Dating with a Small Penis

If you have a small penis (or you believe that you do), dating can feel utterly overwhelming. Even if you’re desperate to find your soulmate, fall head over heels in love and have an incredible sex life, you’ve probably been avoiding the dating scene for most of your life.

The problem is, you believe that you’d only end up getting laughed at if you tried the dating world.

You’d get rejected and humiliated when your prospective partner discovered the truth about your manhood. They’d be disappointed and shocked, and you’d never be able to satisfy their sexual needs. If they’re like your ex-partner, they might even get angry or crush whatever shred of self esteem you have.

I see it all the time in my work as a sex therapist and counsellor. Successful men open up to me and share their deepest darkest fears about their penis size and why they haven’t yet found the partner of their dreams.

And you know what, most men have the exact same questions.

They want to know if their penis is as small as they think (and before you ask, no, I don’t check!). They want to know whether they should tell their partner about their small penis size on the first date or if they’d be better off waiting. Most of all, they want to know how they can ever satisfy their new partner when they have a small penis.

Today, I’m going to tell you exactly what I tell them in our small penis therapy sessions. I’m going to answer all of your questions and reassure you that you can enjoy the dating scene, whatever your penis size.

But, do you really have a small penis?

Before we take a closer look at the details, we need to touch on a very important topic. Is your penis really as small as you think?

Many men have spent their whole lives believing that to be ‘normal’, you need to have a penis of at least six inches, preferably more. That if you have any less than this, it’s something to be ashamed of and says something about your masculinity.

But there isn’t any truth in this idea at all! It’s a false idea that has been put into our heads from what we’ve heard in the sports locker rooms and in the media, our culture of toxic masculinity, and unrealistic expectations. It’s made even worse if you watch a lot of porn (**Spoiler alert- most men in porn videos are well above average when it comes to endowment!**)

In fact, the average penis size for a Canadian man is 5.5” (14cm) and it’s perfectly normal to have slightly less or slightly more.

A very tiny percentage of men worldwide suffer from what is known as a ‘micropenis’. This is a medical definition for a penis that is smaller than 2.05 inches and is usually diagnosed during infancy. But as I said, this is a tiny percentage.

Some suffer from a psychological disorder known as penile dysmorphic disorder (PDD) which causes them to believe that their penis is ugly, deformed or defective, even when it isn’t.

Regardless, there’s nothing wrong with you even if you do have a penis that is smaller than the so-called ‘average’. It doesn’t say anything about your masculinity, virility, ability to give sexual pleasure or whether you’ll ever have a loving relationship.

What matters most in any relationship is your ability to connect, to love, to trust and to communicate. It’s not about the size of your manhood.

The truth is, most women aren’t bothered by the size of their partner’s penis anyway. In fact, many prefer smaller penises. The average vagina length is 3-5” so larger penises can feel uncomfortable and even hurt a sensitive cervix.

Should I tell my date about my penis size?

This is one of the questions I get asked most often by clients in small penis counselling sessions and it’s a difficult one to answer.

On one hand, you might want to be open and honest with your date from day one so they know what to expect and are less likely to reject you when you finally make it to bed. Or perhaps you’ve been so traumatised by previous humiliations that you’d rather just get it out of the way early so you can move on.

On the other hand, telling your date or new partner is likely to be difficult, especially if it’s your first date. You don’t want to suggest that you’re planning on dragging your date straight to the bedroom, as this can be very off-putting, even if that’s what you’re hoping will happen. Tell them too soon and you could kill a budding relationship.

It’s usually better to wait before telling your date about the size of your penis. See how the relationship grows. Let that chemistry between you ignite. Get to know each other and build that connection.

Either way, it’s going to feel like an awkward situation for the both of you so choose your words carefully and make light of it whenever possible. The sentence, “I’m not that large”, can work well.

If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, remember that women are much less cock-centric than men. They’ll definitely be curious about getting you naked, but not in the same way as you might be thinking. They’re very unlikely to be judging you for the size of your manhood and far more likely to be thinking about their own insecurities.

Of course, there’s a possibility that your date will take it badly. That they will be insensitive to your feelings or even decide not to take the relationship any further. If this happens, it simply shows that they’re not the right person for you. Make sure you don’t take it personally- you’ve dodged a bullet!

Keep your head high, move on and continue to look for your perfect match. They are out there somewhere.

How do I satisfy my partner when I have a small penis?

Understandably, many men worry that they won’t be able to give sexual pleasure to their partner when they have a small penis. But this is definitely not true.

Having mind-blowing sex is about being a considerate lover, not just about penetration.

Here are some ideas that can help.

1. Reframe your thinking

Often it’s what goes on in your head that influences how satisfying your sex life is or whether you experience true love. It’s not about how big your penis is.

That’s why, when you start dating with a small penis, you need to focus on changing your thinking patterns and heal your negative body image. Only by believing with your heart and soul that the love of your life is out there can you make progress.

(Need help? Find out more about my small penis counselling sessions.

2. Learn the art of foreplay

Foreplay is the best part of making love. It’s when you get to play with your partner, explore him or her, turn up the heat and leave you both begging for each other’s touch. Make the most of it. Take your time. Get creative. Develop your oral sex and fingering skills and learn exactly what spots turn your partner on the most.

3. Bring sex toys into the bedroom

Sex toys and dildos can bring extra magic to the bedroom, regardless of your penis size. Have fun with them, get creative and see what new g-spots they can help you discover.

4. Experiment with different positions

There are several sex positions that work well if you have a small penis. This includes:

  • Doggy style – You can maximise penetration whilst also having your hands free to play with your partner’s clitoris, nipples or other sensitive spots.
  • Face to face (sitting on lap) – This position is all about the petting, kissing and cuddling. It’s less about the thrusting and more about the grinding!
  • Cowgirl – Again, you can get deeper penetration, and lots of opportunity to play.

5. Communicate

Great sex isn’t just about your physical chemistry and skills in the bedroom. It also depends on mutual trust and how well you can communicate your needs to each other. For that reason, be willing to talk about how you both feel, be open to suggestions and be willing to try new things in the bedroom.


The dating scene can feel like a daunting place if you have a small penis. But there’s no need to worry, you can find the love of your life and enjoy an amazing sex life. The secret lies in changing your thought patterns and learning to be the best lover you can be. I like to tell my clients “pack a lunch and get down there!”

Schedule your Zoom session now!