
It is a workshop for couples and singles who want to be able to find their voices when discussing their sexual desires. It’s for people who want to avoid the landmines when speaking up about acting out their desires. It’s also for people who want to know what’s going on in a stuffy, government town like Ottawa. Most people want to make sure that their neighbours aren’t having hotter, more interesting sex than they are. With speakers that include Ottawa’s leading Dominatrix, an intimacy and tantra leader, a burlesque performer, and a local lifestyle couple, this course is about acquiring knowledge and communicating around it.
Hosted by Ottawa sex therapist and talk show host Sue McGarvie and her husband Blaik Spratt, it’s more than a series of information lectures. It’s therapy on learning to communicate and understand your sexuality in relation to your partners. It’s more than the mechanics of sex, more than what’s out there, and safe enough to allow you to hear where other participants are in the process of finding their authentic sexual selves.
The course begins Sunday, April 13th, 2014 at the Masonic Temple in Westboro (Byron and Churchill). It is from 2:30 to 4:30 and continues five consecutive Sunday afternoons. Find out more by contacting Sue and Blaik at will also give you an outline.